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Villain Overview
Alright, let’s do this one last time. My name is Jeff T. Killer, formerly Jeffery Woods. I was driven insane at a young age and since then I’ve been the one and only Jeff the Killer. I’m pretty sure you know the rest. (montage ensues of Jeff killing people, eating fast food, and escaping prisons) I killed a bunch of people, got imprisoned, busted out, roamed around, and then I killed people again, and again, and again. And, uh... I also did this. (montage cuts to show cringey Deviantart and blurred Rule 34 images of Jeff) ...We don't talk about that. So after I met this cool guy called Slenderman he begged me to be his 1# student and I was like "...sure." Since then I’ve became something of an icon in this little place called the Under Realm. I have my own comic book, cereal, plushies, coffee mugs, did a Christmas album, got a couple million dollars. I have an excellent theme song, (cuts to a live-action image of the Jeff the Killer Party City mask) and a so-so Halloween mask. I mean, I've looked better. I also got a bunch of thristy fangirls in both the Under Realm and Human World. What can I say? Chicks dig crazy guys! But after everything, I still love being me. I mean, why wouldn’t I? As a Proxy, I'm fucking infamous! I'm one of the most notorious slashers in history! I am Jeff the Killer! And I dig it!
~ Jeff's introduction in the pilot.
WELL SORRY FOR TRYIN TO BE F*CKING NICE TO YOU! HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU JERK-OFF!!
~ Jeff The Killer facing suicidemouse.avi


Jeffrey Woods, best known as Jeff the Killer, is the main protagonist of Pastamonsters.

He is an infamous serial killer, Proxy and apprentice of Slenderman and best friends with BEN and Ms. P, and second-in-command of the Proxies.

Originally a normal teenager, Jeff grew up in a wealthy family and was bullied by other kids for his rich background. His parents did not offer any support for Jeff, as they only cared about their social statues and nothing else. The only true family Jeff had in his early life was with his brother, Liu. Jeff's already estranged life turned upside down when a group of bullies attacked him and Lio. Jeff beat up the bullies, but Liu was framed and sent to Juvy, which emotionally scarred him. After this event, Jeff's mother made him go to the birthday party of their neighbor's son, where he confronted the bullies again. In a fit of rage, Jeff killed the bullies, but one of them was able to set him on fire after covering him with bleach and alcohol. Jeff ended with bleached white skin, burnt black hair, red lips and a twisted mental capacity. Jeff then finally snapped and killed his family, even Liu. Jeff is still out there, looking for victims and before he kills them, he tells them to “Go to Sleep.

After wandering the Earth for several years, Jeff met up with BEN, who introduced Jeff to the Under Realm, a realm between Earth and the universe where monsters coexist with each other. After joining the realm with BEN, Jeff eventually decided to join Proxy High to train to become Slenderman's Proxy. Afterwards, Jeff attempted to follow along with his female best friend Ms. P and pursue higher learning (she was learning how to do Slenderman's job) but since he lacked the qualifications he decided to work directly for Slenderman instead, he became the second-in-command of the Proxies and Slenderman's ward.

Jeff's career as a Proxy is a Runner. Runners travel to the Human World to do many tasks such as assassination, hacking, haunting, gathering information, sabotaging any information on their world, ect.

Personality

I can be myself out here. Bullying, murdering, reckless, totally selfish. Do the things that make me, me.
~ Jeff.


He's... I don't know... Hell walking on Earth!
~ Masky describing Jeff.


Jeff has been described as a difficult person to deal with: extreme, immature, reactionary, vengeful, psychopathic, facetious, egotistical, confrontational, argumentative, insensitive, chaotic, sadistic, moronic, selfish, hedonistic, thrill-seeking, unpredictable, and prone to violent outbursts and destructive rampages. He often resorts to violence to get what he wants and has very few moral qualms about brutally beating people to near death and/or killing them, and is usually unemphatic to the lives he ruins. He does almost everything in a borderline sociopathic and relentless manner, (much different from Ms. P and Masky). Although Jeff is like this, he is honest about it and openly admits to being evil (in fact, he's quite proud of it). Despite his vileness, he is not completely evil. Comickit has confirmed that Jeff "may not be all he seems", but is still "too horrible" to be a hero of any kind. He is also very insecure about his appearance, particularly his face, even saying that people making fun of his face is one of his "triggers". One of Jeff's biggest traits is that he is shown to be incredibly thick-headed and stupid, often throwing strategy out the window in favor of a head-on attack and lacking basic knowledge- such as the location of ancient Rome, which he thought was a part of America. He also mistook a group of peacocks for chickens. Furthermore, he is usually very easy to manipulate. Jeff typically shows little to no remorse for his crimes, often acting as if he only cares about himself and getting whatever he wants, and is perfectly willing to lie, cheat, manipulate, and commit mass murder to do so.

Out of all the Proxies, Jeff is by far one of the most truly psychotic, as he kills with no remorse, has the typical parental issues, keeps some of his victim's possessions, is a pyromaniac, frequently abducts people and takes them to the Altruist Cult (the cult in question is implied to be made up of cannibalistic killers of which Jeff seems to be aware of) which he calls his "friends in the mountains", and has the habit of making sadistic jokes about his victims. For example, Jeff makes a joke about the piece of a monster's brain left under his foot after he killed him by stomping his head in. Another example was when Jeff kills a random biker monster, he demands that he get up to face him, apparently unaware that he already killed him. His list of crimes is vast, but he has committed them frequently just to alleviate boredom, or for an immature personal gain. If there is someone Jeff doesn't like, he couldn't care less if they live or die. In fact, if they in any way went into a line of work where they're expected to put their life on the line, he may very well kill them himself if he thinks it'll make himself feel even a little better.

Jeff is also a very arrogant and cowardly egomaniac, as well as an attention seeker. He also has many moments of being remarkably narcissistic, constantly calling himself "beautiful" and wondering why any girl wouldn't want to be with him. After he becomes president of the United States in "Proxyland", he enslaves a group of people and forces them to build statues in his likeness and even renames the United States "J.E.F.F". He's also been called out for being an attention hog many times. Jeff has a very strong obsession with the limelight that often gets on others' nerves. Near the ending of "Proxyland", he laps up the praise of a huge crowd and choir music (because he's become the new president), acting like he's some kind of messiah. This is also the reason he decides to initially not kill Jane the Killer. By the time he's realized his own safety is more important, it's way too late. He also gets very angry whenever people ignore him. Jeff also likes to think he is imposing and dangerous but usually has no defense from being actually attacked. In "Jeff V Slenderman", he's perfectly willing to antagonize Slenderman right up until Slenderman challenges Jeff to a fight, and Jeff then spends the entire episode trying to avoid the conflict he willfully spawned. Once their fight arrives, Jeff does actually try to put up a good fight, but Slenderman quickly and easily wipes the floor with him.

Jeff is incredibility childish, with Slenderman even going on record Jeff a "lazy, and insane child with too much power". He hardly takes anything seriously and would much rather do the fun thing rather than the sensible and reasonable thing. Despite seeming very stupid at first glance, Jeff is willing to manipulate people and pretend to be nice to get what he wants, but the gloves come off the second he doesn't. Sometimes he isn't even that good at being affable and relies on pity to manipulate. He seemed to have stopped this in Seasons 4 and 5, where it does appear as though he's trying to be a better person, but it's hard to tell because he still has a way of sounding sarcastic when he's being "nice".

Jeff has the tendency to discriminate against a lot of people, coming off as racist, sexist, and specialist. He hates fat people and Jews, and expresses some degree of hatred for Mexicans, Native Americans, Aborigines, and Asians. It is also shown that he has an irrational fear that "minorities" would take over the world someday as revealed in "The Probrem with the Chinese". He also called an Indian a "redskin motherfucker" and Muslim terrorists "sandpeople". As previously mentioned, Jeff is extremely anti-Semitic, which almost certainly originated from his hatred of Masky, whom he openly hates and considers sub-human because of his faith. In the episode, "The Passion of the Mask", after seeing The Passion of the Christ, he believes the film was Mel Gibson's way of rallying people against the Jews, and idolizes him for it. He then dresses up in a Nazi-esque outfit and manipulates a group of people, who think that they are simply raising awareness for the movie and Christianity, to join him in an anti-Jew march while chanting in mispronounced German: "Es ist Zeit für Rache" (It is time for revenge) and "Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten" (We must exterminate the Jews). Of course, this instance is done to show that Jeff is merely idiotic, rather than outright antisemitic. He is also shown to enjoy mocking and making fun of fat people, as he mentions that he occasionally goes down to local restaurants to taunt fat people because of their weight. He also frequently ridiculed Clyde Aberdeen for his obesity, the first time without any provocation.

In addition to taking regular jabs at racial, ethnic and religious minorities, Jeff is also prejudicial against red-haired, light skinned and freckled people, which means that he is anti-ginger. He believes that ginger kids are the most evil people in the world and that they have no souls, which is clearly false. During the episode "Gingerly", when Masky, Hoodie, and Ms. P lead him to believe he has become a Ginger himself in order to teach him a lesson, he is horrified. Later, he organizes a cult of homicidal Ginger children bent on world conquest known as the "Ginger Separatist Movement", remarking: "I'm not going to live my life as a Goddamn minority!" In regards of his views towards African-Americans, he is never shown outright hating black people (although he does believe in several stereotypes), and is shown several times hanging out with black gang members and high-fived a black prison inmate. Although he cusses like a drunken sailor, uses words like "cunt", and has used racial slurs in the past, Jeff has mentioned that he has a strict no N-word rule.

Despite all this, Jeff claims that he is not racist or a bigot; When Masky assumes that Jeff is being homophobic when he asks about his boyfriend, Jeff takes offense at it and snaps back that he was just surprised that anyone would want to date Masky. He also calls Enderman out multiple times for supposedly being racist for killing Black Eyeless Jack. Furthermore, Jeff is disgusted by the Ku Klux Klan and mocks them viciously when he encounters them. On some occasions, Jeff justifies his apparent bigotry by saying he's just a misanthrope who thinks everyone is awful, regardless of sex, sexual preference, or race.

He has been shown to harass and bully other Proxies, and, as a result, a lot of his fellow Proxies find him a hassle to be around. Jeff, however, does not consider himself to be a bully who likes to pick on other people to pleasure himself; in fact, he occasionally seems to disregard good or bad altogether (or perhaps simply does not have a concept of it) and does whatever he feels necessary for him to get ahead. Jeff seems to be motivated not so much by personal gain as by asserting superiority over others. Jeff's mere presence always puts others on edge due to his extremely short temper and unpredictable, impulsive behavior. Eyeless Jack, who is one of Jeff's friends and an unlikely one at that, is constantly terrified of him and frequently tries to appease Jeff whenever he can, especially if he is close to getting angry. Even Ms. P, Masky, and Hoodie are also wary of him. Despite Eyeless Jack's fear and Jeff's psychopathic behavior, they do seem to show a level of trust to each other as Jeff usually tasks Eyeless Jack to do a few missions for him. Ticci Toby is also somewhat equally scared of Jeff.

Regarding his religious beliefs, Jeff was very anti-religious and openly mocked the belief in a higher power, up until he met Aton and subsequently believed in an afterlife. He is still shown to be mocking of religions though, as he casually referred to Christianity's worshiping of God as "gay shit".

When not killing people, Jeff usually watches TV and movies, plays video games and Five Finger Fillet, listens to very loud heavy metal rock, goes on random high kinks with the other Proxies, and drinks copious amounts of soda. Jeff is also a slacker, as he almost never does anything Slenderman or Ms. P tells him to do, constantly screws around during jobs, and overall spend most of his time doing whatever he wants or whatever the plot drives him to do. Jeff is also shown to be very untidy and messy around Proxy Mansions, often leaving trash on the ground and throwing his soda cans on the ground even when a trash can is right next to him. Jeff's room at Proxy Mansion is also a mess and rarely gets cleaned, with clothes piled on the floor and leftover food and drinks scattered everywhere. There are also fist-sized holes in the walls, and his definition of cleaning his room is to just stuff things under his bed. He almost never cleans his room unless Ms. P or Slenderman force him to.

Jeff possesses a highly sarcastic and great sense of humor that irritates and annoys most of his enemies and some of his own friends. He's very nonchalant about most things, even the multiverse collapsing, and it's very rare to see a serious moment from him unless he experiences something traumatic. He often deliberately disobeys his friends/orders, or runs in guns blazing and blows their cover, and often nearly screws up entire missions out of stupidity or pettiness, as shown in "Sisterhood", where Jeff steals Zalgo's throne just to spite him even while Zalgo's minions were shooting at him and the others. He regularly insults and belittles his enemies and friends for his own enjoyment, even people who could easily kill him such as Zalgo, or X. Jeff even mocks and makes fun of Slenderman, even going as far to give him insulting nicknames like "Baldy". Jeff is also similarly sarcastic to Zalgo, albeit in a much more spiteful way than he does Slenderman, even going as far as to only refer to Zalgo as a "fucktard". Jeff feels no shame and can make a joke out of any situation, even laughing after he heard Clockwork's mother died of cancer, even after she clearly heard his laughter. When Jane the Killer comes to kill him, Jeff is incredibly proud that he drove her insane, mocks her about killing her parents, and calls it "his finest work yet". He doesn't even bother killing her because he finds messing with her mind too much fun. Only a few select people are able to withstand his seemingly never-ending inability to stop talking, such as BEN, the Unwanted House Guest, Aton, Smile Dog, and Mr. Widemouth.

Jeff loves cartoons, potty humor, Skee-Ball, video games, heavy metal music, television shows, heavy metal music and American pop culture. His favorite musical bands are Metallica and AC/DC. He remains very pop-cultured, referencing The Matrix, RoboCop, Alien 3, Yentl, 127 Hours, Adventure Time, Spongebob Squarepants, Gravity Falls, Cocoon, X-Men: Days of Future Past, The Chronicles of Narnia, and is a huge fan of Star Wars. Jeff himself is aware that he is a fictional character in a webcomic and belittles this by breaking the fourth wall and speaking directly to the audience, even sometimes insulting the viewers for fun. He also has a habit of mocking Creepypastas for often being badly written or overly edgy, and also takes pleasure in mocking Pastamonsters itself.

Jeff is shown to be a masochist. He giggles when a cop shoots him in the leg, shouts "Oh, yeah!" when the Rake almost claws his arm off, and yells "that felt good!" when Rick Bernstein punches him. Unlike his original counterpart, Jeff has absolutely no qualms about casually harming or even killing children. He has brutally beaten BEN on several occasions, once killed an infant when he couldn't get him to stop crying, threw a child into shark-infested waters in order to steal his water boat, punched Sally Williams in the arm for pranking him too much, and it's even implied he murdered a child with a shovel when the child saw him out of his human disguise.

Despite his stupidity, Jeff is sometimes shown to be at times genuinely intelligent on rare occasions. Jane the Killer even once stated word-for-word that Jeff's biggest weakness is that he rarely takes things seriously. While he acts immaturely to say the least, he occasionally displays some impressive abilities, such as easily surviving harsh physical punishment without suffering even a scratch, taking out groups of people with minimal ease, and even saving the entire universe from destruction several times. He also is capable of planning out battle strategies, but usually only when things get serious. He also has several talents, among which the highlights are: getting away with murder, wrestling, robbing banks, music, and even multilingualism, such as fluency in German and Spanish. His strength and intelligence can vary from episode to episode, however. He can also be dangerously competent at times, as shown in the episode "Abducted", where he not only escapes from Zalgo's castle after being abducted by his minions, but also steals back the Multiverse Crystals that Zalgo stole from him, tricking and deceiving Zalgo and Shadowlurker while doing so. In short, Jeff can be very crafty and smart if he takes things more seriously.

Ironically, despite (or perhaps because of) these qualities, Jeff also seems to be a natural leader, able to utilize overwhelming charisma and rhetoric to gain the obedience of large groups on a moment's notice (as in "The Passion of the Mask"), appearing to be innately aware of how to take advantage of "mob mentality" and direct it toward accomplishing his personal goals, as has been evidenced in countless episodes throughout the series' history. In situations where the other Proxies share his goals, Jeff is often the de facto leader (e.g. "All's Fair in Love and Warcraft", "Captain Jeff", and "The Chain Mail"). Indeed, the others consistently show a willingness to follow him and trust in his leadership when he's using his abilities for "good."

Despite being a serial killer with very little remorse for who he murders or hurts, Jeff does have his own set of principals and redeeming qualities. In "The Chain Mail", he was incredibly distraught at Eyeless Jack's death, leading Ms. P and some of the other Proxies to console him. Eyeless Jack's death affects Jeff throughout all of Season 3 until Jack is eventually revived in "To Proxy Mountain". After Eyeless Jack is revived, Jeff grows very protective of Eyeless Jack, even going as far as to call him "Sugar Bear" and keep him from danger. This is likely Jeff's way of compensating for treating Eyeless Jack so badly previously. He also cares a considerable deal for Smile Dog, Sally Williams, Slenderman, Ticci Toby, Clockwork, Ms. P, and BEN, but has trouble expressing his love for them and acts like he doesn't care about them to sound tough. Jeff was also very saddened by the death of the Unwanted House Guest and was disgusted by some of Zalgo's cruel acts like cursing Mr. Widemouth and brainwashing the Shadowlurker. He also doesn't seem to mind BEN, Sally, or Ms. P for making fun of his face, while he would have killed or at least yelled at anyone else who would. Jeff also seldom kills those who don't tell him what to do, insult him, get in his way, or do anything else to anger him. He's also fairly friendly and brotherly towards BEN.

At his absolute best, Jeff is a genuinely good-hearted person, and in time became a very moral and heroic person to the point of sacrificing himself to save BEN and Sally from Laughing Jack. Although he is a serial killer he saved the universe many times from the many threats (even if it is for his own selfish reasons), redeemed the Shadowlurker to protect him from Zalgo, risked the universe being destroyed to save Sally and BEN when Zalgo threatened to kill them, refused to leave BEN to die at the hands of the mountain trolls in "The Chain Mail", only leaving when Clockwork arrived to protect BEN, went into a suicidal depression when his girlfriend Princess Atta was killed, and killed the legendary Gatekeeper and several other monsters to save Sally from a life of slavery. On matters of love he can be surprisingly sensitive, when Princess Atta attempts to kiss him, Jeff pushes her away and explains that he believes he isn't good enough for her because he is ugly while she is beautiful, which is surprising given Jeff's nature as a narcissist. Jeff also advised Mr. Mandavi to fight for the object of his affections, Gita.

After Princess Atta’s death, Jeff developed a suicidal depression yet his apparent inability to die increased the decay of his already fractured psyche that enhanced the seriousness and tragedy of his character even though his wise-cracking nature is more predominant. He is also comparatively much more grouchy and prone to anger in Season Five for this reason. He was content to die in a battle until he re-found a purpose by protecting Sally from Laughing Jack - believing this is where he needed to be spiritually for him to die and be reunited with Princess Atta.

There is also quite a bit of tragedy mixed in with Jeff's character. He was neglected by his parents and horribly disfigured by bullies as a kid, and then forced to become a drifter for almost seven years before joining Slenderman and the Proxies. Before all this, Jeff had only experienced the negative sides of life. Despite his cartoonish nature and durability, he feels the pain he endures, both physically and emotionally, and the trauma he endures is shown to have strong effects on him. Despite having godlike amounts of luck and the ability to survive virtually anything, that can't be a pleasant experience. He uses his self-aware humor and jokes to cope with his situation. The tragedy in Jeff's character is explored much more earnestly in later seasons, particularly with Eyeless Jack's death and Jeff's own death in the Grand Finale. Both scenes express how Jeff isn't primarily a comedic character. He can also be a very emotional character with humble and relatable struggles and how he uses comedy to stay motivated.

His anger and generally unpleasant attitude is occasionally directed at the rude behavior of others and his misanthropy is largely the result of being subjected to abuse, bullying, and attempted murder in his past. When the mood strikes him, he's even capable of being nice to his friends, mainly by keeping them from harsh truths. It's also implied that his cynicism is partly due to his parents trying to kill him, as he wasn't nearly as bad before that. He may be an insane, murderous jerk who constantly drags his friends on life-threatening adventures, but he clearly loves his friends and pet dog enough to keep them safe.

Appearance

Jeff: Do you like what you see?
Aton: No. You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.
Jeff: Yeah.
Aton: Not gently. Like it was hate-fucking. There was something wrong with the relationship and that was the only catharsis that they could find without violence.
Jeff: And I'm going through a bit of a crisis right now.
Aton: Yeah, well you gotta do something to remedy this because as of now, you only have one course of action.
Jeff: Damn straight. Make up wi-.
Aton: Star in horror films.
Jeff: What?
Aton: Star in your own horror films. But wear a mask when in public, because you look like the Joker face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry, dude, but... you are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Jeff: Like the kind of face you used to see in screamers in the early 2010s.
Aton: You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake.
~ Aton and Jeff.


Jeff wears a white hoodie with black tuxedo pants with black pointy shoes. This is, of course, based on his original Creepypasta design. His eyes are huge with their eyelids cut off, although he is sometimes animated with black eyelids. His face is cut into a permanent smile and his skin is bleached white from the fire. Due to being skinny and lanky, Jeff has supernatural human-like strength and speed. Humans often describe him as a monster due to his affiliation with the Slenderman, but Jeff is not a monster, he's a human but with a freakishly deformed up face. People describe him as a monster since he sometimes acts like one; but only if he has that "feeling" inside him. While in his human disguise, Jeff's appearance doesn't change too much, although he does get huge, buggy eyes with eyelids and his Glasgow smile disappears as to hide his true nature.

Whenever he is shown wearing formal wear, Jeff usually wears a plain white tuxedo with black buttons, a black bow tie, white gloves, black dress pants, and polished black cap-toe shoes. While in cold conditions, Jeff often wears a long white coat, black baggy jeans with black winter boots, black snow goggles, and black leather gloves. In the final episode, Jeff's health takes a turn for the worse when he gets shot in the lungs by Laughing Jack. He begins to look more and more sickly and his eyes become red in the corners and he develops eye bags, as a result of massive blood loss.

Notable Victims

Jeff the Killer: You know, I love being me. And I love my job. Especially the look on my victims faces when they realize, in that final moment, that it's all really happening. A psychotic killer is actually stabbing them to death with a yardstick!
Jeff #2: Or setting them on fire.
Jeff #3: Eviscerating them.
Jeff #4: Ripping out their eyeballs!
Jeff #5: Tearing their organs out and using them as party streamers!
Jeff the Killer: All actual examples.
~ Jeff after cloning himself.
Victims killed by Jeff

Confirmed kills

  • Unnamed Father: Stabbed in the chest with a knife.
  • Unnamed Mother: Stabbed with a knife.
  • Liu: Throat slit.
  • Untold numbers of men, women, and children off-screen: Killed in various ways.
  • Jane the Killer's mother: Stabbed to death.
  • Jane the Killer's father: Stabbed to death.
  • Drug Dealer: Flare gun shot in eye.
  • Half the members of Enderman's gang: Killed in various ways from being shot, stabbed, and exploded.
  • B.O.B: Jeff punched him into a car compacter where he was violently "cubed".
  • Enderman's cat: Accidentally butchered when Jeff tried to shave its hair off with his knife.
  • Tails Doll: Shot in the head two times with a pistol.
  • Police Officer: Killed in an unknown way, likely stabbed.
  • Enderman: Punched off of a roller coaster and into a lake, melting him alive.
  • Vacation Victim 1#: He appeared to be buried alive (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 2#: Ran over by his own taxi (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 3#: He appeared to be hit by a bus (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 4#: He appeared to have been lynched by Jeff off the Seattle tower (off-screen).
  • Vacation Victim 5#: He appeared to have his arms amputated and shoved off of a cliff (off-screen).
  • Pizza Delivery Boy: He is killed (off-camera, only the sounds of his murder is heard) by a power tool.
  • Five Unnamed Men: Killed in an unknown way, likely eviscerated (off-screen).
  • Little boy: Head smashed in so Jeff could steal his watercraft.
  • Bodyguards: Shot to death with machine gun.
  • Several Police Officers: Killed when Jeff threw a bomb out a car window during a high-speed chase (simulation only).
  • Crossing Guard: Shot in the head by Jeff (simulation only).
  • Five Creatures: When the Creatures swung on vines to peruse Jeff and the Proxies, Jeff used his boomerang knife to cut the vines, sending them plummeting to their deaths.
  • The Creature Army: Killed when Jeff caused a massive avalanche of rocks to crush them.
  • Dragon Enderman: Killed when Jeff forced his neck into a large, crystallized spike, which combined with BEN's mistletoe arrow, blasted half of Enderman's neck off.
  • Pub Monster: Stabbed in the neck and then stabbed in the head for angering him.
  • The Cowboy in Black: Jeff tied him to his bulldozer and sent it off a cliff, killing him in a fiery explosion.
  • Leon: Killed in an unknown way and stuffed his body in a fridge.
  • Soul Eater: Chest ripped open to obtain "The Oculus" (in reality the souls of his family trapped in a crystal).
  • The entire population of the Squoomian galaxy: Killed when Jeff accidentally activated the Judge Dredd helmet's galaxy destroying bomb.
  • Mel Gibson: Although not directly killed, Jeff tricked Gibson into walking off Mount Rushmore to his death.
  • Enderman's parents: Jeff has Smile Dog maul them to death. Afterward, he chopped them up with a hacksaw, put what was left of them in chili, and secretly fed their remains to Enderman.
  • Half the members of the Epsilon Cult: Killed in various ways from stabbing, impalement, necks snapped, and beaten to death.
  • Old Man: Stabbed in the chest.
  • Cat: Presumably fed to Smile Dog.
  • Several Enderman henchmen: Killed in various ways.
  • Eun: Eun attempted to grab Jeff's knife with a chain but Jeff grabbed it back and yanked Eun towards him, slicing him in half with his knife.
  • The Ninja: When the Ninja leaped out to kill Jeff, Jeff killed him by throwing his knife into the Ninja's chest.
  • Steve: Stabbed in the eye with a knife.
  • Da-Bomb: Da-Bomb threw his bombs at Jeff, but BEN caught them and threw them at Boris. Jeff then kicked Da-Bomb into Boris, where he was killed along with Boris in the explosion.
  • Unnamed man: Killed so Smile Dog could have a snack.
  • Several terrorists: Jeff shot them to death alongside President Bush and BEN.
  • Many of Zalgo's Minions: Killed in various ways.
  • Bleeder Informant: Head smashed with a hammer.
  • Several Bleeders: Killed when knives as revenge for Princess Atta's death.
  • Abel: Jeff beat him, mauled Smile Dog on him, and snapped his neck.
  • Unnamed Bleeder: Head bashed in with a lead pipe.
  • Unnamed man: Smile Dog mauled him on Jeff's command.
  • Many police and prisoners at Desert City's prison: Killed in order to break Laughing Jack out of prison.
  • Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm: Head crushed with a giant totem pole.
  • Pub Monster #1: Knife thrown into head.
  • Pub Monster #2 and #3: Blown up with a grenade.
  • Pub Monster #4: Stabbed in the chest and then slammed through concrete ground.
  • Pub Monster #5: Jeff threw a crate at the monster's head, sending his skull cracking against the wall behind him.
  • Pub Monster #6, #7, and #8: Stabbed in the chest, head, and neck respectively.
  • Pub Monster #9: Jeff stabbed him in the spine with his own sword, and then jumped on the sword, slicing the monster in half.
  • Pub Monster #10: Punched so hard his head went through the floor.
  • Pub Monster #11: Punched repeatedly in the head, leaving only brain matter.
  • Pub Monster #12: Stabbed in the neck and chest.
  • Pub Monster #13: When the Monster tried to rip Jeff's lungs out, Jeff snapped both of his arms, cut his stomach open, and strangled him with his own intestines.

Possible Kills

Jeff constantly claims to have killed more people off-screen, but due to his tendency to lie and make himself scary, most of, if not all of these statements might be exaggerated.

  • Several neighborhood animals: Jeff at one point claims he used to torture and murder household pets in his youth.
  • Inhabitants of a mall: Jeff claimed that he once lit a populated mall on fire. This would obviously kill some people, although he never explicitly says anyone died.
  • Kush-Chronic: Implied to have been murdered by Jeff in the quarry when he stopped at a convenient store to buy drugs with Eyeless Jack and Daisy Bell.
  • Daisy Bell: Implied to have been murdered by Jeff in the quarry when she stopped at a convenient store to buy drugs with Eyeless Jack and Kush Chronic.
  • Lola: Jeff at one point claimed to BEN that he killed his school bully, Lola.
  • Baby: Jeff claims he killed a baby to get it to stop crying.
  • Unnamed Man: Jeff once claimed he killed a man using a feather.
  • Jack the Ripper: Jeff claimed that he killed Jack the Ripper during a trip to London. When Jack owed him money but didn't pay up, Jeff and Smile Dog apparently killed him.

Failed attempted murders

  • Ms. P
  • BEN
  • Masky
  • Zalgo
  • Laughing Jack
  • Shadowlurker
  • X
  • Jane the Killer
  • Herobrine
  • Tommy
  • David
  • Angel Knives

Relationships

Family

Jeff's Mom

Jeff's relationship with his mom is not explored too much, but it is implied that the two had a very complicated, somewhat abusive relationship. Growing up, Jeff's mother offered him essentially no support with his problems and loneliness, and was implied to be very controlling of him, wanting him to be as "perfect" as possible in order to impress others around her. When Jeff was crying in front of the house after Liu was hauled to Juvie, instead of comforting him, she grabbed him by the neck and dragged him to his room, just so he won't drag negative attention around the neighbors. When she sees Jeff cutting himself, she almost immediately decides to kill him, thinking it would be easy to cover up the murder as self-defense, especially with what Jeff did to himself, but (to them at least) getting psychiatric help for Jeff would look poorly on them socially. Jeff didn't show any remorse upon killing her.

Contrary to this, it's implied by BEN that Jeff still owns his mother's old sweater, which he sometimes wears and cries in, implying he misses her despite her abuse and neglect of him.

Jeff's father

Jeff's relationship with his father is explored even less so than his mother's, with the two having a grand total of 3 on-screen interactions, but Jeff's father is shown to be very apathetic, condescending, and uncaring towards Jeff. When he finds out Jeff and Liu were nearly mugged, his response is to say "Mhmm, that's nice, Jeff" while looking through the newspaper. He also was reluctant to visit Jeff in the hospital if it meant missing a sports game. When Jeff goes insane and cuts a smile in his face, his wife orders him to get his gun and kill Jeff. Though he's unsure if it's right to kill Jeff or not, he still goes to get his gun ready before being killed by Jeff.

Liu

Jeff and Liu had a very strong childhood bond growing up, as Jeff would often protect Liu from the school and neighborhood bullies. Jeff himself even claims they only had each other growing up, since their parents did not care for them or offer them any support. Even though Jeff ended up killing Liu along with his family, a bottle that has the label "Liu's Ashes" can be seen constantly in Jeff's room, possibly meaning Jeff is remorseful for killing his brother.

Isaac Woods and Eliza

Before he became a Proxy, Jeff met a young waitress named Eliza, whom he got pregnant with their son, Isaac. It is uncertain what relationship the two had but it can be deduced that they were on good terms. Eliza knew of Jeff's criminal background but had accepted any support Jeff offered to her and Isaac. Jeff seems to remember Eliza fondly, calling her a "good kid", as she was only nineteen at the time.

After Isaac's birth, Eliza took to raising Isaac upon his birth since Jeff was on the run from the police. Jeff would occasionally visit Eliza and Isaac every few months and stay with them for days at a time. Jeff rarely talked about Isaac over the course of the series, but he seemed to deeply cared about him and considered him lucky to have him as a son.

Unfortunately, both Isaac and Eliza were murdered by thugs for a meager amount of money. Jeff never fully coped with their deaths, and the incident had a profound impact on Jeff's loyalty to the Proxies gang, viewing them more as family and holding disdain for anyone who betrayed their trust.

Over the course of the series, Jeff almost never mentions them up until the final season, where he mentions Eliza when conversing with Ms. P, BEN, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, and Masky, admitting that the incident caused him to believe he has no right to expect good things to happen to him because of the life he has led. He also mentions Isaac when talking to the Soothsayer.

Allies

Smile Dog

Jeff cares about Smile Dog deeply, even calling him his "son" and considering the moment he adopted him to be the best in his life. He frequently hunts humans and animals with Smile Dog, rolls around in mud with him, plays tug of war and games of fetch with him, and in general spends most of his time with him, and Smile Dog enjoys Jeff's company just the same. In "All Dogs Go to Heaven", Jeff was mad at Slenderman when he lied about leaving Smile Dog outside, but forgave Slenderman after he saved him.

Smile Dog often speaks to Jeff when no one else in the Under Realm is willing to help him and the latter often takes said advice despite Smile Dog only speaking in barks and growls. However, Jeff occasionally takes advantage of him or forces him into certain situations despite Smile Dog's objections.

As stated above, Jeff often views Smile Dog as a best friend rather than just a pet, as implied by the musical number "Smile Come Home" from "Dog Gone" Though the two have come into conflict from time to time, they usually reconcile near the end and admit that they still love one another no matter what. Jeff is shown to go through stages of depression when isolated from Smile Dog and when he feels regretful for making Smile Dog run away in "Dog Gone" and puts up lost pet fliers as a result.

When Jeff dies, Smile Dog was heavily depressed and saddened by it, but promised to make Jeff proud when Jeff handed him over to BEN.

Slenderman

Jeff and Slenderman have a long and rocky history together, with Jeff seeing him as a mentor who taught him the life of a serial killer. The two first met at Proxy High, where Slenderman took a disliking to Jeff for his constant joking and apathy, along with Jeff destroying Slenderman's prized racing boat. However, Jeff proved that he could take on anything Slenderman threw at him, earning him a bit of Slenderman's respect. While Jeff himself is fairly jaded and cynical, Slenderman is much less upbeat, fun-loving, or even nice as Jeff, so their personalities sometimes clash. Jeff often gets involved in Slenderman's problems, offering him help whether he wants it or not.

While Slenderman is usually shown to dislike Jeff, the two share a close relationship. Slenderman has repeatedly hinted that he enjoys Jeff's company more than he lets on. Despite this, Jeff seems to be the character most hated by Slenderman for his rowdy and unruly attitude, outright calling him an "insane petty child with too much power". Jeff is usually oblivious to Slenderman's hatred of him and is often very nice and obedient to Slenderman despite this. However, sometimes Jeff's mockery of Slenderman pushes him too far, such as in "Jeff V. Slenderman", where Jeff treats Slenderman's weekly performance reviews as a joke, and subsequently he brutally beats him up, leaving him in a pool of his own blood. The episode itself also implies Jeff is afraid of Slenderman to a certain extent.

Slenderman often underestimates Jeff, mostly due to his child-like behavior and general stupidity. In "The New Girl", Jeff foils Jane the Killer's plan, something Slenderman is implied to have shown support of. In "The Gauntlet", Slenderman sends Jeff to the military training camp for Proxies in hopes that the rigorous testing will leave him severely injured or possibly even killed. Slenderman watches the training course from his home theater and even makes bets with the other Proxies and his butlers on how long Jeff will make it, and mocks anyone who thinks Jeff will last longer than three tests. However, Jeff survives the testing, which puts Slenderman out of a great deal of betting money.

Occasionally, Slenderman can get protective of Jeff and becomes jealous when he declines to spend time with him. It's also been demonstrated that he shares and enjoys his sometimes sharp sense of humor and surprising bursts of cunning, provided Jeff doesn't go overboard with it (which he usually does). Slenderman was willing to protect Jeff whenever he needs it, and vice versa. When Jeff was shot dead in "Jeff Man", Slenderman brought him back to the Under Realm and healed him back to life. When Jeff, Sally, and Ms. P were being attacked by an army of zombies in "Zombie Madness", Slenderman wasted no time saving him and the others. When Slenderman was killed by Zalgo in "Legends of the Multiverse", Jeff was consumed in rage and ran at Zalgo full speed, waving his knife and threatening to kill him and Shadowlurker.

However, Jeff’s distrust of Laughing Jack and his manipulative nature towards Slenderman, as well as Slenderman's changing personality, would eventually lead to some friction. Around half-way through the final season, Jeff becomes wary of Slenderman's steadily growing inclination towards violence, specifically when he drowns Martin Bronte and feeds him to an alligator as vengeance for setting him and kidnapping Sally. It’s around this time Jeff’s doubts of Slenderman starts to grow. To the frustration of Slenderman who says that his "doubting" makes him sound like BEN.

After they return from Skull Island and set up camp at Swamp Falls, their relationship begins to strain further when Jeff and his allies rescue BEN and Skeet from being hanged against Slenderman's wishes. Jeff's loss of faith in Slenderman is exacerbated after he kills Norman Eelsworth despite claiming he was just going to meet him for a "social call" to try and strike a deal. It is around this time that Slenderman begins to negatively influence Shallow Falls to fight the Under Realm's Army, to the worry of Jeff and Ms. P.

As things progress, Laughing Jack's manipulation has greatly impacted Slenderman as he starts to convince him that both Jeff and BEN, his proudest disciples, have turned on him. Slenderman convinces Shallow Falls to attack Colonel Blackheart's oil factory, forcing Chief Rainwood to arrive at the gang's hideout and convince Jeff and his friends to stop Shallow Falls from being killed. When the gang, alongside Slenderman, support Shallow Falls at the factory, he and Jeff manage to make it to Blackheart's office and steal some lucrative state bonds. Whilst escaping the factory, Jeff falls to the ground after a steam pipe bursts in his face and is held at knife point, Slenderman decides to leave Jeff for dead even though he could easily have saved him. Jeff only survives thanks to the intervention of Smile Dog and Shallow Falls but with the latter being mortally wounded. What little shred of faith and loyalty Jeff had left for Slenderman had finally been broken.

With Jeff having become greatly disillusioned with Slenderman, and now realizing that he has become a shadow of his former self, or possibly the man he has always been who merely uses others to further his own desires, he decides to help the gang escape and be free from all this trouble. Before the gang's last heist, Jeff, who has already planned secretly with BEN to steal Slenderman's hidden stash for when he escapes with his family, tries to convince Slenderman to let BEN, Ms. P, Ticci Toby, Smile Dog, as well as the other Proxies, leave peacefully, however, Slenderman takes offence to Jeff's insistence but feigns indulgence and promises he will do so after the gang rob the Merchants Savings Bank.

By the end of the season Jeff is in a stand off with Laughing Jack and informs everyone in the gang that he is the rat and has been helping Bigmouth and Sheriff Wayne. However, Slenderman is initially indecisive on who to believe but ends up siding with Laughing Jack, despite every Proxy being on Jeff's side. Bleeders then arrive at the gang's hideout and a shootout begins, where Slenderman teleports away.

After deciding what course of action to take, Slenderman comes to his senses and helps the Proxies fight the Bleeders. When Jeff dies Slenderman apologizes to Jeff and attempts to heal him, but Jeff refuses to be healed so he can join Princess Atta in Aton's realm. In his last moments, Jeff told Slenderman that, even though he wasn't exactly his student of the year nor a good friend to him, but he knows Slenderman was to him in the end.

BEN

As the two main protagonists of the comic, Jeff and BEN have arguably the closest relationship in the entire series. They have been friends for nearly nine years and have been nearly inseparable. Though the two might not be the brightest bulbs in the socket, Jeff and BEN make one heck of a team, though most of the time their wacky antics only serve to land them in deep water without even trying. Though the two are inseparable almost every waking moment, there have been times where the two have not been the closest buds. In addition, BEN is endlessly loyal to Jeff. The only thing about BEN that annoys Jeff is his obsession with Black Stuff and implied sexual attraction to Jeff himself, but this never gets in the way of their friendship. Because of their closeness, BEN has called Jeff his brother numerous times.

BEN is one of the very few people who doesn't usually criticize Jeff for his brainlessness, and instead is the only one who thinks Jeff is smarter than himself (the reasons he considers him a good adviser). However, BEN did acknowledge that Jeff was an idiot when he pushed Slenderman into fighting him.

Jeff is shown to be extremely protective and caring of BEN when the situation calls for it. For instance, he absolutely refused to leave BEN to die at the hands of the mountain trolls in "The Chain Mail", and only left him when Clockwork assured Jeff she would protect him. He also defended both him and Sally Williams from the Shadowlurker during "Legends of the Multiverse". Later, Jeff was willing to let Zalgo absorb his life essence as along as he promised not to harm BEN and Sally. In the fifth season, Jeff was willing to travel miles in sub zero temperatures to save BEN from freezing to death in the mountains of the Ice Regions.

The episode that perhaps best showcases how close Jeff and BEN are is the episode appropriately named "Jeff and BEN". For most of the episode, Jeff and BEN spend their time arguing after becoming locked in a bank vault. To make time pass, BEN uses his Black Stuff and offers Jeff some, but Jeff denies it. They discover that BEN has a cellphone in his pocket, with only enough charge in the battery for one short phone call. BEN uses the last of the phone's battery charge to call the clothing store rather than for help. Enraged, Jeff hits BEN, breaks his phone, and yells at him, making him cry. Instantly remorseful, Jeff reluctantly decides to do the Black Stuff to cheer BEN up, but suffers a hallucinogenic trip from it and yells at BEN afterward.

Awaking from his nap, Jeff decides to drink a bottle of scotch that Slenderman had stored in his deposit box. He offers BEN a sip, and they both become so drunk that Jeff pierces BEN's ear with his knife, leaving him with a bloodied ear. Afterward, the two discuss horror movies until BEN implies that Jeff's life has no purpose. Angered, Jeff begins insulting BEN, who bitterly retaliates by revealing that he knew that the Black Stuff would give Jeff hallucinations and he was bored and wanted to drive Jeff to insanity by tricking him into doing the Black Stuff to amuse himself for a few hours. Jeff is so horrified by this that he attempts to murder BEN with a pistol, but BEN manages to smack it out of Jeff's hand.

After sobering up, BEN asks Jeff why he carries a gun, noting that Jeff seems to be the last person who would ever own a firearm. Jeff refuses to talk about it at first, but eventually admits that he has the gun in case he ever wants to commit suicide. He confesses that ever since Eyeless Jack's death earlier, he cannot find his purpose in life like other people, and finds comfort in knowing he has the option of killing himself. BEN says that he would be lost without Jeff, claiming he is the only person in the world that he really cares about; he finally tells Jeff he loves him (as a brother), and Jeff tells BEN he loves him back.

In the final season. Jeff saves BEN from prison despite Slenderman telling him to not make a move yet. By this point they both share mutual feelings on Slenderman and how he has changed. Before the Merchants Savings Bank heist, Jeff tries to talk to Slenderman about letting BEN and the others leave the gang peacefully. Jeff's insistence on the matter infuriates Slenderman but he hides this and feigns indulgence to Jeff's pleas, and says he will let BEN and the others leave after this last job. During the robbery, however, Jeff witnesses BEN crashing off of his motorcycle and tries to help him, but Slenderman forces Jeff to keep carrying on. Slenderman later tells Jeff that he could not find BEN and that he is either dead or has been captured, with Jeff being visibly devastated from the news.

During Jeff's final confrontation with Laughing Jack, and the few remaining gang members, BEN unexpectedly appears and sides with Jeff, revealing Slenderman left him to die. After the arrival of the Bleeders, and a shootout erupts, Jeff and BEN escape in the caves along with the others who sided with Jeff, but Jeff gets lost while running through and loses them.

Later during the battle of Proxy Mansion, Jeff protested their attempts to find Laughing Jack through hoards of Bleeders but BEN encouraged him to keep pushing. Before they reached the roof, Jeff attempted to make BEN promise that when he escapes, he should never return to Proxy Mansion (which BEN never actually promised to Jeff). After reaching the top of Proxy Mansion, Jeff has stopped and has given up trying to survive, stating he‘s pushed all that he can and urges BEN to continue without him. BEN refuses and doesn’t want to leave him behind but Jeff tells him that neither of them will make it out as Jeff is being slowed down by his injuries and knows that he is eventually going to die. Jeff tells BEN to leave while he holds off the Bleeders, and that it would mean a lot to him if he were to make it out alive. BEN is very reluctant to leave him, but Jeff gives BEN one final bit of tough love and tells him to leave and be a man. Before BEN leaves, his last words to him are “You’re my brother”, which Jeff responds by saying “I know, I know.” When Jeff dies, he gave BEN his signature knife to remember him by. Shortly before, BEN jeopardized his own safety in order to kill Laughing Jack in an act of vengeance for Jeff, showing his devotion to sacrifice everything he values by avenging his best friend.

For the rest of his life, BEN would forever be indebted to Jeff and was deeply saddened to leave him behind and when he died, had it not been for Jeff's actions the Proxies would never have started their new lives. In addition, BEN would never talk about Jeff, often only referring to him as an "old friend", but BEN admitted in a conversation with Ms. P that he would think of Jeff a lot and would remember him as the one who saved his life.

Ms. Pencil Neck

Jeff and Ms. P have a long and complicated relationship, but overall her relationship with him was just as strong as BEN's. Similar to Slenderman, Ms. P and Jeff are polar opposites in terms of look and personality; While Ms. P is poised, elegant, and speaks in a rather soothing voice, Jeff has no indoor voice, is incredibly rowdy, and is a total slob. While Ms. P is an insufferable genius, Jeff is very thick-headed and stupid. While Ms. P likes dressing up in rich and expensive clothes, Jeff dresses like utter trash. While Ms. P is a magical witch with a plethora of powers, Jeff is a has no powers to speak of and uses knives as his primary weapon. Even their signature colors, black and white, are contemporary. And yet somehow the two manage to be best friends. It is constantly implied that Jeff has a crush on Ms. P, but he doesn't pursue her because of his appearance and violent ways. But she's still a close friend he relies on and is loyal to.

As stated above, Jeff has a huge crush on Ms. P, though he does not necessarily believe they will be together because of their different preferences. Regardless, he attempts to impress her and frequently finds himself in sticky situations as a result. He will sometimes mutter certain things to himself under his breath, thinking that Ms. P can not hear him (though she actually can and does). Since Ms. P and Jeff's preferences are so different from each other, Jeff tries to act more like her or even get her into his things as a result. After Jeff reveals his feelings to her, Ms. P gently lets him down and gets him to admit he always knew a relationship couldn't realistically work between them, but tells him its important to her that they can still be friends, and he readily accepts that.

Due to Jeff's constant chaotic nature, Ms. P often yells at Jeff to stop what he is doing, which often leads to the two arguing. At times Ms. P and Jeff's interactions are more like a mother and her annoying child. Ms. P has told Jeff he can only have one candy bar at the supermarket, to clean himself when he gets too dirty, yelled at him for getting silly string everywhere, and sets bedtimes for him. Jeff, of course, mocks Ms. P for this kind of behavior, mostly calling her "mom" in a mocking manner and even imitating her accent to mock her. It's often hard to tell whether it's a sign of affection, an attempt to wind her up, or both. Like the other Proxies, he detests when she's too bossy to them, but she deeply loves him (in a platonic way), although she doesn't admit it.

In the course of the series, several episodes focus on Jeff and Ms. P's growing relationship and how they play off each other. Though Ms. P constantly mocks him and Jeff constantly riles her, the two care deeply for each other and lay aside their differences when necessary. Jeff always tries to include Ms. P in his nights of debauchery and keep her away from books. However, even when he bugs her, Ms. P can be shown to take a lot of comfort from Jeff. After Ms. P's heart was broken by Vernon the Wizard, Jeff and Eyeless Jack told Ms. P that although she think's she's alone, she's really not. Ms. P then hugged the two, but their tender moment was ruined by BEN and Ticci Toby.

Even though her sarcasm gets the best of him occasionally, Jeff shows Ms. P that he cares about her a lot when it matters most, and still proves to her that he likes being her friend no matter what. Jeff doesn't like it whenever Ms. P is hurt or upset, as he quickly softens up when she feels down. On the other hand, Ms. P is also not very excited when Jeff is injured or depressed. She has, time and time again, been the one who has come to his defense in battle when he's been knocked out of the fight, and as such, Jeff does the same, though he can occasionally get a bit ahead of himself.

Even though Jeff constantly riles her with his immaturity and jokes (even going a bit too far at times), at the core, he is only trying to get Ms. P to open up more and have fun, possibly implying he doesn't want her to feel so alone all the time. More often than not, BEN, Masky, and Ticci Toby is the one who keeps him in check to make sure he does not go over the top as he wants him to be considerate of Ms. P's preferences. Jeff asking Ms. P if she finds him 'cute' Ms. P herself has, on occasion, admitted that Jeff was funny, even though she often denies it. In fact, it is possible Ms. P frequently responds sarcastically to his jokes and immaturity because she is trying to hide the fact that she does indeed find him hilarious.

When Laughing Jack attempts to flirt with Ms. P but she rebuffs him, Jeff tells her that if Laughing Jack keeps harassing her she should just tell him and he will deal with it. Despite Ms. P's insistence she can handle herself around Laughing Jack, it shows that he looks out for her, especially when it involves Laughing Jack.

Ms. P was immensely saddened when Jeff died. When Jeff died, he gave Ms. P his prized Unwanted House Guest watch, which she tearfully thanked him for. When giving a speech at Jeff's funeral, she says that, "None of us would be here today if it wasn't for Jeff." This reveals her deep appreciation for what Jeff did. In another encounter before the Proxies graduate and Ms. P becomes a Proxy teacher, Ms. P talks to Slenderman, who tells her how all good things start with a good women, that her students are the luckiest people alive and it was Jeff who told him that, causing Ms. P to hug Slenderman whilst crying.

Sally Williams

Jeff and Sally have a very rocky relationship. Jeff often relentlessly teases Sally, with his behavior bordering on outright bullying her. Event he first time they met was hectic, as Jeff threw Sally in a body of water in order to teach her how to swim. Sally's sweet, accommodating disposition and love of aesthetics often clash with Jeff's forceful methods and sloppiness, occasionally leading to Jeff attempting to turn Sally into a hardened serial killer like him, but his attempts never work for various reasons. Jeff often acts like he doesn't care about Sally to sound tough, but it's been shown time and time again that he truly does care for her and can be protective of her, but usually only when he's forced to. The final episode even implied that the two have a sort of father-daughter relationship.

He also is shown to not stand being pranked by Sally, which is often. In one instance, Sally pranked Jeff by scaring him with a clown mask and he responded by screaming and then punching her in the arm, making her cry, to which Jeff loudly told her to shut up. Jeff seems unwilling to participate in Sally's more elaborate plans and tea parties, or even read her a bedtime story, but usually goes through with it when Ms. P tells him to or she promises something for him in return (like bacon or some kind of meat), and he ends up enjoying them in some ways.

Despite seeming like he doesn't like her, Jeff has proven many times that he is willing to protect Sally if the situation calls for it. He went out of his way to save her from Enderman's gang many times, told her to stay behind on the mission in "The Chain Mail", rescued her from Sally-land, almost died to save her and BEN from Zalgo and protected her against Laughing Jack and the Bleeders.

Sally is saddened when Jeff is forced to part ways with her because he has to confront Laughing Jack. Before leaving, Sally breaks down in tears upon realizing how severe Jeff's injuries are and begs him not to leave her, and Jeff replies by telling her that she is one of the best people he's ever met, despite the things he said in the past. Sally then shows Jeff she stole video evidence that proves the Proxies' innocence, surprising him. They both take each other’s hands and Sally says she has always been a good thief to which Jeff acknowledges, giving an emotional goodbye before departing.

When Jeff dies, he affirmed to Sally that he did care about her and apologized to her for not showing her better, but says he was lucky to have her and have cared for her like she was his own. Sally breaks down crying again and holds his hand as he dies, and is later seen being comforted by Eyeless Jack, Samantha Samson, Clockwork, and Ms. P during his funeral. During her speech at his funeral, Sally came to realize that Jeff was the father figure in her life she had always been searching for.

Ticci Toby

Jeff and Toby are generally good friends, although Jeff has a habit of pushing Toby around and treating him more like a minion than a friend. They usually relate well, with them doing some "guy stuff" together, and Toby often gives Jeff guidance or assistance in his goals. Additionally, Toby frequently acts as Jeff and BEN's sidekick as they go about their adventures, and may take charge on occasion. However, Toby's childish antics sometimes irritate Jeff, as they have a tendency to mess up whatever mission that Jeff is on. For example, in "All Dogs Go to Heaven," Jeff was very annoyed when Toby destroyed the pictures of the Stiltwalker he took, and Jeff didn't trust Toby on the mission of going to rescue Smile Dog. Toby respects Jeff and mostly complies to his every request. With this submission and Toby's overall clueless nature, Jeff tends to take advantage of Toby and his kindness.

In the episode "Masky's Kick-Ass Birthday", Jeff fakes an apocalypse so Ticci Toby would hide in a bomb shelter for over a week, all so Jeff could go with the Proxies and Masky to Casa Bonita instead of Toby

During the events of "Slenderman vs. the Proxies" Toby even betrays Slenderman out of distrust and fear for the Proxies and Jeff's safety, damaging his relationship with Slenderman. Even when Slenderman berated him for doing so, Toby merely proclaimed that he had a new mission to protect Jeff and the Proxies, showcasing Toby's loyalty to Jeff.

Jeff has the tendency to pull pranks on Toby while he is asleep, such as placing a warm glass of water under Toby's hand and then urinate on him, as well as smearing feces over his lip to give him a "Hitler mustache".

Toby is so loyal to Jeff that he has no problem following his direction. Toby's stupidity and child-like personality causes him to occasionally screw up his tasks, which understandably gets on Jeff's nerves. In spite of Jeff being annoyed by Toby, he does generally care about him since he is useful for his business plans.

In the final season, Toby remained loyal to Jeff and sided with him against Slenderman and Laughing Jack. Toby was a bawling mess at Jeff's funeral, and gave Clockwork Jeff's ring as a proposal to her.

Masky

The rivalry between Jeff and Masky has been a recurring theme from the beginning, but has become significantly stronger since Season Two. Jeff appears to have a very strong hatred for Masky, and shows that he has no tolerance for Masky's sexual preferences and cynical attitude. Masky hates him in turn, considering Jeff to be a dumb buffoon. However, neither one of them seems to realize the effects of their almost poisonous relationship, and continue to live in close contact with each other.

Masky is often put in the shoes of the protagonist to Jeff's antagonist. For example, in the comic "Cartoon Wars", the two of them work against each other; when Jeff tries to get Family Guy canceled, Masky tries to stop him. The two of them often have arguments about morals, like when Jeff decides to pretend to be mentally handicapped so he can win the "Special Olympics".

When Jeff and Masky say goodbye to each other in "To Proxy Mountain" before Jeff faces Eyeless Jack, Jeff tried to atone for all the times he called Masky "a gayboy", telling him "I didn't mean it. You're not a gay". Bewildered, Masky replies that he is indeed gay, and Jeff tells him not to be so hard on himself (implying that "gay" was an insult rather than a preference). Jeff also has attempted to murder Masky more than once, both in "Proxyland", "Cartoon Wars", and "Captain Jeff".

Jeff's obsessive hatred of Masky, has called into question Jeff's deeper feeling for Masky. In the comic miniseries "Imaginationland", Jeff wins a bet with Masky which requires Masky to suck his balls, and goes to various extreme measures throughout the Imaginationland trilogy to make Masky do so, including going to the Supreme Court and breaking into the Pentagon (twice). In the end of the trilogy's first part, Jeff is seen with a photo of an innocent looking Masky. The scene ends with Jeff dragging his finger slowly across Masky's mouth in the photo, which could be interpreted as an act of lust, this further hints at a confused sexuality. At the end of the trilogy's third part, Jeff conjures up an imaginary Masky to suck the balls of an imaginary Jeff.

In the final season, Masky sides with Jeff against Laughing Jack and Slenderman, although it's more likely because he was aware of Laughing Jack's nature as a conniving liar and only did it to not choose the wrong side. Masky seemed to be upset when Jeff died, comforting BEN during Jeff's funeral. In UHG's notes, Masky wrote that he will miss Jeff in a "weird, twisted way" and imagines that he's probably fanboying over UHG in Aton's realm.

Hoodie

Hoodie and Jeff barely interact at all, but whenever they do, it's generally not very positive. Hoodie shares similar feelings about Jeff with Masky, and often clashes with Jeff frequently due to Jeff's apparent homophobia, which Jeff adamantly denies. Despite this, the two are willing to compromise often and help each other in the end.

In "Evil", Hoodie is one of the people Jeff enlists to destroy Enderman's warehouse. After the job is done, Masky and Hoodie act apathetic and acknowledge that all of Jeff's actions were for nothing. Jeff happily admits this, but also says he will learn from his mistakes.

Hoodie does not believe Jeff's suspicions that the Black Eyed Killer is out to get him, but later is one of the few people who attempted to save Jeff from Jane the Killer when the latter attempted to kill him, although it was moreso to keep Ms. P and Sally safe from Jane than it was actually protecting Jeff. BEN and Hoodie both assure them that they will be alright. During this time, Masky, Hoodie, and Ms. P apologizes to Jeff about not believing him about Jane being out to get him, to which Jeff simply says "Good".

In "Grand Theft Masky", Hoodie attempts to get Jeff to rescue Hoodie, who has been possessed by Zalgo in order to break into the Under Realm's vault and destroy the Unwanted House Guest's notes, which contains information Zalgo doesn't want anyone to see. Jeff agrees to help, but only if he and Smile Dog can spend a week at Masky's family mansion, to which Hoodie tells Jeff to ask Masky when they find him. Jeff then says that if Masky says no, he's out of the deal, much to Hoodie's annoyance.

In the final season, Hoodie chose to be on Jeff's side against Laughing Jack and Slenderman, and reacted sadly to Jeff's death.

Alyss Christer

Alyss and Jeff's relationship relies on them both being in a stable mood. When Jeff is pissed off and has completely lost his touch with sanity he can do things that he doesn't mean to do. Same goes with Alyss.

Once Jeff just left pissed off by another argument with Laughing Jack and noticed Alyss playing with her dolls so he got a blow torch and brought it up close to her, scaring her, then making her cry and scream. Eyeless Jack and Masky eventually had too pull Jeff away from her while BEN tried to comfort her.

Another time Alyss was just sent to her room by Slenderman for arguing with one of the proxies so she took her anger out on Jeff by going into his room without permission and taking and throwing out all his drugs and alcohol bottles. He came out and they got in a huge fight.

Despite these fights Alyss and Jeff are still really good friends. Jeff would sometimes teach her how to kill and better methods of torching people. In return Alyss would take care of Smile Dog while Jeff was out. And no they're not using each other. They would always like to go out and do fun things with each other like...kill people. Which was they're favorite thing to do together.

Jeff is also very protective of Alyss(and other younger proxies like Samantha and Sally) and acts as her intimidating older brother. They have a very strong brother and sister bond. Alyss would even call Jeff "Oppa" meaning older brother in Korean. Alyss's heart was shattered when she witnessed Jeff die right in front of her. The last thing Jeff said to Alyss was "Thanks for not siding with that dick-sucking emo freak known as Laughing Jack...little sister..." Along with the other proxies she cries her entire heart out. During her speech she almost breaks down into tears when she realizes that despite being an orphan Jeff was like a blood family member to her and she just lost him. After her speech she locked herself in her room never wanting to come out. She eventually did when Ms.P asked her "Is this something Jeff would want you to do?". Causing her to realize she has to move on from the past.

Natalie Clockwork

Jeff and Clockwork are good friends, with the two often bonding over their psychotic nature. Unlike most Proxies, Jeff often approves of Clockwork's insane antics and cheer her on. She buys into Jeff's theory of the government being run by Lizard People. It's also implied on one occasion by Aton that Jeff and Clockwork have slept with each other, although this was never confirmed and could have just been Aton messing with them.

When Jeff and Clockwork worked on jobs with each other, specifically rescuing BEN and Skeet from prison, she enjoys Jeff's company and is often amused by his sense of humor. They successfully broke BEN and Skeet out of prison but at the same time annoyed Slenderman for disobeying his orders, however, Clockwork's loyalty is to Jeff and isn't to fazed by Slenderman's frustration with them.

In the final season, Clockwork chooses Jeff's side, even when Slenderman and her boyfriend Laughing Jack demanded her not to. In his final moments, Jeff tells her that she can find love without Laughing Jack, jokingly telling her to preferably choose someone who won't kill him.

According to one of her drawings in her journal, Clockwork sees Jeff as a brother, kind of like a replacement for the one she had before she became a murderer.

President Bush

In his first appearance, Bush gets along well with Jeff at first until Jeff betrays him to take over as President of the United States. Jeff does this by kicking Bush off a flight of stairs and locking him in the basement. He also has President Bush put on a spinning wheel to be tortured. Afterward, Bush is freed and Jeff is revoked of his status as president.

Disregarding Bush's first appearance, Jeff is shown to care deeply about and respect President Bush, looking up to him as a grandfather and considers Bush a good leader in spite of his stupidity. Jeff is also willing to go on Bush's crazy escapades when Bush calls for it, but can occasionally be angered by President Bush's stupidity and at times incompetence, although he is able to tolerate it much better than others. President Bush is also shown to be willing to help Jeff and the others out no matter what the task may be, including going up against Zalgo and his entire army. Jeff also is seen to enjoy listening to President Bush's war stories.

When Mancala tells Jeff that he murdered President Bush in "The Terminator", Jeff seethed with rage and promised to turn Mancala into a tin can, and was relieved to see that Bush in fact was not dead.

However, "Native American Throwdown" has Bush and Jeff at odds again, where Bush recruits Jeff to deal with the ghost, making his daughter keep the real reason for the haunting a secret. After Jeff captures the ghost, he is told of the reasons for his cursing the Bush family, and Jeff angrily confronts the Bush family. Bush coldly rejects Jeff's tirade and prevents Ducky from telling Jeff that he forced her to lie. When the ghost escapes and starts turning the guests to wood, Bush did not care at all that that Jeff was turned to wood and instead was focused on getting Ducky to hide with him. In any interaction after this episode, the two still remain good friends, seemingly forgiven each other over what happened.

Towards the end of the final season, President Bush give Jeff some tough love over his constant complaining and recent depression over Princess Atta's death, and how Jeff uses it as a thinly veiled excuse to treats others badly. Despite Bush's aggressiveness, Jeff admitted that Bush was correct and apologized to him and the other Proxies. Bush stays loyal to Jeff throughout the entire season, protecting Jeff when he and him are stranded in Skull Island, and choosing to stick with him rather than join Laughing Jack and Slenderman. Earlier, when the gang starts to fall apart, Jeff tells Bush that he should take Ducky and leave before its too late, implying that he cares about his well-being and does not want to see him hurt, or even killed. Bush appeared to be very heartbroken when Jeff died and attended his funeral to pay respects.

Ducky

In their first interaction, Ducky came across Jeff as he attempted to escape from stocks by picking the lock with a hairpin, and tells him to write a statement claiming that the Bushes are the best family in the world in exchange for his freedom. Jeff instead writes "Fuk U" on the paper, prompting Ducky to summon the townsfolk and have him pelted with tomatoes once more.

Due to her history of relentlessly teasing him and his friends, Jeff showed hostility toward Ducky from the get-go. Despite Sally and Ducky overcoming their differences, Jeff remained reluctant to accept her, often reminding others that she's "the fucking worst." He enjoyed any opportunity to get back at Ducky for this, such as revealing to her that her ancestor wasn't the real founder of Washington as she had thought, mocking her relentlessly, and attempting to beat her at mini-golf by cheating. It was only until the events of "Native American Throwdown" that the two really began to see eye to eye and were actually amiable after a series of bickering. Though initially he assumed Ducky confirmed herself to being the worst by lying to him about the mansion's haunting, Jeff later realized that Ducky regretted lying to him, was ashamed of her family and herself and was sympathetic to her situation. He apologizes and reassures her that she doesn't have to be like her parents. Later, upon seeing Jeff turned to wood by the ghost, Ducky overcomes the will of her father, saving him and the other guests. After the incident, they are seen enjoying each other's company aside form the occasional insult, having moved past their animosity and become friends.

Their relationship is mentioned in the Conspiracy Corner segment, "Relation Shipping," where the Unwanted House Guest seems to imply that the two may have a romantic relationship or are romantically interested in each other. However, this is followed by a clip of Jeff and BEN recoiling in disgust.

Throughout "Legends of the Multiverse" and the final season, Ducky and Jeff are slightly less aggressive to each other in comparison to their earlier interactions but she is still aggressive to him during Zalgo's Second Coming by threatening to sue him and other resistance members if she dies during the rescue.

In one comic, Jeff becomes angry with Ducky when Mr. What's-His-Face takes BEN's face after Ducky uses one of Slenderman's books to summon him. Later, after they get captured while trying to save BEN, Ducky reveals that she's under a lot of pressure from her parents, believing that without her looks, she isn't sure who she is. Jeff reassures her that she is more than just a pretty face and that she shouldn't care about what her family thinks. After Ducky gives up a chance for Mr. What's-His-Face to improve her looks, instead choosing to save Jeff and BEN, they all escape and Ducky thanks them for helping her realize that she shouldn't worry about her looks.

The Unwanted House Guest

Being one of Jeff's biggest idols, the Unwanted House Guest holds a great deal of admiration from Jeff. Even before finally meeting him, Jeff held the Unwanted House Guest of the journals in high regard, hoping to one day meet him. BEN has also revealed that Jeff would spent hours writing fan-fiction about the House Guest, as well as role-playing on him and buying all of his merchandise. When he finally met him while walking with BEN, Jeff was practically fan-boying in front of him and had to be calmed down by BEN. Jeff also helped the Unwanted House Guest with various acts and activities, such as hunting down Bobby Briggs, fighting the Shadowlurker, and keeping his precious notes safe. Jeff is shown to appreciate and care for the Unwanted House Guest, even admitting he is one of the few people Jeff is willing to show any empathy for.

In "The Truth," Jeff learns via the Shadowlurker that the Unwanted House Guest is the reason Zalgo escaped banishment. When he confronts the Unwanted House Guest about this, the Unwanted House Guest tells Jeff to leave him in the Human World and to fight Zalgo without him. The Unwanted House Guest goes onto say that if it weren't for him foolishly being tricked by Zalgo, Zalgo would still be trapped in the Pit and they wouldn't have to worry about him. However, Jeff lifts up UHG's spirits by saying that everyone makes mistakes ("you're mistake just happened to endanger the entire multiverse", Jeff says), and with the help of the Proxies and all their allies, they will defeat Zalgo together. UHG smiles and takes Jeff's hand as he helps him up. UHG then tells Jeff that he is getting too old to do his job alone and finally offers Jeff a job as his apprentice. Jeff is ecstatic about this and immediately accepts his offer, showcasing his loyalty to the House Guest.

Upon learning that the Unwanted House Guest was killed by Zalgo and X, Jeff was traumatized and made it his mission to kill them both and avenge his fallen friend. After Zalgo is killed using the Zalgo Zodiac, Jeff holds the Unwanted House Guest's notes close to him and says "We got him, old man". In UHG's notes, Jeff writes that the Unwanted House Guest was one of his biggest inspirations and the reason he kept going even though his life was not the best.

Aton

Unlike the rest of the cast, Jeff appears to be in fairly good terms with Aton. Likewise, Aton seems to like Jeff much more than any other Proxy and is known to call Jeff "my man" and "Knives", as a simple term of endearment. Barring their first interaction, the two have had many positive interactions.

Despite having an overall good relationship, Aton does occasionally enjoy messing around with Jeff, calling him names such as "Joker", knowing Jeff hates being called that, and even mocking his face multiple times. Jeff is also capable of being overwhelmed by Aton's laziness and arrogance, which is saying a lot, what with Jeff's tendency to do the same thing.

After BEN contacted Aton to tell him of Jeff's sacrifice to save Sally's life, Aton, moved by his friend's heroic participation, arrived during the funeral in a hover capsule to salute his fallen friend.

Enderman

Enderman and Jeff are usually portrayed as mortal enemies, sometimes as rivals, and sometimes unlikely allies. As the series continues, they slowly grow a begrudging respect for each other. Enderman initially viewed Jeff as an annoying idiotic nuisance, feeling that he prevents him from accomplishing his goals (i.e. winning and dominating the Under Realm). So, Enderman often tries to murder Jeff if he gets in his way and mocks him occasionally, while Jeff usually does the same thing. The two have been known to underestimate each other at times, but still see each other as great threats.

During the first few episodes, Enderman views Jeff as a real threat, and refers to his being in the Under Realm as a "reign of terror". However, he relaxes somewhat after it becomes apparent that Jeff is quite incompetent. He still attempts to kill or recruit Jeff, but does it more for the sake of capturing Jeff to prove that he's not insane. Throughout the series, Enderman always attempts to try and prove himself right, but he almost never wins, with Jeff either defeating or outright killing him. In the episode "Enderman Must Die", Enderman sells Jeff his pubic hair, convincing Jeff it would signify maturity for him. When Jeff realized the truth, he then proceeded to attempt several fruitless revenge plots, until at last he created an elaborate scheme in which he had Enderman's parents killed, ground up into chili and fed to Enderman.

Besides being clear enemies, they do have a surprising amount of things in common, such as their being both outcasts in their societies, as well as their height. However, Enderman is much more smart than Jeff, a fact he often uses to mock Jeff.

Although Enderman likes to think otherwise, Jeff mostly views Enderman as nothing more than an annoyance, never regarding him as an actual threat to the mission, until its usually too late. At times, he does acknowledge Enderman's genius, however, this is usually followed by an insult, degrading him for constantly being foiled.

Towards the end of "Legends of the Multiverse" and in the final season, Enderman and Jeff pretty much become full-fledged allies, with Enderman helping Jeff defeat Zalgo and later defeat Laughing Jack's minions. Enderman appeared to be somewhat upset when Jeff died, acknowledging Jeff as a worthy foe and friend.

Alice Liddell

Alice and Jeff first met when Alice rescued Jeff from being eaten by a Bandersnatch. Afterward, she revealed to Jeff that she had been trapped in Underland after making a literal deal with the Devil. Afterward, Jeff agreed to help Alice escape, although he insisted he only helped her because he needed a way out as well. During their time in Wonderland, Jeff and Alice constantly butted heads with each other. Due to her long time trapped in Underland, Alice had grown angry and impatient, thus she did not like Jeff's tendencies to goof off and not take her situation seriously. Despite this, the duo were able to retrieve several Multiverse Crystals through teamwork and perseverance.

Once it is revealed the swamp wizard who was traveling with them was Zalgo, Zalgo sends the Jabberwockey to destroy them, and Alice and Jeff both protect each other from harm. When Zalgo prepares to kill Alice for not making the deal with him, Jeff rescues Alice by crashing his spaceship into Zalgo. After Jeff and Alice made it back to the Human World, Alice overwhelmingly thanked Jeff for assisting her, promising that she owed him her life.

In the end credits of the final episode, she is seen visiting Jeff's memorial, tearfully but silently mourning him.

The Skin Taker

Jeff and the Skin Taker appear to be on good terms with each other. He often played along with the Skin Taker's shenanigans, such as appearing on his talk show "Show Some Skin", albeit Jeff did so reluctantly, indicating that he and Skin Taker have done this before. Jeff and the Skin Taker also went hunting for a Legendary Stiltwalker, although they failed to kill him together, and they went fishing together where they shared anecdotes about their past together.

During the failed bank job in Swamp Falls, Skin Taker is mercilessly shot and killed by Mayor Bigmouth. Enraged over the Skin Taker's death, Jeff and the gang proceed to kill several of Bigmouth's men before escaping.

Bubba the Clown

Due to Bubba being a clown, Jeff tries to avoid Bubba at all costs and often stays far away him as much as possible. Due to this, they never had a chance to establish any sort of relationship.

Bubba goes missing for a while when the gang moves to Swamp Falls and his body soon turns up at camp on top of his horse with his decapitated head in his hands and his eyes poked out. This is followed by an assault on the gang's hideout by the Bleeders. Later, Jeff actually seems happy that Bubba is dead, saying that he is so because he thought Bubba was "creepy as fuck".

Samantha Sampson

Jeff and Samantha have little to almost no interactions with each other, which Jeff even acknowledges at one point, but as he was dying he thanked Samantha for staying by the Proxies' side and not joining Laughing Jack, to which she happily thanked him back.

Scarecrow

Jeff, along with Slenderman and Laughing Jack, unknowingly rescued Scarecrow early on in the final season when the Bleeders ransacked her home and killed her husband. Laughing Jack attempted to rape her but Jeff and Slenderman were able to calm her and take her back to camp safely. She took time to adjust to her new life with the Proxies and would mostly be with the female Proxies.

Later, the two bonded over jokes about Eyeless Jack and his letter to his mother that he asked them to deliver. With Scarecrow mocking his false claims about traversing the world, far and wide, and that although he has yet to marry he is not short of suitors. Their bond further grew as Scarecrow continued to prove herself as a fearless killer, such as when the Bleeders assaulted the Proxies', she disobeyed Jeff's orders to get inside the manor and instead slaughtered dozens of enemies. After Jeff, Ms. P, Hoodie, Smile Dog, Eyeless Jack, Masky, President Bush, Slenderman, return from Skull Island he is surprised to discover that it was Scarecrow who rounded up the gang members after the failed bank job in Swamp Falls and got them to safety and have since been waiting for them to return. This gains both his and Slenderman's admiration and respect, to the point where even Slenderman reprimanded Laughing Jack for not respecting Scarecrow.

Scarecrow builds up enough trust in Jeff that she asks for his help to hunt presumably the last of the Bleeders, bluntly telling Jeff that he is the only one out of all the fools in the gang she trusts. Together, Jeff, Scarecrow, and the Proxies (sans Laughing Jack) will attack the ranch. The fight ends with Scarecrow killing the Bleeder who murdered her husband and opening up to Jeff and the gang about how much she misses her husband. Here, she also admits to Jeff that, besides from her husband, Jeff is the best man she has ever known. Arthur simply retorts that he is aware he doesn't have much competition, but is clearly touched by her comment. Afterward, the gang comfort Scarecrow by telling her about all the people they have lost, and that even though they cannot bring them back, they can still bond over their losses and become strong friends before sharing a group hug.

Enemies

Zalgo

Zalgo is one of Jeff's most hated and personal enemies, with Jeff showing absolutely no respect for Zalgo and openly insulting him. In return, Zalgo dislikes Jeff as well and considers him a lesser being and a "foolish mortal". Due to having no respect for the dark lord, Jeff acts very spiteful and sarcastic towards, even going as far as to only refer to Zalgo as a "fucktard" or other variations. Zalgo doesn't seem to particularly mind Jeff's harsh words, likely because he thinks Jeff is below him. A running gag in their interactions is that Zalgo himself points out is that every time Jeff comes close to killing him, Zalgo shape-shifts and flies away while yelling he'll be back.

There are some instances where Zalgo goes out of his way to make Jeff's life a living hell, all just to revel in his misery and suffering. In the episode "The Past", Zalgo tasks Jeff with destroying a mystical weapon called the Oculus, and in return Zalgo will give Jeff his family back. However, when Jeff destroys the Oculus, Zalgo reveals that the object Jeff destroyed was actually a crystal holding his families souls and that Zalgo already destroyed the Oculus eons ago. When Jeff asked why Zalgo did this, Zalgo claimed it was to teach Jeff a lesson that Jeff will always be alone. What's worse is that Zalgo had no absolutely reason to do it other than for his own amusement. Jeff is so distraught, he can't even summon the energy to attack Zalgo. He just falls to his knees in despair as Zalgo flies away, laughing sadistically.

The two see each other as enemies, though there is a certain level of begrudging respect on both sides, as Jeff understands Zalgo is a powerful enemy while Zalgo also recognizes Jeff and the other Proxies as a serious threat, although sometimes he has habits of underestimating them. The two are even able to hold small conversations (even at times comical interactions) with each other, like when Zalgo calls Jeff a "son of a bunch of nobody mortals", and Jeff retorts by calling Zalgo a "son of a bitch". However, Jeff views Zalgo with nothing but contempt and anger, frustrated at the numerous amount of times Zalgo has tormented and tried to kill him and his friends. In turn, Zalgo is not above emotionally and physically harming Jeff such as when he manipulated Eyeless Jack to kill Jeff and entire universe in order to make Jeff's suffering even worse, or killing Jeff's Slenderman and the Unwanted House Guest just to mock him about it.

When Zalgo killed the Unwanted House Guest, Jeff was devastated and the House Guest's death gave Jeff determination to end Zalgo for good and made his rivalry with Jeff much more personal. Zalgo mostly taunts Jeff throughout "Legends of the Multiverse", and when he found out Jeff was enhanced with Aton's magic, Zalgo was not above blackmailing Jeff by threatening to kill BEN and Sally to get him to hand over the magic.

In their final interaction, Jeff brutally beat a weakened Zalgo with a baseball bat and Zalgo warned him that he will return stronger than ever. However, Jeff firmly stated that he is out to kill Zalgo this time and there won't be a next time. Finally, Jeff declared his victory over his adversary and proudly mocked Zalgo with the fact that the whole multiverse will laugh at him when they discovered he was beaten by a "mere mortal".

When Zalgo is finally killed by Jeff and the rest of the New Elite, Jeff was absolutely joyful, writing in UHG's notes that Zalgo deserved to die and the universe is much better without him.

Laughing Jack

From the very beginning, Laughing Jack and Jeff openly hated each other because of their competitive and mocking nature towards each pther that only got worse as time went on. Laughing Jack's tendency to show-off and engage in extreme violence, such as when Jeff rescues him in Desert City and Laughing Jack massacres the whole town to retrieve his "precious guns." irks Jeff greatly, seeing him as someone that cannot keep his head in tense situations.

In the past it is implied that the two never had pleasant interactions, as every conversation devolves into sarcastic disputes between the two. It is implied that Jeff enjoyed playing Five Finger Fillet with Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack also occasionally comes up to Jeff for a chat, often with the intent of being semi-friendly, but Jeff usually brushes him off and never wishes to talk to Laughing Jack.

Over the course of the series, Laughing Jack and Jeff view each other with absolute contempt, with both lashing at each other in increasingly mean-spirited ways and rarely having positive interactions. In addition to this, Laughing Jack constantly mocks Jeff's deformed face, left him and the Proxies to freeze to death in the Ice Regions, and refuses to join the Zalgo Zodiac out of frustration against Jeff. The only episode to show the two interacting in a positive way was "Pasty M", where they go on a music tour together, and even then they split up due to Jeff's stupidity and Laughing Jack's high standards. In "Legends of the Multiverse", Laughing Jack even prays for Aton to kill Jeff, going as far as to question Aton's competence on even creating Jeff.

When Laughing Jack ends up being captured by Zalgo, Jeff is ecstatic and even says he hopes Laughing Jack is dead. When the others devise a plan to rescue Jack, Jeff is angry and goes on a rant about how Laughing Jack is "one of the biggest assholes in existence", but he’s still called the hero whom they need to save. BEN calms Jeff down by saying that Laughing Jack maybe an asshole, but just because the plan involves saving him doesn't mean Jeff should doom the multiverse. much like Jeff predicted, once Laughing Jack is freed he immediately acts ungrateful towards everyone and begins roasting them rather than joining in the Zalgo Zodiac. Even when Jeff apologizes for being rude to Laughing Jack, Laughing Jack can't help but correct Jeff on his grammar simply to make him angrier, which pisses Jeff off and causes him to break the circle and beat Jack up.

Despite their poor relationship the two can work well enough together to get a job done. However, Laughing Jack's skill as a killer and shooter perhaps makes Jeff even more concerned about his influence on Slenderman. Jeff is often vocal, and scornful, about the things Laughing Jack does around the other Proxies and their allies such as ridiculing the Skin Taker, harassing Eyeless Jack for having black skin, threatening to kill Sally, and especially for Laughing Jack's hobby of tormenting Smile Dog.

Laughing Jack believes himself and Jeff to be not so different from each other, even stating as such after Jeff breaks him out of Desert City's prison. He says Slenderman knows Laughing Jack is a "fella who get things done", the same as Jeff. Furthermore, he refuses to believe Jeff is any morally better than him. Depending on Jeff's recent actions, he can either be dead wrong or make a decent point. Many of Jeff's dishonorable actions, such as antagonizing his allies, torturing and murdering innocent people, and prioritizing his own gain, will result in him acting eerily similar to how Laughing Jack normally does. Jeff even laments in one conversation with Ms. P that he’s best at causing mayhem, and that it makes him no better than Laughing Jack.

Jeff's dislike of Laughing Jack grew when he took advantage of Skin Taker's death to get close to Slenderman and have a greater influence on him. When trying to persuade Jeff to break him out of jail, Laughing Jack tells Jeff that he looked up to him, but he was very likely lying given the circumstances. As the season progresses and Jeff begins to openly doubt Slenderman's leadership, Laughing Jack eventually begins to gain some superiority over Jeff and the other members due to his willingness to go with anything Slenderman says. Laughing Jack only uses the opportunity to further taunt Jeff and the other Proxies and treat them like trash.

Laughing Jack convinces Slenderman that Jeff and BEN have become disloyal which begins to strain Jeff's, and the gang's, relationship with Slenderman. As Laughing Jack begins to move up in the group, Jeff angrily yells at Laughing Jack twice, saying that ever since he broke Laughing Jack out of prison there has been nothing but trouble. He also mentions Laughing Jack stirring trouble up and his constant whispering into Slenderman's ear before telling him to "fuck off and keep [his] goddamn mouth shut". While partying with his gang members, Laughing Jack introduces his men to Jeff in a very insulting way, calling him "weak, a pussy, and full of shit", before introducing him in a more faux-positive way, just before mocking the death of Jeff's recently deceased girlfriend, Princess Atta. Much later on, Jeff learns that Laughing Jack is a rat and has been talking to the Bigmouth since their return from Skull Island, infuriating Jeff to such an extent that he confronts Laughing Jack at the camp in front of everyone and holds him at knifepoint to proclaim to everyone that he is a traitor. During an ensuing scuffle, Laughing Jack mortally wounds Jeff by shooting him multiple times in the lungs with he revolvers, which eventually caused Jeff's death.

When they finally confront each other, first a fistfight and then a knife fight, Laughing Jack takes advantage of Jeff's weakness from blood loss and brutally attacks and beats Jeff until he can't even stand up. Laughing Jack also starts to regularly mock Jeff's injuries and refers to him as "Lead Lung". Jeff implies during the fight that he wished to have one last showdown with Laughing Jack, evidenced by the fact that he admits that he came back all the way back to the mansion because of "unfinished business" he had with him, showing the intense hatred between the two. In the fight, Laughing Jack admits that he has been waiting a long time to kill Jeff. Once Laughing Jack has Jeff at his mercy, he tries to make Jeff admit that he was always better than him, but Jeff instead goes on a rant about how Laughing Jack was only worth anything when he was Slenderman's right-hand man and how he is, and always was a failure. Laughing Jack, clearly affected by the speech, shows great desperation looking Jeff in the face and merely says "Damn you!", implying that he knows Jeff did beat him in the sense of being the 'better man' instead of only caring about survival unlike Laughing Jack. Either way, Laughing Jack simply kills Jeff by shooting him in the chest, laughs victoriously, and then spits on his body before walking away.

Jane the Killer

Jane was in her early teens when Jeff arrived into her neighborhood, moving into a home across the street from her, she did not think much of Jeff but believed that both he and his brother Liu were good people, even if their parents were wealthy elitists. Jane reveals that she witnessed every turning point in Jeff's life, including him being attacked by Randy, Keith and Troy, Jeff crying on the side walk after Liu was arrested on false belief, and even when the police went to his house after he murdered his family. Eventually, Jane was awoken one night after hearing her mother screaming. Racing to see what was wrong, Jane saw Jeff murder her father in front of her own eyes, and then stabbing her mother to death. Jeff never even saw Jane standing there as he ran out the window as the police arrived. It was then Jane fell to her parents corpses and swore vengeance on Jeff. Tracing Jeff with every information she could find, she eventually found the Under Realm and plotted her revenge from there.

From what Jane has revealed about her own personality, she can be described as vindictive and bitter, and capable of holding quite the grudge for a very long time. This is best illustrated by her relentlessness in tracking Jeff down to kill him for murdering her parents nearly 10 years ago. She even went so far as to threaten and attempt to murder his friends in order to get the honor of killing him herself.

Interestingly, when Jane goes undercover as "the Black Eyed Killer", Jeff chooses to take this opportunity to learn more about the nature of human affection, and attempts repeatedly to win her "affection" - with each attempt leading to suffering on his part. It is debatable whether or not Jeff himself has developed a crush on Jane, or whether it's his big ego that leads him to fancy the idea she loves him. However, the latter idea is the more likely. The writers never establish Jeff's feelings towards Jane (Comickit doesn't approve of them getting together out of all the pairings, as they have confirmed countless times), although it is clear that she hates him. Jeff also mentions he plans to destroy the Black Eyed Killer after using her to study human affection, which hints that he has never cared for her at all.

Once Jane's identity is revealed, despite Jane's competence and intelligence, Jeff doesn't seem to take her seriously at all. Even after she kidnaps Ms. P and Sally and threatens to kill them, he fails to see the damage she can really do. When he learns that he killed her parents, Jeff is incredibly proud of himself that he drove her insane, proceeding to mock her about killing her parents, having forgot about it long ago and calls it "his finest work yet". He even says he doesn't want to bother killing her anymore, because he finds messing with her mind too much fun. However, he finds that getting rid of her is harder than it seems, and he ends up needing Smile Dog, Ms. P, and Sally to defeat her. During their final battle outside in the abandoned warehouse, Jane shouts out ways she plans to horribly murder Jeff, but Jeff just listens with an expression of complete boredom before kicking her off the building.

X

Jeff and X both share an intense hatred and disdain towards each other. Jeff hates X because he killed the Unwanted House Guest, and X regards Jeff as nothing more than food and a toy for his amusement. Before the Unwanted House Guest's murder, Jeff generally did not take X seriously, constantly making fun of him and cracking jokes at his implied pedophilia. After the Unwanted House Guest is killed, this caused Jeff to grow an intense hatred towards X and made their rivalry much more personal. When X is seemingly killed by BEN, Jeff reacts ecstatically, picking BEN up and giving him a kiss on the cheek, before realizing what he is doing and telling BEN never to tell anyone he did that.

Powers and abilities

  • Inhuman Strength: Jeff has superhuman levels of strength. It is virtually impossible for any normal human to overpower him, as seen when he was able to fight off several Bleeders who attempted to hold him back. His enhanced strength allows him to physically overpower combatants including elite-trained humans, demonic troops, and robot sentries. Jeff can bend metal bars with visible effort, throw full-grown adults across several feet, slam through solid walls and reinforced glass, and pry open steel doors. Jeff's kicks and punches are also very powerful, strong enough to send demons like X and Shadowlurker (who also have superhuman strength) flying back several meters. He could also knock out David and Tombstone, two superhuman thugs, in a single punch. When forced to do so by the Showman, Jeff was also capable of lifting a 700 ton sumo wrestler over his head for about ten seconds, although he did strain himself while doing so. He was also able to casually overpower several members of the Epsilon Cult simultaneously, break human skulls with one punch, easily snap human necks, slice through solid concrete with his knife, and cut limbs off with a single knife strike. One of the most notable displays of Jeff's physical dominance comes during the infamous Desert City bar brawl. In a matter of minutes, he rescues Clockwork and Ticci Toby, knocks out three opponents with one punch, and single-handedly defeats the town's strongest man, Tommy (who is a 9 foot tall troll) by nearly beating him to death. This beatdown causes Tommy to receive brain damage to the point where merely eating food is difficult for him. In the finale, even when afflicted with blood loss and exhaustion, and near death, Jeff was able to defeat the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm, albeit barely, fight off a bar filled with monsters, and even while half-dead was still able to hold his own against Laughing Jack in a fist and knife fight and giving him quite a severe beating as Laughing Jack could barely stand after the fight with Jeff as he stumbles many times afterward. Despite his strength, his punches not only failed to hurt Slenderman in any way, but he broke his fist and legs upon trying to punch and kick Slenderman.
  • Enhanced Durability: Jeff's bones and muscles are denser and much harder than average humans, which makes him almost cartoonishly durability and intolerant to pain. In fact, as Slenderman has noted, getting hurt only seems to make Jeff stronger when in a fight. Though he is not bulletproof, he can survive extreme blunt force trauma, such as being hit with solid objects like giant boulders and speeding cars, or contact with supernatural opponents like X, Shadowlurker, and the Gatekeeper. He is capable of surviving falls from immense heights that would eventually kill a normal human without any sort of protection. Thus, Jeff was still walking after the intense beat-down inflicted on him by Slenderman. He also survived being bombarded with bombs, numerous lightning strikes, being ran over by a car, being mauled by polar bears, drinking gallons of bleach and gasoline, jumping off a skyscraper, shooting his head off with a shot gun, lethal experiments, multiple hits from the likes of superpowered beings such as X, Shadowlurker, Ms. P, the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm, Zalgo's Minions and even endured a nuclear explosion. Even when he was violently bitten by X on the wrist, which nearly tore his arm off, Jeff only used the pain to amp himself up by continuously hitting the wound while in combat. Another example of his durability is when Angel Knives stabbed him in the shoulders, thigh, and forearm with her wolverine claws, which he still managed to recover from whereas ordinary humans would become cut to pieces on contact.
  • Incredible Speed: Jeff can run and move at speeds far beyond the peak of human potential. He can run faster than most standard vehicles and covered a small area such as city blocks as well. The Unwanted House Guest stated that Jeff ran up to 60 miles in about 5 minutes. He is also capable of moving fast enough to easily outmaneuver rapid gunfire. He also defeated an entire team of assassins along side BEN in about 1/3 of a second. While trying to get a multiverse crystal with Alice Liddell in a temple in Underland, Jeff was forced to dodge beams of sunlight that were part of the temple's booby traps, which would make Jeff's top reaction speed around 70% the speed of light.
  • Enhanced Agility: Jeff's agility is greater than that of an Olympic-gold medalist and superior to the world's best acrobat. He can coordinate his body with perfect balance, equilibrium, flexibility, and dexterity. During his chase with Bobby Briggs, he was able to leap from the inside of an apartment into the building across the street. Jeff can also leap over cars with simple running moves. Jeff can use his enhanced agility to perform amazing parkour and gymnastic moves that would be truly difficult for a normal human to accomplish. Confined spaces could not limit his movement at all, as shown with him overpowering Angel Knives and the other Bleeders inside of a cramped elevator.
  • Enhanced Stamina: Years of constant action in his life has left Jeff's' body with exceptional endurance and lung capacity, far greater than of normal humans. Jeff could exert himself at peak capacity for several hours without slowing down or showing any sign of fatigue, allowing him to run for dozens of miles and fight for extremely long periods. During the Battle of Arcosia, Jeff fought Zalgo's army for hours on end, and kept fighting with little signs of fatigue despite numerous injuries. Additionally, Jeff can hold his breath underwater for several minutes and will not lose breath or get exhausted due to his stamina extending to his lung capacity. Jeff was also able to run for 60 miles without any noticeable sign of fatigue.
  • Superhuman Reflexes: Jeff's flexibility, balance, dexterity, and coordination are well-beyond the natural physical limits of even the finest human athlete. He has inhuman leaping capabilities, able to jump several feet from a stationary position, and with his body control, able to execute a variety of complex twists, turns, and flips while in mid air. He could jump onto a wall and then propel himself toward his enemy in a kick.
  • Hunting/Survival Skills: Before living in Proxy Mansion, Jeff lived in the wild where he had to obtain his own food and water. As such, he is a proficient hunter, trapper, forager, and decent cook. He also has basic medical skills, and he tends to patch himself back up after his battles. On one occasion, Jeff boasts about once killing a tiger with a stick or a rock, although this could've just been Jeff making things up to impress Ms. P.
  • Animal Connection: Jeff is shown to have a strong connection to Smile Dog. His connection with Smile Dog even allows him to communicate with him, able to understand his intentions despite Smile Dog only speaking in barks, whines, and growls.
  • Regenerative Powers: It has been shown that Jeff has an accelerated rate of healing and regeneration. Jeff is immune to earthly infections, diseases, and disorders; Jeff also is not affected at all by the sickening aura that Slenderman emits. Jeff's metabolic rate is able to withstand the consumption of gallons of bleach and gasoline, and even a godly ale which was aged for a millennium deemed by Aton to not be intended for mortal men to drink. Jeff is capable of healing large cuts and bruises within hours and some gunshot wounds and fractures within an hour. Jeff was able to regenerate from having his limbs broken by Slenderman and being stabbed in several areas by Angel Knives in a matter of minutes. He also healed completely from nearly having his arm torn off by X in a matter of a couple hours. However, Jeff's regeneration has a limit, as he cannot heal himself if a limb is completely severed. He was not able to heal himself from being shot multiple times in the chest by a man in "Jeff Man". He also did not regenerate after being shot in the lungs by Laughing Jack, and the resulting blood loss eventually lead to Jeff's death.
  • Body Control: Jeff is shown to have some level of control over his appearance, as he once shed his skin like a snake, changed the pigment of his skin to appear black, and turned into a beach ball.
  • Gravity Manipulation: Jeff has the ability to rotate small objects around his body. Much like most of his "superpowers", Jeff was only seen using this ability for a one-off joke.
  • Absorption: Jeff can become more durable and powerful by absorbing radiation, drinking alcohol, and taking BEN's Black Stuff.
  • Fourth-Wall Awareness: Jeff is very much aware that he is a character for the audience's amusement. He has communicated and spoke directly to the audience numerous times.
  • Broadway Force: Jeff can tap into the Broadway Force, by spontaneously breaking into song and dance, causing everyone and everything around them to become bound by it, and compelled to join in.
  • Enhanced Senses: Jeff's natural senses have been enhanced to the peak of human potential. He can see, hear, smell, feel, and taste things imperceptible to humans. This allows him to see further, hear with amazing clarity, detect specific persons, objects, substances with his smell, etc. He was able to notice little things such as sweat drop trickling down a man's face to tip him off to danger.

Former Powers

Abilities wielding the Judge Dredd helmet: Due to the enchantments placed on the mystic Judge Dredd helmet, Jeff was given considerable increase in his physical abilities, as well as incredibly advanced weapons.

  • Homing Bullets: Using the powers of the helmet, was able to control bullets fired from a special gun. With this skill, Jeff is capable of killing an entire army before they could have time to react, or eliminating entire starships and planets.
  • Galaxy Destroying Grenade: On Jeff's belt lies a small fusion bomb that, despite its size, was powerful enough to reduce an entire galaxy to nothingness. Using this grenade, Jeff was able to completely eradicate the Squoomian galaxy, as well as the majority of the Squoomian race. The grenade works by first obliterating the target it was thrown at and than the omnidirectional blast it given off continues to expand eventually engulfing the entire galaxy and possibly more than that. The grenade is assumed to be Judge Dredd helmet's most powerful weapon.
  • Power Gloves: Using a pair of advanced Power Gloves, Jeff's strength and striking power was greatly enhanced. He could send people flying several hundred meters away with a simple flick of his fingers, fire lasers from his palms, and create massive shockwave attacks by punching the ground.
  • Flight: Jeff uses the Helmet's jet-pack like devices to seamlessly fly through the air, giving him great mobility in combat.
  • X-Ray Vision: Using the Helmet, Jeff has the ability to see through walls and through the bodies of living organisms.
  • Survival in Space: While wearing the Helmet, Jeff requires no air whatsoever while in space, and is also immune to the effects of his body having no air.
  • Teleportation: By pressing a button on the side of the Helmet, Jeff could instantly teleport to wherever he desired, whether it be a few feet away, or across spacetime.

Abilities after consuming Polyjuice Potion:

  • Shape-Shifting: Jeff, when on Earth, can immediately create an illusion form to look more like a human, as to not draw attention from the police. With the assistance of Ms. P's Polyjuice Potion, Jeff can change into virtually any form he desires, from a giant dragon to a small insect, a beautiful woman, or a dragon, although the potion only lasts 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on the amount of potion consumed.

  • Master Acrobat: His enhanced reflexes and agility make him highly evasive and mobile in battle. Able to scale seemingly any terrain with no wasted timing or movement, he his prowess outmatches some of the most accomplished circus aerialists and acrobats. Using a variety of free-running and park-our maneuvers, he is very difficult to anticipate with his erratic and spontaneous movement.
  • Master Martial Artist: Due to living a very dangerous lifestyle, Jeff's combat style developed into a somewhat instinctive and improvised collection of techniques that emphasizes the use of his superhuman strength, speed, agility, and knives. Hence, Jeff uses quick, powerful attacks and agile movements and also tends to attack weak spots to cripple his opponents. However, he is not skilled in martial arts, often only using brute force with no strategy, and often gets easily distracted while in combat. Despite his cocky attitude, Jeff effortlessly defeated a chapter of the Epsilon cult with help from BEN and Smile, and also defeated Commissioner Johnson's Proxy-hunting group, the latter of which were military-trained hand-to-hand combatants and hunters, as well as temporarily hold his own against Shadowlurker and even landed a few hits on Slenderman at the cost of his bones. Jeff also at one point took out X in a full-on fight, stabbing both of his eyes out and then stomping on his head. He also defeated Death himself and, more impressively, the Gatekeeper of the Nightmare Realm in a fight. Jeff is also a very dirty fighter, he tends to stab his opponents in the eyes, breaks their bones, and has a habit of punching his enemies in the groin. He also defeated the Gatekeeper by slicing his Achilles tendons and crushing his head with his own totem pole. Jeff is also capable of fighting even when vastly outnumbered, as he fought against hoards of Zalgo's minions with mid-difficulty levels of ease, the Epsilon cult with very little difficulty, and fought a very skilled and elite team of Bleeders in a cramped elevator. Even when suffering from injured lungs and extreme blood loss, Jeff was capable of injuring Laughing Jack in a fist and knife fight, and even blinded Jack by stabbing one of his eyes out.
  • Marksmanship: Jeff possesses extremely keen eyesight, and is able to accurately throw his knives in combat to neutralize his opponents. He is also shown to be relatively good at using firearms, as seen when he wielded a pistol while infiltrating a terrorist base with President Bush and BEN.
  • Knife Mastery: With them being his signature weapon, Jeff is highly skilled at and excels in using knives, particularly his own butcher knife, that he used to take down many of Zalgo's minions and even slice a man in half with. Jeff's knife on its own is also incredibly powerful, as it's able to slice through solid concrete and steel without breaking and can even cut through magical creatures such as demons and the Gatekeeper.

  • Tier: Likely 7-B | 3-C
  • Age: Likely 24
  • Attack Potency: City Level (Can harm President Bush with physical strikes. His knife can ignore the durability of almost every being it hits.) | At least Galaxy Level (he possess a bomb that allows him to destroy an entire galaxy, and possibly more than that)
  • Speed: Likely Relativistic+ (Dodged beams of sunlight) | Massively FTL+ (can move across space effortlessly)
  • Lifting Strength: Class M (lifted a 1,000 ton sumo wrestler over his head) | Unknown
  • Striking Strength: City Level
  • Durability: City Level (Survived a nuclear explosion. Endured a beating from Slenderman. Survived a punch from an angry President Bush) | Unknown (he was never shown to be hurt by anything)
  • Stamina: Nearly limitless.
  • Standard Equipment: An enchanted knife, Polyjuice Potion, has metallic talons on the bottom of his feet sharp enough to scale mountains.
  • Intelligence: Low.
  • Weaknesses: Stupidity. Has very poor judgment. Tends to overestimate himself and underestimate others.

Key: Base | Judge Dredd helmet

Jeff the Killer (Pastamonsters)'s statistics

Combat
8/10
Intelligence
2/10
Leadership
8/10
Speed
9/10
Arrogance
10/10

Quotes

Catchphrases

GO TO SLEEP.
~ Jeff's signature catchphrase.


FUCK YEAH!
~ Jeff after doing something awesome.


Fuck my life.
~ Jeff usually when he can tell something bad is going to happen.


This is gonna be cool.
~ Jeff doing something stupid.


FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!
~ Jeff whenever something goes wrong.


This sucks!


You see, what had happened was...
~ Jeff whenever he screws something up.


HEEEEEELLL TO THE NO!
~ Jeff usually whenever he sees something frightening.


This is BULL-BULL-BULLSHIT!!


Let's fuck some shit up.
~ Jeff whenever he is ready to fight someone.


They hate us cuz they ain't us!
~ Jeff's theory on why others are always trying to kill him and the Proxies.


Haters gonna hate, and ain'ters gonna ain't!
~ Jeff to BEN.


Shorts

Masky: I thought we were supposed to make a comic that was, like, super gritty and bleak and depressing and that had terrible writing. You know, like a Creepypasta
Jeff: (stares at the camera) That is an excellent way to make television and film.
~ Jeff and Masky.


WHAT THE FUCK?! BRO, WHAT THE FUCK?! OH MY FUCKING GOD, I WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!! THIS GAME IS FUCKING FUCKED! OH MY FUCKING GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THIS SHIT OF A FUCKING GAME?!?! HOLY SHIT!!! FUCK THIS GAME!!
~ Jeff raging over losing an online game.


(see's a man's dead body) Oh, Jesus. Oh, that's not good. No, no, no. Oh, fuck. Oh, you're not going to walk that shit off. Oh, that's so fucking gross. I'm so sorry. I spent way too long in the phone booth. If I'm being honest with myself, I probably should have just called 911. (lays on the man's corpse) Well, none of that matters now, because I think we're both missing the real point here: The FUCK is a phone booth doing on a street corner? Didn't those disappear in fucking '98? Heh. Suppose I could have just used my cell. Ooh, Cherry Garcia ice cream. You going to eat this? Don't answer now. Just rest. Actually, I made a call. It was to one of my boys. His name is BEN, he usually helps me with this kind of shit. I don't know how the other guys do it so fucking quickly. I mean, you wouldn't probably be dead if it was Slenderman. What has he got to change into? Guy wears a fucking business suit and pair of dress shoes.
~ Jeff talking to the dead body of a dead man.


(holding a baby) That's okay. Let me see here. Oh, gosh. That's why you're such a little bastard. No one's ever changed you. Yeah, you got a big, old stinky in there, don't you? God, it smells like Hitler's anus, which... which would make sense, wouldn't it? Yeah. I think we both know I don't have what it takes to do this, so I'm just gonna change your diaper real quick, and then I'm gonna revive Zalgo and bring him to meet you. He loves killing kids.
~ Jeff talking to an annoying baby.


Jeff: Well isn't this fucking special! I didn't know we were having a Mexican over in Jeff's classroom.
Paco: Y- y- You're J- Je-
Jeff: (makes fun of his stuttering) IT'S AN EASY FUCKING NAME TO REMEMBER! You gotta real fucking problem talking do ya? SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT!! You're not fucking ready to do this! But I'm fucking ready! I'm fucking hard! I'm ready to fuck! YOU READY TO FUCK TOO?! C'mon let's see the Under Realm!
~ Jeff taking Paco, a young Proxy, to see the Under Realm.


Paco: (sees monsters eating each other) HOLY FUCK!!
Jeff: Holy fuck is right! It's rad, isn't it. You better get fucking ready 'coz it is GAME ON, full on tutorial time. Ok, now first things first. How about we go grab ourselves a car?
~ Jeff leads Paco into the Under Realm.


Jeff: (after hijacking a car) GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!!
Paco: It's going kind of fast for me, I need to...
Jeff: No, it's gonna be fun, amigo. Just try not to tip it cuz I'm getting balls deep, Sanchez. Now GET IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING CAR!!
~ Jeff telling Paco to get in a hijacked vehicle.


Paco: Jesus fucking Christ! What the fuck just happened?Jeff: You just died. Thankfully, all this never happened. You're still in your room, sleeping like a baby.
Paco: I don't-
Jeff: It's all bullshit. All of it. Well-crafted bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless.
~ Jeff revealing to Paco he is in a dream.


(Paco and Jeff are transported to a pool float in the middle of a sunny day in front of the Washington Monument) It;s fucking great, isn't it? This place is everything your useless, shitty life isn't. I mean, we can do whatever the fuck we can do. Ride a few boats, make a million dollars, fuck as many hot strippers as we want. This is a consequence-free Wonderland of bullshit. Just waiting- waiting for your next idea. In it's own fucked up way, it's paradise... Goddamn beautiful even.
~ Jeff having a heart-to-heart talk with Paco.


You might as well go buy some cigarettes too, because I like to have a smoke after I get good and fucked! Do you wanna fuck me, P?! Just say so! Go ahead! Here! [pulls down his pants to moon Ms. P, who crosses her arms and facepalms] Huh?! Go ahead, Mommy! Fuck me! Fuck me right here in the Best Buy! You wanna fuck me so bad?! Go on P! Fuck me! Fuck me!
~ Jeff's rage over Ms. P not getting him an IPad.


Comics

Zalgo's army are employed by the richest, greediest scum in the universe to shit on the poorest and the neediest. So we're going to enjoy shitting on them.
~ Jeff to Eyeless Jack.


Surviving is winning, Jack, everything else is bullshit. Fairy tales spun by people too afraid to look life in the eye. Whatever it takes, kid: survive.
~ Jeff the Eyeless Jack


(gasp) YOU KILLED BLACK EYELESS JACK YOU RACIST SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!
~ Jeff after Enderman accidentally kills Black Eyeless Jack.


You have 10 minutes you fucking retarded pussy ass clown fuck.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.


You guys are being a real bunch of assholes literally for no reason whatsoever. Literally and absoult- I- I hate- fucking hate everyone. I- I fucking hate everyone. I literally fucking hate everyone. I fucking hate everyone.
~ Jeff as he is thrown out of a strip club.


Jeff: (throws a chair at Will Grossman's head) Why do you suppose I just hurled a chair at your head, Will?
Will Grossman: I... I don't know.
Jeff: Sure you do.
Will Grossman: The slashes?
Jeff: Were you slicing or were you cutting?
Will Grossman: I don't know...
Jeff: Start counting.
Will Grossman: Five, six, seven.
Jeff: In FOUR, dumbass. Look at me!
Will Grossman: One, two, three, four (Jeff slices Will's legs with his knife). One, two, three, four (Jeff slices again). One, two, three, f-
Jeff: Now, was I slicing or was I cutting?
Will Grossman: I don't know.
Jeff: Count again.
Will Grossman: One, two, three, f-(Jeff slices his arm)-our. One, two, three, f-(Jeff slices his forehead)-our. One, two, three, four.
Jeff: Slicing or cutting
Will Grossman: Slicing...
Jeff: So you DO know the fucking difference! If you make me fail you, I will fucking murder your whole fucking family. Now are you a "slicer", or are you a "cutter", or are you going to be
ON MY FUCKING TIME?!?
Will Grossman: I'm going to be on your time...
Jeff: Now... Now answer my motherfucking question. Were you fucking slicing? Or were you fucking cutting? ANSWER!!!
Will Grossman: Slicing... (sheds a tear in pain; Jeff quickly notices)
Jeff: Oh my God... Are you one of those single-teared people? Do I look like a double fucking rainbow to you? It's fine. You can unleash the waterworks all you want. You must be upset, are you upset?
Will Grossman: No... (Will tries to wipe his tears)
Jeff: No, so you don't give a shit about any of this?
Will Grossman: I do give a shit.
Jeff: So, are you upset? Yes or fucking no?
Will Grossman: Yes...
Jeff: You are upset...
Will Grossman: Yes...
Jeff: Say it.
Will Grossman: (mumbling) I'm upset.
Jeff: Say it so the whole class can hear you.
Will Grossman: I'm upset...
Jeff: Louder, bitch!
Will Grossman: I'm upset!
Jeff: LOUDER, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Will Grossman: I'm upset!
Jeff: You are a fucking worthless, friendless, faggot-lipped little piece of dogshit whose mommy left daddy when she figured out he wasn't the fucking Unwanted House Guest, and who's now weeping and slobbering all over my weapons like a fucking nine-year-old girl! So, for the final FATHER FUCKING time...
SAY IT LOUDER, YOU PUTRID FUCKING CUNT!!!
Will Grossman: (at the top of his lungs) I’M UPSET!!!
Jeff: BEN, call the wah-ambulence cause he got a fucking baby in the house.
~ Jeff training Will Grossman.


Season 1

You're probably thinking, "Wait a minute, I thought this was a Creepypasta! Why are all these characters telling jokes and having fun? Where's the edgy content, dumb main characters and hyper-realism?" Well, we may have dumb main characters, but this ain't your traditional run-of-the-mill Creepypasta with terrible writing. I mean, have you read the original Jeff the Killer story? It's fucking awful! Anyway, getting off topic. I think you'll be surprised by the fact that this technically is a Creepypasta! BAM! Big surprise, motherfuckers! But it's probably not the Creepypasta you're customed to. This... Is Pastamonsters.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.


Ladies and gentlemen! This is your moment! Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doing!
~ Jeff while robbing a bank.


(to the audience) Hey, Jeff here. You're probably thinking, "Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own webcomic"? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Benderman." And let me tell you, he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.


The Jeff doesn't play for fun. The Jeff plays to win.
~ Jeff after beating Laughing Jack at tennis.


Eyeless Jack: (over phone) Jeff T. Killer.
Jeff: EYELESS JAAACK!!! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!!
Eyeless Jack: Jeff, it's business.
Jeff: That wide-eyed idiot was mine!
Eyeless Jack: It's business, fella! You wanna discuss it, we're at the warehouse! Enderman, B.O.B, Karen, the Rake- all of us!
Jeff: Start writing those names on tombstones, 'cause I'm on the way to your lab, and we're going to see how much of a business you got when I'm done! (hangs up and growls) ALL! OF! YOU! ARE! GOING! TO! DIEEEEEEE!!!!
~ Jeff threatening Eyeless Jack


Enderman: (over phone) JEFF!
Jeff: Enderman, how's it hanging bud?
Enderman: FUCK YOU JEFF!!
Jeff: Easy on the language, Endy!
Enderman: YOU DESTROYED MY WEAPONS!! KILLED MY MEN!!!
Jeff: Oh, boo-fuckity-hoo. We live and we die, that's our curse. Hey, you wanna come fight me about it? Come fucking find me! Proxy Mansion, you block-headed, inbred, contract-stealing fuck!
~ Jeff challenging Enderman.


You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm kidding! You can suck me off.
~ Jeff to Ms. P


Here's the thing. Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. This had been the ultimate commercial break. Which meant it was time to return to our regularly scheduled programming.
~ Jeff's opinion on life.


(Laughing Jack: Ah, everyone's favorite fuckboy. Namaste) Nama-go fuck your self.
~ Jeff bantering with Laughing Jack


Masky: I just wish the others were as mature as you.
Hoodie: They are mature you just.. gotta know them better.
Jeff: (to Hoodie outside the room) Paging Dr. Faggot! Dr. Faggot!


Jeff: That's Enderman's cat!
BEN: How can you tell?
Jeff: I never forget a pussy... cat.
~ Jeff and BEN.


I'm giving none of this to charity!
~ Jeff after earning 500,000 dollars on a game show.


Ms. P: Jeffery, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Jeff: ....What's your point, Ms. P?
~ Ms. P and Jeff.


BEN: Y'know, Zalgo once shook hands with Stalin.
Jeff: In America it's pronounced "Stallone".
BEN: You're so funny, Jeff.
~ BEN and Jeff.


Jeff: (Jeff picks up a boiling pot that he thinks is tea, but is instead a stool sample from one of Slenderman's enemies inside and drinks it): Holy fuck-a-moley! This tea smells like shit!
Slenderman: It is shit, Jeffery.
Jeff: Oh, good. Then it's not just me. (drinks again) ...It's a bit nutty.
~ Jeff and Slenderman.


Jane the Killer: "You know what your problem is, Jeffrey? You never learned to take anything seriously.
Jeff the Killer: Is that my problem? I thought my problem was that I was fucking crazy.
~ Jane and Jeff.


Clyde Aberdeen: Hello, everyone, my name is Clyde Aberdeen and welcome to the Aberdeen Pig Farm! (looks at Jeff) What is your name, son?
Jeff: (whispers to Ms. P) Whose this fat piece of shit talking to?
~ Jeff meeting serial killer Clyde Aberdeen at a pig farm.


...And the fat man is yelling DIE CRACKERS DIE!!
~ Jeff to BEN


EAT, YOU FAT FUCK! EAT THAT SHIT IIIIIIIN!!!!
~ Jeff getting into an eating contest with Clyde.


Jeff: That's was fucking terrible. That's the last fucking time I'll see that shitty ass place ever again. That's the last time I'll ever meet a fat ass like that eating a damn burger and food.
Ms. P: Maybe if you wouldn't have made fun of him we would have left earlier.
Clockwork: And you kiiinda started it...
Jeff: Hey, that guy was dick anyway! Too many fucking pigs, including that fucking guy! And that fat son of a bitch's voice, I can't stand that shit! You know how I feel, I'll fucking cut that lard ass' stomach open! Clyde Aberdeen, I don't give a fuck what he's famous for. Guy looks like he's 400 hundred fucking pounds and on the verge of having a fucking heart attack and people love this guy? I fucking hate fat people, that kind of fat people. I'm sorry I don't like what everyone else likes. (in a mocking Southern accent) "OOOH, A BORGER!!!" (mimics eating a burger) People think that's fucking cool and funny? That's fucking nasty. Made me sick to my stomach looking at that shit. If you wanna go back to that fucking nasty disgusting farm again, be my guest, but don't invite me! The next time I see that fucking guy, I'll cut his goddamn dick off. (to himself) Like he even has one, disgusting pig son of a bitch.
~ Jeff being driven home from the pig farm.


AIN'T THE AMERICAN DREAM GRAND?!
~ Jeff while firing a machine gun.


YES!! I DID IT!! NO ONE CAN BEAT THE JEFF!!! I BEAT YOU! HAHAHAAA!!!
~ Jeff after winning the Washington Triathlon.


BEN, think about it! You ended up ditching Ms. P to stay with me... two minutes later, we're the fucking leaders of the the most powerful country on the Earth. You take me out of that equation, you would've joined a cunt. (BEN stares at Jeff) Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin' IHop.
~ Jeff talking to BEN while eating in an IHop.


Ah, yes! Welcome to my darkest act ever committed, BEN! I'm gonna blow the United States sky-high and take over the rest of the world! Wait till you see what I have in store! It's gonna be the Holocaust on top of another Holocaust on top of three other Holocausts, with a dash of 9/11, and whatever Stalin did. I'M A FUCKING GOD!
~ Jeff going over the edge after he becomes president.


BEN: Ms. P was right... You ARE crazy!! I should have turned you to the police when I had the chance.
Jeff: DO IT! I'll put in the fucking ground like the rest of them.
~ Jeff threatening to kill BEN.


Good Morning, America. This is your United States weather report with everyone's favorite tyrannical ruler, President Jeff. Chances of a giant nuke destroying the county...100%.
~ Jeff preparing to destroy the Unites States with a nuclear bomb.


Season 2

UHG, I'm not usually one for empathy, but you need to get your shit together.
~ Jeff to the Unwanted House Guest.


Second degree burns, first degree fun!
~ Jeff making an "asphalt angel".


[after seeing The Human Centipede, Nightmare on Elm Street, Child's Play, and Evil Dead, in that order] That was stupid. And anyone who likes them is stupid too. I know that's my opinion, but I'm right.
~ Jeff's opinion on horror movies


Okay. Go ahead, Masky. Throw your nunchucks away. If you can. But you know damn well that your Jewish blood won't let you. You can't throw away something you paid fifteen bucks for. Go ahead and try. Mel Gibson was right, Masky. Right now the Jew in you is screaming 'No! Those cost money! Get your money back!' You know this to be true. Go ahead. Prove Mel Gibson wrong, Masky. Do it.
~ Jeff to Masky.


Jeff: Casa Bonita is my favorite place in the whole world, I'll just die if you don't take me. Please.
Masky: Sorry, my mind is made up.
Jeff: Well fuck you, bitch! I don't wanna go to your faggy birthday party anyway! I'd rather hang out at home than have to be around you and your Jew mom for a day. Kiss my balls, asshole! (storms out the door; reenters a moment later) Dude, I totally didn't mean that, Masky. I really want to go to Casa Bonita. I'm sorry we had that fight just now, you know, I mean I said some things, you said some things but, I think we've moved past it.
Masky: I'm not inviting you to Casa Bonita.
Jeff: Well FUCK YOU, Masky! I hope you die! I hope you fucking die! (storms out)
~ Jeff to Masky.


Sheriff Wayne: Well Jeff, you made an entire town panic, you lost all your friends, and now you're going to jail for a week! So, was it worth it?
Jeff: (dreamily) ... totally.
~ Jeff and Sheriff Wayne.


Masky, this is the way the world works - if you wanna find some quality friends, you gotta wait through all the dicks first.
~ Jeff trying to find Masky friends on Omegle.


This book is called "Jack and the Beanstalk". Now that could be the name of a fairy tale, or a porno. Let's find out.
~ Jeff before reading Sally a bedtime story.


Laughing Jack: (as a giant) Fe, fi, fo, fum! I smell the blood of an English man!
Jeff: It's odd that you would speak gibberish of your choosing and not make it rhyme.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.


The Old Man and the Sea is the story of a fight between an elderly, accomplished fisherman, Santiago, and a really big fish. Like, HUGE. The story opens with Santiago suffering 84 days without catching a fish because he's the unluckiest sonofabitch on planet Earth. Honestly, if you were in a boat for 84 days, it'd be hard NOT to catch a fish, even by accident. Santiago was so unlucky that his apprentice, Manolin, was forbidden by his Ma and Pa to fish with him. But as the Fresh Prince used to say, "Parents just don't understand". So the boy visits Santiago's shack anyway, ignoring the inherent risks of unsupervised playtime with an elderly man who talks to himself. Manolin helps out, moving Santiago's fishing gear, making food, and talking about baseball. Especially Joe DiMaggio, who used to bump fuzzies with Marilyn Monroe. The next day, Santiago tells Manolin that he's going way out into the gulf stream, WAY out north of Cuba. Lady Luck is returning. On the 85th day of his crappy luck, Santiago drops his lines and by noon, gets a bite from what feels like a big-ass fish. He's sure he's a winner. He fights and fights and fights and fights, but can't pull the monster in. Santiago's leaky old boat is pulled by the fish for two days and nights as he holds on for dear life. Even though he's bloody and beat, Santiago begins to appreciate this mighty adversary. He starts calling him "Brother" or maybe even "Bro". It's sort of a love story if you really think about it. And like most romantic comedies, the reader pictures a delightful outfit changing montage, followed by the inevitable interspecies wedding. But on the third day, Santiago is freakin' EXHAUSTED, and decides he just wants the fish to do what he says and not always swim wherever it wants. So he stabs it, with a fucking harpoon. It's a mess. Super gross. Blood everywhere. Because, like many men his age, Santiago has difficulty expressing his emotions and fears with words instead of giving in to base desires and imposing his gigantically terrible position on any given subject through unblinking violence. Typical. Anyway, he straps the marlin to the side of his skiff and hits the road home, ready to act like a total showoff to everyone and probably gouge people on the price. But guess what? Pretty soon sharks begin to attack the bleeding marlin's carcass, because as we all know, life is a tragic opera and just when you think you've finally found something good and true, sharks come along and rip it all to fucking shreds while dry-humping your dignity with their crazy-weird shark dicks. Sure, Santiago tries killing a few of them, but drops his harpoon because his hands are just as old as he is. By nighttime, the sharks have pretty much eaten the entire marlin. Only a bleach-white skeleton remains, silently mocking him in the murky darkness. Santiago realizes he's still unlucky, REALLY unlucky - DUH! Man calls the sharks "dream killers". Which isn't really all that fair - I mean, the sharks were just doing their job. And the marlin... Jesus, don't even get me started on the marlin. It was just hanging out one day, minding its own business, maybe thinking about ways it could be a better provider for its family and WHAM! harpoon in the brain. Who's the "dream killer" now, fuckface? The hypocrisy is pretty much boundless at this point. Eventually, Santiago makes it ashore. Leaving the bones of the marlin and the boat, he hobbles to his shack. He makes it home and crashes, like I said - he's super tired. The next morning, a group of fishermen gather around Santiago's boat. One measures the skeleton and, holy shit shingles, it's over 18 feet! The head of the fish is given to Pedrico - strange that this is the first mention of him - and the other fishermen ask Manolin to send their glad tidings to the old man. Manolin brings Santiago newspapers and coffee when he wakes and they decide to fish together again. Many years later, there's a Red Lobster restaurant in nearly every city in America, offering a casual dining experience and convenient parking.
~ Jeff telling Sally a bedtime story.


(in a TV commercial) Hey everybody, check out the all new Jeffland! It's our gra-hand opening! Jefflandland has over a hundred fabulous rides, 12 rollercoasters, and tons of great surprises! And the best part is... you can't come! That's right, because at Jeffland, only I, Jeff The Killer, can get in. That means only I can ride the all new tornado twister, a rollercoaster that splashes in the water. Wow! It's the greatest amusement park in the universe, and nobody can go! Especially Hoodie and Masky! Hahaha! So come on down to Jeffland now, but don't plan on getting past the parking lot, 'cause remember: 🎵🎵 So much to do at Jefflland, but you can't come!... especially you, Masky and Hoodie. 🎵🎵
~ Jeff opening his own amusement park.


Jeff: Aw, shit.
Nick the Endoskeleton: What happened?
Jeff: I dropped my phone in the toilet. (reaches in the toilet, groaning) Oh, it's so cold and it's under everything. feel like I'm rooting around a pitcher of sangria. Jesus fuck, where is it? Oh, my God, why haven't I fucking found it yet? Oh, no, I didn't roll my sleeve up far enough. Oh, why didn't I flush when I got in here? Aw, this isn't even all mine! Oh, no, there's a spider crawling on my face. (smack his face) Aah, why didn't I use the hand that was on the floor?! Why did I use my toilet hand?! Oh, wait, here it is behind the toilet.
~ Jeff looking for his phone.


(holding BEN, who he believes is dead) I- I- didn't never r- r- really got to know him and he-he-he was just learning how to ta-a-a-alk and and he said we-we- we-we were gonna go for a movie night!
~ Jeff when he thought BEN had died again


Season 3

[laying in a bathtub] Look at you, you had such dreams ahead of you, such promise, you were perfect back then — okay you were a fucking goodie-two-shoes, had teeth like a fucking chipmunk and a dumb and dumber haircut that only got dumb and dumber — but you had such hope.
~ Jeff lamenting on what could have been.


Slendy? I don't mean to be rude, but I've been sittin' here for two hours doing NOTHING!!!
~ Jeff to Slenderman.


Pub Monster: Jeff! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
Jeff: (drunk) Are you? What are you saying?
Pub Monster: Fucking my girl, man, it's wrong.
Jeff: Oooh, but I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead? Is that the problem here? Give me those tentacles, cowboy, lets.. let's fuck.
Pub Monster: You think this is funny?
Jeff:GET THEM OFF!!!
Pub Monster: Fuck you, Jeff. I still love her.
Jeff: (begins comforting the monster) Hey, man... it's alright.
Pub Monster: I didn't mean nothing by it man.. I messed up.
Jeff: I know, I know, cowboy, it's okay man. Give me a hug, yeah. (hugs the monster) Shhhhh... (suddenly Jeff grabs the monster by the neck and throws him to the ground. Jeff then stabs the monster repeatably) YOU'RE FUCKING SHIT!! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!!! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SPEAKING TO?! I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU! YOU STUPID FUCK!!! NEXT TIME, DON'T GET IN MY FUCKING FACE!!! I JUST LOST MY FUCKING FRIEND AND I GOTTA HEAR YOUR SHIT?! GET UP!! GET UP!! (Jeff realizes the monster is dead) FUCK YOU THEN!! (storms away)
~ Jeff killing a Monster in a fit of rage.


What's the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker? Spider-Man gets the girl.
~ Jeff.


Cowboy in Black: The fuck is wrong with you, pardner? You'd rather die for some piece of shit that you don't even fucking know?
Jeff: Some cowboy with a gun, laying into one defenseless guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what's fucking wrong with me? Yeah, I'd rather die... so bring it the fuck on!
~ Jeff defending a store clerk from the Cowboy in Black.


Don't worry citizens! Jeff Man is here to save the day! I mean, I don't really give a shit about this town at this point but..
~ Jeff saving the town one last time.


Wait, what? You are fucking kidding me?! I just saved this motherfucking city and you're asking me to clean the mess that fucktard caused?! (walking away) With all due respect citizens, but you guys can suck my fat fucking balls.
~ Jeff's response to the citizens of a city he saved asking him to clean all the damages.


BEN: Jeff, the Lilliputtians are about to kill Ducky!
Jeff: Really? Ha! Good.
~ BEN and Jeff.


Ducky: (as Jeff unties her) Ugh, took you long enough, And watch the earrings. They're worth more than your house.
Jeff: You know what? Fuck this. Get shredded to pieces. That'll really show me.
Ducky: (panicking) Untie me! Untie me!
Jeff: That's what I thought!
~ Jeff and Ducky.


Ducky: You know, you're actually not that terrible. A little rusty, but-
Jeff: Just shut the fuck up and putt!
~ Jeff and Ducky fighting the Lilliputtians.


Donald Trump was right... His daughter is a hot piece of ass.
~ Jeff.


Jeff: You wanna hear it? This chick goes on a date with this guy she wants to fuck. But she's worried because she's got a huge vagina from fucking so many other guys. So she gets a piece of liverwurst and shoves it in her vagina so when he fucks her, it'll feel tighter.
Ms. P: Maybe this isn't family conversation.
Jeff: Hold on, Ms. P, shut the fuck up. So she puts the liverwurst in her vagina goes home with the guy, fucks him, everything seems fine. She wakes up the next morning and he's fucking gone. And he's left her a note that says, "Thank you for a lovely evening. However, I don't think this is going to work out. "P. S. Your vagina is in the sink." Now, I'm gonna leave the room now as I have just shit myself again.
~ Jeff telling everyone his favorite joke in the world.


(drunk) Ms. P! It is good to see you! You're looking a little chubby today. (grunts) Nice new tits, by the way.
~ Jeff to Ms. P after a hangover.


You... dirty... stuck-up... sadistic... shit-eating, cocksucking, buttfucking, penis-smelling, crotch-grabbing, ball-licking, semen-drinking, dog-raping, Nazi-loving, child-touching, cow-humping, perverted, spineless, heartless, mindless, dickless, testicle-choking, urine-gargling, jerk-offing, horse face, sheep-fondling, toilet-kissing, self-centered, feces-puking, dildo-shoving, snot-spitting, crap-gathering, big-nosed, monkey-slapping, bastard-screwing, bean-shitting, fart-knocking, sack-busting, splooge-tasting, bear-blowing, head-swallowing, bitch-snatching, handjobbing, donkey-caressing, mucus-spewing, anal-plugging, ho-grabbing, uncircumsized, sewer-sipping, whore mongering, piss-swimming, midget-munching, douchebag, ho-biting, carnivorous, mail-order prostituting ASSHOLE!!
~ Jeff after Enderman burns his money.


Yes! Yesss!! Oh, let me taste your tears, Endy! (starts licking Enderman's tears) Mm, your tears are so yummy and sweet. Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness! My-yummy. (licks Enderman's tears off a table) Smile, come taste some of his sweet, nectury tears! Mm-yummy you guys!
~ Jeff licking Enderman's tears after killing his parents.


Sally: Jeff! It smells like rotting flesh in here! Take the window lock off.
Jeff: I can't do that, Sally. I don't trust myself not to jump out the window.
~ Jeff and Sally.


Zalgo: Jeff the Killer. Son of a bunch of nameless, nobody mortals.
Jeff: Zalgo... Son of a bitch.
~ Jeff and Zalgo greet each other.


(pinning an old man against the wall with a knife at his neck) GO TO SLE-what the fuck am I doing? No, really, what the fuck am I doing?! I'll tell you what I'm doing: Killing FUCKING OLD PEOPLE!!! Y'know what? You're off the hook! (walks away before immediately returning) No, no, I don't want to let you live, but at the same time... is this it? Is this really life? No! This isn't fucking life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for me! It's pretty goddamn pathetic, but it's all I fucking got! I know what you're saying, "Oh, well, that's pretty fucking sad," well, you know, yeah, it is fucking sad!! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, "Hey, what'd ya think of that," "well, I'll tell ya what I think of that," no, it's just me. Bitching and moaning like I always do. (at this point, he starts talking more rapidly) And someone's saying, "well, that's a pretty sad existence," well, yeah, it is a pretty sad existence JUST SITTING HERE FUCKING WITH SOME GEPPETTO MOTHERFUCKER!!' I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'VE NEVER DONE FUCKING ANYTHING! I've never done anything to make someone's life better, or-or-or-or-or, gone to play a game with somebody- I'd LOVE to play a game with somebody! Wouldn't it be great, I mean somebody's just like, "Hey, why don't you come over and play this game with us?" "What game?" "Parcheesi," I don't know what the fuck people are playing, but you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice to be fucking invited! I've never even gone out to a, a fuckin' bar with somebody, hang with some friends, I've never gone to a, a strip club- okay, I've gone to a couple strip clubs, but I've never gone with anybody! I've never been there, and actually been like (makes a suggestive gesture)... okay, not with people, but STILL, you know what?! It'd be fuckin' nice! It'd be nice just ONE DAY to go somewhere! Or somebody's just having a good time, and somebody just says outta nowhere, "Hey, you know what? THAT guy was okay! Not great, but he was okay!" instead of, "Hey! Who was that little fuck-shit?!" Well, I'll tell ya who that fuck-shit is! HE'S FUCKING JEFF THE KILLER! HE RUINS LIVES BECAUSE HE DOESN'T FUCKING HAVE ONE! EVEN THOUGH, EVERY FUCKING DAY HE EXISTS, HE WISHES HE DIDN'T FUCKING HAVE TO! HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS GODDAMN BULLSHIT, TO MAKE YOU WATCH AND GET YOU RATINGS, AND WHY DOES IT FUCKING HAPPEN?! WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK?! BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, AND I'M FUCKING STUPID! THAT'S THE WAY IT FUCKING IS! IT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GONNA FUCKING BE! THERE IS NO CHANGE, THERE IS NO FUTURE! THERE IS NO PAST! THE PRESENT IS A FUCKIN' JOKE, EVERYTHING IS HELL! MY LIFE IS HELL! THIS IS THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING COULD EVER GO THROUGH! (screams at the top of his lungs, then stabs the man in the heart, after a while Jeff gets up and casually walks away) Goddamn, I could use a beer.
~ Jeff ranting about his life while killing an old man.


Dr. Applecheek: Your friend, BEN. He's a good guy?
Jeff: He's a good guy? A- a good kid? Not really. Does he help the fucking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he watches fucking hentai. If that's our standard for goodness... then no wonder this country's screwed.
Dr. Applecheek: And what about you?
Jeff: What about me? .... Hey. I didn't have the advantages that guy has. By the time I was his age, I killed a lot of my neighbor's pets. I lit a bank on fire. I tried to kill my yoga teacher.
Dr. Applecheek: And where did all that killing get you, Jeffrey?
Jeff: They got me right... fucking here! The end of the fucking road! With a big house and useless friends and I'm stuck talking to you because no one else gives a shit. Oh, I'm living the dream, baby! and that dream is fucked! It is... FUCKING FUCKED!!
~ Jeff having a therapy session with Dr. Applecheek.


I want something that isn't this, you know? This caring about two things at once. I mean, I want to be a good friend, stop killing... live the dream... but at the same time... I really want to kill people, too.
~ Jeff explaining his dilemma to Dr. Applecheek.


Jeff: (phone rings) Hello?
The Rake: Greetings, you pathetic, lung breathing pile of meat!
Jeff: Mom?
The Rake: Oh, you may have evaded intergalactic law, you rat-brain... but you've not evaded me!
Jeff: Mom, have you been drinking again? And shouldn't you be dead?
~ Jeff to the Rake.


Jeff: Now, I know I've never asked anything of you guys before...
Hoodie: Did he seriously just say that?
~ Jeff and Hoodie.


Ducky: Uh, no offense... actually, a lot of offense. Why should we trust you?
Jeff: Oh, come on! When have I ever lied to any of you guys?
Clockwork: [comes running in, holding a piece of paper] Oh my god, you guys, I won a car! [everyone glares at her, she shrugs] I don't check my mail that often.
~ Jeff and the Proxies.


Jeff: Okay... I lied a few times. And I know I've mad some mistakes in the past.
Masky: Thousands.
Jeff: And some times, I've led you into danger.
Hoodie: Always.
Jeff: But, at least I had the best intentions in mind.
Ms. P: Yours.
Jeff: And things have always turned out okay.
Everyone: NEVER!
~ Jeff arguing with the Proxies.


Laughing Jack: Is that sarcasm?
Jeff: Oh, you're fucking A-right it's sarcasm! You fuck! A few months ago, I was happily killing people, sulking by my swimming pool, murdering families and not giving a shit about it, and then you all show up out of nowhere to torture me over mistakes I made, honest mistakes I made over a fucking decade ago! We, our little posse, are flat fucking fucked, but hey, let's go out and spend two million dollars on a tandem rotor fucking chopper, so I can go steal nerve gas from fucking terrorists! FORGIVE ME, YOU IGNORANT FUCKS! BUT SARCASM IS ALL I FUCKING GOT!! SARCASM, AND A ROOM FULL OF YOU CUNTS!!!
~ Jeff snapping at Laughing Jack and the Proxies.


When did you become a fucking expert on what I fucking can or cannot do, you fucking weepy willow shit stain?
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.


(With Ticci Toby on the phone) We ready to do this?
Ticci Toby: Yep. Ms. P doesn't think it's a good idea to turn the mansion into a ship while Slendy's away..
Jeff:Tell her it's a good idea to turn the mansion into a ship. It's a GREAT idea. And tell BEN we need chips and dip and prostitutes.
~ Jeff to Ticci Toby over the phone.


Sally Williams: But Jeff, won't this violate your house arrest?
Jeff: Why? I'm not leaving the house.
~ Jeff to Sally after turning Proxy Mansion into a spaceship.


Jeff: Ron?
The Rake: It's Rake! R-A-K-E, RAKE! Do you know what that spells?
Jeff: Roy?
The Rake: GODDAMMIT!
Jeff: Listen, Rick, what do you want from us anyway?
~ Jeff and the Rake.


DADDY'S HOME, BITCHES!
~ Jeff before slaughtering a room full of Enderman's men with the Judge Dredd helmet.


Let's be honest, I'm not the only one with a little bit of shit in their pants right now, am I?
~ Jeff to Enderman's goons after he gets the Judge Dredd helmet.


Ugh... not my best moment. But hey, even in the face of certain doom, I still look good.
~ Jeff after being punched through a wall by Mancala.


Season 4

Sure, I may kill people on an hourly basis and maybe, just maybe, do do funny things to corpses, but at least I don't destroy entire timelines unlike fuckface over there.
~ Jeff justifying his actions by saying he isn't as bad as Zalgo.


Jeff: I say unto the... the power of Aton compels you!
Zalgo: Oh, does it? Does it compel me?
Jeff: The power of Aton compels you!
Zalgo: Does it, Jeff? Is the power of Aton compelling me? Is that what's happening?
Jeff: The power of Aton compels you!
Zalgo: Guess what? It's not that compelling.
~ Jeff trying to exorcise Masky.


I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
~ Jeff talking to BEN.


HEY THERE, FUCKTARD!!!
~ Jeff before crashing his space-ship into Zalgo, saving Alice Liddell.


Epsilon Recruiter: What if I told you we can cure your antithesis? And what's more, give you abilities most mean only dream of?
Jeff: I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y.
~ Jeff to an Epsilon Recruiter.


Name? Jeff the Killer. Age? 20s. Sex? Yes please!
~ Jeff filling out a flyer for the Epsilon Program.


Marnie: I used to be called Marnie, now I am Shupar, Queen of the Winds. Doubting is the pathway to believing for non-objectionable persons. The literature is very clear about that.
Jeff: Mmhmm. Sure you were. Why is it whenever people talk about reincarnation they're always a king or a general or a famous person? How come they're never a serf or a rock or a bug?
~ Jeff to Marnie during their discussion of reincarnation.


Marnie: And it says right here you... assaulted a monk with your friends?
Jeff: We live an alternative lifestyle.
~ Jeff and Marnie.


Jeff: Yep. This is it. I am one hundred and ten per cent unequivocally positive this is it.
Marnie: Then you understand, Zondar?
Jeff: I understand that this is fucking it.
~ Jeff to Marnie about the "alien artifact".


(being toured through a temple) What is this, a PF Changs?
~ Jeff while being toured though the Epsilon temple.


Allow myself to introduce... myself.
~ Jeff greeting Cris Formage.


Jeff: Women can't run things. They're too emotional, irrational. I need women's rage to tear it all down, 'cause then I'm gonna be the last one standing to lead them. Amen! Helter Skelter!
Marnie: You fucking twat.
Jeff: A fucking twat, yes. But at least I'm a fucking twat who knows the truth: that women need to be grabbed by their pussies and led, preferably to the kitchen to make me a sandwich.
~ Jeff talking to Magnolia and effectively betraying the Epsilon Cult.


Cris Formage: You fucking traitor. After all we've been through. You can consider your enlightenment revoked, you son of a bitch!!
Jeff: And you can consider this my refund. Funny thing is, Cris. I don't want your stupid ass money. So me and my boys are just gonna fucking burn it all.
Cris Formage: YOU DIMWITS!! There's 2 millions dollars in there!
Jeff: Thanks for telling me something I don't give a shit about.
Cris Formage: Don't you realize how powerful I am! I will send countless of my men after you and everyone you know! WE WILL HUNT YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!!! YOU WILL THE THE FERTILIZER OF THE 10TH PARADIGM!! NO ONE ESCAPES CRIS FORMAGE!!
Jeff: Yes, except all three of your wives. Anyway, I gotta go, Brother Brother. Kifflom.
~ Jeff to Cris Formage before he, Smile Dog, and BEN destroy 2 million dollars.


Ash Graven: I'm warning you, dude. I've killed so many people, the screams of my victims can be heard throughout the galaxy..
Jeff: Is it because you talked so fucking so much before you did it? Jesus Christ, just stab me already!
~ Ash and Jeff.


Well, excuuuuuse me, Princess!
~ Jeff to Ash Graven.


Jeff: I'm telling you guys, Ducky is the fucking worst. (doorbell rings, Jeff goes to answer it) And I'm not just saying that, I'd say that straight to her face. (answers the door to reveal Ducky)
Ducky: I need your help.
Jeff: ....You're the fucking worst. (slams the door)
~ Jeff to Ducky.


Ducky: You wanna know why this room was locked up? This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my father's ever done. Lying, cheating, and then there's me. I lied to you just because I'm too scared to talk back to my stupid parents! (Takes off diamond earrings and throws them at a painting of President Bush) You were right about me. I am just another link in the world's worst chain.
Jeff: (Sighs) Ducky, usually I'd just laugh and say "I told you so", but I know what it's like to have terrible parents. I'm ... (Smile Dog nudges him)...sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.
~ Jeff motivating Ducky.


Jeff: Look at this throne. Slendy won't buy me a sectional, yet Lord of the Fucktards gets a dope-ass throne. He probably doesn't even sit in it that much.
BEN: Yeah, you might be onto something, dude. You cool it down a put, put it by a fan, it'll look great in the mansion.
Jeff: You know what? I know we have a dangerous job to do here, but I'm taking this. I'm taking this throne.
~ Jeff decides to steal Zalgo's throne.


Jeff: (he and BEN are trying to fit Zalgo's throne through a portal) All right, you ready? All right, one... two... three. Easy, easy, easy. Okay. Stop, stop, stop, stop!
BEN: What? What? What?
Jeff: No, no, no, no... Twist it.
BEN: I am.
Jeff: No, no, no, no, no, other way. You're twisting the wrong way.
BEN: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Just look down, all right. Just look at me, look what I'm doing. (Jeff twists it clockwise) You see the way I'm twisting it? Yeah. Turn it that way from your end.
BEN: Okay. (twists it upwards)
Jeff: No, no, no, no, no. Fuck it. Fuck it. Put it down. Put it down. Fuck it. Just drop it.
BEN: All right. All right.
Jeff: All right, let's... Just hang on and figure this out.
Masky: Jeff, there are fucking demons all over the place. Shouldn't we be getting the hell out of here?
Jeff: All right, okay, all right, okay. I got it, I know... okay, okay... Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take the fuckin' legs off take the air wrests out and this whole thing is gonna be a lot simpler.
~ Jeff and BEN try to fit Zalgo's throne through a portal.


Jeff: All right, twist it counter-clockwise.
BEN: (on the other side of the portal) I am twisting it. You're twisting it the other way!
Jeff: I mean counter-clockwise from where I'm standing so... so th... so then you... so clockwise. You twist it clockwise. Okay... okay, go. (the chair sides the side of the portal) You know what? Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. Put it down, put it down for a second. My fingers are killing me.
BEN: Jeff, they're shooting at us!
Jeff: You know what? Lift it up tall ways. Aw, for cr... oh, it's wedged. It's fucking wedged. You know what? You just stand on the other side and I'll toss it out the portal, and we'll just have Ms. P fix it if it gets broke.
~ Jeff steals Zalgo's throne.


Librarian Assistant: I'm sorry, but do you mind taking this fight outside?
Jeff: We don't pick a ballroom, we just dance!
~ Jeff before battling Shadowlurker and X in the Multiverse Library.


X: Jeff!
Jeff: Hey, X. What can I help you with today? Besides luring children into a panel van.
~ Jeff to X.


Back from the dead, motherfucker!
~ Jeff while attacking Flagg and escaping Zalgo's dungeons.


HEY, FUCKTARDS! YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE BEFORE GOING ON A WILE GOOSE CHASE!
~ Jeff to Zalgo and the Shadowlurker.


Jeff: Guys, listen. I've been tortured for three days straight, broke out of a literal god's castle Great Escape style, and know I'm being yelled at by my own friends, so how about giving me some space? Does this ship have any music? (Jeff turns on the spaceship's radio and "What is Love?" begins playing) This song?!
BEN: You got a problem with this song, bro?
Jeff: You kiddin'? This shit is my jam!
~ Jeff as he and the Proxies escape the Pit.


(huddles under a giant corpse before filming a message) Is this thing on? (chuckles a little) Hey, guys. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tearjerker. I don't know if you're ever gonna see these. I don't even know if you're still... Oh, God, I hope so. Today's month 2? No, uh, 5. (chuckles sadly) Five fucking months. You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of being stranded in a literal nightmare land, I'd say I'm feeling a little better today. I managed to scrounge up a little bit of food. I call it a Nightmare Cuisine. You'd love it. I only threw up an ounce of blood from eating it. But... I'm gonna be real with you guys. (Jeff looks out fearfully, breathing heavily a bit before composing himself) I don't know how much longer I can last here. Ever since I got here, I've heard these .. voices. Telling me all sorts of things, but it's never good things. I keep having these... These- these terrible fucking dreams where I keep dying with each death worse than the last. I, uh.. (voice breaking) I'm afraid. Ah... (laughs) There, I said it. Although, in my defense, it took a literal realm of nightmares to finally break me, but... I don't know what to do. Water ran out... 4 days ago. My food will run out in a few hours.... and that will be it. I know I said no more surprises, but I gotta say, I was really hoping to pull off one last one. But it looks like... well, you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I'm mean, actually, if you grieve for a couple weeks... and then move on like nothing happened. (Jeff lies down, rubbing his head) Ah, the effects of dehydration. Not really funny when it happens to you. Heh. I should probably lie down for a minute, rest my eyes. Please know, when I drift off and be like everything lately, I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I don't mean to sound like a pussy, but, every time I think it's gonna get worse, I think about you guys. I don't know, it... It makes me feel safe. Because it's always you.
~ Jeff's message to the Proxies while trapped in the Nightmare Realm.


It's like... pornography or a perfect turd. I can't quite describe it, but I'll know it when I see it
~ Jeff while searching for a Multiverse crystal with BEN.


Zalgo: Ahh, Jeff the Killer. Prized student of my worthless son! Say, I hear you're also the new boyfriend to Princess Atta!
Jeff: I like to think of myself as a demon-killing, long-term booty call, thank you very much.
~ Jeff to Zalgo.


Here's what I'm actually going to do. I'm going to cut through all of his butt-buddies until I find Zalgo, force him to fix all this, put a knife through his eye and then fuck the eye hole.
~ Jeff to BEN.


Jeff: Only two things scare me, and one of them is demons taking over the world.
BEN: (long pause) ....What's the other?
Jeff What?
BEN: What's the other thing that scares you?
Jeff: Clowns. Circus folk. Nomads, you know. Smell like cabbage. Huge hands.
~ Jeff to BEN.


So what you're saying is all you have to do is unlock this true power and you can swoop in and defeat Zalgo like that? (Ash nods) Well... (looks at the camera) That's just lazy writing.
~ Jeff to Ash.


Jeff: (holds up a porno magazine) Who did this?
Skeet: Did what? What are you talking about?
Jeff: Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine owned by the legendary Unwanted House Guest. Was it you, BEN? No. No?
Laughing Jack: It was me, Jeff. I fucking made jizz on his magazine.
Jeff: The FUCK?! Why?
Laughing Jack: When I fucking jack off long enough, I end up jizzing, dude. I'm assuming the same shit works for you?
Jeff: Real fucking smart answer! That's just like you, Jack! UGH hasn't even been dead for 4 fucking hours and you're already cumming on his shit! Why don't you fucking aim, huh?
Laughing Jack: I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fucking wild fireman's hose. You just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get in your eyes or your mouth.
Jeff: The fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You didn't learn to jizz in a fucking sock or on a fucking tissue?
Laughing Jack: No, I don't have any brothers. I lived in a fucking box for most of my life!
Jeff: I highly doubt you didn't fucking learn to fucking close your eyes and fucking cum wherever you want!
Laughing Jack: I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fucking porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore? Welcome to the 21st century, Buck Rogers! You live in a mansion with fucking iPads in the walls, yet you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!
Jeff: That's right, man. I like to fucking read!
Ms. P: Horseshit.
Laughing Jack: You think that's the only thing I jerked off in here? I've been dropping loads around this fucking house like a goddamn dump truck.
Jeff: You don't cum on his stuff! He's dead, dude, have a little respect!
Laughing Jack: I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, Jeff. I'll fucking cum in his kitchen. I'll cum on his fucking art. I'll cum anywhere I want! I'll fucking cum on his grave if I have to!
Jeff: I will fucking cum right on you! (makes a "jerking off" gesture with his hands) I will cum like a fucking madman all over you, fucktard!
Laughing Jack: Ooh. I fucking wish you'd cum on me right now! I fucking dare you to cum on me! (he and Jeff make violent jerking gestures at each other) I'm gonna jack my dick so fucking hard in here!
Jeff:This, no more, man. All over your fucking face!
Laughing Jack: This all more! All over the fucking place! I'll fucking cum anywhere I want! I'll fucking cum on these walls! I'll cum on the fucking cabinets! On the fucking furniture! I'll cum everywhere!
Jeff: If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
Laughing Jack: You don't have enough bullets, bitch.
Jeff:No fucking jerking off in his house, Jack!
~ Jeff having an argument with Laughing Jack.


Laughing Jack: Why are you such a douche this morning?
Jeff: Let's recap: the cock-thistle that killed my greatest idol slipped through my arms yesterday, catching him would also lead the killing that shitsack hedgehog, get those super sexy crystals back and prevent this shit from happening to someone else, so yeah, yesterday was about as much fun as a sandpaper dildo.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.


Hey! Hey, asshole! Hey, come on! You pickle dick, demonic-looking motherfucker. You killed UHG. Now it's time to fucking pay. Nobody's scared of you, you fucking blue hedgefuck. Yeah, bring your ass over here, bitch. Nobody's fucking scared of you. I'm Jeff the motherfucking Killer! Yeah! I hope you like big dick, motherfucker, 'cause, I'm about to fuck you raw. For the last goddamn time! LET'S FUCK SOME SHIT UP!!!
~ Jeff confronts X after the Unwanted House Guest's deaths.


Jeff: HEY, RICK! HOW ABOUT FUCKING THEM THE FUCK UP!!
Rick Bernstein: Language!
Jeff: SUCK A COCK!!
~ Jeff arguing with Rick during the Battle of Arcosia.


FUCK YOU, YOU ONE-EYED ASSHOLE! I'LL DO THIS MYSELF!
~ Jeff screaming at Aton.


HAHA!! Hey, you ugly fucks! Check me out! I'm the Ghost of Christmas KICK-YOUR-ASS!
~ Jeff while fighting Zalgo's minions.


YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!! FUCK YOU!!!! THAT WAS A DUMB IDEAAAAAAAA!!!!
~ Jeff after Zalgo killed Slenderman.


Zalgo wants us to be afraid. He wants us to hide. Those are our friends out there, and if we don't do something, it'll be our entire omniverse! So I say instead of waiting around to be killed, we band together and take the fight to him! We are gonna FUCK HIS SHIT UP!!!!
~ Jeff to the Monsters of the Under Realm, inspiring them to stand up against Zalgo.


Jeff: Well, would you look at that. Intolerance rears it's ugly head.
Enderman: I'm not a fucking racist, you dumb cunt!
~ Jeff talking to Enderman.


Only best buddies execute demons together.
~ Jeff as he and the New Elite fight their way to Zalgo's castle.


Jeff: Hey! Hey! Hey! I just wanna say how fucking proud I am of this team. You know, you guys look fucking amazing! Rick, I have no doubt you look amazing too. This is the family that I've always dreamed of having and I... Ah, shit. I just get a little choked up sometimes.
Ducky: Just so we're all clear: if I die, I'm suing all of you!
Eyeless Jack: I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous about the high winds?
Jeff: Jack, my darling little boy. I realize that you're new to this, but relax. You've been chosen by a higher power.
Enderman: Did he just fucking call himself God?
Masky: I think he did.
Jeff: I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true! I've spent years as a Proxy. YOU THINK WE DIDN'T JUMP OUT OF A PLANE BECAUSE OF A LIGHT FUCKING BREEZE!? YOU'RE IN THE SHIT NOW, HOLES! (whispering) I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. (shouting again) ENDERMAN, HIT THAT SHIT!
~ Jeff's speech to the New Elite.


Yeah, you get 'em, Enderman. Half this comic's budget comin' up!
~ Jeff before the battle between Enderman and X.


Wait, we gotta hold hands to make the zodiac work? What is this, a fuckin' Care Bears special?
~ Jeff when instructed how to activate the Zalgo Zodiac.


Jack, if you deliberately sabotage the plan, I will fuck you like a pig.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack when he refuses to get into the Zalgo Zodiac.


Laughing Jack: Whoa. Hey. I'm not the enemy here, people. (points at Jeff and BEN) Don't forget the two fucktards who literally gave Zalgo the crystals in the first place.
Jeff: Godfucking dammit... I'm sorry, Jack. I know. Just help me fix it. Please.
Laughing Jack:Fine. Just do one thing. But if I do, you have to be my butler for the next few months.
Jeff: The fuck did you just say?
Laughing Jack: You pretty caused the apocalypse in the first place, the least you could do is be my bitch for one month. You want me to get in the circle? Be my bitch!
Jeff: Fine, whatever. I don't give a shit. Just get in the fucking circle, asshole. (Laughing Jack finally holds Jeff and BEN's hands in the circle) Now, see. Between me and him, I'm not a dumbass.
Laughing Jack: ....Between him and me. (Jeff glares hatefully at Laughing Jack as the group looks in fear; Jeff is now seething with rage as Laughing Jack smiles smugly) ...Grammar is important, Jeffery.
Jeff: (breaks the circle to attack Laughing Jack) YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKING KNOW-IT-ALL!!!
~ Jeff trying and failing to get Laughing Jack in the circle.


Shadowlurker: Sorry. I was too busy watching you two argue I forgot to trap you all.
Jeff: Hey look! It's Zalgo's bitch! Tell me, who's boots are tastier to lick: Zalgo's or X's?
Shadowlurker: Call me whatever you want, foolish mortal! In a few hours I will still be alive... And you will be dead.
Zalgo: (rises up to them all) "Oh, no, it's Zalgo!" ..Right? Isn't that what you're all thinking? Hey, Bigmouth why aren't you dancing? Chop, chop, huh?
~ Jeff being confronted by Zalgo and Shadowlurker.


Jeff: It doesn't have to go this way, Shadowlurker! That piece of shit... he deserves to die for what he did to you. He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. But if you kill us, he wins. You become everything he says you are, but worse. You don't wanna hurt anyone.
Shadowlurker: How do you know what I want?
Jeff: Because I've been inside you.... That came out wrong. I've been inside your shoes.... Which is also off-putting. It's just not a great analogy. The point is... there are people... There are people in this fucking world... besides him, who will treat you right. If he reaches full power, he'll kill you. You know he will. It isn't too late. Don't do it. Please.
~ Jeff to the Shadowlurker.


I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU CUNT!! (while simultaneously beating Zalgo with a bat) CUNT!! CUNT!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!!
~ Jeff while beating Zalgo with a bat.


Zalgo: Hold on. If you all let me go, I'll give you anything! Money, fame, infinite power, YOUR OWN UNIVERSE! Have mercy!
Jeff: NO! You're goin' down, fuckboy. You're gettin' erased. You're going to die and pay for everything you've done! For what you did to Slenderman, Mr. Widemouth, UHG, Shadowlurker, EVERYONE! And after you're dead you're legacy will be nothing but a fat fucking joke. And even if you do somehow live, you'll live the rest of your miserable life knowing that people will laugh at you for losing to a bunch of mortals. This multiverse laughs at you. It beat you. I BEAT YOU!!!
~ Jeff to Zalgo.


Let's go kill this fucking cunt.
~ Jeff and the others before fighting Infinite Zalgo.


Jeff: (to the Proxies and other friends) I don't know how to thank you all. Defeating Zalgo was not easy and we did it. I hope you all take something away from this. You're my friends for life, I hope you know that. (turns to Enderman) Even you, Blockhead. We would have been fucked if not for that robot. I would give you a high-five, but you don't have any fingers. So I think a crisp hug will suffice.
Enderman: No.
Jeff [gets closer to Enderman] Yes. Here we go. Bring it in. (hugs Enderman) Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking. [a ray gun sound goes off] Did you just shoot me in my dick?
Enderman: I shot you in your dick, yeah.
~ Jeff and Enderman.


Season 5

Fuck Gravity Falls. First they ride on our coattails with the "looks like a kids show but sorta isn't", and then they pussy out by not killing off that old motherfucker. What a dick. Well, guess what, Grunkle Stan? I'm dying in this finale, and unlike you, it'll be for good.
~ Jeff talking to the audience.


I don't speak Arcosian, Mr... [looks at card that is spelled in Arcosian, then tosses it] Well, I'm not even going to attempt that. But I did take second grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to: I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker.
~ Jeff to an Arcosian gangster.


I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Pastamonsters is a family comic. True story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
~ Jeff to the audience.


Jeff: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Mr. Mandavi: An ocean is water.
~ Jeff and Mr. Mandavi.


Skeet: According to the Kübler-Ross model, denial is just one of the five stages of grief.
Jeff: Jesus Christ, Skeet, back off. No more speaking lines for you.
~ Jeff to Skeet.


All these elderly white men on the walls... Should have brought my rape whistle.
~ Jeff while walking through the White House.


(knocks multiple paintings of presidents off the walls) Those were already damaged after they fell there! What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk about my fucking feelings? And how would I do that exactly? 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? It's always just you and Skeeters Lamar Longest Name Ever!
~ Jeff to Rick Bernstein.


Black John Louis: I'm Black John Louis.
Jeff: White Jeff the Killer. (Jeff stabs him in the knee)
Black John Louis: Ah! Well... That's no way to wake an old man up from his afternoon nap. I had a dream about a girl I used to know. She had me tied up to, but not as a prisoner, if you catch my drift. (laughs)
Jeff: Hahaha!! You're so funny!! (punches him in the face) Shut the fuck up, you're crazy. You ain't ever had a girl in your bed. Maybe your sister.
~ Jeff interrogating a Bleeder.


BEEEEEN!!!
~ A drunk Jeff looking for BEN in a bar.


YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!! I'M AN AMERICAN!!!!
~ Jeff while being chased by the police.


BEN: Jeff, Jeff.
Jeff: (waking from a hangover) Shut up.
BEN: Bro, wake up!
Jeff: (rubs his head) Uhh... I wanna die.... Where are we?
BEN: We got suuuuper messed up when I spiked those drinks, dude. We chased by the police in that saloon. Luckily, I was sober enough to lead us here and away from the police. (laughs) We had a sick night, bitches!
Jeff: What?
BEN: You don't remember getting drunk and running into the police in that saloon last night? Starting a full on fucking riot?
Jeff: Hey, I didn't start a thing!
BEN: Yes, you did.
Jeff: Well... I don't remember.
~ Jeff and BEN after a hangover.


We're not partners or friends. This doesn't end with us riding into the fucking sunset, Sally. It ends with me getting killed... and you winning the prison award for softest mouth.
~ Jeff to Sally.


Mr. Mandavi: Meet Pinkamena Diane Pie.
Jeff: Cool name. Now without turning this into another brony message board, what are your superpowers?
Pinkamena: I can torture people to death and bake them into delicious treats. I'm also good with torture and executions, causing anxiety, confusion, and pain.
Jeff: So, basically, you're Hillary Clinton.
~ Jeff meeting Pinkamena.


The Skin Taker: I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Jeff: It's a goddamn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! The difference is night and day.
~ Jeff to Skin Taker.


Jeff: (being telekinetically lifted by Ms. P) I'm swimming back to the Under Realm! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!
Ms. P: Jeff, you can't swim!
Jeff: I SAID MY CHANCES WERE SLIM!
~ Jeff trying to escape Skull Island.


They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild." Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.
~ Jeff on Skull Island.


That is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can skip and prance around like a magical pixie horse, and do whatever the hell you wanna do all day long. This is the good side, for those who love the Under Realm and care about getting back.
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.


I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare!
~ Jeff after building a wooden Statue of Liberty.


Clockwork: (after Jeff knocks on her shack's door) Who is it?
Jeff: It's the pizza man. Who the fuck do you think it is?
~ Jeff to Clockwork.


Jeff: Come on! What does Skull Island have to offer us?
Ms. P: Being eaten by a snake, dying from toxic gas, mauled by Stiltwalkers, Lyme disease.
Jeff: Thank you, Ms. P.
~ Jeff when Clockwork suggests staying on Skull Island.


If you're ever in the Under Realm, feel free to call first. (looks to see B.O.B eating his boogers and Laughing Jack smelling his armpit) Seriously though, call, okay?
~ Jeff saying goodbye to the native people.


The Under Realm! It's a bit of a dump. Are you sure we're not in Minnesota?
~ Jeff arriving back at the Under Realm.


Good news and bad news. Bad news is the whole team is going to shit, Nick, Bubba, Pinkamena, and the Skin Taker are dead, Laughing Jack is kissing Slenderman's ass like James Gunn kisses little boys, Sally is gone and likely dead, and Ms. P is slowly becoming insane because of it. The good news is I don't think anyone is gonna miss Bubba, he was creepy as fuck.
~ Jeff.


Jeff: I see straight through you, Laughing Jack.
Laughing Jack: What are you talking about, Shitface?
Jeff: You may have Slenderman fooled, but you ain't fooling me, you Pennywise knockoff.
Laughing Jack: (chuckles) Whatever you say, you Joker Reject.
Jeff: The only joke around here is you.
Laughing Jack: (shoves Jeff and walks away) This is getting really fucking tired now.
Jeff: What kind of stupid fucking shitty ass name is Laughing Jack anyway?
~ Jeff antagonizing Laughing Jack.


Jeff: This kid can turn himself invisible! Watch this, he can do it... now!
BEN: I can't do it on command.
Jeff: He can't do it on command! But it is cool. Show them the zappy thing, BEN.
BEN: I can't do it on command.
Jeff: He can't do it on command! But he can do so much more, like what else do you do?
BEN: Just those two things.
Jeff: Just those two things.
~ Jeff and BEN.


Jeff: Y'know... I had a son once. (everyone looks at Jeff) Years ago. I don't talk about him much.
President Bush: What was his name?
Jeff: Isaac. His mother, Eliza, was a waitress I met. She got pregnant, and she knew who I was, what my life was. I didn't wanna promise nothing I wouldn't keep, but I said I would treat them right. Every few months I'd stop by and visit them for a few days. (chuckles) He was such a good kid. She was too, I guess. Just a kid, nineteen.
Samantha Sampson: Well, what happened to them?
Jeff: I got there one day and... Saw graves outside and knew right away. Turns out some fuckers had came through and robbed them. Shot them dead... And all for ten fucking dollars.... (sighs) It hardened me, knowing that kind of pain. But, now I know you don't get to live a bad life and have good things happen to you.
~ Jeff reveals a secret of his life to the Proxies around a campfire.


It's been a tough few weeks. I know I've been... kinda... mad with you all. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, but I... I want us to get outta here. Everyone's nearly gone crazy, I'm just... trying to keep things together. Sometimes it gets hard... You wake up one day and your legs, they just give, and you just can't run anymore. I guess I'm... I guess I'm struggling to just... find a path forward for us all. Same as Slenderman, same as Ms. P. I don't wanna die. But if I have to, I will. So... forgive me, all of you.
~ Jeff to the Proxies, explaining why he's been lashing out at them, and also his attempts to retire from killing people.


Alright, you fucks! Party's over! Give me back my duck!
~ Jeff rescuing President Bush from the Bleeders.


Before we get started...Does anyone want to get out?
~ Jeff before fighting off Laughing Jack's recruits.


Jeff: It seems that Laughing Jack here was pretty close with Bigmouth.
Laughing Jack: What the fuck are you saying, Shitface?
Jeff: You've been talking.
Laughing Jack: That's a fucking lie.
Jeff: Slenderman, listen.
Laughing Jack: Slendy, think of the future.
Jeff: Bigmouth told me everything.
Laughing Jack: And you believe him, Shitface?
Jeff: It all makes sense now.
Laughing Jack: No... It damn well doesn't.
~ Laughing Jack's villainy is revealed.


Jeff: (to the Proxies) Everyone... You might wanna choose your sides, because this is all over. All those years, Slenderman... For this snake?!
Laughing Jack: Oh, be quiet, Joker. Be quiet. You live in the clouds.
~ Jeff in a standoff with Laughing Jack.


In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. In "Cool Runnings," it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. In "The Last Jedi," it was when those people signed on to be in that movie. But in this comic, well, you're looking at it. Rock, meet Bottom.
~ Jeff after being shot by Laughing Jack.


Boob Lady: I'm on vacation currently. My friend is very jealous. (Jeff laughs before coughing uncontrollably, coughing blood in his hand) What is wrong?
Jeff: I'm, uh... I'm dying. I got shot too many times in the lungs. I got it trying to save my friends, but it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. I disappointed my boss, got two of my friends killed, Sally's gone and probably dead because of me.. I've lived a shitty life, sister.
Boob Lady: We've all lived bad lives, Mr. Jeff. We all sin. I know you.
Jeff: (scoffs) You don't know me.
Boob Lady: Forgive me, but, that's the problem: you don't know you.
Jeff: What's that supposed to mean?
Boob Lady: Whenever I hear about you, you're always helping people and smiling. You saved that eyeless friend of yours, saved the universe from all those demons...
Jeff: (laughs a little) ...I had a son. He passed away. I got my girlfriend killed. I had a girl who loved me, I threw that away. I killed my mother and father when I was a kid. And my loving brother, I killed him too.
Boob Lady: My husband died a long time ago. Life is full of pain, but there is also love and beauty.
Jeff: What am I gonna do now?
Boob Lady: Be grateful that for the first time in your life, you see your life clearly.
Jeff: Sure...
Boob Lady: Perhaps you can help someone. Helping makes you really happy.
Jeff: (sighs) ...But.. I still don't believe in nothing.
Boob Lady: Often, neither do I. But then I meet someone like you and everything makes sense.
Jeff: (laughs wheezily) You're too smart for me, sister. (sighs) I guess I.... (looks at her with tears in his eyes) I'm afraid.
Boob Lady: There is nothing to be afraid of, Mr. Killer. Take a gamble that loves exists, and do a loving act.
~ Jeff's conversation with the Boob Lady.


I didn't ask to be super, and I'm damn sure no hero. But when you find out your worst enemy is after your best friends, the time has come to be a fucking superhero.
~ Jeff before going to confront Laughing Jack.


Remember me, bitch?
~ Jeff returns to fight back against Laughing Jack and the Bleeders.


Enderman: We're probably going to be dead in a few years. Your generation's completely fucked this world into a coma.
Jeff: (gasp) Spoiler alert, Blockhead!
~ Jeff talking to Enderman.


Look... You get out of here. Now. Swear it. The most excellent promise you can make. Swear you'll never look back.
~ Jeff to BEN, making him swear to escape the Bleeders and come back to Proxy Mansion.


BEN: C'mon, Jeff. Push! We can make it.
Jeff: No... No. (spits out blood) I think I've pushed all I can.
BEN: Come on.
Jeff: You go.
BEN: We don't fucking have time for this!
Jeff: We're not both gonna make it. Go. Now. I'll hold them off. It would mean a lot to me, please.There's no more time for talk. Just go.
BEN: Jeff...
Jeff: Go to the others.
BEN: Jeff, please!
Jeff: Get the fuck outta here and be a goddamn man!
BEN: Jeff... You're my brother.
Jeff: I know...I know.
~ Jeff saying goodbye to BEN.


Even with my fucked up lungs and my fucked up nerve endings, I gotta tell you, that hurt! But not half as much as the idea of letting my friends die. BEN, Sally, Ms. P... and all the things I'll never do. Like see the others graduate or see what BEN's kids would look like, or find out what happened in "Avengers: Endgame". And, by the way, if you're reassuring yourself that I'm going to make it through this since I'm narrating this, quit being such a smart-ass! Hell dude, you never seen "Sin City"? "Sunset Boulevard"? "American Beauty"?
~ Jeff narrating during his battle with the Bleeders.


Funny... For all the shit you talk... You can't even kill a dying man.
~ Jeff taunting Laughing Jack in their final fight.


Laughing Jack: (pulls out a dagger) You should've stayed and died in that river, Lead Lung! Let your friends be...
Jeff: Oh, I know... (pulls out his butcher knife) But I figured you and me had some unfinished business.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.


Laughing Jack: I've waited too long to kill you.
Jeff: Do it then! KILL ME! COME ON!! I'm half-dead and you still can't kill me, you goddamn snake!
~ Jeff while fighting Laughing Jack.


You're fucking scum, Jack. I should've killed you a long time ago.
~ Jeff while fighting Laughing Jack.


Laughing Jack: (dodges Jeff's attack) Ha! Still got some fight left in you, huh?
Jeff: It's easy when I'm fighting a coward.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.


Laughing Jack: (stabs Jeff in the chest with his own knife) Oh, shit. Look what I've gone and done. You lost, Lead Lung.
Jeff: No, I didn't.
Laughing Jack: Hahaha! You call this winning? You can't even fight back, Jeff. Alone...afraid...dying. HAHA! I've waited a LONG time for this moment. I played Sheriff Wayne like a fiddle, my men are killing everyone you care about as we speak, and, y'know, I killed you too, didn't I, Jeff? You aren't living. You can't call this living. You're practically on life support...Have fun bleeding out. (Laughing Jack begins to walk away)
Jeff: (coughs up blood) In the end, Jack... despite my best efforts to the contrary... it turns out I've won. (Laughing Jack stops) I told everyone you're a rat bastard....Sally... she outsmarted you. You didn't think she could do it, but she did it. She beat you....That's winning enough for me.
Laughing Jack: (after a long pause, Laughing Jack walks back and pulls out his revolver and aims it at Jeff) You're not better than me, Shitface!
Jeff: Whatever you say... You rat..
Laughing Jack: I ain't no rat, Lead Lung!
Jeff: You lie, Jack... You're the rat. Not Bruton... You! YOU! Not Bruton, not Skin Taker.... Not even Colm.
Laughing Jack: (laughs) You're dying, Lead Lung. All that blood loss is getting to your head, you're talking crazy... Before I kill you, do me a favor and tell me the truth. That I am better than you, and you're just an ugly piece of shit garbage. I want to hear you say that before you die.
Jeff: The truth... Okay. The truth is... you were only ever worth a damn when you worked for Slenderman. The truth is... you could never accept that I'm better than you. You're a fucking failure, Jack. And you always will be.
Laughing Jack: (with a look of desperation on his face) Fuck you...
Jeff: Fuck us both!
Laughing Jack: (finally shoots Jeff in the chest, killing him) HAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! (Laughing Jack holsters his guns, spits on Jeff's body, and then walks away)
~ Laughing Jack's final exchange with Jeff.)


Jeff: (Slenderman tries to heal Jeff's wound) No, no, no! Stop, Slendy! Just let it happen!
Slenderman: But Jeff... If I can't heal you, you'll die.
Jeff: I haven't done anything right my whole damn life, Slendy... You need to give me this.
~ Jeff accepting his impending death.


You guys made it. You're the only ones. As for me and the Bleeders..... No. But... I tried. ...In the end, I did.
~ Jeff accepts his death.


Jeff: Before I go... Sorry. Still got a bit left in me. Ms. P.. I want you to have it. Turns out I'm the lucky one.
Ms. P: (wipes her tears) Thanks, Jeff.
Jeff: Hoodie, Masky... Been a pleasure. Hi, B.O.B!
B.O.B: (smiles and waves) Hi, Jeff!
Jeff: Bush.. Treat Ducky and Rick right. They need you. (turns to Rick) Say "fuck" for me. Just once, we'll do it together. 1.. 2...
Rick: Fuck.
Jeff: Ha ha! Enjoy Hell, swamp mouth. (turns to Slenderman) Slendy, I know I haven't been exactly Student of the Year. I know I haven't been a good friend, but I knew you were one to me. (turns to Clockwork) Goodbye, Crazy Girl. (turns to Enderman) And Enderman. You get back to the Rake and B.O.B. Tell them Jeff said "Hi". And promise me one thing: That you will not judge people by the color of the skin, but by the content of their character.
Enderman: Jesus Fucking Christ.
Jeff: Eyeless Jack, Ticci Toby.. You two stay out of traffic. You two are too pure for this dark, dark world. Samantha... I didn't really get to know you that well. Like, at all. But... You seem like a nice girl. Where's S-Dog? (Smile Dog jumps to Jeff's side) There you are! You're BEN's now, okay? He's gonna take good care of you now! Be a good boy while I'm gone, okay? ... (BEN comes to Jeff's side and holds his hand) BEN, Family is not an F-word. There's one out there for you, bud. It's here all around you. Here, take my knife (hands BEN his knife). Remember me by this. (turns to Sally, taking her hand as well) I told you I cared about you Sally. I'm sorry I didn't show it right, but I'm damn lucky you're my girl. Guys, for a second there... we made a pretty good team. (goes limb for about 10 seconds but then revives) Oh, it's so hard to go. I just love being around you guys so much. So, so much. Mmm. No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. I feel the soul exiting the husk. Yeah. Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? Oh, there it is. (gazes into the light for a few moments before blinking) Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that. Ok, it's death time. I need to choose my final words. Woodpecker.... Gingivitis... Codswallop..... Do You Want to Build a Snowman? (stares at the sky before finally dying)
~ Jeff's death.


Quotes about Jeff

I've done a lot of things that I ain't proud of, and I never claim to be an angel. But you meet Jeff, and you'll swear I am an angel.
~ Slenderman warning Isaac Grossman about Jeff.


How can that retard be president?! President of retards, maybe!
~ Laughing Jack after Jeff becomes president of the United States.


We wait for two days for Jeff to kill us.
~ Ms. P when Jeff appoints himself leader of the U.S.S Exit Strategy.


Masky: Jeff isn't our friend anymore. We're ignoring him.
Ticci Toby: Ignoring him? Why?
Masky: Because he's an idiotic, racist, homophobic, self-centered, intolerant, manipulating sociopath.
Ticci Toby: Oh. Okay.
~ Masky on Jeff.


Don't compare me with Jeff! It's a thing with me. Jeff is... He's a sickness!
~ Jane the Killer expresses her hatred of Jeff.


You just use words you hear randomly to try and sound smarter!
~ Enderman to Jeff.


You have my respect, Jeff. But you cannot save me.
~ Shadowlurker to Jeff.


BEN: I... I think he's gone for good, Toby.
Ticci Toby: They always die... The good ones.
BEN: He wasn't a good one. He was... Good and bad, and it's... Hard to tell what he was in the end.
~ BEN and Toby after Jeff's death.


The day is done
The time has come
You battled hard
The war is won
You did your worst
You tried your best
Now it's time to rest
Now it’s time to rest
~ See the Fire in Your Eyes.

Trivia

  • The Pastamonsters version of Jeff is arguably the strongest Jeff the Killer incarnation of all time. A short list of his feats include killing a team of trained assassins in about 1/3 of a second, survived a fall from orbit, lifting the stone-made Proxy Mansion over his head, defeating Zalgo three times, fighting off Enderman's armed forces and an entire alien empire with ease (albeit enhanced by the Judge Dredd helmet); defeated the entire Epsilon cult without problems with a little help from Smile and BEN; survived a brutal beating by Slenderman; and saved the multiverse five times.
  • Jeff's behavior heavily imply he suffers from ASPD/sociopathy, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Schizophrenia.
  • Jeff believes in the Illuminati and Lizard People.
  • In "Jeff Man", Jeff mentions he has never had a single day of certified education in his life.
  • Comickit has stated that Jeff is in his early 20s.
  • Jeff took trombone lessons in junior college. 
  • Comickit once stated that Jeff shoves his knife up his anus whenever he has too many weapons to carry.
  • Jeff collects Star Wars memorabilia, confirming Jeff as a Star Wars fan.
  • Jeff is revealed to have a set of names for his knife, including "Ronald", "Frank", and on occasions, "Lola".
  • When playing golf against Ducky in "The Golf War", Jeff claims he was the American under-18 champion and "almost went pro".
  • Jeff once spent over $30,000,000 of Slenderman's money buying a sports car and a superyacht, both of which he accidentally crashed and destroyed within 5 hours of buying.
  • Jeff's favorite food is steak. He always packs it in his "magic bag" when he's in a mission in the Human World. He usually puts it over a campfire by sticking his knife into it and roasts it above the fire, which usually causes the steak to fall into the fire (although he denies it). Sometimes he's able to salvage it and others he's like "Guess I'll die". He also really loves cookies and other sweets.
  • Jeff suffers from Coulrophobia, since his dialogue suggests that he is still scared of clowns, saying such things as "I'm a big boy now" and "you can't hurt me anymore" when he meets Bubba the Clown. He also once asked Bubba the Clown "AHow many of you sex offenders are there!?". This implies that as a child, Jeff was sexually assaulted by a clown, thus causing his fear of clowns. Additionally, Sally once pranked Jeff by telling him there were two clowns looking for him, Jeff then started to get a little worried asking "Clowns? Where?!" which may prove he is still scared of clowns.
  • There is a running gag of Jeff getting sexually assaulted in one way or another throughout the series. He has been possibly molested by a clown in his younger days, raped by a bug, raped by John Stamos, raped by Ms. Pencil Neck, and it's implied the Unwanted House Guest fondles him in his sleep.
  • Despite the fact his mother tried to murder him, he misses his mother dearly and it's implied by BEN he still owns his mother's old sweater, which he sometimes wears and cries in.
  • Jeff has implied on multiple occasions that he committed horrible acts even before becoming insane. Said acts being killing neighborhood animals, lighting a mall on fire, and brutally attacking his skateboarding rival by shoving the skateboard up his anus.
  • Jeff's signature color is white. His jacket is white, his face is very, very bright white. Most of his other outfits typically have white as the primary color, such as his tuxedo in "Native American Throwdown" and "Bigmouth Manor Mystery".
  • He can play the piano perfectly provided he is drunk. He also can play drums and the French Horn.
  • It is hinted by BEN and Laughing Jack that Jeff has a very small penis.
  • Jeff has appeared in the most episodes out of any character in the series.
  • He is ambidextrous.
  • Jeff has his own parking spot at Proxy Mansion despite not owning a car.
  • According to a poll, Jeff is considered the second most popular character on Pastamonsters (only beaten by BEN).
  • Even though Slenderman is the owner of the Proxy Mansion, in one episode the narrator said that Jeff was the owner.
  • When he goes to the beach, he often wears his usual clothing. He states it's to keep BEN from staring at him.
  • His Proxy Identification card states that he has broken out of 135 prisons, both in and out of the United States.
  • A bottle that has the label "Liu's Ashes" can be seen constantly in Jeff's room, possibly meaning Jeff is remorseful for killing his brother.
  • Jeff represents the Deadly Sin of Pride.
  • His idea of a birthday gift is to give other people his own merch.
  • Jeff can speak Spanish. In "Jeff and the Darkness Part 1", he claims he took second grade Spanish.
  • He has a fear of spiders, needles, clowns and Chinese food. 
  • Although he said to be a virgin, he has been seen having sex on various occasions with Princess Atta and Ms. P.
  • Jeff is arguably even more evil than President Bush, as "Proxyland" showcases. While Bush mistreats and abuses his power and killed many to get where he is, he did make sure America had some type of order, warped though it may have been, and Bush did, in fact, respect America, the American way, and it's many laws. Contrasting this, Jeff, once in power, uses the flag as a doormat, shreds the Constitution, and turns America into a lawless hellhole, but he doesn't even try to convince Americans that he's the hero the way that Bush attempted to; he knows he's the bad guy here, he's loving every minute of it and he especially loves making sure they know it.
  • Comickit thinks Jeff's spirit animal would be a wolf.
  • Jeff is notorious for being a terrible driver. In "Figment", he weaves around active airplanes (including one that's landing at the airstrip) to shake Enderman and the Rake off, which gets most of his assistant Proxies killed. He drives so insanely fast that Mr. Widemouth can barely keep up with him. According to Slenderman, Jeff makes BEN, a drug addict who is whacked out of his mind 99% of the time look like a professional driver.
  • According to Enderman, sometimes when Jeff gets drunk, he goes outside Proxy Mansion, and throws grenades into random locations.
  • Jeff's Proxy Identification humorously states "None of your business card".
  • Despite being afraid of clowns, Jeff apparently once had a job with BEN as party clowns.
  • Jeff has died multiple times throughout the series (most of them are just one-off gags and he usually returns in the very next scene):
    • Had his throat slit by the Rake.
    • Presumably shot to dead by Enderman or the Rake.
    • Throat slit by ants.
    • Suicide via gunshot.
    • Suicide via hanging.
    • Head crushed by logs.
    • An aneurysm caused by The Emoji Movie.
    • Car crash.
    • Killed by Russian assassin via gunshot.
    • Electrocuted to death after sticking a fork in an outlet.
    • Stabbed in the chest by Laughing Jack. Unlike the others, Jeff actually dies from this one.
  • His favorite music is heavy metal rock and his favorite musical groups include AC/DC, Black Sabbath, and Skrillex.
  • He possibly suffers from nightmares, as in some episodes he wakes up screaming and brandishing his knife. BEN also once stated that Jeff mumbles in his sleep.
  • Jeff is the only member of Slenderman's Proxies who has defeated Zalgo one-on-one.
  • According to Comickit, if Jeff was in Hogwarts his house would most likely be in Gryffindor and his boggart would be a clown.
  • Despite his favorite music genre being heavy metal rock, Jeff's favorite song is Ocean Man by Ween, which is alternative rock.
  • Jeff was originally going to die in "To Proxy Mountain" and "Legends of the Multiverse", in which case BEN would take his place as the main protagonist. However, on both occasions Comickit backed out.
  • He wanted his name to be "Tyrone".
  • Jeff has a habit of picking his teeth with his knife when in deep thought.
  • He has a tattoo on his stomach that says "Cut here".
  • Jeff once went to the hospital for eating pencil shavings.
  • Jeff has been banned from several establishments due to his anger problems and annoying nature, including Cesar's Palace, Walmart, Slenderman's hotels, and several McDonald's.
  • According to Comickit, Jeff has to sleep with a sleep mask, because it's the only way he can go to sleep due to his lack of eyelids.
  • Contrary to his nature as a serial killer, Jeff's favorite holiday is Christmas. In fact, the only gift-giving holiday he enjoys is Christmas. He also loves Halloween, for slightly different reasons.
  • Jeff's least favorite holiday is Valentine's Day.
  • Jeff's favorite color is "blood", despite the fact his signature color is white.
  • Despite cutting his eyelids off, Jeff can occasionally be seen with black eyelids.
  • Despite being afraid of clowns, Jeff has a clown poster on the ceiling of his room that says "Sleep Tight!"
  • Rick Bernstein once said that Jeff's criminal record is so long that only the 'most egregious' need to be recited to justify his execution.
  • Jeff has his own brand of cereal in the Under Realm.
  • Jeff thinks reading is for nerds.
  • As revealed by Aton, Jeff was a polar bear in his previous life.
  • Jeff has his own flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream called A Slice of Jeff-'o Berry Fudge.
  • One of the ciphers in the Unwanted House Guest's notes reveals Jeff is a descendant of Abraham Lincoln.
  • It is shown many times in the series that Jeff is illiterate.
  • Jeff's phone has an enormous crack on it, making text messages difficult to read.
  • Jeff once threw BEN into a lake for beating him in a game of Mario Kart.
  • As shown in "11 Knives a' Stabbin'", Jeff has his own Christmas album called A Very Jeffery Christmas.
  • Jeff is the first Proxy to have his own origin episode, followed by Natalie Clockwork later on.
  • Jeff is ambidextrous.
  • Jeff once lost his middle and pinkey finger during an intense match of Five Finger Fillet against Laughing Jack. He later healed it after drinking Ms. P's healing potions.
  • Jeff can smell things and scents even though he does not have a nose, or his nostrils are so small that they're not visible.
  • The only characters in the entire series who was shown to truly intimidate or frighten Jeff were Slenderman, The Hag, and the Stiltwalker.
  • He once started a riot with Eyeless Jack and BEN in Boston following the 2016 Super Bowl.
  • At the end of "The Chain Mail", when Jeff is mourning Eyeless Jack on Proxy Mansion's roof, Jeff and BEN sit in the exact same spot Jeff later dies in.

Navigation

           Pastamonsters Villains

Factions
The Proxies
Minions of Zalgo
The Bleeders
Ku Klux Klan

Slenderman and the Proxies
Slenderman | Mr. X | Jeff the Killer | BEN Drowned | Ms. Pencil Neck | Eyeless Jack | Natalie Clockwork | Ticci Toby
Enderman's gang
Enderman | B.O.B | The Rake
The Pit
The Great Lord | Zalgo | Shadowlurker | X | Flagg | Stukka | Septim
Aton's Forces
Aton
The Bleeders
Laughing Jack | Angel Knives | David | The Mole
Others
Ash Graven | The Unwanted House Guest | Grinny Cat | The Stiltwalker | The Strider | Scorpion | Dr. Applecheek | Grinny Cat | The Showman | Officer Gutierrez | Mancala | Fear | The Hag | Evil Jeff | Colonel Blackheart | President Bush | Malitch | Mayor Bigmouth | Laughing Jack Jr. | Frowning Jack


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