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"What do you do for a living.” (the thing he says)
FBI Guy is a secondary antagonist turned protagonist from the Dutch YouTube webseries “Bullshit Adventures” which is about about 3 boys named Colin, Spooky (a ghost) and Ryan (but mostly just Colin and Spooky) experiencing surreal and absurd adventures.
FBI Guy is a product of his environment. The Farm (Actual Name: Appolyon's Eye) did unethical experiments on him when he was only 3. Causing him to become how he is.
He genuinely feels no remorse for what he does as he cannot feel empathy, as Appolyon's Eye took that away from him. The only time he did feel empathy is at a certain mission that will be talked about later. Which also changed his entire view on things. But up until that point, he is a ruthless murderer with no limit whatsoever, he is asked to shoot up an entire building, with women and children inside, and he complies, carrying out said task methodically with absolute precision.
All in all, FBI Guy is an extremely dangerous person, and the fact that he’s also an outright sociopath doesn’t help. Despite this, it was never his choice to be this way.
FBI Guy’s Official Theme Song
Personality[]
FBI Guy is a calm and collected man, every action he does is always meticulously done with purpose. His apartment consists of just a bed, a table, and a television that uses a dubbed-over SpongeBob Squarepants to spout Appolyon's Eye propaganda at him, which goes over his head completely as all he sees is just the silly colors and sounds.
Every mission he carries out methodically with the upper most concentration, he doesn't care if he's sent out to kill political figures or just regular people, he just treats everyone as a target, except the people he’s close to.
Explaining some categories[]
- Manchild. He acts and is treated like a child.
- Brainwashed/Possessed. Appolyon's Eye experimented on him and tortured him to the point where he gets "Activated" from looking at his old test subject shirt.
- From Nobody To Nightmare. He used to be normal but now he's an absolute danger. Not hesitating to kill whoever he wants.
- Friend Of Hero. He is friends with Spooky and will stop at nothing to protect him.
Misc[]
- After Episode 5, he covers his right ear whenever he shoots somebody, because he only has 1 earbud. It is unknown why before said episode he didn’t have this. But it is likely because he is becoming less of a machine and is instead more humanized. Causing him to actually feel how loud that bang is from his gun. After 6, however, he is seen doing it less, which might be because he had gotten used to it.
Powers/Skills[]
- He has near perfect aim. Especially with his Tetris Gun.
- He has demonstrated his ability to kill someone with his bare hands, as seen when he karate chops a guard in the neck, and also takes one guy's head clean off with only one hand without struggle, like how someone would pick up an ordinary object.
- He's just too overpowered, man. He is basically immortal.
Appearance[]
FBI Guy is a man of Norwegian and Korean descent with black hair with bangs that are all over the place. After Episode 5 he has a beard and wears a dark teal beanie. He also wears a fake FBI uniform, this can be confirmed by the fact that all it is is just a black shirt with the word “FBI” hastily scribbled on it. Still does the trick, though.
Biography[]
Exist[]
In a short skit titled “Exist”, FBI Guy was seen for the first time hitting Colin with a truck, and after he gets brought back to life he asks him what he does for a living. Colin then replies “I exist” (This was back in the LOL XD RANDOM era of the internet).
Season 1[]
Episode 1x6[]
He plays a minor role in the episode “FINDING ANDY”. He is seen shooting down monsters and confronts Mick and Spooky, saying that they shouldn’t be here. The Blue Spiky Monster then proceeds to smash him into the floor which kind of resembles Walter Simmons’ death from Godzilla Vs Kong, a ripoff of the vastly superior Ape Vs Monster
Season 3[]
FBI Guy is a MENACE in Season 3. He more or less wanders around killing people, without even knowing why he's sent out to do so. But he does it all with a completely straight face. You'd hand this man the Popeye's Chicken Burger and he would MOST LIKELY JUST GO: "Huh, that's neat."
Episode 3x1[]
He is standing in a garage next to Ryan who had recently barged in with a car
Episode 3x3[]
He is seen turning into a creature in front of Ryan and Colin who are in the car. Ryan asks what he’s doing. FBI Guy, in his creature form, proceeds to cut a local farmer in half, vertically.
He then tries to attack Colin and Ryan but they run him over, knocking the creature DNA out of him. He then presumably goes back to The Farm and snitches to them about the boys' locations.
Episode 3x4[]
The Child Incident[]
He is standing behind Jake in the restroom of a hotel. He tells him to get in the stall, Jake complies and goes inside. FBI Guy then walks to the lobby, and asks the hotel owner how many people there are in the building.
The hotel owner answers “Four, four people.” and FBI Guy shoots him in the head. A shocked security guard dashes in, who FBI Guy also shoots dead. He then shoots someone else off screen and walks towards a swimming pool.
When he gets to the pool, he sees a small boy with spiky hair a blue shirt, cowering in fear, which reminds him of the monster that almost killed him. He feels scared for the first time in years, with that comes a bunch of other emotions like regret and confusion. He freezes up. After a while, he slowly lifts up the gun and pulls the trigger. Killing the boy.
And then the absolutely fire intro plays oh my fucking god this is peak fiction (not).
He tells “The Boss” about this, and he responds with “Well that sucks.”, FBI Guy says he’s going back to bed and it cuts to a shot of him sitting in his small grimy apartment. It’s all he has, but he’s happy with it as he’s never known anything better.
The music stops and it cuts to a bunch of child sleeper agents promoting The Farm to the local people.
In the end of the episode, FBI Guy makes decides to murder "The Boss", revealing him to be a red herring, and that the real boss is out there somewhere.
Episode 3x5[]
Finding most of the group[]
He finds the group (Colin, Ryan and an Old Man who explained The Farm to them in the car.) interrogating Q, one of the children sent out to shill The Farm. He says “What the fuck is this.” and they all run out. Colin, being turned insane because he looked at Legs (an eldritch horror that is also the overarching antagonist of the series.) , runs the fastest, while the others are struggling to keep up with him. It is implied FBI Guy is chasing them.
After they escape using a speed boat, he walks back towards a helicopter aircraft plane spaceship thingy. He is then seen in The Farm’s building getting replaced by a pale man with dark curly hair and a lime blouse. The man drives him into a forest where he gets ready to shoot FBI Guy. FBI Guy, being the more experienced hitman, knows what’s going to happen and shoots the man in the head.
Saving Spooky[]
Spooky is trapped in a room and is holding a Farm Employee hostage, using a tendril from himself as a noose to hang him up, and ensuring that any movement will kill him. A Mobile Task Force person appears and tells him to drop the guy, Spooky responds by doing nothing, so the MTF person shoots him, this causes Spooky’s noose system thing to trigger and slowly choke the employee.
FBI Guy comes in and shoots the MTF person, which shocks Spooky as he is still afraid of FBI Guy. Spooky says “Oh my god it’s you I uhh I remember you.” and FBI Guy takes Spooky with him, saying they’re gonna find out what his name is.
Saving the group[]
I guess he wants to save them now. Anyways, the group just recovered from using their speedboat to crash through The Spiky Blue Autotune Monster’s eye and straight through his head. Colin taunts him for being a loser and having one eye, but his playground insults are interrupted by Joey, now turned into a weird creature thing with wings instead of arms (after having his face melted off by a bucket of acid in the first episode, after it was knocked over by an rampaging creature), cuts Autotune Monster’s arm off, and then proceeds to murder a bunch of MTF’s off screen.
After Joey walks back fully covered in blood, he gets knocked away by FBI Guy’s weird flying vehicle. Spooky and FBI Guy tell the group to come with them. Colin asks where Spooky has been all this time, to which Spooky responds an old man locked him in a room. Colin asks if he had white hair, as one of their group members (suspiciously dressed in an MTF Suit, but with a cyan visor instead of an orange one), who also claimed to be Robin (The Boss)’s father, is an old man with white hair. Spooky says the perpetrator did indeed have white hair, but the group doesn’t believe him. Causing everyone to kind of be against each other.
FBI Guy Looks at spooky, obviously wanting him to say something. Spooky then mentions FBI Guy saved him, and in turn FBI Guy smiles, before putting in an earbud. Spooky tells them they have to come with them right now, and FBI Guy points a gun at them.
Leaving the dudes[]
FBI Guy gets bored and jumps out of their flying vehicle thing. It cuts to a Level 5 The Farm Employee about to throw away a folder that he hates for being the color beige. FBI Guy stops him, and the employee asks “What are you gonna do? Shoot me-“ he fucking dies. FBI Guy, recognizing the folder named “The Folder”. Is about to open it, but is dragged away by a creature. The wind blowing opens The Folder, and it shows his name. He was this close so finding this name.
It then cuts to FBI Guy as a small child, his parents having to put him up for adoption before they get shot to death. A person appears behind him. Then it cuts to him being experimented on and hypnotized into target practice, and then being coerced into eating a live rabbit. The scientist that adopted him is shocked by this, as he didn’t know The Farm’s true intentions. The scientist gets taken away by a man named Tristopher while the 4 year old FBI Guy holds his arms out for him.
Episode 3x6[]
After getting taken by the monster. he ends up in The Farm’s home base; a giant dark glass pyramid in the middle of a grass field.
After witnessing the creature that took him there flip a table, he gets bored and decides to go help The Guys, who are surrounded by Mobile Task Force Agents. Yuri (FBI Guy) swoops in and holds a guard in a chokehold, throwing the man’s gun away and using his own to shoot the other agents.
After that he tells The Dudes to come with him or they will kill them.
After exiting The Pyramid, a person that was shot by a mysterious man in light cyan clothing falls down and bursts on impact, leaving behind a bloody unrecognizable mess on the ground. The Dudes are shocked by this and FBI Guy notices a bomb being dropped from above, he quickly pushes everyone out of the way as the bomb goes off, causing a large cloud of smoke and debris.
The creature that took FBI Guy is now free, and starts brutally murdering Mobile Task Force Agents offscreen as bones breaking and blood splattering is heard in the background.
The Mystery Man who threw the bomb throws one at Spooky, but he dodges it and it sticks to one of the agents, making him explode and giving the fog a shade of red in the blast zone. Spooky responds to this by looking unhappily at The Mystery Man.
Going somewhere[]
Robin blames Spooky for the explosion, turning everyone against him. Except FBI Guy. Colin, despite having a long history of friendship with Spooky, has zero problem with turning on him in less than 5 seconds. In his defense he was turned insane.
FBI Guy takes Spooky with him, and they walk along a bridge. They meet a man with red combed-over hair. FBI Guy easily notices the obvious “The Farm” badge, and stabs him in the neck. They steal the man’s car and drive off until they encounter an electric fence with two The Farm Guards in front of it. FBI Guy asks Spooky if he’s got his seatbelt on, Spooky lies and says yes, but FBI Guy looks at him for a split second and Spooky immediately puts on his seatbelt.
He then drives the car directly into the two guards, knocking them down. He walks towards one guard who is trying to crab-walk away and shoots him in the head, he also shoots the other guard on the floor. He and Spooky walk into their secret bunker and FBI Guy karate chops a man to death, and shoots everyone else who is inside. This song plays again while it’s happening.
Charles Explains[]
After The Boys and Clod (it's a long story) find Charles Jameson, the ex-co founder of The Farm/Appolyon's Eye, they ask for information about him and why he helped make arguably the most evil corporation in the world (they also sell pre-cracked eggs). Charles tells them that in the past, before The Netherlands and Norway were best buddies, they had a war, in which Charles Jameson and Robin Smith had to partake in.
After Robin tells Charles to go home and fakes his death, Charles found his home completely destroyed, and being forced to watch his own daughter die in his arms after trying to carry her to safety. In a fit of rage, he kills all of the soldiers with his bare hands, but notices a Norwegian baby (i wonder who that could be) sitting in the rubble, and adopts him. Confirming Charles Jameson was the scientist from Episode 5's flashback, and the events of the flashback happened afterwards.
Charles says that day changed him, stating how he has seen what a human is capable of when they feel they have lost everything, and not wanting that to happen to billions of others when the resources run out and new wars start. Another important thing to note is that all his memories of Robin leading Appolyon's Eye have disappeared, and making him only remember the good memories of him, which is presumably a trauma response/coping mechanism.
Returning AGAIN[]
FBI Guy and Spooky blow up the secret base, because there was no The Folder in it. FBI Guy decides he wants to go back to The Pyramid again to see if he can find The Folder there. After a long trip they get there and the only thing between them and The Folder is an MTF Guard. FBI Guy rips his head off with ease, and they read The Folder. We already know how it goes, and what his name is, so we are only shown the aftermath of a very happy FBI Guy and a disturbed Spooky, looking through his test trials.
Reunion[]
FBI Guy finds Mick and Q, the former having used Z (one of the Alphabet Kids) as a human shield, after finding out that they're bulletproof from Q, who in turn, is not bulletproof after trying to abandon Appolyon's Eye and getting punished for it. The Fellas are also there, having been brought there with the train, which was Clod's idea so he could distract Robin Smith with his best friend being back again. This however, didn't work. Robin didn't react at all, probably having been told by someone that this would happen.
All the characters are back together, and Spooky fills Colin in on Robin's antics, Colin replies to this with "I don't know if I should be impressed or scared..". After Joey and Andy knock Robin out, the cast tie him to a chair and interrogate him while Yuri reunites with his adopted father, shedding a single "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" tear like he did when he killed the little boy in Episode 4.
Robin Smith then explains that he planned the entire first 3 episodes of Season 3 as he knew this way he would be able to capture Spooky as a final step in their plan.
You see, he had a look-alike (so that the gang would argue about it and eventually split up) kidnap Colin in episode 1, and made him look at Appolyon, making Colin insane for 3 days. Because he knew his employees would capture Colin and put him in containment, prompting Spooky, Ryan and Joey to see how he's doing.
Unfortunately for Robin though, a containment breach happened was caused by Andy (he figured that out by now), putting a wrinkle in his plan, a wrinkle he would fix by sending Oil Rig Monster out to "get" Colin and Ryan and pretending to be a double agent and "saving them", then secretly leading Colin and Ryan back to The Pyramid while distracting them with fake information about AE (Appolyon's Eye), to later kill them so they wouldn't find out about how he trapped Spooky in a room the day before.
Eventually he forgot what to do afterwards, so he decided to just improvise, knowing these rigged events will lead him to Spooky eventually. So that he could use Spooky's blood of pure blueness to create a vaccine to protect the 40% of the world from the Super Covid they will have Appolyon deploy to combat overpopulation. This was their plan. And they needed hitmen to kill people so they could collect the victim's blood to make a machine from the iron in their blood, a portal machine to get to Point Null and tell Appolyon to do said deployment.
The cast is shocked by this, and Robin says goodbye to everyone before fucking killing himself.
Jake, who had previously betrayed The Guys after being manipulated by Robin in a moment of emotional vulnerability, opens the gate, and behind that gate is Appolyon.
Everyone except FBI Guy and Joey (they just didn't look) looks up, and one by one, the viewer gets to see every one of them start to bleed from their eyes, some of them even dying right then and there. FBI Guy quickly grabs Charles and Q, running off with them, but forgetting Spooky (who isn't affected), who is forced to watch Colin's lifeless eye sockets bleed out in front of him. As the camera cuts to Jake, watching it happen, his vacant, slightly worried frown slowly turning into a light grin, the boy having already made up his mind.
Episode 3x7[]
The Three Generations of Rogue AE Associates[]
Charles, FBI Guy and Q.
Anyways, after they escape, they are found by Cramalgamation, who had recently escaped thanks to Clod’s explosives and went on a killing spree, killing random people in the city, even sewing the top half of a live small child to the lower half of a deceased adult male using a pink barbie sewing kit, this run-in leads the MTF squad to their hideout, who had been using a radar to track Cramalgamation down. They break into the building and start shooting at Cramalgamation, who barely reacts to any of it and just rips their heads off. FBI Guy decides to help out and also kills some MTF Agents, and takes his friends to a Night Club to hide in and blend in with the people.
Unfortunately, another MTF squad followed them there, so FBI Guy has to fight them off.
After 2 minutes of snapping necks and decapitating people, FBI Guy sees that Cramalgamation is headed towards the big concert room that has 1800 people inside, Cramalgamation is planning to infect all of them, so FBI Guy grabs his TETRI-5 Pistol and walks into the crowd to find it and kill any Super Covid zombies. After doing so, he makes a deal with Cramalgamation that it will pretend it was tamed by him and then kill all of the remaining people, but do it really fast, so that they won’t feel pain, but also won’t live after seeing the group’s faces, especially after FBI Guy just killed 7 people.
He walks into the crowd and announces that he tamed Cramalgamation, and the crowd cheers him on. He begins to smile, but it is quickly interrupted by everyone simultaneously screaming for 1 second, and then the walls, floor and ceiling being covered in blood. He walks outside to reunite with Q and Charles, and they run across a large grass field and into a park in the middle of a city somehow.
Psychology???[]
FBI Guy sees a bunch of MTF soldiers spying on them, so he quickly shoots and kills a man in the park so he and his friends can hide in the crowd of panicked people. This works and they end up in a dark alleyway.
The people screaming gives Charles PTSD and he starts rambling about “Point Null” and The Portal. FBI Guy asks if it’s the portal Robin was talking about and Charles says yes, and proceeds to tell him and Q about the entire plan of The Portal and how it will be used to access Communication with Appolyon and prove their worth to complete the plan of the whole Super Covid Genocide thing.
Halfway through Charles’ exposition, FBI Guy remembers the building near the park, it was a roller rink. He is then plagued by the memory of him gleefully shooting up the place when he was 21, and being haunted by the screams of varying hauntingness. This shows he used to outright enjoy killing people, but after The Incident in episode 4, he just feels nothing. It’s still not empathy, but it’s better than being happy with taking people’s lives, so he’s slowly becoming more human.
Gallery[]
Trivia[]
- His height is 6’0 and his weight is 168 lbs.
- He is the only villain in the entire series to get redeemed instead of getting murdered or forgotten about, and he still continues to have some villainous traits throughout the season.
- The monsters like him. It is unknown why. They just kinda do.
- He has most likely killed way more people than the infobox says.
- He was modeled after Neil Maskell and Jensen Ackles.
- His kill count was 2763, which is a nod to The BFDI Number.