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Villain Overview
Alright, let’s do this one last time. My name is Jeff T. Killer, formerly Jeffery Woods. I was driven insane at a young age and since then I’ve been the one and only Jeff the Killer. I’m pretty sure you know the rest. (montage ensues of Jeff killing people, eating fast food, and escaping prisons) I killed a bunch of people, got imprisoned, busted out, roamed around, and then I killed people again, and again, and again. And, uh... I also did this. (montage cuts to show cringey Deviantart and blurred Rule 34 images of Jeff) ...We don't talk about that. So after I met this cool guy called Slenderman he begged me to be his 1# student and I was like "...sure." Since then I’ve became something of an icon in this little place called the Under Realm. I have my own comic book, cereal, plushies, coffee mugs, did a Christmas album, got a couple million dollars. I have an excellent theme song, (cuts to a live-action image of the Jeff the Killer Party City mask) and a so-so Halloween mask. I mean, I've looked better. I also got a bunch of thristy fangirls in both the Under Realm and Human World? What can I say? Chicks dig crazy guys! But after everything, I still love being me. I mean, why wouldn’t I? As a Proxy, I'm fucking infamous! I'm one of the most notorious slashers in history! I am Jeff the Killer! And I dig it!
~ Jeff's introduction in the pilot.

Jeffrey Woods, best known as Jeff the Killer, is the main protagonist of Comickit's comedy webcomic Pastamonsters.

He is an infamous serial killer, Proxy and apprentice of Slenderman and best friends with BEN and Ms. P, and second-in-command of the Proxies.

Originally a normal teenager, Jeff grew up in a wealthy family and was bullied by other kids for his rich background. His parents did not offer any support for Jeff, as they only cared about their social statues and nothing else. The only true family Jeff had in his early life was with his brother, Liu. Jeff's already estranged life turned upside down when a group of bullies attacked him and Lio. Jeff beat up the bullies, but Liu was framed and sent to Juvy, which emotionally scarred him. After this event, Jeff's mother made him go to the birthday party of their neighbor's son, where he confronted the bullies again. In a fit of rage, Jeff killed the bullies, but one of them was able to set him on fire after covering him with bleach and alcohol. Jeff ended with bleached white skin, burnt black hair, red lips and a twisted mental capacity. Jeff then finally snapped and killed his family, even Liu. Jeff is still out there, looking for victims and before he kills them, he tells them to “Go to Sleep.

After wandering the Earth for several years, Jeff met up with BEN, who introduced Jeff to the Under Realm, a realm between Earth and the universe where monsters coexist with each other. After joining the realm with BEN, Jeff eventually decided to join Proxy High to train to become Slenderman's Proxy. Afterwards, Jeff attempted to follow along with his female best friend Ms. P and pursue higher learning (she was learning how to do Slenderman's job) but since he lacked the qualifications he decided to work directly for Slenderman instead, he became the second-in-command of the Proxies and Slenderman's ward.

Jeff's career as a Proxy is a Runner. Runners travel to the Human World to do many tasks such as assassination, hacking, haunting, gathering information, sabotaging any information on their world, ect.


I can be myself out here. Bullying, murdering, reckless, totally selfish. Do the things that make me, me.
~ Jeff.

He's... I don't know... Hell walking on Earth!
~ Masky describing Jeff.

Jeff has been described as a difficult person to deal with: extreme, vengeful, psychopathic, unhinged, facetious, egotistical, confrontational, argumentative, insensitive, chaotic, sadistic, moronic, selfish, hedonistic, perverted, thrill-seeking, unpredictable, untamed, incredibly homicidal, and prone to violent outbursts and destructive rampages. He often resorts to violence and has very few moral qualms about brutally beating people up and/or killing them, and is usually unemphatic to the lives he ruins. He does almost everything in a borderline sociopathic and relentless manner, (much different from Ms. P and Masky). Although Jeff is like this, he is honest about it and openly admits to being evil (in fact, he's quite proud of it). He has his own charm along with his own principles and redeeming qualities. However, Comickit has confirmed that Jeff "may not be all he seems" but is still "too horrible" to be a hero of any kind. He is also quite insecure about his face, even saying that people making fun of his face is one of his "triggers". Jeff can also be very thick-headed and stupid, often throwing strategy out the window in favor of a head-on attack. Furthermore, he is usually very easy to manipulate. Jeff often shows little remorse for his crimes, often acting as if he only cares about himself and getting whatever he wants, and is perfectly willing to lie, cheat, manipulate, and commit mass murder to do so.

Jeff is also be incredibility childish, with Slenderman even calling Jeff a "lazy, and insane child with too much power", and is usually very unemphatic to the people he hurts. The very dark, usually disturbing undertones to his personality often hint at an extreme mental imbalance. Apart from being portrayed as having a general lack of moral responsibility or social conscience, he also seems to take pleasure from others' misfortune and is generally unable to show empathy, although there have been exceptions. Despite the severity of his actions, it is likely that they are a type of emotional defense mechanism against his insecurity and (potential) confused sexuality. Jeff is also willing to pretend to be nice to get what he wants — the gloves come off the second he doesn't. Sometimes he isn't even that good at being affable and relies on pity to manipulate. He seemed to have stopped this in Season 2, where it does appear as though he's trying to be a better person, but it's hard to tell because he still has a way of sounding sarcastic when he's being "nice".

Jeff has the tendency to discriminate against a lot of people, coming off as racist, sexist, and specialist. He hates fat people and Jews, and expresses some degree of hatred for Mexicans, Native Americans, Aborigines, and Asians. It is also shown that he has an irrational fear that "minorities" would take over the world someday as revealed in "The Probrem with the Chinese". He also called an Indian a "redskin motherfucker" and Muslim terrorists "sandpeople". Jeff is also extremely anti-Semitic, which almost certainly originated from his hatred of Masky, whom he openly hates and considers sub-human because of his faith. In the episode,"The Passion of the Mask", after seeing The Passion of the Christ, he believes the film was Mel Gibson's way of rallying people against the Jews, and idolizes him for it. He then dresses up in a Nazi-esque outfit and manipulates a group of people, who think that they are simply raising awareness for the movie and Christianity, to join him in an anti-Jew march while chanting in mispronounced German: "Es ist Zeit für Rache" (It is time for revenge) and "Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten" (We must exterminate the Jews). He is also shown to enjoy mocking and making fun of fat people, as he mentions that he occasionally goes down to local restaurants to taunt fat people. He also frequently ridiculed Clyde Aberdeen for his weight, the first time without any provocation from Clyde.

In addition to taking regular jabs at racial, ethnic and religious minorities, as well as people of lower income people, Jeff is also prejudicial against red-haired, light skinned and freckled people, which means that he is anti-ginger. He believes that ginger kids are the most evil people in the world and that they have no souls, which is clearly false. During the episode "Gingerly", when Masky, Hoodie, and Ms. P lead him to believe he has become a Ginger himself in order to teach him a lesson, he is horrified. Later, he organizes a cult of homicidal Ginger children bent on world conquest known as the "Ginger Separatist Movement", remarking: "I'm not going to live my life as a Goddamn minority!"

In regards of his views towards African-Americans, he is never shown out right hating black people (although he does believe in several stereotypes), and is shown several times hanging out with black gang members and high-fived a black prison inmate. Although he cusses like a drunken sailor, uses words like "cunt", and has used racial slurs in the past (he called an Indian a "redskin" for hitting him and called a group of Muslim terrorists "sandpeople"), Jeff has mentioned that he has a strict no N-word rule; claiming he's not a racist.

Despite all this, Jeff claims that he is not racist or a bigot; When Masky mistakenly assumes that Jeff is being homophobic when he asks about his boyfriend, he takes offense at it and snaps back that he was just surprised that anyone would want to date Masky. He also calls Enderman out multiple times for supposedly being racist for killing Black Eyeless Jack. Jeff is also shown to be quite progressive in his views concerning women. He is seen to be disgusted by racism and has no qualms with the female Proxies doing work traditionally associated with men.

He has been shown to harass and bully other Proxies , and, as a result, many people in the comic despise him. Jeff, however, does not consider himself to be a bully who likes to pick on other people to pleasure himself; in fact, he seems to disregard good or bad altogether (or perhaps simply does not have a concept of it) and does whatever he feels necessary for him to get ahead. Jeff seems to be motivated not so much by personal gain as by asserting superiority over others. Jeff's mere presence always puts others on edge due to his extremely short temper and unpredictable, impulsive behaviour. Eyeless Jack, who is one of Jeff's friends and an unlikely one at that, is constantly terrified of him and frequently tries to appease Jeff whenever he can, especially if he is close to getting angry. Even Ms. P, Masky, and Hoodie are also wary of him. Despite Eyeless Jack's fear and Jeff's psychopathic behavior, they do seem to show a level of trust to each other as Jeff usually tasks Eyeless Jack to do a few missions for him. Ticci Tobey is equally scared of Jeff.

He's also been called out for being an attention hog many times. Jeff has a very strong obsession with the limelight that often gets on others' nerves. Near the beginning of "Proxyland", he laps up the praise of a huge crowd and choir music (because he's become the new president), acting like he's some kind of messiah. This is also the reason he decides to initially not kill Jane the Killer. By the time he's realized his own safety is more important, it's way too late. He also gets angry whenever the Proxies and really just anyone ignores him.

He's a perfect example of a borderline sociopath with particularly poor impulse control. First of all, he displays zero empathy for almost every living person, nor has he ever shown any feelings of guilt for anything. His list of crimes is vast, but he has committed them frequently just to alleviate boredom, or for an immature personal gain. He also has huge moments of narcissism, constantly calling himself "beautiful" and wondering why any girl wouldn't want to be with him. If there is someone he doesn't like, he couldn't care less if they live or die. In fact, if they in any way went into a line of work where they're expected to put their life on the line, he may very well kill them himself and piss on their corpse if he thinks it'll make himself feel even a little better.

Out of all the Proxies, Jeff is by far one of the most truly psychotic, as he easily kills with no remorse, has the typical parental issues, is a pyromaniac, frequently abducts people and takes them to the Altruist Cult (the cult in question is implied to be made up of cannibalistic killers of which Jeff seems to be aware of) which he calls his "friends in the mountains" and has the habit of making sadistic jokes about his victims. For example, Jeff makes a joke about the piece of a monster's brain left under his foot after he killed him by stomping his in. When Jeff kills a random biker monster, he demands that he get up to face him, apparently unaware that he killed him.

Regarding his religious beliefs, Jeff was very anti-religious and openly mocked the belief in a higher power, up until he met Aton and subsequently believed in an afterlife.

Jeff also possess a highly sarcastic and great sense of humor that irritates and annoys most of his enemies. He's very nonchalant about basically everything, even the multiverse collapsing, and it's very rare to see a serious moment from him. He often deliberately disobeys his friends/orders, or run in guns blazing and blows their cover He regularly insults and belittles his enemies and friends to his own enjoyment, even people who could easily kill him such as Zalgo, or X. Jeff even mocks and makes fun of Slenderman, even going as far to give him insulting nicknames like "Baldy". Jeff is also similarly sarcastic to Zalgo, albeit in a much more spiteful and hate-filled way than he does Slenderman, even going as far as to only refer to Zalgo as a "fucktard". Jeff feels no shame and can make a joke out of any situation, even laughing after he heard Clockwork's mother died of cancer, despite her clearly hearing his laughter. When Jane the Killer comes to kill him, Jeff is incredibly proud that he drove her insane, mocks her about killing her parents, and calls it "his finest work yet". He doesn't even bother killing her because he finds messing with her mind too much fun. Only a few select people are able to withstand his seemingly never ending inability to stop talking, such as BEN, the Unwanted House Guest, Aton, Smile Dog, and Mr. Widemouth.

Jeff constantly complains about his life despite having next to no problems and gives Slenderman grief over nearly everything that happens in the series. He also is a jackass to his own friends, stealing their money and using them as victims of his latest antics. However, in the first few seasons, he seemed to do insane actions to, at least in his own mind, better the lives of his friends. He relentlessly abuses Sally, treats women like sexual objects, takes BEN for granted, treats Eyeless Jack like a doormat, steals money from Slenderman, leaves his friends to die on multiple occasions, endangers the lives of hundreds of people a day, has committed just about every felony under the sun, and tried to sell Ms. P's soul for 300 bucks. Of course, he actually deserves the bad stuff that happens to him. He has also hit Eyeless Jack with a stick, and told BEN his life doesn't matter. In one major event, when Enderman gets a cat, Jeff, BEN, Eyeless Jack, and Smile Dog sneak into his room while he is out and decide to shave his cat as a prank. But Jeff kills the cat with a straight razor (this was an accident, but he is unconcerned about it) and he adds further insult by stealing Enderman's beer afterward. At the end of the episode, Enderman, in tears, asks where his cat is while outside Jeff's room, offering a reward for the person who finds him, and before Jeff slams the door on him, he takes the money and says rather apathetic, "I killed your cat."

Jeff is shown to be somewhat of a masochist. He giggles when a cop shoots him, shouts "oh yeah!" when the Rake almost claws his arm off, and yells "that felt good!" when Rick Bernstein punches him. Unlike his original counterpart, Jeff has absolutely no qualms about casually harming or even killing children. He has brutally beaten BEN on several occasions, once killed an infant when he couldn't get him to stop crying, threw a child into shark-infested waters in order to steal his water boat, and even punched Sally Williams in the arm for pranking him too much.

Jeff loves cartoons, potty humor, Skee-Ball, video games, heavy metal music, television shows, heavy metal music and American pop culture. His favorite musical bands are Metallica and AC/DC. He remains very pop-cultured, referencing The Matrix, RoboCop, Alien 3, Yentl, 127 Hours, Adventure Time, Spongebob Squarepants, Gravity Falls, Cocoon, X-Men: Days of Future Past, The Chronicles of Narnia, and is a huge fan of Star Wars. Jeff himself is aware that he is a fictional character in a webcomic and belittles this by breaking the fourth wall and speaking directly to the audience, even sometimes insulting the viewers for fun. He also has a habit of mocking Creepypastas for often being badly written or overly edgy, and also takes pleasure in making fun of his own comic.

Jeff is also a very arrogant, narcissistic, and cowardly egomaniac, as well as an attention seeker. After he becomes president of the United States in "Proxyland", he enslaves a group of people and forces them to build statues in his likeness and even renames the United States "J.E.F.F". Jeff also likes to think he is imposing and dangerous but usually basically no defense from being actually attacked. In "Jeff V. Slenderman", he's perfectly willing to antagonize Slenderman right up until he'll fight him, then spends the entire episode trying to avoid the conflict he willfully spawned. Once their fight arrives, Jeff actually tries to put up a good fight but Slenderman quickly wipes the floor with him.

Despite his stupidity, Jeff is sometimes shown to be somewhat genuinely intelligent as long as he takes things seriously. Jane the Killer even once said word-for-word that Jeff's biggest weakness is that he rarely takes things seriously. While he acts immaturely to say the least, he occasionally displays some quite impressive abilities, such as easily surviving harsh physical punishment without suffering even a scratch, taking out groups of people with minimal ease, and even saving the entire universe from destruction several times. He also is capable of planning out battle strategies, but usually only when things get serious. He also has several talents, among which the highlights are: getting away with murder, wrestling, robbing banks, music, and even multilingualism, such as fluency in German and Spanish. His strength and intelligence can vary from episode to episode, however. His intelligence can be attributed to him being brilliant at times but also lazy, but his strength varies from strong enough to take down Zalgo's demonic minions to being beaten up by third grade students. In short, Jeff can be very crafty and smart if he takes things more seriously.

Ironically, despite (or perhaps because of) these qualities, Jeff also seems to be a natural leader, able to utilize overwhelming charisma and rhetoric to gain the obedience of large groups on a moment's notice (as in "The Passion of the Mask"), appearing to be innately aware of how to take advantage of "mob mentality" and direct it toward accomplishing his personal goals, as has been evidenced in countless episodes throughout the series' history. In situations where the other Proxies share his goals, Jeff is often the de facto leader (e.g. "Alls Fair in Love and Warcraft", "Captain Jeff", and "The Chain Mail"). Indeed, the others consistently show a willingness to follow him and trust in his leadership when he's using his abilities for "good."

Despite being a serial killer with very little remorse for who he murders or hurts, Jeff does have his own set of principals and redeeming qualities. In "The Chain Mail", he was incredibly distraught at Eyeless Jack's death leading Ms. P and some of the other Proxies to console him. Eyeless Jack's death affects Jeff throughout all of Season Three until Jack is eventually revived in "To Proxy Mountain". After Eyeless Jack is revived, Jeff grows very protective of Eyeless Jack, even going as far as to call him "Sugar Bear" and keep him from danger. This is likely Jeff's way of compensating for treating Eyeless Jack so badly previously. He also cares a considerable deal for Smile Dog, Sally Williams, Slenderman, Ticci Tobey, Clockwork, Ms. P, and BEN, but has trouble expressing his love for them and acts like he doesn't care about them to sound tough. Jeff was also very saddened by the death of the Unwanted House Guest and was disgusted by some of Zalgo's cruel acts like cursing Mr. Widemouth and brainwashing the Shadowlurker. He also doesn't seem to mind BEN, Sally, or Ms. P for making fun of his face, while he would have killed or at least yelled at anyone else who would. Jeff also seldom kills those who don't tell him what to do, insult him, get in his way, or do anything else to anger him. He's also fairly friendly and brotherly towards BEN.

At his absolute best, Jeff is a genuinely good-hearted person, and in time became a very moral and heroic person to the point of sacrificing himself to save BEN and Sally from Laughing Jack. Although he is a serial killer he saved the universe many times from the many threats (even if it is for his own selfish reasons), redeemed the Shadowlurker to protect him from Zalgo, risked the universe being destroyed to save Sally and BEN when Zalgo threatened to kill them, refused to leave BEN to die at the hands of the mountain trolls in "The Chain Mail", only leaving when Clockwork arrived to protect BEN, went into a suicidal depression when his girlfriend Princess Atta was killed, and killed the legendary Gatekeeper and several other monsters to save Sally from a life of slavery. On matters of love he can be surprisingly sensitive, when Princess Atta attempts to kiss him, Jeff pushes her away and explains that he believes he isn't good enough for her because he is ugly while she is beautiful, which is surprising given Jeff's nature as a narcissist. Jeff also advised Mr. Mandavi to fight for the object of his affections, Gita.

After Princess Atta’s death, Jeff developed a suicidal depression yet his apparent inability to die increased the decay of his already fractured psyche that enhanced the seriousness and tragedy of his character even though his wise-cracking nature is more predominant. He is also comparatively much more grouchy and prone to anger in Season Five for this reason. He was content to die in a battle until he re-found a purpose by protecting Sally from Laughing Jack - believing this is where he needed to be spiritually for him to die and be reunited with Princess Atta.

There is also quite a bit of tragedy mixed in with Jeff's character. He was neglected by his parents and horribly disfigured by bullies as a kid, and then forced to become a drifter for almost seven years before joining Slenderman and the Proxies. Before all this, Jeff had only experienced the negative sides of life. Despite his cartoonish nature and durability, he feels the pain he endures, both physically and emotionally, and the trauma he endures is shown to have strong effects on him. Despite having godlike amounts of luck and the ability to survive virtually anything, that can't be a pleasant experience. He uses his self-aware humor and jokes to cope with his situation. The tragedy in Jeff's character is explored much more earnestly in later seasons, particularly with Eyeless Jack's death and Jeff's own death in the Grand Finale. Both scenes express how Jeff isn't primarily a comedic character. He can also be a very emotional character with humble and relatable struggles and how he uses comedy to stay motivated.

His anger and generally unpleasant attitude is occasionally directed at the rude behavior of others and his misanthropy is largely the result of being subjected to abuse, bullying, and attempted murder in his past. When the mood strikes him, he's even capable of being nice to his friends, mainly by keeping them from harsh truths. It's also implied that his cynicism is partly due to his parents trying to kill him, as he wasn't nearly as bad before that. He may be an insane, murderous jerk who constantly drags his friends on life-threatening adventures, but he clearly loves his friends and pet dog enough to keep them safe.


Jeff: Do you like what you see?
Aton: No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
Jeff: Yeah.
Aton: Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
Jeff: And I'm going through a bit of a crisis right now.
Aton: Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action.
Jeff: Damn straight. Make up wi-.
Aton: Star in horror films.
Jeff: What?
Aton: Star in your own horror films. But wear a mask when in public. Because you look like the Joker face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry, dude, but... you are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Jeff: Like the kind of face you used to see in screamers in the early 2010s.
Aton: You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake.
~ Aton and Jeff.

Jeff wears a white hoodie with black tuxedo pants with black pointy shoes. This is, of course, based on his original Creepypasta design. His eyes are huge with their eyelids cut off, although he is sometimes animated with black eyelids. His face is cut into a permanent smile and his face is bleached white from the fire. Due to being skinny and lanky, Jeff has supernatural human-like strength and speed. Humans often describe him as a monster due to his affiliation with the Slenderman, but Jeff is not a monster, he's a human but with a freakishly deformed up face. People describe him as a monster since he sometimes acts like one; but only if he has that "feeling" inside him.

While in his human disguise, Jeff's appearance doesn't change too much, although he does get huge, buggy eyes and his Glasgow smile disappears.

Whenever he is shown wearing formal wear, Jeff usually wears a plain white tuxedo with black buttons, a black bowtie, white gloves, black dress pants, and polished black cap-toe shoes.

While in cold conditions, Jeff often wears a long white coat, black baggy jeans with black winter boots, black snow goggles, and black leather gloves.

In the final episode, Jeff's health takes a turn for the worse when he gets shot in the lungs by Laughing Jack. He begins to look more and more sickly and his eyes become red in the corners and he develops eye bags, as a result of massive blood loss.

Notable Victims

Victims killed by Jeff

Confirmed kills

  • Unnamed Father: Stabbed with a knife.
  • Unnamed Mother: Stabbed with a knife.
  • Liu: Throat slit.
  • Untold numbers of men, women, and children off-screen: Killed in various ways.
  • Jane the Killer's mother: Stabbed to death.
  • Jane the Killer's father: Stabbed to death.
  • Drug Dealer: Flare gun shot in eye.
  • Half the members of Enderman's gang: Killed in various ways from being shot, stabbed, and exploded.
  • B.O.B: Jeff punched him into a car compacter where he was violently "cubed".
  • Enderman's cat: Accidentally butchered when Jeff tried to shave it's hair off with his knife.
  • Tails Doll: Shot in the head with a pistol.
  • Police Officer: Killed in an unknown way, likely stabbed.
  • Enderman: Punched off of a roller coaster and into a lake, melting him alive.
  • Vacation Victim 1#: He appeared to be buried alive (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 2#: Run over by his own taxi (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 3#: He is hit by a bus (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 4#: He appeared to have been lynched by Jeff off the Seattle tower (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 5#: He appeared to have his arms amputated and shoved off of a cliff (off-screen).
  • Pizza Delivery Boy: He is killed (off-camera, only the sounds of his murder is heard) by a power tool.
  • Five Unnamed Men: Killed in an unknown way, likely eviscerated (off-screen).
  • Little boy: Head smashed in so Jeff could steal his watercraft.
  • Bodyguards: Shot to death with machine gun.
  • Several Police Officers: Killed when Jeff threw a bomb out a car window during a high-speed chase (simulation only).
  • Crossing Guard: Shot in the head by Jeff (simulation only).
  • Five Creatures: When the Creatures swung on vines to peruse Jeff and the Proxies, Jeff used his boomerang knife to cut the vines, sending them plummeting to their deaths.
  • The Creature Army: Killed when Jeff caused a massive avalanche of rocks to crush them.
  • Dragon Enderman: Killed when Jeff forced his neck into a large, crystallized spike, which combined with BEN's mistletoe arrow, blasted half of Enderman's neck off.
  • Pub Monster: Stabbed in the neck and then stabbed in the head for angering him.
  • The Cowboy in Black: Jeff tied him to his bulldozer and sent it off a cliff, killing him in a fiery explosion.
  • Leon: Killed in an unknown way and stuffed his body in a fridge.
  • Soul Eater: Chest ripped open to obtain "The Oculus" (in reality the souls of his family trapped in a crystal).
  • The entire population of the Squoomian galaxy: Killed when Jeff accidentally activated the Judge Dredd helmet's universe destroying bomb.
  • Mel Gibson: Although not directly killed, Jeff tricked Gibson into walking off Mount Rushmore to his death.
  • Laughing Jack's parents: Jeff has Smile Dog maul them to death. Afterward, he chopped them up with a hacksaw, put what was left of them in chili, and secretly fed their remains to Laughing Jack.
  • Half the members of the Epsilon Cult: Killed in various ways from stabbing, impalement, necks snapped, and beaten to death.
  • Old Man: Stabbed in the chest.
  • Cat: Presumably fed to Smile Dog.
  • Several Enderman henchmen: Killed in various ways.
  • Eun: Eun attempted to grab Jeff's knife with a chain but Jeff grabbed it back and yanked Eun towards him, slicing him in half with his knife.
  • The Ninja: When the Ninja leaped out to kill Jeff, Jeff killed him by throwing his knife into the Ninja's chest.
  • Steve: Stabbed in the eye with a knife.
  • Da-Bomb: Da-Bomb threw his bombs at Jeff, but BEN caught them and threw them at Boris. Jeff then kicked Da-Bomb into Boris, where he was killed along with Boris in the explosion.
  • Unnamed man: Killed so Smile Dog could have a snack.
  • Several terrorists: Jeff shot them to death alongside President Bush and BEN.
  • Many of Zalgo's Minions: Killed in various ways.
  • Bleeder Informant: Head smashed with a hammer.
  • Several Bleeders: Killed when knives as revenge for Princess Atta's death.
  • Abel: Jeff beat him, mauled Smile Dog on him, and snapped his neck.
  • Unnamed Bleeder: Head bashed in with a lead pipe.
  • Unnamed man: Smile Dog mauled him on Jeff's command.
  • Many police and prisoners at Desert City's prison: Killed in order to break Laughing Jack out of prison.
  • Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm: Head crushed with a giant totem pole.
  • Pub Monster 1#: Knife thrown into head.
  • Pub Monster 2# and 3#: Blown up with a grenade.
  • Pub Monster 4#: Stabbed in the chest and then slammed through concrete ground.
  • Pub Monster 5#: Jeff threw a crate at the monster's head, sending his skull cracking against the wall behind him.
  • Pub Monster 6#, 7#, and 8#: Stabbed in the chest, head, and neck respectively.
  • Pub Monster 9#: Jeff stabbed him in the spine with his own sword, and then jumped on the sword, slicing the monster in half.
  • Pub Monster 10#: Punched so hard his head went through the floor.
  • Pub Monster 11#: Punched repeatedly in the head, leaving only brain matter.
  • Pub Monster 12#: Stabbed in the neck and chest.
  • Pub Monster 13: When the Monster tried to rip Jeff's lungs out, Jeff snapped both of his arms, cut his stomach open, and strangled him with his own intestines.

Possible Kills

Jeff constantly claims to have killed more people off-screen, but due to his tendency to lie and make himself scary, most of, if not all of these statements might be exaggerated.

  • Several neighborhood animals: Jeff at one point claims he used to torture and murder household pets in his youth.
  • Inhabitants of a mall: Jeff claimed that he once lit a populated mall on fire. This would obviously kill some people, although he never explicitly says anyone died.
  • Kush-Chronic: Implied to have been murdered by Jeff in the quarry when he stopped at a convenient store to buy drugs with Eyeless Jack and Daisy Bell.
  • Daisy Bell': Implied to have been murdered by Jeff in the quarry when she stopped at a convenient store to buy drugs with Eyeless Jack and Kush Chronic.
  • Lola: Jeff at one point claimed to BEN that he killed his school bully, Lola.
  • Baby: Jeff claims he killed a baby to get it to stop crying.
  • Unnamed Man: Jeff once claimed he killed a man using a feather.
  • Jack the Ripper: Jeff claimed that he killed Jack the Ripper during a trip to London. When Jack owed him money but didn't pay up, Jeff and Smile Dog apparently killed him.

Failed attempted murders

  • Ms. P
  • BEN
  • Zalgo
  • Laughing Jack
  • Shadowlurker
  • X
  • Jane the Killer
  • Herobrine
  • Tommy



Jeff's Mom

Jeff's relationship with his mom is not explored too much, but it is implied that the two had a very complicated, somewhat abusive relationship. Growing up, Jeff's mother offered him essentially no support with his problems and loneliness and was implied to be very controlling of him, wanting him to be as "perfect" as possible in order to impress others around her. When Jeff was crying in front of the house after Liu was hauled to Juvie, instead of comforting him, she grabbed him by the neck and dragged him to his room, just so he won't drag negative attention around the neighbors. When she sees Jeff cutting himself, she almost immediately decides to kill him, thinking it would be easy to cover up the murder as self-defense, especially with what Jeff did to himself, but (to them at least) getting psychiatric help for Jeff would look poorly on them socially. Jeff didn't show any remorse upon killing her.

Contrary to this, it's implied by BEN that Jeff still owns his mother's old sweater, which he sometimes wears and cries in, implying he misses her despite her abuse and neglect of him.

Jeff's father

Jeff's relationship with his father is explored even less so than his mother's, with the two having a grand total of 3 on-screen interactions, but Jeff's father is shown to be very apathetic, condescending, and uncaring towards Jeff. When he finds out Jeff and Liu were nearly mugged, his response is to say "Mhmm, that's nice, Jeff" while looking through the newspaper. He also was reluctant to visit Jeff in the hospital if it meant missing a sports game. When Jeff goes insane and cuts a smile in his face, his wife orders him to get his gun and kill Jeff. Though he's unsure if it's right to kill Jeff or not, he still goes to get his gun ready before being killed by Jeff.


Jeff and Liu had a very strong childhood bond growing up, as Jeff would often protect Liu from the school and neighborhood bullies. Jeff himself even claims they only had each other growing up, since their parents did not care for them or offer them any support. Even though Jeff ended up killing Liu along with his family, a bottle that has the label "Liu's Ashes" can be seen constantly in Jeff's room, possibly meaning Jeff is remorseful for killing his brother.

Isaac Woods and Eliza

Before he became a Proxy, Jeff met a young waitress named Eliza, whom he got pregnant with their son, Isaac. It is uncertain what relationship the two had but it can be deduced that they were on good terms. Eliza knew of Jeff's criminal background but had accepted any support Jeff offered to her and Isaac. Jeff seems to remember Eliza fondly, calling her a "good kid", as she was only nineteen at the time.

After Isaac's birth, Eliza took to raising Isaac upon his birth since Jeff was on the run from the police. Jeff would occasionally visit Eliza and Isaac every few months and stay with them for days at a time. Jeff rarely talked about Isaac over the course of the series, but he seemed to deeply cared about him and considered him lucky to have him as a son.

Unfortunately, both Isaac and Eliza were murdered by thugs for a meager amount of money. Jeff never fully coped with their deaths, and the incident had a profound impact on Jeff's loyalty to the Proxies gang, viewing them more as family and holding disdain for anyone who betrayed their trust.

Over the course of the series, Jeff almost never mentions them up until the final season, where he mentions Eliza when conversing with Ms. P, BEN, Ticci Tobey, Eyeless Jack, and Masky, admitting that the incident caused him to believe he has no right to expect good things to happen to him because of the life he has led. He also mentions Isaac when talking to the Soothsayer.


Smile Dog

Jeff cares about Smile Dog deeply, even calling him his "son" and considering the moment he adopted him to be the best in his life. He frequently hunts humans and animals with Smile Dog, rolls around in mud with him, plays tug of war and games of fetch with him, and in general spends most of his time with him, and Smile Dog enjoys Jeff's company just the same. In "All Dogs Go to Heaven", Jeff was mad at Slenderman when he lied about leaving Smile Dog outside, but forgave Slenderman after he saved him.

Smile Dog often speaks to Jeff when no one else in the Under Realm is willing to help him and the latter often takes said advice despite Smile Dog only speaking in barks and growls. However, Jeff occasionally takes advantage of him or forces him into certain situations despite Smile Dog's objections.

As stated above, Jeff often views Smile Dog as a best friend rather than just a pet, as implied by the musical number "Smile Come Home" from "Dog Gone" Though the two have come into conflict from time to time, they usually reconcile near the end and admit that they still love one another no matter what. Jeff is shown to go through stages of depression when isolated from Smile Dog and when he feels regretful for making Smile Dog run away in "Dog Gone" and puts up lost pet fliers as a result.

When Jeff dies, Smile Dog was heavily depressed and saddened by it, but promised to make Jeff proud when Jeff handed him over to BEN.


Jeff and Slenderman have a long and rocky history together, with Jeff seeing him as a mentor and a father figure who taught him the life of a serial killer. The two first met at Proxy High, where Slenderman took a disliking to Jeff for his constant joking and apathy. However, Jeff proved that he could take on anything Slenderman threw at him, earning him a bit of Slenderman's respect. While Jeff himself is fairly jaded and cynical, Slenderman is much less upbeat, fun-loving, or even nice as Jeff, so their personalities sometimes clash. Jeff often gets involved in Slenderman's problems, offering him help whether he wants it or not.

While Slenderman is usually shown to dislike Jeff, the two share a close relationship. Slenderman has repeatedly hinted that he enjoys Jeff's company more than he lets on. Despite this, Jeff seems to be the character most hated by Slenderman for his rowdy and unruly attitude towards Slenderman, outright calling him an "insane petty child with too much power". Jeff is usually oblivious to Slenderman's hatred of him and is often very nice and obedient to Slenderman despite this. However, sometimes Jeff's mockery of Slenderman pushes him too far, such as in "Jeff V. Slenderman", where Jeff treats Slenderman's weekly performance reviews as a joke, and subsequently he brutally beats him up, leaving him in a pool of his own blood. The episode itself also implies Jeff is afraid of Slenderman to a certain extent.

Slenderman often underestimates Jeff, mostly due to his child-like behavior and general stupidity. In "The New Girl", Jeff foils Jane the Killer's plan, something Slenderman is implied to have shown support of. In "The Gauntlet", Slenderman sends Jeff to the military training camp for Proxies in hopes that the rigorous testing will leave him severely injured or possibly even killed. Slenderman watches the training course from his home theater and even makes bets with the other Proxies and his butlers on how long Jeff will make it, and mocks anyone who thinks Jeff will last longer than three tests. However, Jeff survives the testing, which puts Slenderman out of a great deal of betting money.

Additionally, Slenderman occasionally gets protective of Jeff and becomes jealous when he declines to spend time with him. It's also been demonstrated that he shares and enjoys his sometimes sharp sense of humor and surprising bursts of cunning, provided Jeff doesn't go overboard with it (which he usually does). Slenderman was willing to protect Jeff whenever he needs it, and vice versa. When Jeff was shot dead in "Jeff Man", Slenderman brought him back to the Under Realm and healed him back to life. When Jeff, Sally, and Ms. P were being attacked by an army of zombies in "Zombie Madness", Slenderman wasted no time saving him and the others. When Slenderman was killed by Zalgo in "Legends of the Multiverse", Jeff was consumed in rage and ran at Zalgo full speed, waving his knife and threatening to kill him and Shadowlurker.

However, Jeff’s distrust of Laughing Jack and his manipulative nature towards Slenderman, as well as Slenderman's changing personality, would eventually lead to some friction. Around half-way through the final season, Jeff becomes wary of Slenderman's steadily growing inclination towards violence, specifically when he drowns Martin Bronte and feeds him to an alligator as vengeance for setting him and kidnapping Sally. It’s around this time Jeff’s doubts of Slenderman starts to grow. To the frustration of Slenderman who says that his "doubting" makes him sound like BEN.

After they return from Skull Island and set up camp at Swamp Falls, their relationship begins to strain further when Jeff and his allies rescue BEN and Skeet from being hanged against Slenderman's wishes. Jeff's loss of faith in Slenderman is exacerbated after he kills Norman Eelsworth despite claiming he was just going to meet him for a "social call" to try and strike a deal. It is around this time that Slenderman begins to negatively influence Shallow Falls to fight the Under Realm's Army, to the worry of Jeff and Ms. P.

As things progress, Laughing Jack's manipulation has greatly impacted Slenderman as he starts to convince him that both Jeff and BEN, his proudest disciples, have turned on him. Slenderman convinces Shallow Falls to attack Blackheart's oil factory, forcing Chief Rainwood to arrive at the gang's hideout and convince Jeff and his friends to stop Shallow Falls from being killed. When the gang, alongside Slenderman, support Shallow Falls at the factory, he and Jeff manage to make it to Blackheart's office and steal some lucrative state bonds. Whilst escaping the factory, Jeff falls to the ground after a steam pipe bursts in his face and is held at knife point, Slenderman decides to leave Jeff for dead even though he could easily have saved him. Jeff only survives thanks to the intervention of Smile Dog and Shallow Falls but with the latter being mortally wounded. What little shred of faith and loyalty Jeff had left for Slenderman had finally been broken.

With Jeff having become greatly disillusioned with Slenderman, and now realizing that he has become a shadow of his former self, or possibly the man he has always been who merely uses others to further his own desires, he decides to help the gang escape and be free from all this trouble. Before the gang's last heist, Jeff, who has already planned secretly with BEN to steal Slenderman's hidden stash for when he escapes with his family, tries to convince Slenderman to let BEN, Ms. P, Ticci Tobey, Smile Dog, as well as the other Proxies, leave peacefully, however, Slenderman takes offence to Jeff's insistence but feigns indulgence and promises he will do so after the gang rob the Merchants Savings Bank.

By the end of the season Jeff is in a stand off with Laughing Jack and informs everyone in the gang that he is the rat and has been helping Bigmouth and Sheriff Wayne. However, Slenderman is initially indecisive on who to believe but ends up siding with Laughing Jack, despite every Proxy being on Jeff's side. Bleeders then arrive at the gang's hideout and a shootout begins, where Slenderman teleports away.

After deciding what course of action to take, Slenderman comes to his senses and helps the Proxies fight the Bleeders. When Jeff dies Slenderman apologizes to Jeff and attempts to heal him, but Jeff refuses to be healed so he can join Princess Atta in Aton's realm. In his last moments, Jeff told Slenderman that, even though he wasn't exactly his student of the year nor a good friend to him, but he knows Slenderman was to him in the end.


As the two main protagonists of the comic, Jeff and BEN have arguably the closest relationship in the entire series. They have been friends for nearly nine years and have been nearly inseparable. Though the two might not be the brightest bulbs in the socket, Jeff and BEN make one heck of a team, though most of the time their wacky antics only serve to land them in deep water without even trying. Though the two are inseparable almost every waking moment, there have been times where the two have not been the closest buds. In addition, BEN is endlessly loyal to Jeff. The only thing about BEN that annoys Jeff is his obsession with Black Stuff and implied sexual attraction to Jeff himself, but this never gets in the way of their friendship. Because of their closeness, BEN has called Jeff his brother numerous times.

BEN is one of the very few people who doesn't openly criticize Jeff for his brainlessness, and instead is the only one who thinks Jeff is smarter than himself (the reasons he considers him a good adviser). However, BEN did acknowledge that Jeff was an idiot when he pushed Slenderman into fighting him.

Jeff is shown to be extremely protective and caring of BEN when the situation calls for it. For instance, he absolutely refused to leave BEN to die at the hands of the mountain trolls in "The Chain Mail", and only left him when Clockwork assured Jeff she would protect him. He also defended both him and Sally Williams form the Shadowlurker during "Legends of the Multiverse". Jeff was also willing to travel miles in sub zero temperatures to save BEN from freezing to death in the final season.

The episode that perhaps best showcases how close Jeff and BEN are is the episode appropriately named "Jeff and BEN". For most of the episode, Jeff and BEN spend their time arguing after becoming locked in a vault. BEN wants to go to a store to return a $3,000 Skin Taker sweater. While they are still inside the vault, the door closes at the end of the work day and locks them inside. To make time pass, BEN uses his Black Stuff and offers Jeff some, but Jeff denies it. They discover that BEN has a cellphone in his pocket, with only enough charge in the battery for one short phone call. BEN uses the last of the phone's battery charge to call the clothing store rather than for help. Enraged, Jeff hits BEN, breaks his phone, and yells at him, making him cry. Instantly remorseful, Jeff reluctantly decides to do the Black Stuff to cheer BEN up, but suffers a hallucinogenic trip from it and yells at BEN afterward.

Awaking from his nap, Jeff decides to drink a bottle of scotch that Slenderman had stored in his deposit box. He offers BEN a sip, and they both become so drunk that Jeff pierces BEN's ear with his knife, leaving him with a bloodied ear. Afterward, the two discuss horror movies until BEN implies that Jeff's life has no purpose. Angered, Jeff begins insulting BEN, who bitterly retaliates by revealing that he knew that the Black Stuff would give Jeff hallucinations and he was bored and wanted to drive Jeff to insanity by tricking him into doing the Black Stuff to amuse himself for a few hours. Jeff is so horrified by this that he attempts to murder BEN with a pistol, but BEN manages to smack it out of Jeff's hand.

After sobering up, BEN asks Jeff why he has a gun, noting that Jeff seems to be the last person who would ever own a firearm. Jeff refuses to talk about it at first, but eventually admits that he has the gun in case he ever wants to commit suicide. He confesses that due to Eyeless Jack's death earlier, he cannot find his purpose in life like other people, and finds comfort in knowing he has the option of killing himself. BEN says that he would be lost without Jeff, claiming he is the only person in the world that he really cares about; he finally tells Jeff he loves him, and Jeff tells BEN he loves him back.

In the final season. Jeff saves BEN from prison despite Slenderman telling him to not make a move yet. By this point they both share mutual feelings on Slenderman and how he has changed. Before the Merchants Savings Bank heist, Jeff tries to talk to Slenderman about letting BEN and the others leave the gang peacefully. Jeff's insistence on the matter infuriates Slenderman but he hides this and feigns indulgence to Jeff's pleas, and says he will let BEN and the others leave after this last job. During the robbery, however, Jeff witnesses BEN crashing off of his motorcycle and tries to help him, but Slenderman forces Jeff to keep carrying on. Slenderman later tells Jeff that he could not find BEN and that he is either dead or has been captured, with Jeff being visibly devastated from the news.

During Jeff's final confrontation with Laughing Jack, and the few remaining gang members, BEN unexpectedly appears and sides with Jeff, revealing Slenderman left him to die. After the arrival of the Bleeders, and a shootout erupts, Jeff and BEN escape in the caves along with the others who sided with Jeff, but Jeff gets lost while running through and loses them.

Later during the battle of Proxy Mansion, Jeff protested their attempts to find through hoards of Bleeders but BEN encouraged him to keep pushing. After reaching the top of Proxy Mansion, Jeff has stopped and has given up trying to survive, stating he‘s pushed all that he can and urges BEN to continue without him. BEN refuses and doesn’t want to leave him behind but Jeff tells him that neither of them will make it out as Jeff is being slowed down by his injuries and knows that he is eventually going to die. Jeff tells BEN to leave while he holds off the Bleeders, and that it would mean a lot to him if he were to make it out alive. BEN is very reluctant to leave him but Jeff gives BEN one final bit of tough love and tells him to leave and be a man. Before BEN leaves, his last words to him are “You’re my brother”, which Jeff responds by saying “I know, I know.”

When Jeff dies and gives his signature knife to BEN, BEN was devastated and in tears upon Jeff's passing, hardly even mentioning Jeff afterwards except as an "old friend", but was sure to make him proud after his passing.

Ms. Pencil Neck

Jeff and Ms. P have a long and complicated relationship, but overall her relationship with him was just as strong as BEN's. Similar to Slenderman, Ms. P and Jeff are polar opposites in terms of look and personality; While Ms. P is poised, elegant, and speaks in a rather soothing voice, Jeff has no indoor voice, is incredibly rowdy, and is a total slob. While Ms. P is an insufferable genius, Jeff is very thick-headed and stupid. While Ms. P likes dressing up in rich and expensive clothes, Jeff dresses like utter trash. While Ms. P is a magical witch with a plethora of powers, Jeff is a has no powers to speak of and uses knives as his primary weapon. Even their signature colors, black and white, are contemporary. And yet somehow the two manage to be best friends. It is constantly implied that Jeff has a crush on Ms. P, but he doesn't pursue her because of his appearance and violent ways. But she's still a close friend he relies on and is loyal to.

As stated above, Jeff has a huge crush on Ms. P, though he does not necessarily believe they will be together because of their different preferences. Regardless, he attempts to impress her and frequently finds himself in sticky situations as a result. He will sometimes mutter certain things to himself under his breath, thinking that Ms. P can not hear him (though she actually can and does). Since Ms. P and Jeff's preferences are so different from each other, Jeff tries to act more like her or even get her into his things as a result. After Jeff reveals his feelings to her, Ms. P gently lets him down and gets him to admit he always knew a relationship couldn't realistically work between them, but tells him its important to her that they can still be friends, and he readily accepts that.

Due to Jeff's constant chaotic nature, Ms. P often yells at Jeff to stop what he is doing, which often leads to the two arguing. At times Ms. P and Jeff's interactions are more like a mother and her annoying child. Ms. P has told Jeff he can only have one candy bar at the supermarket, to clean himself when he gets too dirty, yelled at him for getting silly string everywhere, and sets bedtimes for him. Jeff, of course, mocks Ms. P for this kind of behavior, mostly calling her "mom" in a mocking manner and even imitating her accent to mock her. It's often hard to tell whether it's a sign of affection, an attempt to wind her up, or both. Like the other Proxies, he detests when she's too bossy to them, but she deeply loves him (in a platonic way), although she doesn't admit it.

In the course of the series, several episodes focus on Jeff and Ms. P's growing relationship and how they play off each other. Though Ms. P constantly mocks him and Jeff constantly riles her, the two care deeply for each other and lay aside their differences when necessary. Jeff always tries to include Ms. P in his nights of debauchery and keep her away from books. However, even when he bugs her, Ms. P can be shown to take a lot of comfort from Jeff. After Ms. P's heart was broken by Vernon the Wizard, Jeff and Eyeless Jack told Ms. P that although she think's she's alone, she's really not. Ms. P then hugged the two, but their tender moment was ruined by BEN and Ticci Tobey.

Even though her sarcasm gets the best of him occasionally, Jeff shows Ms. P that he cares about her a lot when it matters most, and still proves to her that he likes being her friend no matter what. Jeff doesn't like it whenever Ms. P is hurt or upset, as he quickly softens up when she feels down. On the other hand, Ms. P is also not very excited when Jeff is injured or depressed. She has, time and time again, been the one who has come to his defense in battle when he's been knocked out of the fight, and as such, Jeff does the same, though he can occasionally get a bit ahead of himself.

Even though Jeff constantly riles her with his immaturity and jokes (even going a bit too far at times), at the core, he is only trying to get Ms. P to open up more and have fun, possibly implying he doesn't want her to feel so alone all the time. More often than not, BEN, Masky, and Ticci Tobey is the one who keeps him in check to make sure he does not go over the top as he wants him to be considerate of Ms. P's preferences. Jeff asking Ms. P if she finds him 'cute' Ms. P herself has, on occasion, admitted that Jeff was funny, even though she often denies it. In fact, it is possible Ms. P frequently responds sarcastically to his jokes and immaturity because she is trying to hide the fact that she does indeed find him hilarious.

When Laughing Jack attempts to flirt with Ms. P but she rebuffs him. Jeff tells her that if Laughing Jack keeps harassing her she just tell him and he will deal with it, showing that he looks out for her, especially when it involves Laughing Jack.

Ms. P was immensely saddened when Jeff died. When Jeff died, he gave Ms. P his prized Unwanted House Guest watch, which she tearfully thanked him for. When giving a speech at Jeff's massive funeral, she says that, "None of us would be here today if it wasn't for Jeff." his reveals her deep appreciation for what Jeff did. In another encounter before the Proxies graduate and Ms. P becomes a Proxy teacher, Ms. P talks to Slenderman, who tells her how all good things start with a good women, that her students are the luckiest people alive and it was Jeff who told him that, causing Ms. P to hug Slenderman whilst crying.

Sally Williams

Jeff and Sally have a very rocky relationship. Jeff often relentlessly teases Sally, with his behavior bordering on outright bullying her. Sally's sweet, accommodating disposition and love of aesthetics often clash with Jeff's forceful methods and sloppiness, occasionally leading to Jeff attempting to turn Sally into a hardened serial killer like him, but his attempts never work for various reasons. Jeff often acts like he doesn't care about Sally to sound tough, but it's been shown time and time again that he truly does care for her and can be protective of her, but usually only when he's forced to. The final episode even implied that the two have a sort of father-daughter relationship.

According to Ms. P, Jeff once threw Sally in a body of water in order to teach her how to swim.

He also is shown to not stand being pranked by Sally, which is often. In one instance, Sally pranked Jeff by scaring him with a clown mask and he responded by screaming and then punching her in the arm, making her cry, to which Jeff loudly told her to shut up. Jeff seems unwilling to participate in Sally's more elaborate plans and tea parties, or even read her a bedtime story, but usually goes through with it when Ms. P tells him to or she promises something for him in return (like bacon or some kind of meat), and he often ends up enjoying them in some ways.

Despite seeming like he doesn't like her, Jeff has proven many times that he is willing to protect Sally if the situation calls for it. He went out of his way to save her from Enderman's gang many times, told her to stay behind on the mission in "The Chain Mail", rescued her from Sally-land, and protected her against Laughing Jack and the Bleeders.

Sally is saddened when Jeff is forced to part ways with her because he has to confront Laughing Jack. Before leaving, Sally breaks down in tears upon realizing how severe Jeff's injuries are and begs him not to leave her, and Jeff replies by telling her that she is one of the best people he's ever met. Sally then shows Jeff she stole video evidence that proves the Proxies' innocence, surprising him. They both take each other’s hands and Sally says she has always been a good thief to which Jeff acknowledges, giving an emotional goodbye before departing.

When Jeff dies, he affirmed to Sally that he did care about her and apologized to her for not showing her better, but says he was lucky to have her and have cared for her like she was his own. Sally breaks down crying again and holds his hand as he dies, and is later seen being comforted by Eyeless Jack, Samantha Samson, Clockwork, and Ms. P during his funeral. During her speech at his funeral, Sally came to realize that Jeff was the father figure in her life she had always been searching for.

Ticci Tobey

Jeff and Tobey are generally good friends, although Jeff has a habit of pushing Tobey around and treating him more like a minion than a friend. They usually relate well, with them doing some "guy stuff" together, and Tobey often gives Jeff guidance or assistance in his goals. Additionally, Tobey frequently acts as Jeff and BEN's sidekick as they go about their adventures, and may take charge on occasion. However, Tobey's childish antics sometimes irritate Jeff, as they have a tendency to mess up whatever mission that Jeff is on. For example, in "All Dogs Go to Heaven," Jeff was very annoyed when Tobey destroyed the pictures of the Stiltwalker he took, and Jeff didn't trust Tobey on the mission of going to rescue Smile Dog. Tobey respects Jeff and mostly complies to his every request. With this submission and Tobey's overall clueless nature, Jeff tends to take advantage of Tobey and his kindness.

In the episode "Masky's Kick-Ass Birthday", Jeff fakes an apocalypse so Ticci Tobey would hide in a bomb shelter for over a week, all so Jeff could go with the Proxies and Masky to Casa Bonita instead of Tobey

During the events of "Slenderman vs. the Proxies" Tobey even betrays Slenderman out of distrust and fear for the Proxies and Jeff's safety, damaging his relationship with Slenderman. Even when Slenderman berated him for doing so, Tobey merely proclaimed that he had a new mission to protect Jeff and the Proxies, showcasing Tobey's loyalty to Jeff.

Jeff has the tendency to pull pranks on Tobey while he is asleep, such as placing a warm glass of water under Tobey's hand and then urinate on him, as well as smearing feces over his lip to give him a "Hitler mustache".

Tobey is so loyal to Jeff that he has no problem following his direction. Tobey's stupidity and child-like personality causes him to occasionally screw up his tasks, which understandably gets on Jeff's nerves. In spite of Jeff being annoyed by Tobey, he does generally care about him since he is useful for his business plans.

In the final season, Tobey remained loyal to Jeff and sided with him against Slenderman and Laughing Jack. Tobey was a bawling mess at Jeff's funeral, and gave Clockwork Jeff's ring as a proposal to her.


The rivalry between Jeff and Masky has been a recurring theme from the beginning, but has become significantly stronger since Season Two. Jeff appears to have a very strong hatred for Masky, and shows that he has no tolerance for Masky's sexual preferences and cynical attitude. Masky hates him in turn, considering Jeff to be a dumb buffoon. However, neither one of them seems to realize the effects of their almost poisonous relationship, and continue to live in close contact with each other.

Masky is often put in the shoes of the protagonist to Jeff's antagonist. For example, in the comic "Cartoon Wars", the two of them work against each other; when Jeff tries to get Family Guy canceled, Masky tries to stop him. The two of them often have arguments about morals, like when Jeff decides to pretend to be mentally handicapped so he can win the "Special Olympics".

When Jeff and Masky say goodbye to each other in "To Proxy Mountain" before Jeff faces Eyeless Jack, Jeff tried to atone for all the times he called Masky "a gayboy", telling him "I didn't mean it. You're not a gay". Bewildered, Masky replies that he is indeed gay, and Jeff tells him not to be so hard on himself (implying that "gay" was an insult rather than a preference). Jeff also has attempted to murder Masky more than once, both in "Proxyland", "Cartoon Wars", and "Captain Jeff".

Jeff's obsessive hatred of Masky, has called into question Jeff's deeper feeling for Masky. In the comic miniseries "Imaginationland", Jeff wins a bet with Masky which requires Masky to suck his balls, and goes to various extreme measures throughout the Imaginationland trilogy to make Masky do so, including going to the Supreme Court and breaking into the Pentagon (twice). In the end of the trilogy's first part, Jeff is seen with a photo of an innocent looking Masky. The scene ends with Jeff dragging his finger slowly across Masky's mouth in the photo, which could be interpreted as an act of lust, this further hints at a confused sexuality. At the end of the trilogy's third part, Jeff conjures up an imaginary Masky to suck the balls of an imaginary Jeff.

In the final season, Masky sides with Jeff against Laughing Jack and Slenderman, although it's more likely because he was aware of Laughing Jack's nature as a conniving liar and only did it to not choose the wrong side. Masky seemed to be upset when Jeff died, comforting BEN during Jeff's funeral. In UHG's notes, Masky wrote that he will miss Jeff in a "weird, twisted way" and imagines that he's probably fanboying over UHG in Aton's realm.


Hoodie and Jeff barely interact at all, but whenever they do, it's generally not very positive. Hoodie shares similar feelings about Jeff with Masky, and often clashes with Jeff frequently due to Jeff's apparent homophobia. Despite this, the two are willing to compromise often and help each other in the end.

In "Evil", Hoodie is one of the people Jeff enlists to destroy Enderman's warehouse. After the job is done, Masky and Hoodie act apathetic and acknowledge that all of Jeff's actions were for nothing. Jeff happily admits this, but also says he will learn from his mistakes.

Hoodie does not believe Jeff's suspicions that the Black Eyed Killer is out to get him, but later is one of the few people who attempted to save Jeff from Jane the Killer when the latter attempted to kill him, although it was moreso to keep Ms. P and Sally safe from Jane than it was actually protecting Jeff. BEN and Hoodie both assure them that they will be alright. During this time, Masky, Hoodie, and Ms. P apologizes to Jeff about not believing him about Jane being out to get him, to which Jeff simply says "Good".

In "Grand Theft Masky", Hoodie attempts to get Jeff to rescue Hoodie, who has been possessed by Zalgo in order to break into the Under Realm's vault and destroy the Unwanted House Guest's notes, which contains information Zalgo doesn't want anyone to see. Jeff agrees to help, but only if he and Smile Dog can spend a week at Masky's family mansion, to which Hoodie tells Jeff to ask Masky when they find him. Jeff then says that if Masky says no, he's out of the deal, much to Hoodie's annoyance.

In the final season, Hoodie chose to be on Jeff's side against Laughing Jack and Slenderman, and reacted sadly to Jeff's death.

Natalie Clockwork

Jeff and Clockwork are good friends, with the two often bonding over their psychotic nature. Unlike most Proxies, Jeff often approves of Clockwork's insane antics and cheer her on. She buys into Jeff's theory of the government being run by Lizard People. It's also implied on one occasion that Jeff and Clockwork have slept with each other, although this was never confirmed.

When Jeff and Clockwork worked on jobs with each other, specifically rescuing BEN and Skeet from prison, she enjoys Jeff's company and is often amused by his sense of humor. They successfully broke BEN and Skeet out of prison but at the same time annoyed Slenderman for disobeying his orders, however, Clockwork's loyalty is to Jeff and isn't to fazed by Slenderman's frustration with them.

In the final season, Clockwork chooses Jeff's side, even when Slenderman and her boyfriend Laughing Jack demanded her not to. In his final moments, Jeff tells her that she can find love without Laughing Jack, jokingly telling her to preferably choose someone who won't kill him.

President Bush

In his first appearance, Bush gets along well with Jeff at first until Jeff betrays him to take over as President of the United States. Jeff does this by kicking Bush off a flight of stairs and locking him in the basement. He also has President Bush put on a spinning wheel to be tortured. Afterward, Bush is freed and Jeff is revoked of his status as president.

Disregarding Bush's first appearance, Jeff is shown to care deeply about and respect President Bush, looking up to him as a grandfather and considers Bush a good leader in spite of his stupidity. Jeff is also willing to go on Bush's crazy escapades when Bush calls for it, but can occasionally be angered by President Bush's stupidity and at times incompetence, although he is able to tolerate it much better than others. President Bush is also shown to be willing to help Jeff and the others out no matter what the task may be, including going up against Zalgo and his entire army. Jeff also is seen to enjoy listening to President Bush's war stories.

When Mancala tells Jeff that he murdered President Bush in "The Terminator", Jeff seethed with rage and promised to turn Mancala into a tin can, and was relieved to see that Bush in fact was not dead.

However, "Native American Throwdown" has Bush and Jeff at odds again, where Bush recruits Jeff to deal with the ghost, making his daughter keep the real reason for the haunting a secret. After Jeff captures the ghost, he is told of the reasons for his cursing the Bush family, and Jeff angrily confronts the Bush family. Bush coldly rejects Jeff's tirade and prevents Ducky from telling Jeff that he forced her to lie. When the ghost escapes and starts turning the guests to wood, Bush did not care at all that that Jeff was turned to wood and instead was focused on getting Ducky to hide with him. In any interaction after this episode, the two still remain good friends, seemingly forgiven each other over what happened.

Towards the end of the final season, President Bush give Jeff some tough love over his constant complaining and recent depression over Princess Atta's death, and how Jeff uses it as a thinly veiled excuse to treats others badly. Despite Bush's aggressiveness, Jeff admitted that Bush was correct and apologized to him and the other Proxies. Bush stays loyal to Jeff throughout the entire season, protecting Jeff when he and him are stranded in Skull Island, and choosing to stick with him rather than join Laughing Jack and Slenderman. Bush appeared to be very heartbroken that Jeff was dead and attended his funeral to pay respects.


In their first interaction, Duck came across Jeff as he attempted to escape from stocks by picking the lock with a hairpin, and tells him to write a statement claiming that the Bushes are the best family in the world in exchange for his freedom. Jeff instead writes "Fuk U" on the paper, prompting Ducky to summon the townsfolk and have him pelted with tomatoes once more.

Due to her history of relentlessly teasing his friends, Jeff showed hostility toward Ducky from the get-go. Despite Sally and Ducky overcoming their differences, Jeff remained reluctant to accept her, often reminding others that she's "the fucking worst." He enjoyed any opportunity to get back at Ducky for this, such as revealing to her that her ancestor wasn't the real founder of Washington as she had thought, mocking her relentlessly, and attempting to beat her at mini-golf by cheating. It was only until the events of "Native American Throwdown" that the two really began to see eye to eye and were actually amiable after a series of bickering. Though initially he assumed Ducky confirmed herself to being the worst by lying to him about the mansion's haunting, Jeff later realized that Ducky regretted lying to him, was ashamed of her family and herself and was sympathetic to her situation. He apologizes and reassures her that she doesn't have to be like her parents. Later, upon seeing Jeff turned to wood by the ghost, Ducky overcomes the will of her father, saving him and the other guests. After the incident, they are seen enjoying each other's company aside form the occasional insult, having moved past their animosity and become friends.

Their relationship is mentioned in the Conspiracy Corner segment, "Relation Shipping," where the Unwanted House Guest seems to imply that the two may have a romantic relationship or are romantically interested in each other. However, this is followed by a clip of Jeff and BEN recoiling in disgust.

Throughout "Legends of the Multiverse" and the final season, Ducky is slightly less aggressive to Jeff in comparison to her interactions with Sally but she is still aggressive to him during Zalgo's Second Coming by threatening to sue him and other resistance members if she dies during the rescue.

In one comic, Jeff becomes angry with Ducky when Mr. What's-His-Face takes BEN's face after Ducky uses one of Slenderman's books to summon him. Later, after they get captured while trying to save BEN, Ducky reveals that she's under a lot of pressure from her parents, believing that without her looks, she isn't sure who she is. Jeff reassures her that she is more than just a pretty face and that she shouldn't care about what her family thinks. After Ducky gives up a chance for Mr. What's-His-Face to improve her looks, instead choosing to save Jeff and BEN, they all escape and Ducky thanks them for helping her realize that she shouldn't worry about her looks.

The Unwanted House Guest

Being one of Jeff's idols, the Unwanted House Guest holds a great deal of admiration from Jeff. Even before finally meeting him, Jeff held the Unwanted House Guest of the journals in high regard, hoping to one day meet him. BEN has also revealed that Jeff would spent hours writing fan-fiction about the House Guest. When he finally met him while walking with BEN, Jeff was practically fanboying in front of him and had to be calmed down by BEN. Jeff also helped the Unwanted House Guest with various acts and activities, such as hunting down Bobby Briggs, fighting the Shadowlurker, and keeping his precious notes safe. Jeff is shown to appreciate and care for the Unwanted House Guest, even admitting he is one of the few people Jeff shows any empathy for.

In "The Truth," Jeff learns via the Shadowlurker that the Unwanted House Guest is the reason Zalgo escaped banishment. When he confronts the Unwanted House Guest about this, the Unwanted House Guest tells Jeff to leave him in the Human World and to fight Zalgo without him. Unwanted House Guest goes onto say that if it weren't for him foolishly being tricked by Zalgo, Zalgo would still be trapped in the Pit and they wouldn't have to worry about him. However, Jeff lifts up UHG's spirits by saying that everyone makes mistakes ("you're mistake just happened to endanger the entire multiverse" Jeff says), and with the help of the Proxies and all their allies, they will defeat Zalgo together. UHG smiles and takes Jeff's hand as he helps him up. UHG then tells Jeff that he is getting too old to do his job alone and finally offers Jeff a job as his apprentice. Jeff is ecstatic about this and immediately accepts his offer, showcasing his loyalty to the House Guest.

Jeff was traumatized when the Unwanted House Guest was killed by Zalgo and X, and makes it his mission to kill them both and avenge the fallen House Guest. In UHG's notes, Jeff says that the Unwanted House Guest was one of his biggest inspirations and the reason he keeps going even though his life was not the best.


Unlike the rest of the cast, Jeff appears to be in fairly good terms with Aton. Likewise, Aton seems to like Jeff much more than any other Proxy and is known to call Jeff "my man" and "Knives", as a simple term of endearment. Barring their first interaction, the two have had many positive interactions.

Despite having an overall good relationship, Aton does occasionally enjoy messing around with Jeff, calling him names such as "Joker", knowing Jeff hates being called that, and even mocking his face multiple times. Jeff is also capable of being overwhelmed by Aton's laziness and arrogance, which is saying a lot, what with Jeff's tendency to do the same thing.

After BEN contacted Aton to tell him of Jeff's sacrifice to save Sally's life, Aton, moved by his friend's heroic participation, arrived during the funeral in a hover capsule to salute his fallen friend.


Enderman and Jeff are usually portrayed as mortal enemies, sometimes as rivals, and sometimes unlikely allies. As the series continues, they slowly grow a begrudging respect for each other. Enderman initially viewed Jeff as an annoying idiotic nuisance, feeling that he prevents him from accomplishing his goals (i.e. winning and dominating the Under Realm). So, Enderman often tries to murder Jeff if he gets in his way and mocks him occasionally, while Jeff usually does the same thing. The two have been known to underestimate each other at times, but still see each other as great threats.

During the first few episodes, Enderman views Jeff as a real threat, and refers to his being in the Under Realm as a "reign of terror". However, he relaxes somewhat after it becomes apparent that Jeff is quite incompetent. He still attempts to kill or recruit Jeff, but does it more for the sake of capturing Jeff to prove that he's not insane. Throughout the series, Enderman always attempts to try and prove himself right, but he almost never wins, with Jeff either defeating or outright killing him. Even on a good day, when he actually does win, his plans never work out the way he plans them, and either way, receives the shorter end of the stick and ends up becoming more of a pariah than before.

Besides being clear enemies, they do have a surprising amount of things in common, such as their being both outcasts in their societies, as well as their height. However, Enderman is much more smart than Jeff, a fact he often uses to mock Jeff.

Although Enderman likes to think otherwise, Jeff mostly views Enderman as nothing more than an annoyance, never regarding him as an actual threat to the mission, until its usually too late. At times, he does acknowledge Enderman's genius, however, this is usually followed by an insult, degrading him for constantly being foiled.

Towards the end of "Legends of the Multiverse" and in the final season, Enderman and Jeff pretty much become full-fledged allies, with Enderman helping Jeff defeat Zalgo and later defeat Laughing Jack's minions. Enderman appeared to be somewhat upset when Jeff died, acknowledging Jeff as a worthy foe and friend.

The Skin Taker

Jeff and the Skin Taker appear to be on good terms wit each other. He often played along with the Skin Taker's shenanigans, such as appearing on his talk show "Show Some Skin", albeit Jeff did so reluctantly, indicating that he and Skin Taker have done this before. Jeff and the Skin Taker also went hunting for a Legendary Stiltwalker, although they failed to kill him together, and they went fishing together where they shared anecdotes about their past together.

During the failed bank job in Swamp Falls, Skin Taker is mercilessly shot and killed by Mayor Bigmouth. Enraged over the Skin Taker's death, Jeff and the gang proceed to kill several of Bigmouth's men before escaping.

Bubba the Clown

Due to Bubba being a clown, Jeff often tries to avoid Bubba and often stays far away him as much as possible. Due to this, they never had a chance to establish any sort of relationship.

Bubba goes missing for a while when the gang moves to Swamp Falls and his body soon turns up at camp on top of his horse with his decapitated head in his hands and his eyes poked out. This is followed by an assault on the gang's hideout by the Bleeders. Later, Jeff actually seems happy that Bubba is dead, saying that he is so because he thought Bubba was "creepy as fuck".

Samantha Sampson

Jeff and Samantha have little to almost no interactions with each other, which Jeff even acknowledges at one point, but as he was dying he thanked Samantha for staying by the Proxies' side and not joining Laughing Jack, to which she happily thanked him back.


Jeff, along with Slenderman and Laughing Jack, unknowingly rescued Scarecrow early on in the final season when the Bleeders ransacked her home and killed her husband. Laughing Jack attempted to rape her but Jeff and Slenderman were able to calm her and take her back to camp safely. She took time to adjust to her new life with the Proxies and would mostly be with the female Proxies.

Later, the two bonded over jokes about Eyeless Jack and his letter to his mother that he asked them to deliver. With Scarecrow mocking his false claims about traversing the world, far and wide, and that although he has yet to marry he is not short of suitors. Their bond further grew as Scarecrow continued to prove herself as a fearless killer, such as when the Bleeders assaulted the Proxies', she disobeyed Jeff's orders to get inside the manor and instead slaughtered dozens of enemies. After Jeff, Ms. P, Hoodie, Smile Dog, Eyeless Jack, Masky, President Bush, Slenderman, return from Skull Island he is surprised to discover that it was Scarecrow who rounded up the gang members after the failed bank job in Swamp Falls and got them to safety and have since been waiting for them to return. This gains both his and Slenderman's admiration and respect, to the point where even Slenderman reprimanded Laughing Jack for not respecting Scarecrow.

Scarecrow builds up enough trust in Jeff that she asks for his help to hunt presumably the last of the Bleeders, bluntly telling Jeff that he is the only one out of all the fools in the gang she trusts. Together, Jeff, Scarecrow, and the Proxies (sans Laughing Jack) will attack the ranch. The fight ends with Scarecrow killing the Bleeder who murdered her husband and opening up to Jeff and the gang about how much she misses her husband. Here, she also admits to Jeff that, besides from her husband, Jeff is the best man she has ever known. Arthur simply retorts that he is aware he doesn't have much competition, but is clearly touched by her comment. Afterward, the gang comfort Scarecrow by telling her about all the people they have lost, and that even though they cannot bring them back, they can still bond over their losses and become strong friends before sharing a group hug.



As the one who ruined his life, the murderer of many of Jeff's friends and one of his greatest tormentors, Zalgo is perhaps one of Jeff's most hated and personal enemies, with Jeff often showing absolutely no respect for Zalgo and openly insulting him. In return, Zalgo dislikes Jeff as well and considers him a lesser being and a "hair-brained mortal".

Due to having no respect for the dark lord, Jeff often acts very spiteful and sarcastic towards, even going as far as to only refer to Zalgo as a "fucktard". Zalgo doesn't seem to particularly care about Jeff's harsh words.

There are some instances where Zalgo goes out of his way to make Jeff's life a living hell, all just to revel in his misery and suffering. In the episode "The Past", Zalgo tasks Jeff with destroying a mystical weapon called the Oculus, and in return Zalgo will give Jeff his family back. However, when Jeff destroys the Oculus, Zalgo reveals that the object Jeff destroyed was actually a crystal holding his families souls and that Zalgo already destroyed the Oculus eons ago. When Jeff asked why Zalgo did this, Zalgo claims it was to teach Jeff a lesson that Jeff will always be alone. What's worse is that Zalgo had no absolutely reason to do it other than for his own amusement. Jeff is so distraught, he can't even summon the energy to attack Zalgo. He just falls to his knees in despair as Zalgo flies away, laughing sadistically.

The two see each other as enemies though there is a certain level of begrudging respect on both sides, as Jeff understands Zalgo is a powerful enemy while Zalgo also recognizes Jeff and the other Proxies as a serious threat, although sometimes he has habits of underestimating them. The two are even able to hold small conversations (even at times comical interactions) with each other, like when Zalgo calls Jeff a "son of a bunch of nobody mortals", and Jeff retorts by calling Zalgo a "son of a bitch". However, Jeff views Zalgo with nothing but contempt and anger, frustrated at the numerous amount of times Zalgo has tormented and tried to kill him and his friends. In turn, Zalgo is not above emotionally and physically harming Jeff such as when he manipulated Eyeless Jack to kill Jeff and entire universe in order to make Jeff's suffering even worse.

When Zalgo killed the Unwanted House Guest, Jeff was devastated and the House Guest's death gave Jeff determination to end Zalgo for good and made his rivalry with Jeff much more personal. Zalgo mostly taunts Jeff throughout "Legends of the Multiverse", and when he found out Jeff was enhanced with Aton's magic, Zalgo was not above blackmailing Jeff to get him to hand over the magic.

In their final interaction, Jeff brutally beat a weakened Zalgo with a baseball bat and Zalgo warned him that he will return stronger than ever. However, Jeff firmly stated that he is out to kill Zalgo and there won't be a next time. Finally, Jeff declared his victory over his adversary and proudly mocked Zalgo with the fact that the whole multiverse will laugh at him when they discovered he was beaten by a "mere mortal".

When Zalgo is finally killed by the Shadowlurker, Jeff was absolutely joyful at the news, writing in UHG's notes that Zalgo deserved to die and the universe is much better without him.

Laughing Jack

From the very beginning, Laughing Jack and Jeff openly hated each other because of their competitive nature towards each other that only got worse as time went on. Laughing Jack's tendency to show-off and engage in extreme violence, such as when Jeff rescues him in Desert City and Laughing Jack massacres the whole town to retrieve his "precious guns." irks Jeff greatly, seeing him as someone that cannot keep his head in tense situations.

In the past it is implied that the two never had pleasant interactions, as every conversation devolves into sarcastic disputes between the two. It is implied that Jeff enjoyed playing Five Finger Fillet with Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack also occasionally comes up to Jeff for a chat, often with the intent of being semi-friendly, but Jeff usually brushes him off and never wishes to talk to Laughing Jack.

Over the course of the series, Laughing Jack and Jeff view each other with absolute contempt, with both lashing at each other in increasingly mean-spirited ways and rarely having positive interactions. In the episode "Laughing Jack Must Die", Laughing Jack sells Jeff his pubic hair, convincing Jeff it would signify maturity for him. When Jeff realized the truth, he then proceeded to attempt several fruitless revenge plots, until at last he created an elaborate scheme in which he had Laughing Jack's parents killed, ground up into Chili and fed to Laughing Jack. In addition to this, Laughing Jack constantly mocks Jeff's deformed face, left him and the Proxies to freeze to death in the Ice Regions, and refuses to join the Zalgo Zodiac out of frustration against Jeff. The only episode to show the two interacting in a positive way was "Pasty M", where they go on a music tour together, and even then they split up due to Jeff's stupidity and Laughing Jack's high standards. In "Legends of the Multiverse", Laughing Jack even wishes for Aton to kill Jeff, going as far as to question Aton's competence on even creating Jeff.

When Laughing Jack ends up being captured by Zalgo, Jeff is ecstatic and even says he hopes Laughing Jack is dead. When the others devise a plan to rescue Jack, Jeff is angry and goes on a rant about how Laughing Jack is "one of the biggest assholes in existence", but he’s still called the hero whom they need to save. BEN calms Jeff down by saying that Laughing Jack maybe an asshole, but just because the plan involves saving him doesn't mean Jeff should doom the multiverse. much like Jeff predicted, once Laughing Jack is freed he immediately acts ungrateful towards everyone and begins roasting them rather than joining in the Zalgo Zodiac. Even when Jeff apologizes for being rude to Laughing Jack, Laughing Jack can help but correct Jeff on his grammar simply to make him angrier, which pisses Jeff off and causes him to break the circle and beat Jack up.

Despite their poor relationship the two can work well enough together to get a job done. However, Laughing Jack's skill as a shooter and a killer perhaps makes Jeff even more concerned about his influence on Slenderman. Jeff is often vocal, and scornful, about the things Laughing Jack does around the other Proxies and their allies such as ridiculing the Skin Taker, harassing Eyeless Jack for having black skin, threatening to kill Sally and Samantha simply for being children, and especially for Laughing Jack's hobby of tormenting Smile Dog.

Laughing Jack believes himself and Jeff to be not so different from each other, even stating as such after Jeff breaks him out of Desert City's prison. He says Slenderman knows he (Laughing Jack) is a "feller who get things done", same as Jeff. Furthermore, he refuses to believe Jeff is any morally better than him. Depending on Jeff's recent actions, he can either be dead wrong or make a decent point. Many of Jeff's dishonorable actions, such as antagonizing his allies, torturing and murdering innocent people, and prioritizing his own gain, will result in him acting eerily similar to how Laughing Jack normally does. Jeff will even lament in one conversation with Ms. P that he’s best at causing mayhem, and that it makes him no better than Laughing Jack.

Jeff's dislike of Laughing Jack grew when he took advantage of Skin Taker's death to get close to Slenderman and have a greater influence on him. When trying to persuade Jeff to break him out of jail, Laughing Jack tells Jeff that he looked up to him, however he was very likely lying given the circumstances. As the season progresses and Jeff begins to openly doubt Slenderman's leadership, Laughing Jack eventually begins to gain some superiority over Jeff and the other members due to his willingness to go with anything Slenderman says. Laughing Jack only uses the opportunity to further taunt Jeff and the other Proxies and treat them like trash.

Laughing Jack convinces Slenderman that Jeff and BEN have become disloyal which begins to strain Jeff's, and the gang's, relationship with Slenderman. As Laughing Jack begins to move up in the group, Jeff angrily yells at Laughing Jack twice, saying that ever since he broke Laughing Jack out of prison there has been nothing but trouble. He also mentions Laughing Jack stirring trouble up and his constant whispering into Slenderman's ear before telling him to "fuck off and keep [his] goddamn mouth shut". While partying with his gang members, Laughing Jack introduces his men to Jeff in a very insulting way, calling him "weak, a pussy, and full of shit", before introducing him in a more faux-positive way, just before mocking the death of Jeff's recently deceased girlfriend, Princess Atta. Much later on, Jeff learns that Laughing Jack is a rat and has been talking to the Bigmouth since their return from Skull Island, infuriating Jeff to such an extent that he confronts Laughing Jack at the camp in front of everyone and holds him at knifepoint to proclaim to everyone that he is a traitor. During an ensuing scuffle, Laughing Jack mortally wounds Jeff by shooting him multiple times in the lungs with he revolvers, which eventually caused Jeff's death.

When they finally confront each other, first a fistfight and then a knife fight, Laughing Jack takes advantage of Jeff's weakness from blood loss brutally attacks and beats Jeff until he can't even stand up. Laughing Jack also starts to regularly mock Jeff's injuries and refers to him as "Lead Lung". Jeff implies during the fight that he wished to have one last showdown with Laughing Jack, evidenced by the fact that he admits that he came back all the way back to the mansion because of "unfinished business" he had with him, showing the intense hatred between the two. In the fight, Laughing Jack will admit twice that he has been waiting a long time to kill Jeff. Once Laughing Jack has Jeff at his mercy, he tries to make Jeff admit that he was always better than him, but Jeff instead goes on a rant about how Laughing Jack was only worth anything when he was Slenderman's right-hand man and how he is, and always was a failure. Laughing Jack, clearly affected by the speech, shows great desperation looking Jeff in the face and merely says "Fuck you!", implying that he knows Jeff did beat him in the sense of being the 'better man' instead of only caring about survival unlike Laughing Jack. Either way, Laughing Jack simply shoots Jeff again in the chest, laughs victoriously, and then spits on his body before walking away.

Jane the Killer

Jane was in her early teens when Jeff arrived into her neighborhood, moving into a home across the street from her, she did not think much of Jeff but believed that both he and his brother Liu were good people, even if their parents were wealthy elitists. Jane reveals that she witnessed every turning point in Jeff's life, including him being attacked by Randy, Keith and Troy, Jeff crying on the side walk after Liu was arrested on false belief, and even when the police went to his house after he murdered his family. Eventually, Jane was awoken one night after hearing her mother screaming. Racing to see what was wrong, Jane saw Jeff murder her father in front of her own eyes, and then stabbing her mother to death. Jeff never even saw Jane standing there as he ran out the window as the police arrived. It was then Jane fell to her parents corpses and swore vengeance on Jeff. Tracing Jeff with every information she could find, she eventually found the Under Realm and plotted her revenge from there.

From what Jane has revealed about her own personality, she can be described as vindictive and bitter, and capable of holding quite the grudge for a very long time. This is best illustrated by her relentlessness in tracking Jeff down to kill him for murdering her parents nearly 10 years ago. She even went so far as to threaten and attempt to murder his friends in order to get the honor of killing him herself.

Interestingly, when Jane goes undercover as "the Black Eyed Killer", Jeff chooses to take this opportunity to learn more about the nature of human affection, and attempts repeatedly to win her "affection" - with each attempt leading to suffering on his part. It is debatable whether or not Jeff himself has developed a crush on Jane, or whether it's his big ego that leads him to fancy the idea she loves him. However, the latter idea is the more likely. The writers never establish Jeff's feelings towards Jane (Comickit doesn't approve of them getting together out of all the pairings, as they have confirmed countless times), although it is clear that she hates him. Jeff also mentions he plans to destroy the Black Eyed Killer after using her to study human affection, which hints that he has never cared for her at all.

Once Jane's identity is revealed, despite Jane's competence and intelligence, Jeff doesn't seem to take her seriously at all. Even after she kidnaps Ms. P and Sally and threatens to kill them, he fails to see the damage she can really do. When he learns that he killed her parents, Jeff is incredibly proud of himself that he drove her insane, proceeding to mock her about killing her parents, having forgot about it long ago and calls it "his finest work yet". He even says he doesn't want to bother killing her anymore, because he finds messing with her mind too much fun. However, he finds that getting rid of her is harder than it seems, and he ends up needing Smile Dog, Ms. P, and Sally to defeat her. During their final battle outside in the abandoned warehouse, Jane shouts out ways she plans to horribly murder Jeff, but Jeff just listens with an expression of complete boredom before kicking her off the building.

Powers and abilities

  • Inhumane Strength: Jeff has superhuman levels of strength. It is virtually impossible for any human to overpower him. Jeff's kicks and punches are also very powerful, strong enough to send demons like X and Shadowlurker (who also have superhuman strength) flying back. When forced to do so by the Showman, Jeff was also capable of lifting a 700 ton sumo wrestler over his head for about ten seconds, although he did strain himself while doing so. He was also able to casually overpower several members of the Epsilon Cult simultaneously, break human skulls with one punch, easily snap human necks, slice through solid concrete with his knife, and cut limbs off with a single knife strike. One of the most notable displays of Jeff's physical dominance comes during the infamous Desert City bar brawl. Here, in a matter of minutes, he rescues Clockwork, knocks out three opponents in succession, and single-handedly defeats the town's strongest man, Tommy (who is a 9 foot tall troll) by nearly beating him to death. This beatdown causes Tommy to receive brain damage to the point where merely eating food is difficult for him. In the finale, even when afflicted with blood loss and exhaustion, and near death, Jeff was able to defeat the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm, albeit barely, fight off a bar filled with monsters, and even while half-dead was still able to hold his own against Laughing Jack in a fist and knife fight and giving him quite a severe beating as Laughing Jack could barely stand after the fight with Jeff as he stumbles many times afterward. Despite his strength, his punches not only failed to hurt Slenderman in any way, but he broke his fist and legs upon trying to punch and kick Slenderman.
  • Incredible Speed: Jeff possesses speed far superior to that of even the finest human athlete. He is capable of moving fast enough to easily outmaneuver rapid gunfire. Confined spaces could not limit his movement at all, allowing him to overpower and kill multiple attackers after landing in their car. He also defeated an entire team of assassins along side BEN in 1/3 of a second. While trying to get a multiverse crystal with Alice Liddell in a temple in Underland, Jeff was forced to dodge beams of sunlight that were part of the temple's booby traps, which would mean Jeff's top reaction speed is around 70% the speed of light.
  • Shape-Shifting: Jeff, when on Earth, can immediately create an illusion form to look more like a human, as to not draw attention from the police. With the assistance of Ms. P's Polyjuice Potion, Jeff can change into virtually any form he desires, from a giant dragon to a small insect, or even a beautiful woman, although the potion only lasts 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on the amount of potion consumed. Normally, Jeff also has the power to change the pigment of his skin and turn into a beach ball.
  • Hunting/Survival Skills: Before living in Proxy Mansion, Jeff lived in the wild where he had to obtain his own food, water. As such, he is a proficient hunter, trapper, forager, and decent cook. He also has basic medical skills, and he tends to patch himself back up after his battles. On one occasion, Jeff boasts about once killing a tiger with a stick or a rock, although this could've just been Jeff making things up to impress Ms. P.
  • Animal Connection: Jeff is shown to have a strong connection to Smile Dog. His connection with Smile Dog even allows him to communicate with him, able to understand his intentions despite Smile Dog only speaking in barks, whines, and growls.
  • Durability: Jeff has an almost cartoonish level of durability and intolerance to pain. Thus, Jeff was still walking after the intense beat-down inflicted on him by Slenderman. He also survived being bombarded with bombs, numerous lightning strikes, being ran over by a car, being mauled by polar bears, drinking gallons of bleach, shooting his head off with a shot gun, lethal experiments, multiple hits from the likes of superpowered beings such as X, Shadowlurker, Ms. P, the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm, Zalgo's Minions and even endured a nuclear explosion.
  • Regenerative Powers: Jeff has the ability to heal dismembered limbs with ease. It is unknown has Jeff required this ability and he only used it once for a one-off gag.
  • Body Control: At one point, Jeff shed his skin like a snake. However, using this ability will leave him vulnerable to any nearby predators.
  • Gravity Manipulation: Jeff has the ability to rotate small objects around his body. Much like most of his "superpowers", Jeff was only seen using this ability for a one-off joke.
  • Absorption: Jeff can become more durable and powerful by absorbing radiation, drinking alcohol, and taking BEN's Black Stuff.
  • Superhuman Reflexes: Jeff's flexibility, balance, dexterity, and coordination are well-beyond the natural physical limits of even the finest human athlete. He has inhuman leaping capabilities, able to could jump several feet from a stationary position, and with his body control, able to execute a variety of complex twists, turns, and flips while in mid air. He could jump onto a wall and then propel himself toward his enemy in a kick.
  • Fourth-Wall Awareness: Jeff is very much aware that he is a character for the audience's amusement. He has communicated and spoke directly to the audience countless times.
  • Broadway Force: Jeff can tap into the Broadway Force, by spontaneously breaking into song and dance, causing everyone and everything around them to become bound by it, and compelled to join in.
  • Enhanced Senses: Jeff's senses are incredibly sharp, as he can dodge bullets without even knowing he is being shot at and even has a powerful sense of smell despite having no visible nose.

  • Master Acrobat: His enhanced reflexes and agility make him highly evasive and mobile in battle. Able to scale seemingly any terrain with no wasted timing or movement, he his prowess outmatches some of the most accomplished circus aerialists and acrobats. Using a variety of free-running and park-our maneuvers, he is very difficult to anticipate with his erratic and spontaneous movement.
  • Master Martial Artist: Due to living a very dangerous lifestyle, Jeff's combat style developed into a somewhat instinctive and improvised collection of techniques that emphasizes the use of his superhuman strength, speed, agility, and knives. Hence, Jeff uses quick, powerful attacks and agile movements and also tends to attack weak spots to cripple his opponents. However, he is not skilled in martial arts and often gets distracted while in combat. Despite his cocky attitude, Jeff effortlessly defeated a chapter of the Epsilon cult with a little help from BEN and Smile, and Commissioner Johnson's Proxy-hunting group, the latter of which were military-trained hand-to-hand combatants and hunters, as well as temporarily hold his own against Shadowlurker and even landed a few hits on Slenderman at the cost of his bones. Jeff also at one point swiftly took out X in a full-on fight, stabbing both of his eyes out and then stomping on his head. He also defeated Death himself and, more impressively, the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm in a fight. Jeff is also a very dirty fighter, he tends to stab his opponents in the eyes, breaks their bones, and has a habit of punching his enemies in the groin. He also defeated the Gatekeeper by slicing his Achilles tendons and crushing his head with his own totem pole. Jeff is also capable of fighting even when vastly outnumbered, as he fought against hoards of Zalgo's minions with mid-difficulty levels of ease and the Epsilon cult with very little difficulty. Even when suffering from injured lungs and extreme blood loss, Jeff was capable of nearly defeating Laughing Jack in a fist and knife fight, and even blinded Jack by stabbing him in the eyes.
  • Marksmanship: Jeff possesses extremely keen eyesight, and is able to accurately throw his knives in combat to neutralize his opponents. He is also shown to be relatively good at using firearms, as seen when he wielded a pistol while infiltrating a terrorist base with President Bush and BEN.
  • Knife Mastery: With them being his signature weapon, Jeff is highly skilled in using knives, particularly his own butcher knife, that he used to take down many of Zalgo's minions and even slice a man in half with. Jeff's knife on it's own is also incredibly powerful, as it's able to slice through concrete with out breaking and can even cut through magical creatures such as demons and the Gatekeeper.

  • Tier: Likely 7-B
  • Age: Likely 24
  • Attack Potency: City Level (Can harm President Bush with physical strikes. His knife can ignore the durability of almost every being it hits.)
  • Speed: Likely Relativistic+ (Dodged beams of sunlight.)
  • Lifting Strength: Class M (lifted a 1,000 ton sumo wrestler over his head)
  • Striking Strength: City Level
  • Durability: City Level (Survived a nuclear explosion. Endured a beating from Slenderman. Survived a punch from an angry President Bush.)
  • Stamina: Nearly limitless
  • Standard Equipment: An enchanted knife, Polyjuice Potion, . Has metallic talons on the bottom of his feet sharp enough to scale mountains.
  • Intelligence: Low.
  • Weaknesses: Stupidity. Has very poor judgment. Tends to overestimate himself and underestimate others.

Jeff the Killer (Pastamonsters)'s statistics




~ Jeff's signature catchphrase.

~ Jeff after doing something awesome.

Fuck my life.
~ Jeff usually when he can tell something bad is going to happen.

This is gonna be cool.
~ Jeff doing something stupid.

~ Jeff whenever something goes wrong.

This sucks!

You see, what had happened was...
~ Jeff whenever he screws something up.

~ Jeff usually whenever he sees something frightening.


Let's fuck some shit up.
~ Jeff whenever he is ready to fight someone.

They hate us cuz they ain't us!
~ Jeff's theory on why others are always trying to kill him and the Proxies.

Haters gonna hate, and ain'ters gonna ain't!
~ Jeff to BEN.

Part 1

You're probably thinking, "Wait a minute, I thought this was a Creepypasta! Why are all these characters telling jokes and having fun? Where's the edgy content, dumb main characters and hyper-realism?" Well, we may have dumb main characters, but this ain't your traditional run-of-the-mill Creepypasta with terrible writing. I mean, have you read the original Jeff the Killer story? It's fucking awful! Anyway, getting off topic. I think you'll be surprised by the fact that this technically is a Creepypasta! BAM! Big surprise, motherfuckers! But it's probably not the Creepypasta you're customed to. This... Is Pastamonsters.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.

Masky: I thought we were supposed to make a comic that was, like, super gritty and bleak and depressing and that had terrible writing. You know, like a Creepypasta
Jeff: (stares at the camera) That is an excellent way to make television and film.
~ Jeff and Masky.

Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing!
~ Jeff while robbing a bank.

(to the audience) Hey, Jeff here. You're probably thinking, "Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own webcomic"? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Benderman." And let me tell you, he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.

The Jeff doesn't play for fun. The Jeff plays to win.
~ Jeff after beating Laughing Jack at tennis.

[over phone] (Eyeless Jack: Jeff T. Killer.) EYELESS JAAACK!!! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!! (Eyeless Jack: Jeff, it's business.) That wide-eyed idiot was mine! (Eyeless Jack: It's business, fella! You wanna discuss it, we're at the warehouse! Enderman, B.O.B, Karen, the Rake- all of us!) Start writing those names on tombstones, 'cause I'm on the way to your lab, and we're going to see how much of a business you got when I'm done! [hangs up and growls] All! Of! You! Are! Going! To! Die!
~ Jeff threatening Eyeless Jack

[over phone] (Enderman: JEFF!!) Enderman, how's it hanging bud? (Enderman: FUCK YOU JEFF!!) Easy on the language, Endy! (Enderman: YOU DESTROYED MY WEAPONS!! KILLED MY MEN!!!) Oh, boo-fuckity-hoo. We live and we die, that's our curse. Hey, you wanna come fight me about it? Come fucking find me! Proxy Mansion, you block-headed, inbred, contract-stealing fuck!
~ Jeff challenging Enderman.

You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm kidding! You can suck me off.
~ Jeff to Ms. P
Here's the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming.
~ Jeff's opinion on life.
(Laughing Jack: Ah, everyone's favorite fuckboy. Namaste) Nama-go fuck your self.
~ Jeff bantering with Laughing Jack

Masky: I just wish the others were as mature as you.
Hoodie: They are mature you just.. gotta know them better.
Jeff: (to Hoodie outside the room) Paging Dr. Faggot! Dr. Faggot!

Jeff: That's Laughing Jack's cat!
BEN: How can you tell?
Jeff: I never forget a pussy... cat.
~ Jeff and BEN.

I'm giving none of this to charity!
~ Jeff after earning 500,000 dollars on a game show.

Ms. P: Jeffery, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Jeff: ....What's your point, Ms. P
~ Ms. P and Jeff.

BEN: Y'know, Zalgo once shook hands with Stalin.
Jeff: In America it's pronounced "Stallone".
BEN: You're so funny, Jeff.
~ BEN and Jeff.

Jeff: (Jeff picks up a boiling pot that he thinks is tea, but is instead a stool sample from one of Slenderman's enemies inside and drinks it): Holy fuck-a-moley! This tea smells like shit!
Slenderman: It is shit, Jeffery.
Jeff: Oh, good. Then it's not just me. (drinks again) It's a bit nutty.
~ Jeff and Slenderman.

Jane the Killer: "You know what your problem is, Jeffrey? You never learned to take anything seriously.
Jeff the Killer: Is that my problem? I thought my problem was that I was fucking crazy.
~ Jane and Jeff.

~ Jeff while firing a machine gun.

~ Jeff after winning the Washington Triathlon.

BEN, think about it! You ended up ditching Ms. P to stay with me... two mineutes later, we're the fucking leaders of the the most powerful country on the Earth. You take me out of that equation, you would've joined a cunt. (BEN stares at Jeff) Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin' IHop.
~ Jeff talking to BEN while eating in an IHop.

Ah, yes! Welcome to my darkest act ever committed, BEN! I'm gonna blow the United States sky-high and take over the rest of the world! Wait till you see what I have in store! It's gonna be the Holocaust on top of another Holocaust on top of three other Holocausts, with a dash of 9/11, and whatever Stalin did. I'M A FUCKING GOD!
~ Jeff going over the edge after he becomes president.

BEN: Ms. P was right... You ARE crazy!! I should have turned you to the police when I had the chance.
Jeff: DO IT! I'll put in the fucking ground like the rest of them.
~ Jeff threatening to kill BEN.

Good Morning, America. This is your United States weather report with everyone's favorite tyrannical ruler, President Jeff. Chances of a giant nuke destroying the county...100%.
~ Jeff preparing to destroy the Unites States with a nuclear bomb.

Jeff: (throws a chair at Will Grossman's head) Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Will?
Will Grossman: I... I don't know.
Jeff: Sure you do.
Will Grossman: The slashes?
Jeff: Were you slicing or were you cutting?
Will Grossman: I don't know...
Jeff: Start counting.
Will Grossman: Five, six, seven.
Jeff: In FOUR, dumbass. Look at me!
Will Grossman: One, two, three, four (Jeff slices Will's legs with his knife). One, two, three, four (Jeff slices again). One, two, three, f-
Jeff: Now, was I slicing or was I cutting?
Will Grossman: I don't know.
Jeff: Count again.
Will Grossman: One, two, three, f-(Jeff slices his arm)-our. One, two, three, f-(Jeff slices his forehead)-our. One, two, three, four.
Jeff: Slicing or cutting
Will Grossman: Slicing...
Jeff: So you DO know the fucking difference! If you make me fail you, I will fucking murder your whole fucking family. Now are you a "slicer", or are you a "cutter", or are you going to be
Will Grossman: I'm going to be on your time...
Jeff: Now... Now answer my motherfucking question. Were you fucking slicing? Or were you fucking cutting? ANSWER!!!
Will Grossman: Slicing... (sheds a tear in pain; Jeff quickly notices)
Jeff: Oh my God... Are you one of those single-teared people? Do I look like a double fucking rainbow to you? It's fine. You can unleash the waterworks all you want. You must be upset, are you upset?
Will Grossman: No... (Will tries to wipe his tears)
Jeff: No, so you don't give a shit about any of this?
Will Grossman: I do give a shit.
Jeff: So, are you upset? Yes or fucking no?
Will Grossman: Yes...
Jeff: You are upset...
Will Grossman: Yes...
Jeff: Say it.
Will Grossman: (mumbling) I'm upset.
Jeff: Say it so the whole class can hear you.
Will Grossman: I'm upset...
Jeff: Louder, bitch!
Will Grossman: I'm upset!
Will Grossman: I'm upset!
Jeff: You are a fucking worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of dogshit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't the fucking Unwanted House Guest, and who's now weeping and slobbering all over my weapons like a fucking nine-year-old girl! So, for the final FATHER FUCKING time...
Will Grossman: (at the top of his lungs) I’M UPSET!!!
Jeff: BEN, call the wah-ambulence cause he got a fucking baby in the house.
~ Jeff training Will Grossman.

Clyde Aberdeen: Hello, everyone, my name is Clyde Aberdeen and welcome to the Aberdeen Pig Farm! (looks at Jeff) What is your name, son?
Jeff: (whispers to Ms. P) Whose this fat piece of shit talking to?
~ Jeff meeting serial killer Clyde Aberdeen at a pig farm.

...And the fat man is yelling DIE CRACKERS DIE!!
~ Jeff to BEN

~ Jeff getting into an eating contest with Clyde.

Jeff: That's was fucking terrible. That's the last fucking time I'll see that shitty ass place ever again. That's the last time I'll ever meet a fat ass like that eating a damn burger and food.
Ms. P: Maybe if you wouldn't have made fun of him we would have left earlier.
Clockwork: And you kiiinda started it...
Jeff: Hey, that guy was dick anyway! Too many fucking pigs, including that fucking guy! And that fat son of a bitch's voice, I can't stand that shit! You know how I feel, I'll fucking cut that lard ass' stomach open! Clyde Aberdeen, I don't give a fuck what he's famous for. Guy looks like he's 400 hundred fucking pounds and on the verge of having a fucking heart attack and people love this guy? I fucking hate fat people, that kind of fat people. I'm sorry I don't like what everyone else likes. (in a mocking Sothern accent) "OOOH, A BORGER!!!" (mimics eating a burger) People think that's fucking cool and funny? That's fucking nasty. Made me sick to my stomach looking at that shit. If you wanna go back to that fucking nasty disgusting farm again, be my guest, but don't invite me! The next time I see that fucking guy, I'll cut his goddamn dick off. (to himself) Like he even has one, disgusting pig son of a bitch.
~ Jeff being driven home from the pig farm.

Zalgo's army are employed by the richest, greediest scum in the universe to shit on the poorest and the neediest. So we're going to enjoy shitting on them.
~ Jeff to Eyeless Jack.

Surviving is winning, Jack, everything else is bullshit. Fairy tales spun by people too afraid to look life in the eye. Whatever it takes, kid: survive.
~ Jeff the Eyeless Jack

~ Jeff after Enderman accidentally kills Black Eyeless Jack.

You have 10 minutes you fucking retarded pussy ass clown fuck.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.

You guys are being a real bunch of assholes literally for no reason whatsoever. Literally and absoult- I- I hate- fucking hate everyone. I- I fucking hate everyone. I literally fucking hate everyone. I fucking hate everyone.
~ Jeff as he is thrown out of a strip club.

Part 2

UHG, I'm not usually one for empathy, but you need to get your shit together.
~ Jeff to the Unwanted House Guest.

[after seeing The Human Centipede, Nightmare on Elm Street, Childs Play, and Evil Dead, in that order] That was stupid. And anyone who likes them is stupid too. I know that's my opinion, but I'm right.
~ Jeff's opinion on horror movies

This book is called "Jack and the Beanstalk". Now that could be the name of a fairy tale, or a porno. Let's find out.
~ Jeff before reading Sally a bedtime story.

[holding BEN, who he believes is dead] I- I- didn't never r- r- really got to know him and he-he-he was just learning how to ta-a-a-alk and and he said we-we- we-we were gonna go for a movie night!
~ Jeff when he thought BEN had died again

(see's a man's dead body) Oh, Jesus. Oh, that's not good. No, no, no. Oh, fuck. Oh, you're not going to walk that shit off. Oh, that's so fucking gross. I'm so sorry. I spent way too long in the phone booth. If I'm being honest with myself, I probably should have just called 911. (lays on the man's corpse) Well, none of that matters now, because I think we're both missing the real point here: The FUCK is a phone booth doing on a street corner? Didn't those disappear in fucking '98? Heh. Suppose I could have just used my cell. Ooh, Cherry Garcia ice cream. You going to eat this? Don't answer now. Just rest. Actually, I made a call. It was to one of my boys. His name is BEN, he usually helps me with this kind of shit. I don't know how the other guys do it so fucking quickly. I mean, you wouldn't probably be dead if it was Slenderman. What has he got to change into? Guy wears a fucking business suit and pair of dress shoes.
~ Jeff talking to the dead body of a dead man.

What's the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker? Spider-Man gets the girl.
~ Jeff.

Cowboy in Black: The fuck is wrong with you, pardner? You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know?
Jeff: Some cowboy with a gun, laying into one defenseless guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what's fucking wrong with me? Yeah, I'd rather die... so bring it the fuck on!
~ Jeff defending a store clerk from the Cowboy in Black.

Don't worry citizens! Jeff Man is here to save the day! I mean, I don't really give a shit about this town at this point but..
~ Jeff saving the town one last time.

Wait, what? You are fucking kidding me?! I just saved this motherfucking city and you're asking me to clean the mess that fucktard caused?! (walking away) With all due respect citizens, but you guys can suck my fat fucking balls.
~ Jeff's response to the citizens of a city he saved asking him to clean all the damages.

The Old Man and the Sea is the story of a fight between an elderly, accomplished fisherman, Santiago, and a really big fish. Like, HUGE. The story opens with Santiago suffering 84 days without catching a fish because he's the unluckiest sonofabitch on planet Earth. Honestly, if you were in a boat for 84 days, it'd be hard NOT to catch a fish, even by accident. Santiago was so unlucky that his apprentice, Manolin, was forbidden by his Ma and Pa to fish with him. But as the Fresh Prince used to say, "Parents just don't understand". So the boy visits Santiago's shack anyway, ignoring the inherent risks of unsupervised playtime with an elderly man who talks to himself. Manolin helps out, moving Santiago's fishing gear, making food, and talking about baseball. Especially Joe DiMaggio, who used to bump fuzzies with Marilyn Monroe. The next day, Santiago tells Manolin that he's going way out into the gulf stream, WAY out north of Cuba. Lady Luck is returning. On the 85th day of his crappy luck, Santiago drops his lines and by noon, gets a bite from what feels like a big-ass fish. He's sure he's a winner. He fights and fights and fights and fights, but can't pull the monster in. Santiago's leaky old boat is pulled by the fish for two days and nights as he holds on for dear life. Even though he's bloody and beat, Santiago begins to appreciate this mighty adversary. He starts calling him "Brother" or maybe even "Bro". It's sort of a love story if you really think about it. And like most romantic comedies, the reader pictures a delightful outfit changing montage, followed by the inevitable interspecies wedding. But on the third day, Santiago is freakin' EXHAUSTED, and decides he just wants the fish to do what he says and not always swim wherever it wants. So he stabs it, with a fucking harpoon. It's a mess. Super gross. Blood everywhere. Because, like many men his age, Santiago has difficulty expressing his emotions and fears with words instead of giving in to base desires and imposing his gigantically terrible position on any given subject through unblinking violence. Typical. Anyway, he straps the marlin to the side of his skiff and hits the road home, ready to act like a total showoff to everyone and probably gouge people on the price. But guess what? Pretty soon sharks begin to attack the bleeding marlin's carcass, because as we all know, life is a tragic opera and just when you think you've finally found something good and true, sharks come along and rip it all to fucking shreds while dry-humping your dignity with their crazy-weird shark dicks. Sure, Santiago tries killing a few of them, but drops his harpoon because his hands are just as old as he is. By nighttime, the sharks have pretty much eaten the entire marlin. Only a bleach-white skeleton remains, silently mocking him in the murky darkness. Santiago realizes he's still unlucky, REALLY unlucky - DUH! Man calls the sharks "dream killers". Which isn't really all that fair - I mean, the sharks were just doing their job. And the marlin... Jesus, don't even get me started on the marlin. It was just hanging out one day, minding its own business, maybe thinking about ways it could be a better provider for its family and WHAM! harpoon in the brain. Who's the "dream killer" now, fuckface? The hypocrisy is pretty much boundless at this point. Eventually, Santiago makes it ashore. Leaving the bones of the marlin and the boat, he hobbles to his shack. He makes it home and crashes, like I said - he's super tired. The next morning, a group of fishermen gather around Santiago's boat. One measures the skeleton and, holy shit shingles, it's over 18 feet! The head of the fish is given to Pedrico - strange that this is the first mention of him - and the other fishermen ask Manolin to send their glad tidings to the old man. Manolin brings Santiago newspapers and coffee when he wakes and they decide to fish together again. Many years later, there's a Red Lobster restaurant in nearly every city in America, offering a casual dining experience and convenient parking.
~ Jeff telling Sally a bedtime story.

Sally: Jeff! It smells like rotting flesh in here! Take the window lock off.
Jeff: I can't do that, Sally. I don't trust myself not to jump out the window.
~ Jeff and Sally.

BEN: Jeff, the Lilliputtians are about to kill Ducky!
Jeff: Really? Ha! Good.
~ BEN and Jeff.

Jeff: You wanna hear it? This chick goes on a date with this guy she wants to fuck. But she's worried because she's got a huge vagina from fucking so many other guys. So she gets a piece of liverwurst and shoves it in her vagina so when he fucks her, it'll feel tighter.
Ms. P: Maybe this isn't family conversation.
Jeff: Hold on, Ms. P, shut the fuck up. So she puts the liverwurst in her vagina goes home with the guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning and he's fucking gone. And he's left her a note that says, "Thank you for a lovely evening. However, I don't think this is going to work out. "P. S. Your vagina is in the sink." Now, I'm gonna leave the room now as I have just shit myself again.
~ Jeff telling everyone his favorite joke in the world.

[laying in a bathtub] Look at you, you had such dreams ahead of you, such promise, you were perfect back then — okay you were a fucking goodie-two-shoes, had teeth like a fucking chipmunk and a dumb and dumber haircut that only got dumb and dumber — but you had such hope.
~ Jeff lamenting on what could have been.

(drunk) Ms. P! It is good to see you! You're looking a little chubby today. (grunts) Nice new tits, by the way.
~ Jeff to Ms. P after a hangover.

You... dirty... stuck-up... sadistic... shit-eating, cocksucking, buttfucking, penis-smelling, crotch-grabbing, ball-licking, semen-drinking, dog-raping, Nazi-loving, child-touching, cow-humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse face, sheep-fondling, toilet-kissing, self-centered, feces-puking, dildo-shoving, snot-spitting, crap-gathering, big-nosed, monkey-slapping, bastard-screwing, bean-shitting, fart-knocking, sack-busting, splooge-tasting, bear-blowing, head-swallowing, bitch-snatching, handjobbing, donkey-caressing, mucus-spewing, anal-plugging, ho-grabbing, uncircumsized, sewer-sipping, whore mongering, piss-swimming, midget-munching, douchebag, ho-biting, carnivorous, mail-order prostituting ASSHOLE!!
~ Jeff after Laughing Jack burns his money.

Zalgo: Jeff. Son of a bunch of nameless, nobody mortals.
Jeff: Zalgo... Son of a bitch.
~ Jeff and Zalgo greet each other.

Pub Monster: Jeff! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
Jeff: Are you? What are you saying?
Pub Monster: Fucking my girl, man, it's wrong.
Jeff: Oooh, but I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? Give me those tentacles, cowboy, lets.. let's fuck.
Pub Monster: You think this is funny?
Pub Monster: Fuck you, Jeff. I still love her.
Jeff: (begins comforting the monster) Hey, man, it's alright.
Pub Monster: I didn't mean nothing by it man.. I messed up.
Jeff: I know, I know, cowboy, it's okay man. Give me a hug, yeah. (hugs the monster) Shhhhh... (suddenly Jeff grabs the monster by the neck and throws him to the ground. Jeff then stabs the monster repeatably) YOU'RE FUCKING SHIT!! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!!! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SPEAKING TO?! I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU! YOU STUPID FUCK!!! NEXT TIME, DON'T GET IN MY FUCKING FACE!!! I JUST LOST MY FUCKING FRIEND AND I GOTTA HEAR YOUR SHIT?! GET UP!! GET UP!! (Jeff realizes the monster is dead) FUCK YOU THEN!! (storms away)
~ Jeff killing a Monster in a fit of rage.

(pinning an old man against the wall with a knife at his neck) GO TO SLE-what the fuck am I doing? No, really, what the fuck am I doing?! I'll tell you what I'm doing: Killing FUCKING OLD PEOPLE!!! Y'know what? You're off the hook! (walks away before immediately returning) No, no, I don't want to let you live, but at the same time... is this it? Is this really life? No! This isn't fucking life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for me! It's pretty goddamn pathetic, but it's all I fucking got! I know what you're saying, "Oh, well, that's pretty fucking sad," well, you know, yeah, it is fucking sad!! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, "Hey, what'd ya think of that," "well, I'll tell ya what I think of that," no, it's just me. Bitching and moaning like I always do. (at this point, he starts talking more rapidly) And someone's saying, "well, that's a pretty sad existence," well, yeah, it is a pretty sad existence JUST SITTING HERE FUCKING WITH SOME GEPPETTO MOTHERFUCKER!!' I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'VE NEVER DONE FUCKING ANYTHING! I've never done anything to make someone's life better, or-or-or-or-or, gone to play a game with somebody- I'd LOVE to play a game with somebody! Wouldn't it be great, I mean somebody's just like, "Hey, why don't you come over and play this game with us?" "What game?" "Parcheesi," I don't know what the fuck people are playing, but you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice to be fucking invited! I've never even gone out to a, a fuckin' bar with somebody, hang with some friends, I've never gone to a, a strip club- okay, I've gone to a couple strip clubs, but I've never gone with anybody! I've never been there, and actually been like (makes a suggestive gesture)... okay, not with people, but STILL, you know what?! It'd be fuckin' nice! It'd be nice just ONE DAY to go somewhere! Or somebody's just having a good time, and somebody just says outta nowhere, "Hey, you know what? THAT guy was okay! Not great, but he was okay!" instead of, "Hey! Who was that little fuck-shit?!" Well, I'll tell ya who that fuck-shit is! HE'S FUCKING JEFF THE KILLER! HE RUINS LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FUCKING HAVE ONE! EVEN THOUGH, EVERY FUCKING DAY HE EXISTS, HE WISHES HE DIDN'T FUCKING HAVE TO! HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS GODDAMN BULLSHIT, TO MAKE YOU WATCH AND GET YOU RATINGS, AND WHY DOES IT FUCKING HAPPEN?! WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK?! BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, AND I'M FUCKING STUPID! THAT'S THE WAY IT FUCKING IS! IT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GONNA FUCKING BE! THERE IS NO CHANGE, THERE IS NO FUTURE! THERE IS NO PAST! THE PRESENT IS A FUCKIN' JOKE, EVERYTHING IS HELL! MY LIFE IS HELL! THIS IS THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING COULD EVER GO THROUGH! (screams at the top of his lungs, then stabs the man in the heart, after a while Jeff gets up and casually walks away) Goddamn, I could use a beer.
~ Jeff ranting about his life while killing an old man.

Jeff: (phone rings) Hello?
The Rake: Greetings, you pathetic, lung breathing pile of meat!
Jeff: Mom?
The Rake: Oh, you may have evaded intergalactic law, you rat-brain... but you've not evaded me!
Jeff: Mom, have you been drinking again? And shouldn't you be dead?
~ Jeff to the Rake.

Jeff: Now, I know I've never asked anything of you guys before...
Hoodie: Did he seriously just say that?
~ Jeff and Hoodie.

Ducky: Uh, no offense... actually, a lot of offense. Why should we trust you?
Jeff: Oh, come on! When have I ever lied to any of you guys?
Clockwork: [comes running in, holding a piece of paper] Oh my god, you guys, I won a car! [everyone glares at her, she shrugs] I don't check my mail that often.
~ Jeff and the Proxies.

Jeff: Okay... I lied a few times. And I know I've mad some mistakes in the past.
Masky: Thousands.
Jeff: And some times, I've led you into danger.
Hoodie: Always.
Jeff: But, at least I had the best intentions in mind.
Ms. P: Yours.
Jeff: And things have always turned out okay.
Everyone: NEVER!
~ Jeff arguing with the Proxies.

Laughing Jack: Is that sarcasm?
Jeff: Oh, you're fucking A-right it's sarcasm! You fuck! A few months ago, I was happily killing, sulking by my swimming pool, murdering families and not giving a shit about it, and then you show up out of nowhere to torture me over mistakes I made, honest mistakes I made over a fucking decade ago! We, our little posse, are flat fucking broke, but hey, let's go out and spend two million dollars on a tandem rotor fucking chopper, so I can go steal nerve gas from fucking terrorists! FORGIVE ME, YOU IGNORANT FUCKS! BUT SARCASM IS ALL I FUCKING GOT!! SARCASM, AND A ROOM FULL OF YOU CUNTS!!!
~ Jeff snapping at Laughing Jack and the Proxies.

When did you become a fucking expert on what I fucking can or cannot do, you fucking weepy willow shit stain?
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.

(With Ticci Tobey on the phone) We ready to do this? (Tobey: Yep. Ms. P doesn't think it's a good idea to turn the mansion into a ship while Slendy's away..) Tell her it's a good idea to turn the mansion into a ship. It's a GREAT idea. And tell BEN we need chips and dip and prostitutes.
~ Jeff to Ticci Tobey over the phone.

Sally Williams: But Jeff, won't this violate your house arrest?
Jeff: Why? I'm not leaving the house.
~ Jeff to Sally after turning Proxy Mansion into a spaceship.

Jeff: Ron?
The Rake: It's Rake! R-A-K-E, RAKE! Do you know what that spells?
Jeff: Roy?
Jeff: Listen, Rick, what do you want from us anyway?
~ Jeff and the Rake.

Let's be honest, I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?
~ Jeff to Enderman's goons after he gets the Judge Dredd helmet.

Ugh... not my best moment. But hey, even in the face of certain doom, I still look good.
~ Jeff after being punched through a wall by Mancala.

Part 3

Sure, I may kill people on an hourly basis and maybe, just maybe, do do funny things to corpses, but at least I don't destroy entire timelines unlike fuckface over there.
~ Jeff justifying his actions by saying he isn't as bad as Zalgo.

~ Jeff raging over losing an online game.

Jeff: I say unto the... the power of Aton compels you!
Masky (possessed by Zalgo): Oh, does it? Does it compel me?
Jeff: The power of Aton compels you!
Possessed Masky: Does it, Jeff? Is the power of Aton compelling me? Is that what's happening?
Jeff: The power of Aton compels you!
Possessed Masky: Guess what? It's not that compelling.
~ Jeff trying to exorcise Masky.

I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
~ Jeff talking to BEN.
~ Jeff before crashing his space-ship into Zalgo, saving Alice Liddell.

Epsilon Recruiter: What if I told you we can cure your antithesis? And what's more, give you abilities most mean only dream of?
Jeff: I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
~ Jeff to an Epsilon Recruiter.

Name? Jeff the Killer. Age? 20s. Sex? Yes please!
~ Jeff filling out a flyer for the Epsilon Program.

Marnie: I used to be called Marnie, now I am Shupar, Queen of the Winds. Doubting is the pathway to believing for non-objectionable persons. The literature is very clear about that.
Jeff: Mmhmm. Sure you were. Why is it whenever people talk about reincarnation they're always a king or a general or a famous person? How come they're never a serf or a rock or a bug?
~ Jeff to Marnie during their discussion of reincarnation.

Marnie: And it says right here you... assaulted a monk with your friends?
Jeff: We live an alternative lifestyle.
~ Jeff and Marnie.

Jeff: Yep. This is it. I am one hundred and ten per cent unequivocally positive this is it.
Marnie: Then you understand, Zondar?
Jeff: I understand that this is fucking it.
~ Jeff to Marnie about the "alien artifact".

(being toured through a temple) What is this, a PF Changs?
~ Jeff while being toured though the Epsilon temple.

Allow myself to introduce... myself.
~ Jeff messily greeting Cris Formage.

Jeff: Women can't run things. They're too emotional, irrational. I need women's rage to tear it all down, 'cause then I'm gonna be the last one standing to lead them. Amen! Helter Skelter!
Marnie: You fucking twat.
Jeff: A fucking twat, yes. But at least I'm a fucking twat who knows the truth: that women need to be grabbed by their pussies and led, preferably to the kitchen to make me a sandwich.
~ Jeff talking to Magnolia and effectively betraying the Epsilon Cult.

Cris Formage: You fucking traitor. After all we've been through. You can consider your enlightenment revoked, you son of a bitch!!
Jeff: And you can consider this my refund. Funny thing is, Cris. I don't want your stupid ass money. So me and my boys are just gonna fucking burn it all.
Cris Formage: YOU DIMWITS!! There's 2 millions dollars in there!
Jeff: Thanks for telling me something I don't give a shit about.
Cris Formage: Don't you realize how powerful I am! I will send countless of my men after you and everyone you know! WE WILL HUNT YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!!! YOU WILL THE THE FERTILIZER OF THE 10TH PARADIGM!! NO ONE ESCAPES CRIS FORMAGE!!
Jeff: Yes, except all three of your wives. Anyway, I gotta go, Brother Brother. Kifflom.
~ Jeff to Cris Formage before he, Smile Dog, and BEN destroy 2 million dollars.

Jeff: I'm telling you guys, Ducky is the fucking worst. (doorbell rings, Jeff goes to answer it) And I'm not just saying that, I'd say that straight to her face. (answers the door to reveal Ducky)
Ducky: I need your help.
Jeff: ....You're the fucking worst. (slams the door)
~ Jeff to Ducky.

Ducky: You wanna know why this room was locked up? This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my father's ever done. Lying, cheating, and then there's me. I lied to you just because I'm too scared to talk back to my stupid parents! (Takes off diamond earrings and throws them at a painting of President Bush) You were right about me. I am just another link in the world's worst chain.
Jeff: (Sighs) Ducky, usually I'd just laugh and say "I told you so", but I know what it's like to have terrible parents. I'm ... (Smile Dog nudges him)...sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.
~ Jeff motivating Ducky.

Librarian Assistant: I'm sorry, but do you mind taking this fight outside?
Jeff: We don't pick a ballroom, we just dance!
~ Jeff before battling Shadowlurker and X in the Multiverse Library.

X: Jeff!
Jeff: Hey, X. What can I help you with today? Besides luring children into a panel van.
~ Jeff to X.

It's like... pornography or a perfect turd. I can't quite describe it, but I'll know it when I see it
~ Jeff while searching for a Multiverse crystal with BEN.

Zalgo: Ahh, Jeff the Killer. Prized student of my worthless son! Say, I hear you're also the new boyfriend to Princess Atta!
Jeff: I like to think of myself as a demon-killing, long-term booty call, thank you very much.
~ Jeff to Zalgo.

Here's what I'm actually going to do. I'm going to cut through all of his butt-buddies until I find Zalgo, force him to fix all this, put a knife through his eye and then fuck the eye hole.
~ Jeff to BEN.

Jeff: Only two things scare me, and one of them is demons taking over the world.
BEN: (long pause) ....What's the other?
Jeff What?
BEN: What's the other thing that scares you?
Jeff: Clowns. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Huge hands.
~ Jeff to BEN.

Jeff: (holds up a porno magazine) Who did this?
Skeet: Did what? What are you talking about?
Jeff: Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine owned by the legendary Unwanted House Guest. Was it you, BEN? No. No?
Laughing Jack: It was me, Jeff. I fucking made jizz on his magazine.
Jeff: The FUCK?! Why?
Laughing Jack: When I fucking jack off long enough, I end up jizzing, dude. I'm assuming the same shit works for you?
Jeff: Real fucking smart answer! That's just like you, Jack! UGH hasn't even been dead for 4 fucking hours and you're already cumming on his shit! Why don't you fucking aim, huh?
Laughing Jack: I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fucking wild fireman's hose. You just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get in your eyes or your mouth.
Jeff: The fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You didn't learn to jizz in a fucking sock or on a fucking tissue?
Laughing Jack: No, I don't have any brothers. I lived in a fucking box for most of my life!
Jeff: I highly doubt you didn't fucking learn to fucking close your eyes and fucking cum wherever you want!
Laughing Jack: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fucking porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore? Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You live in a mansion with fucking iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
Jeff: That's right, man. I like to fucking read!
Ms. P: Horseshit.
Laughing Jack: You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fucking house like a goddamn dump truck.
Jeff: You don't cum on his stuff! He's dead, dude, have a little respect!
Laughing Jack: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, Jeff. I'll fucking cum in his kitchen. I'll cum on his fucking art. I'll cum anywhere I want! I'll fucking cum on his grave if I have to!
Jeff: I will fucking cum right on you! (makes a "jerking off" gesture with his hands) I will cum like a fucking madman all over you, fucktard!
Laughing Jack: Ooh. I fucking wish you'd cum on me right now! I fucking dare you to cum on me! (he and Jeff make violent jerking gestures at each other) I'm gonna jack my dick so fucking hard in here!
Jeff:This, no more, man. All over your fucking face!
Laughing Jack: This all more! All over the fucking place! I'll fucking cum anywhere I want! I'll fucking cum on these walls! I'll cum on the fucking cabinets! On the fucking furniture! I'll cum everywhere!
Jeff: If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
Laughing Jack: You don't have enough bullets, bitch.
Jeff:No fucking jerking off in his house, Jack!
~ Jeff having an argument with Laughing Jack.

Laughing Jack: Why are you such a douche this morning?
Jeff: Let's recap: the cock-thistle that killed my greatest idol slipped through my arms yesterday, catching him would also lead the killing that shitsack hedgehog, get those super sexy crystals back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, yesterday was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.

Hey! Hey, asshole! Hey, come on! You pickle dick, demonic-looking motherfucker. You killed UHG. Now it's time to fucking pay. Nobody's scared of you, you fucking blue hedgefuck. Yeah, bring your ass over here, bitch. Nobody's fucking scared of you. I'm Jeff the motherfucking Killer! Yeah! I hope you like big dick, motherfucker, 'cause, I'm about to fuck you raw. For the last goddamn time! LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP!!!
~ Jeff confront X after the Unwanted House Guest's deaths.

Rick Bernstein: Language!
~ Jeff arguing with Rick during the Battle of Arcosia.

~ Jeff screaming at Aton.

HAHA!! Hey, you ugly fucks! Check me out! I'm the Ghost of Christmas KICK-YOUR-ASS!
~ Jeff while fighting Zalgo's minions.

~ Jeff after Zalgo killed Slenderman.

Zalgo wants us to be afraid. He wants us to hide. Those are our friends out there, and if we don't do something, it'll be our entire omniverse! So I say instead of waiting around to be killed, we band together and take the fight to him! We are gonna FUCK HIS SHIT UP!!!!
~ Jeff to the Monsters of the Under Realm, inspiring them to stand up against Zalgo.

Jeff: Well, would you look at that. Intolerance rears it's ugly head.
Enderman: I'm not a fucking racist, you dumb cunt!
~ Jeff talking to Enderman.

Only best buddies execute demons together.
~ Jeff as he and the New Elite rampage to Zalgo's castle.

Jeff: Hey! Hey! Hey! I just wanna say how fucking proud I am of this team. You know, you guys look fucking amazing! Rick, I have no doubt you look amazing too. This is the family that I've always dreamed of having and I... Ah, shit. I just get a little choked up sometimes.
Ducky: Just so we're all clear: if I die, I'm suing all of you!
Eyeless Jack: I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous about the high winds?
Jeff: Jack, my darling little boy. I realize that you're new to this, but relax. You've been chosen by a higher power.
Enderman: Did he just fucking call himself God?
Masky: I think he did.
Jeff: I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true! I've spent years as a Proxy. YOU THINK WE DIDN'T JUMP OUT OF A PLANE BECAUSE OF A LIGHT FUCKING BREEZE!? YOU'RE IN THE SHIT NOW, HOLES! (whispering) I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. (shouting again) ENDERMAN, HIT THAT SHIT!
~ Jeff's speech to the New Elite.

Yeah, you get 'em, Enderman. Half this comic's budget comin' up!
~ Jeff before the battle between Enderman and X.

Wait, we gotta hold hands to make the zodiac work? What is this, a fuckin' Care Bears special?
~ Jeff when instructed how to activate the Zalgo Zodiac.

Jack, if you deliberately sabotage the plan, I will fuck you like a pig.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack when he refuses to get into the Zalgo Zodiac.

Laughing Jack: Whoa. Hey. I'm not the enemy here, people. (points at Jeff and BEN) Don't forget the two fucktards who literally gave Zalgo the crystals in the first place.
Jeff: Godfucking dammit... I'm sorry, Jack. I know. Just help me fix it. Please.
Laughing Jack:Fine. Just do one thing. But if I do, you have to be my butler for the next few months.
Jeff: The fuck did you just say?
Laughing Jack: You pretty caused the apocalypse in the first place, the least you could do is be my bitch for one month. You want me to get in the circle? Be my bitch!
Jeff: Fine, whatever. I don't give a shit. Just get in the fucking circle, asshole. (Laughing Jack finally holds Jeff and BEN's hands in the circle) Now, see. Between me and him, I'm not a dumbass.
Laughing Jack: ....Between him and me. (Jeff glares hatefully at Laughing Jack as the group looks in fear; Jeff is now seething with rage as Laughing Jack smiles smugly) ...Grammar is important, Jeffery.
Jeff: (breaks the circle to attack Laughing Jack) YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKING KNOW-IT-ALL!!!
~ Jeff trying and failing to get Laughing Jack in the circle.

Shadowlurker: Sorry. I was too busy watching you two argue I forgot to trap you all.
Jeff: Hey look! It's Zalgo's bitch! Tell me, who's boots are tastier to lick: Zalgo's or X's?
Shadowlurker: Call me whatever you want, foolish mortal! In a few hours I will still be alive... And you will be dead.
Zalgo: (rises up to them all) "Oh, no, it's Zalgo!" ..Right? Isn't that what you're all thinking? Hey, Bigmouth why aren't you dancing? Chop, chop, huh?
~ Jeff being confronted by Zalgo and Shadowlurker.

Jeff: It doesn't have to go this way, Shadowlurker! That piece of shit... he deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. But if you kill us, he wins. You become everything he says you are, but worse. You don't wanna hurt anyone.
Shadowlurker: How do you know what I want?
Jeff: Because I've been inside you.... That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes.... Which is also off-putting. It's just not a great analogy. The point is... there are people... There are people in this fucking world... besides him, who will treat you right. If he reaches full power, he'll kill you. You know he will. It isn't too late. Don't do it. Please.
~ Jeff to the Shadowlurker.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU CUNT!! (while simultaneously beating Zalgo with a bat) CUNT!! CUNT!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!!
~ Jeff while beating Zalgo with a bat.

Zalgo: Hold on. If you all let me go, I'll give you anything! Money, fame, infinite power, YOUR OWN UNIVERSE! Have mercy!
Jeff: NO! You're goin' down, fuckboy. You're gettin' erased. You're going to die and pay for everything you've done! For what you did to Slenderman, Mr. Widemouth, UHG, Shadowlurker, EVERYONE! And after you're dead you're legacy will be nothing but a fat fucking joke. And even if you do somehow live, you'll live the rest of your miserable life knowing that people will laugh at you for losing to a bunch of mortals. This multiverse laughs at you. It beat you. I BEAT YOU!!!
~ Jeff to Zalgo.

Jeff: (to the Proxies and other friends) I don't know how to thank you all. Defeating Zalgo was not easy and we did it. I hope you all take something away from this. You're my friends for life, I hope you know that. (turns to Enderman) Even you, Blockhead. We would have been fucked if not for that robot. I would give you a high-five, but you don't have any fingers. So I think a crisp hug will suffice.
Enderman: No.
Jeff [gets closer to Enderman] Yes. Here we go. Bring it in. (hugs Enderman) Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking. [a ray gun sound goes off] Did you just shoot me in my dick?
Enderman: I shot you in your dick, yeah.
~ Jeff and Enderman.

Part 4

(holding a baby) That's okay. Let me see here. Oh, gosh. That's why you're such a little bastard. No one's ever changed you. Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you? God, it smells like Hitler's anus, which... which would make sense, wouldn't it? Yeah. I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick, and then I'm gonna revive Zalgo and bring him to meet you. He loves killing kids.
~ Jeff talking to an annoying baby.

Jeff: Well isn't this fucking special! I didn't know we were having a Mexican over in Jeff's classroom.
Paco: Y- y- You're J- Je-
Jeff: (makes fun of his stuttering) IT'S AN EASY FUCKING NAME TO REMEMBER! You gotta real fucking problem talking do ya? SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT!! You're not fucking ready to do this! But I'm fucking ready! I'm fucking hard! I'm ready to fuck! YOU READY TO FUCK TOO?! C'mon let's see the Under Realm!
~ Jeff taking Paco, a young Proxy, to see the Under Realm.

Paco: (sees monsters eating each other) HOLY FUCK!!
Jeff: Holy fuck is right! It's rad, isn't it. You better get fucking ready 'coz it is GAME ON, full on tutorial time. Ok, now first things first. How about we go grab ourselves a car?
~ Jeff leads Paco into the Under Realm.

Jeff: (after hijacking a car) GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!!
Paco: It's going kind of fast for me, I need to...
Jeff: No, it's gonna be fun, amigo. Just try not to tip it cuz I'm getting balls deep, Sanchez. Now GET IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING CAR!!
~ Jeff telling Paco to get in a hijacked vehicle.

Paco: Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck just happened?Jeff: You just died. Thankfully, all this never happened. You're still in your room, sleeping like a baby.
Paco: I don't-
Jeff: It's all bullshit. All of it. Well-crafted bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless.
~ Jeff revealing to Paco he is in a dream.

(Paco and Jeff are transported to a pool float in the middle of a sunny day in front of the Washington Monument) It;s fucking great, isn't it? This place is everything your useless, shitty life isn't. I mean, we can do whatever the fuck we can do. Ride a few boats, make a million dollars, fuck as many hot strippers as we want. This is a consequence-free Wonderland of bullshit. Just waiting- waiting for your next idea. In it's own fucked up way, it's paradise... Goddamn beautiful even.
~ Jeff having a heart-to-heart talk with Paco.

You might as well go buy some cigarettes too, because I like to have a smoke after I get good and fucked! Do you wanna fuck me, P?! Just say so! Go ahead! Here! [pulls down his pants to moon Ms. P, who crosses her arms and facepalms] Huh?! Go ahead, Mommy! Fuck me! Fuck me right here in the Best Buy! You wanna fuck me so bad?! Go on P! Fuck me! Fuck me!
~ Jeff's rage over Ms. P not getting him an IPad.

Fuck Gravity Falls. First they ride on our coattails with the "looks like a kids show but sorta isn't", and then they pussy out by not killing off that old motherfucker. What a dick. Well, guess what, Grunkle Stan? I'm dying in this finale, and unlike you, it'll be for good.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.

don't speak Arcosian, Mr... [looks at card that is spelled in Arcosian, then tosses it] Well, I'm not even going to attempt that. But I did take second grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to: I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker.
~ Jeff to an Arcosian gangster.

I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Pastamonsters is a family comic. True story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
~ Jeff to the audience.

Jeff: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Mr. Mandavi: An ocean is water.
~ Jeff and Mr. Mandavi.

Skeet: According to the Kübler-Ross model, denial is just one of the five stages of grief.
Jeff: Jesus Christ, Skeet, back off. No more speaking lines for you.
~ Jeff to Skeet.

All these elderly white men on the walls... Should have brought my rape whistle.
~ Jeff while walking through the White House.

(knocks multiple paintings of presidents off the walls) Those were already damaged after they fell there! What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk about my fucking feelings? And how would I do that exactly? 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? It's always just you and Skeeters Lamar Longest Name Ever!
~ Jeff to Rick Bernstein.

Black John Louis: I'm Black John Louis.
Jeff: White Jeff the Killer. (Jeff stabs him in the knee)
Black John Louis: Ah! Well... That's no way to wake an old man up from his afternoon nap. I had a dream about a girl I used to know. She had me tied up to, but not as a prisoner, if you catch my drift. (laughs)
Jeff: Hahaha!! You're so funny!! (punches him in the face) Shut the fuck up, you're crazy. You ain't ever had a girl in your bed. Maybe your sister.
~ Jeff interrogating a Bleeder.

~ A drunk Jeff looking for BEN in a bar.

~ Jeff while being chased by the police.

BEN: Jeff, Jeff.
Jeff: (waking from a hangover) Shut up.
BEN: Bro, wake up!
Jeff: (rubs his head) Uhh... I wanna die.... Where are we?
BEN: We got suuuuper messed up when I spiked those drinks, dude. We chased by the police in that saloon. Luckily, I was sober enough to lead us here and away from the police. (laughs) We had a sick night, bitches!
Jeff: What?
BEN: You don't remember getting drunk and running into the police in that saloon last night? Starting a full on fucking riot?
Jeff: Hey, I didn't start a thing!
BEN: Yes, you did.
Jeff: Well... I don't remember.
~ Jeff and BEN after a hangover.

We're not partners or friends. This doesn't end with us riding into the fucking sunset, Sally. It ends with me getting killed... and you winning the prison award for softest mouth.
~ Jeff to Sally.

Mr. Mandavi: Meet Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Jeff: Cool name. Now without turning this into another brony message board, what are your superpowers?
Pinkamena: I can torture people to death and bake them into delicious treats. I'm also good with torture and executions, causing anxiety, confusion, and pain.
Jeff: So, basically, you're Hillary Clinton.
~ Jeff meeting Pinkamena.

The Skin Taker: I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Jeff: It's a goddamn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! The difference is night and day.
~ Jeff to Skin Taker.

Jeff: (being telekinetically lifted by Ms. P) I'm swimming back to the Under Realm! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!
Ms. P: Jeff, you can't swim!
~ Jeff trying to escape Skull Island.

They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild." Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.
~ Jeff on Skull Island.

That is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can skip and prance around like a magical pixie horse, and do whatever the hell you wanna do all day long. This is the good side, for those who love the Under Realm and care about getting back.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.

I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare!
~ Jeff after building a wooden Statue of Liberty.

Clockwork: (after Jeff knocks on her shack's door) Who is it?
Jeff: It's the pizza man. Who the fuck do you think it is?
~ Jeff to Clockwork.

Jeff: Come on! What does Skull Island have to offer us?
Ms. P: Being eaten by a snake, dying from toxic gas, mauled by Stiltwalkers, Lyme disease.
Jeff: Thank you, Ms. P.
~ Jeff when Clockwork suggests staying on Skull Island.

If you're ever in the Under Realm, feel free to call first. (looks to see B.O.B eating his boogers and Laughing Jack smelling his armpit) Seriously though, call, okay?
~ Jeff saying goodbye to the native people.

The Under Realm! It's a bit of a dump. Are you sure we're not in Minnesota?
~ Jeff arriving back at the Under Realm.

Good news and bad news. Bad news is the whole team is going to shit, Nick, Bubba, Pinkamena, and the Skin Taker are dead, Laughing Jack is kissing Slenderman's ass like James Gunn kisses little boys, Sally is gone and likely dead, and Ms. P is slowly becoming insane because of it. The good news is I don't think anyone is gonna miss Bubba, he was creepy as fuck.
~ Jeff.

Jeff: I see straight through you, Laughing Jack.
Laughing Jack: What are you talking about, Shitface?
Jeff: You may have Slenderman fooled, but you ain't fooling me, you Pennywise knockoff.
Laughing Jack: (chuckles) Whatever you say, you Joker Reject.
Jeff: The only joke around here is you.
Laughing Jack: (shoves Jeff and walks away) This is getting really fucking tired now.
Jeff: What kind of stupid fucking shitty ass name is Laughing Jack anyway?
~ Jeff antagonizing Laughing Jack.

Jeff: This kid can turn himself invisible! Watch this, he can do it... now!
BEN: I can't do it on command.
Jeff: He can't do it on command! But it is cool. Show them the zappy thing, BEN.
BEN: I can't do it on command.
Jeff: He can't do it on command! But he can do so much more, like what else do you do?
BEN: Just those two things.
Jeff: Just those two things.
~ Jeff and BEN.

Jeff: Y'know... I had a son once. (everyone looks at Jeff) Years ago. I don't talk about him much.
President Bush: What was his name?
Jeff: Isaac. His mother, Eliza, was a waitress I met. She got pregnant, and she knew who I was, what my life was. I didn't wanna promise nothing I wouldn't keep, but I said I would treat them right. Every few months I'd stop by and visit them for a few days. (chuckles) He was such a good kid. She was too, I guess. Just a kid, nineteen.
Samantha Sampson: Well, what happened to them?
Jeff: I got there one day and... Saw graves outside and knew right away. Turns out some fuckers had came through and robbed them. Shot them dead... And all for ten fucking dollars.... (sighs) It hardened me, knowing that kind of pain. But, now I know you don't get to live a bad life and have good things happen to you.
~ Jeff reveals a secret of his life to the Proxies around a campfire.

It's been a tough few weeks. I know I've been... kinda... mad with you all. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, but I... I want us to get outta here. Everyone's nearly gone crazy, I'm just... trying to keep things together. Sometimes it gets hard... You wake up one day and your legs, they just give, and you just can't run anymore. I guess I'm... I guess I'm struggling to just... find a path forward for us all. Same as Slenderman, same as Ms. P. I don't wanna die. But if I have to, I will. So... forgive me, all of you.
~ Jeff to the Proxies, explaining why he's been lashing out at them, and also his attempts to retire from killing people.

Jeff: It seems that Laughing Jack here was pretty close with Bigmouth.
Laughing Jack: What the fuck are you saying, Shitface?
Jeff: You've been talking.
Laughing Jack: That's a fucking lie.
Jeff: Slenderman, listen.
Laughing Jack: Slendy, think of the future.
Jeff: Bigmouth told me everything.
Laughing Jack: And you believe him, Shitface?
Jeff: It all makes sense now.
Laughing Jack: No... It fucking doesn't.
~ Laughing Jack's villainy is revealed.

Jeff: (to the Proxies) Everyone... You might wanna choose your sides, because this is all over. All those years, Slenderman... For this snake?!
Laughing Jack: Oh, be quiet, Joker. Be quiet. You live in the clouds.
~ Jeff in a standoff with Laughing Jack.

In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. In "Cool Runnings," it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. In "The Last Jedi," it was when those people signed on to be in that movie. But in this comic, well, you're looking at it. Rock, meet Bottom.
~ Jeff after being shot by Laughing Jack.

Boob Lady: I'm on vacation currently. My friend is very jealous. (Jeff laughs before coughing uncontrollably, coughing blood in his hand) What is wrong?
Jeff: I'm, uh... I'm dying. I got shot too many times in the lungs. I got it trying to save my friends, but it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. I disappointed my boss, got two of my friends killed, Sally's gone and probably dead because of me.. I've lived a shitty life, sister.
Boob Lady: We've all lived bad lives, Mr. Jeff. We all sin. I know you.
Jeff: (scoffs) You don't know me.
Boob Lady: Forgive me, but, that's the problem: you don't know you.
Jeff: What's that supposed to mean?
Boob Lady: Whenever I hear about you, you're always helping people and smiling. You saved that eyeless friend of yours, saved the universe from all those demons...
Jeff: (laughs a little) ...I had a son. He passed away. I got my girlfriend killed. I had a girl who loved me, I threw that away. I killed my mother and father when I was a kid. And my loving brother, I killed him too.
Boob Lady: My husband died a long time ago. Life is full of pain, but there is also love and beauty.
Jeff: What am I gonna do now?
Boob Lady: Be grateful that for the first time in your life, you see your life clearly.
Jeff: Sure...
Boob Lady: Perhaps you can help someone. Helping makes you really happy.
Jeff: (sighs) ...But.. I still don't believe in nothing.
Boob Lady: Often, neither do I. But then I meet someone like you and everything makes sense.
Jeff: (laughs wheezily) You're too smart for me, sister. (sighs) I guess I.... (looks at her with tears in his eyes) I'm afraid.
Boob Lady: There is nothing to be afraid of, Mr. Killer. Take a gamble that loves exists, and do a loving act.
~ Jeff's conversation with the Boob Lady.

I didn't ask to be super, and I'm damn sure no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best friends, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.
~ Jeff before going to confront Laughing Jack.

Remember me, bitch?
~ Jeff returns to fight back against Laughing Jack and the Bleeders.

Enderman: We're probably going to be dead in a few years. Your generation's completely fucked this world into a coma.
Jeff: (gasp) Spoiler alert, Blockhead!
~ Jeff talking to Enderman.

BEN: C'mon, Jeff. Push! We can make it.
Jeff: No... No. (spits out blood) I think I've pushed all I can.
BEN: Come on.
Jeff: You go.
BEN: We don't fucking have time for this!
Jeff: We're not both gonna make it. Go. Now. I'll hold them off. It would mean a lot to me, please.There's no more time for talk. Just go.
BEN: Jeff...
Jeff: Go to the others.
BEN: Jeff, please!
Jeff: Get the fuck outta here and be a goddamn man!
BEN: Jeff... You're my brother.
Jeff: I know...I know.
~ Jeff saying goodbye to BEN.

Even with my fucked up lungs and my fucked up nerve endings, I gotta tell you, that hurt! But not half as much as the idea of letting my friends die. BEN, Sally, Ms. P... and all the things I'll never do. Like see the others graduate or see what BEN's kids would look like, or find out what happened in "Avengers: Endgame". And, by the way, if you're reassuring yourself that I'm going to make it through this since I'm narrating this, quit being such a smart-ass! Hell dude, you never seen "Sin City"? "Sunset Boulevard"? "American Beauty"?
~ Jeff narrating during his battle with the Bleeders.

Funny... For all the shit you talk... You still can't kill a dying man.
~ Jeff taunting Laughing Jack in their final fight.

Laughing Jack: (pulls out a dagger) You should've stayed and died in that river, Lead Lung! Let your friends be...
Jeff: Oh, I know... (pulls out his butcher knife) But I figured you and me had some unfinished business.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.

Laughing Jack: I've waited too long to kill you.
Jeff: Do it then!! COME ON!! I'm half-dead and you still can't kill me, you goddamn snake!
Laughing Jack: Snake? Alright, then you're a vulture! Betraying Slenderman after all he's done for you...
~ Laughing Jack while fighting Jeff.

You're fucking scum, Jack. I should've killed you a long time ago.
~ Jeff while fighting Laughing Jack.

Laughing Jack: (dodges Jeff's attack) Ha! Still got some fight left in you, huh?
Jeff: It's easy when I'm fighting a coward.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.

Laughing Jack: (stabs Jeff in the chest with his own knife) Oh, shit. Look what I've gone and done. You lost, Lead Lung.
Jeff: No, I didn't.
Laughing Jack: You call this winning? You're too fucking weak to fight back, Jeff. Alone...afraid...dying. HAHA! I've waited a LONG time for this moment. I played Sheriff Wayne like a fiddle, my men are killing everyone you care about as we speak, and, y'know, I killed you too, didn't I, Jeff? You aren't living. You can't call this living. You're practically on life support...Time to pull the fucking plug!
Jeff: (coughs up blood) I stopped you...Told everyone you're a rat bastard....Sally... Sally outsmarted you. You didn't think she could do it, but she did it. She beat you. That's winning enough for me.
Laughing Jack: (pulls out his revolver and aims it at Jeff) You're not better than me, Shitface!
Jeff: Whatever you say, shithead.
Laughing Jack: (laughs) You're dying, Lead Lung. All that blood loss is getting to your head. You're talking crazy... Before I kill you, do me a favor and tell me the truth. That I am better than you all, and you're just an ugly piece of shit garbage. I want to hear you say that before you die.
Jeff: The truth... Okay. The truth is... you were only ever worth a damn when you worked for Slenderman. The truth is... you could never accept that I'm better than you. You're a fucking failure, Jack. And you always will be.
Laughing Jack: (with a looks of desperation on his face) Fuck you...
Jeff: Fuck us both!
Laughing Jack: (finally shoots Jeff in the chest, killing him) HAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!! (Laughing Jack takes the knife out of Jeff's corpse, spits on his body, and walks away)
~ Laughing Jack's final exchange with Jeff.)

Jeff: (Slenderman tries to heal Jeff's wound) No, no, no! Stop, Slendy! Just let it happen!
Slenderman: But Jeff... If I can't heal you, you'll die.
Jeff: I haven't done anything right my whole damn life, Slendy.... You need to give me this.
~ Jeff accepting his impending death,

Jeff: Before I go... Sorry. Still got a bit left in me. Ms. P.. I want you to have it. Turns out I'm the lucky one.
Ms. P: (wipes her tears) Thanks, Jeff.
Jeff: Hoodie, Masky... Been a pleasure. Hi, B.O.B!
B.O.B: (smiles and waves) Hi, Jeff!
Jeff: Bush.. Treat Ducky and Rick right. They need you. (turns to Rick) Say "fuck" for me. Just once, we'll do it together. 1.. 2...
Rick: Fuck.
Jeff: Ha ha! Enjoy Hell, swamp mouth. (turns to Slenderman) Slendy, I know I haven't been exactly Student of the Year. I know I haven't been a good friend, but I knew you were one to me. (turns to Clockwork) Goodbye, Crazy Girl. (turns to Enderman) And Enderman. You get back to the Rake and B.O.B. Tell them Jeff said "Hi". And promise me one thing: That you will not judge people by the color of the skin, but by the content of their character.
Enderman: Jesus Fucking Christ.
Jeff: Eyeless Jack, Ticci Tobey.. You two stay out of traffic. You two are too pure for this dark, dark world. Samantha... I didn't really get to know you that well. Like, at all. But... You seem like a nice girl. Where's S-Dog? (Smile Dog jumps to Jeff's side) There you are! You're BEN's now, okay? He's gonna take good care of you now! Be a good boy while I'm gone, okay? ... (BEN comes to Jeff's side and holds his hand) BEN, Family is not an F-word. There's one out there for you, bud. It's here all around you. Here, take my knife (hands BEN his knife). Remember me by this. (turns to Sally, taking her hand as well) I told you I cared about you Sally. I'm sorry I didn't show it right, but I'm damn lucky you're my girl. Guys, for a second there... we made a pretty good team. (goes limb for about 10 seconds but then revives) Oh, it's so hard to go. I just love being around you guys so much. So, so much. Mmm. No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. I feel the soul exiting the husk. Yeah. Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? Oh, there it is. (gazes into the light for a few moments before blinking) Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that. Ok, it's death time. I need to choose my final words. Woodpecker.... Gingivitis... Codswallop..... Do You Want to Build a Snowman? (stares at the sky before finally dying)
~ Jeff's death.


  • The Pastamonsters version of Jeff is arguably the strongest Jeff the Killer incarnation of all time. A short list of his feats include killing a team of trained assassins in about 1/3 of a second, survived a fall from orbit, lifting the stone-made Proxy Mansion over his head, defeating Zalgo three times, fighting off Enderman's armed forces and an entire alien empire with ease (albeit enhanced by the Judge Dredd helmet); defeated the entire Epsilon cult without problems with a little help from Smile and BEN; survived a brutal beating by Slenderman; and saved the multiverse five times.
  • Jeff's behavior heavily imply he suffers from ASPD/sociopathy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Schizophrenia.
  • Jeff believes in the Illuminati and Lizard People.
  • In "Jeff Man", Jeff mentions he has never had a single day of certified education in his life.
  • Although many people believe that he's either 13 (like his original Creepypasta counterpart) or 18 years old, Comickit has stated that Jeff is actually in his early 20s.
  • Jeff took trombone lessons in junior college. 
  • Comickit once stated that Jeff shoves his knife up his anus whenever he has too many weapons to carry.
  • Jeff collects Star Wars memorabilia, confirming Jeff as a Star Wars fan.
  • Jeff is revealed to have a set of names for his knife, including "Ronald", "Frank", and on occasions, "Lola".
  • When playing golf against Ducky in "The Golf War", he claims he was the American under-18 champion and "almost went pro".
  • Jeff once spent over 30,000,000$ of Slenderman's money buying a sports car and a superyacht, both of which he accidentally crashed and destroyed within 5 hours of buying.
  • Jeff's favorite food is steak. He always packs it in his "magic bag" when he's in a mission in the Human World. He usually puts it over a campfire by sticking his knife into it and roasts it above the fire, which usually causes the steak to fall into the fire (although he denies it). Sometimes he's able to salvage it and others he's like "Guess I'll die". He also really loves cookies and other sweets.
  • Jeff also appears to suffer from Coulrophobia, since his dialogue suggests that he is still is scared of clowns, saying such things as "I'm a big boy now" and "you can't hurt me anymore" when faced with Bubba the Clown. He also once asked Bubba the Clown "Are there any more sex offenders out there!?". This implies that as a child, Jeff was sexually assaulted by a clown, thus causing his fear of clowns. Additionally, Sally once pranked Jeff by telling him there were two clowns looking for him, Jeff then started to get a little worried asking "Clowns? Where?!" which may prove he is still scared of clowns.
  • There is a running gag of Jeff getting sexually assaulted in one way or another throughout the series. He has been possibly molested by a clown in his younger days, raped by a bug, and it's implied the Unwanted House Guest fondles him in his sleep.
  • Despite the fact his mother tried to murder him, he misses his mother dearly and it's implied by BEN he still owns his mother's old sweater, which he sometimes wears and cries in.
  • Jeff has implied on multiple occasions that he committed horrible acts even before becoming insane. Said acts being killing neighborhood animals, lighting a mall on fire, and brutally attacking his skateboarding rival by shoving the skateboard up his anus. Due to Jeff's tendency to make himself sound scary, either one or all of these could be false.
  • Jeff's signature color is white. His jacket is white, his face is very, very bright white. Most of his other outfits typically have white as the primary color, such as his tuxedo in "Native American Throwdown" and "Bigmouth Manor Mystery".
  • He can play the piano perfectly provided he is drunk. He also can play drums and the French Horn.
  • It is hinted by BEN and Laughing Jack that Jeff has a very small penis.
  • Jeff is usually shown to be weak, but in some episodes, he has super strength and is inhumanly strong and durable.
  • Jeff has appeared in the most episodes out of any character in the series.
  • He is ambidextrous.
  • Jeff has his own parking spot at Proxy Mansion despite not owning a car.
  • According to a poll, Jeff is considered the second most popular character on Pastamonsters (only beaten by BEN).
  • Even though Slenderman is the owner of the Proxy Mansion, in one episode the narrator said that Jeff was the owner.
  • When he goes to the beach, he often wears his usual clothing. He states it's to keep BEN from staring at him.
  • His Proxy Identification card states that he has broken out of 135 prisons, both in and out of the United States.
  • A bottle that has the label "Liu's Ashes" can be seen constantly in Jeff's room, possibly meaning Jeff is remorseful for killing his brother.
  • Jeff represents the Deadly Sin of Pride.
  • His idea of a birthday gift is to give other people his own merch.
  • Jeff can speak Spanish. In "Jeff and the Darkness Part 1", he claims he took second grade Spanish.
  • He has a fear of spiders, needles, clowns and Chinese food. 
  • Although he said to be a virgin, he has been seen having sex on various occasions with Princess Atta and Ms. P.
  • Jeff is arguably even more evil than President Bush, as "Proxyland" showcases. While Bush mistreats and abuses his power and killed many to get where he is, he did make sure America had some type of order, warped though it may have been, and Bush did, in fact, respect America, the American way, and it's many laws. Contrasting this, Jeff, once in power, uses the flag as a doormat, shreds the Constitution, and turns America into a lawless hellhole, but he doesn't even try to convince Americans that he's the hero the way that Bush attempted to; he knows he's the bad guy here, he's loving every minute of it and he especially loves making sure they know it.
  • Comickit thinks Jeff's spirit animal would be a wolf.
  • Jeff is notorious for being a terrible driver. In "Figment", he weaves around active airplanes (including one that's landing at the airstrip) to shake Enderman and the Rake off, which gets most of his assistant Proxies killed. He drives so insanely fast that Mr. Widemouth can barely keep up with him. According to Slenderman, Jeff makes BEN, a drug addict who is whacked out of his mind 99% of the time look like a professional driver.
  • Jeff doesn't play sports because he thinks sports are for nerds. Despite this, his profile claims Jeff was a quarterback on the Proxy High's football team.
  • According to Enderman, sometimes when Jeff gets drunk, he goes outside Proxy Mansion, and throws grenades into random locations.
  • Jeff's Proxy Identification humorously states "None of your business card".
  • Despite being afraid of clowns, Jeff apparently once had a job with BEN as party clowns.
  • Jeff has died multiple times throughout the series (most of them are just one-off gags and he usually returns in the very next scene):
    • Had his throat slit by the Rake.
    • Presumably shot to dead by Enderman or the Rake.
    • Throat slit by ants.
    • Suicide via gunshot.
    • Suicide via hanging.
    • Head crushed by logs.
    • An aneurysm caused by The Emoji Movie.
    • Car crash.
    • Killed by Russian assassin via gunshot.
    • Electrocuted to death after sticking a fork in an outlet.
    • Stabbed in the chest by Laughing Jack. Unlike the others, Jeff actually dies from this one.
  • He gets at most 3 hours of sleep.
  • His favorite music is heavy metal rock and his favorite musical groups include AC/DC, Black Sabbath, and Skrillex.
  • He possibly suffers from nightmares, as in some episodes he wakes up screaming and brandishing his knife. BEN also once stated that Jeff mumbles in his sleep.
  • Jeff is the only member of Slenderman's Proxies who has defeated Zalgo one-on-one.
  • According to Comickit, if Jeff was in Hogwarts his house would most likely be in Gryffindor and his boggart would be a clown.
  • Despite his favorite music genre being heavy metal rock, Jeff's favorite song is Ocean Man by Ween, which is alternative rock.
  • Jeff was originally going to die in "To Proxy Mountain" and "Legends of the Multiverse", in which case BEN would take his place as the main protagonist. However, on both occasions Comickit backed out.
  • Jeff wanted his name to be "Tyrone".
  • Jeff has a habit of picking his teeth with his knife when in deep thought.
  • Jeff has a tattoo on his stomach that says "Cut here".
  • Jeff once went to the hospital for eating pencil shavings.
  • Jeff has been banned from several establishments in both the Under Realm and Human World presumably due to his anger problems and annoying nature, including Cesar's Palace, Walmart, Slenderman's hotels, and several McDonald's.
  • According to Comickit, Jeff has to sleep with a sleep mask, because it's the only way he can go to sleep due to his lack of eyelids.
  • Contrary to his nature as a serial killer, Jeff's favorite holiday is Christmas. In fact, the only gift-giving holiday he enjoys is Christmas. He also loves Halloween, for slightly different reasons.
  • Jeff's least favorite holiday is Valentine's Day.
  • Jeff's favorite color is "blood", despite the fact his signature color is white.
  • Despite cutting his eyelids off, Jeff can occasionally be seen with black eyelids.
  • He is one of the few versions of Jeff the Killer to die.
  • Despite being afraid of clowns, Jeff has a clown poster on the ceiling of his room that says "Sleep Tight!"
  • Comickit has said that they teared up while writing Jeff's death scene.
  • Rick Bernstein once said that Jeff's criminal record is so long that only the 'most egregious' need to be recited to justify his execution.
  • Jeff has his own brand of cereal in the Under Realm.
  • Jeff thinks reading is for nerds.
  • As revealed by Aton, Jeff was a polar bear in his previous life.
  • Jeff has his own flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream called A Slice of Jeff-'o Berry Fudge.
  • One of the ciphers in the Unwanted House Guest's notes reveals Jeff is a descendant of Abraham Lincoln.
  • It is shown many times in the series that Jeff is illiterate.
  • Jeff's phone has an enormous crack on it, making text messages difficult to read.
  • Jeff once threw BEN into a lake for beating him in a game of Mario Kart.
  • As shown in "11 Knives a' Stabbin'", Jeff has his own Christmas album called A Very Jeffery Christmas.
  • Jeff is the first Proxy to have his own origin episode, followed by Natalie Clockwork later on.
  • Jeff is ambidextrous.
  • Jeff once lost his middle and pinkey finger during an intense match of Five Finger Fillet against Laughing Jack. He later healed it after drinking Ms. P's healing potions.
  • Jeff can smell things and scents even though he does not have a nose, or his nostrils are so small that they're not visible.
  • The only characters in the entire series who was shown to truly intimidate or frighten Jeff were Slenderman, The Hag, and the Stiltwalker.
  • He once started a riot with Eyeless Jack and BEN in Boston following the 2016 Super Bowl.
  • According to Princess Atta, Jeff is wanted by the Time Police for a bounty of 400,000,000,000,000,000 Earth dollars. This large bounty is likely for Jeff's destruction of the Squoomian Galaxy.
  • At the end of "The Chain Mail", when Jeff is mourning Eyeless Jack on Proxy Mansion's roof, Jeff and BEN sit in the exact same spot Jeff later dies in.

External Links


           Pastamonsters Villains

Slenderman and the Proxies
Slenderman | Mr. X | Jeff the Killer | BEN Drowned | Ms. Pencilneck | Laughing Jack

Enderman's gang
Enderman | B.O.B | The Rake

The Pit
The Great Lord | Zalgo | Shadowlurker | The Minions of Zalgo | X

Rouge Villains
The Stiltwalker | Grinny Cat | Mancala | Unwanted House Guest | The Hag | Evil Jeff | President Bush | Malitch | Mayor Bigmouth |

Aton's Forces