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Y'want some candy?
~ Laughing Jack's catchphrase
You know, boys... There is no being saved. There's no being lost. Those fights were over long ago. Or were only invented to make you feel something out of nothing. Makes no difference. Nothing makes a difference. Can't see how. Tide comes in... tide goes out. You were born, you die. In-between you do what you do. There's no good, there's no bad. There's just... Things. Things that make you feel good or make you feel sad and just the length of time between living and dying. That's. All. There. Is. (chuckles) There's no God judging Man. And there's damn sure no Heaven. Ah, but... maybe there is a Hell. I think I'll know what it'll be like... And I'm going to be right at home there. And that's it. See it for what hell it is.
~ Laughing Jack's nihilistic rant to the Proxies.

Laughing Jack III (referred to as Laughing Jack) is the secondary antagonist of the webcomic Pastamonsters. He served as a supporting villain protagonist for the majority of the series until years of anger and jealousy causes him to betray the Proxies, and he subsequently becomes the main antagonist of Season 5, as well as the final main antagonist of the series.

He was a member of Slenderman's Proxies, despite the fact that every Proxy despised him in some way or another and considered him annoying. He was also Jeff the Killer's most personal rival, "nemesis", and eventual murderer. He was a sinister, thrill-seeking, sadistic, and supernatural clown, who frequently engaged in acts of human and animal cruelty. He was also infamous for gleefully gutting people alive and replacing their disemboweled organs with candy.


Look at you! Whining, little pussies! All of you! Look, I love Slenderman, dudes. He's like a brother to me. But... He attracts fools like flies to shit. Listen... What will be will be. There's nothing anyone can do about it, no one's changing shit. I got all kinds of crazy in me, ain't jack shit I can do about that. Ain't my fucking fault. Ain't no one's fucking fault. So live your goddamn lives and when it's time, go out stabbing and killin'! Ain't no fucking pity, ain't no fucking guilt. Ain't nothing, don't mean shit, it means nothing! NOTHING! ...Sooner you fools accept that, the better you'll be as men. It's a kill or be killed, dog-eat-dog world. And right now plenty of people want us dead. So we kill. And the ones that are too weak or too unlucky... They'll be killed. Accept it. It's the way of the world.
~ Laughing Jack's philosophy on life.

Laughing Jack is an eccentric, chaotic, manipulative, nihilistic, and violent serial killer who primarily targets children, often disemboweling them and filling their corpses with candy. He is considered to be wild and unpredictable even by the Proxies' standards and is said to enjoy the action in his life. On his own, he can be incredibly hot-headed and will find the pettiest reasons to kill people, such as intentionally trying to kill innocent people in Desert City after his jailbreak, and it's implied he murdered two of his old friends for beating him in a game of Five Finger Fillet. He also punched BEN across the face because he and the other Proxies were making jokes about him. When Alyss called him a fat fuck under her breath for scaring her and Sally he kicked her in the stomach almost making her pass out. This pretty much becomes his M.O when he forms his own gang; murdering anyone he and his thugs manage to rob. Despite this, Laughing Jack is an experienced and very infamous serial killer and con artist, earning him the favor of Slenderman himself.

Around the Proxies, Laughing Jack has an abusive attitude and hostility towards his environment, treating everyone he meets with sadistic and psychotic contempt, holding absolutely no standards whatsoever. He mocks Jeff for being deformed, bullies Eyeless Jack and Ticci Toby for their disabilities, calls BEN a "midget" and mocks him for his height, threatens to kill Sally Willaims, Alyss Christer, and Samantha Sampson just because they're children, demeans and sexually harasses the female Proxies, and frequently yells at and kicks Smile Dog. When Eyeless Jack, Nick, Suicide Mouse, the Skin Taker, and Bubba the Clown die, Laughing Jack doesn't seem to care at all and even cracks a joke of Nick's death. Some Proxies (such as Eyeless Jack, Sally, Samantha, Alyss, and Ticci Toby) are even shown to be afraid of Laughing Jack, and for good reason. The only reason he's able to stick around them for so long is because he is a competent killer and he's really good at sucking up to Slenderman. Some Proxies like Masky, Ms. P, and Hoodie have even attacked Laughing Jack once he pushed their buttons too far. Once he becomes Slenderman's right-hand man in Season 5, Laughing Jack treats absolutely everyone around him like trash, because he knows he can get away with it.

Truly cruel, he enjoys killing people, with his favorite victims being children under the age of 10, and as evidenced by his nature around Sally Williams, is shown to be sadistic enough to toy with his victims before killing them. He also enjoys telling graphic and detailed stories to the Proxies on how he kills his victims, even if they aren't interested in them. Laughing Jack is also known for having a severe hatred of children, as evidenced by his nature around Sally Williams and Samantha Sampson. It is also implied that he wishes to kill Sally Williams, but (initially) never went through with it out of fear of the Proxies' retaliation. When he tortures Ferdinand Kerimov with Angel Knives for information, it's disturbingly obvious that he is positively gleeful over it, even mocking the fact that he may be torturing an innocent man. He also threatens to kill Ferdinand's family once he's through torturing him. Despite all these negative traits, he is rather energetic and appears to have a decent sense of humor, making grim jokes and comedic movements, not to mention singing at odd points.

Laughing Jack is shown to be incredibly sexist and misogynistic, at one point even suggesting to Jeff that the Proxies should dump all the female gang members simply because they don't want to have sex with him. More disturbing, Laughing Jack is shown to be willing to force himself on women who otherwise want nothing to do with him, as he makes constant sexual advances towards Ms. P, and it was even implied he tried to rape Scarecrow when he cornered her in her house, and would have if Slenderman and Jeff hadn't intervened. It is also shown that he does not care one bit about his on-off girlfriend, Natalie Clockwork, and only keeps her by his side to impress the other male Proxies. Despite this, he is very controlling and abusive to her, getting angry when Clockwork doesn't pay attention to him. It's also heavily implied that Laughing Jack killed her beloved pet cat, Carl, and told her it ran away when she went looking for it.

Laughing Jack is also not particularly smart either, at least not from an academic standpoint. He refuses to care about anything that does not immediately help him, especially school. He also can't even spell his own name and is so dim-witted that he insulted Zalgo and expected him to do nothing about it. He also fell for Sheriff Murfree's obvious trap, which results in Suicide Mouse's death. Despite his seeming stupidity, Laughing Jack is capable of forming very detailed plans, considers complex issues and is a brilliant manipulator and liar. He has a suave and wisecracking personality to match, thinks of himself as the smartest in the room, and is willing to make deals in his favor. Beneath his charming and flamboyant personality lies a remorseless, cruel, and selfish cad who's willing to do whatever it takes to overthrow Jeff, even if it meant harming or killing anybody, including his fellow Proxies. To top this off, the deals he makes are for his own selfish gains, and he speaks like a conman while screwing everybody around (including his own minions) and is a brutal sadist when it comes to torturing his victims, especially if they anger him. He proves himself to be chillingly capable of hiding his deranged nature under a civil veneer, often trying to frame his nasty ideas as perfectly reasonable propositions. This even extends to when he is exposed as the true villain, where he politely asks BEN to join him, and seems eerily calm after Sheriff Wane shoots him.

Along with being sexist, Laughing Jack is also homophobic and unrepentantly racist, which is shown when he treats Masky and Hoodie with open disgust because they are in a gay relationship. He also called Eyeless Jack a "darkie" and a "porch monkey" (referencing his black skin), the Indian King a "redskin", Masky a "filthy Jew", calls Jeff a "faggot" multiple times. Laughing Jack is also an atheist, stating on various occasions that he doesn't believe in divine entities (despite having met Aton multiple times). He is cynical about religion as a whole, saying to the Skin Taker that men and women of the cloth are parasites who deceive people into believing a greater evil. Jack's disdain for religious believers is evident with his treatment of the Skin Taker, and he outright states to Ms. P at one point that he doesn’t like religious people.

The only person Laughing Jack has some ambiguously positive feelings for is Slenderman. Whenever in Slenderman's presence, Laughing Jack always tries to stoke up Slenderman's ego with flattery and supports all of Slenderman's decisions, regardless of how suicidal or poorly planned they turned out to be. This is because Laughing Jack wants to be put in a better position than Jeff is. While his stated admiration could just be a way to secure his position in the group, sometimes when he talks with Slenderman he sounds like he’s worshiping him. However, in the end, not only does Laughing Jack corrupt Slenderman and drive him further to insanity, but he also sold him and his gang out to Sheriff Wayne and Mayor Bigmouth to save his own life, and when Jeff confronts him about it, Laughing Jack expresses no remorse. He justifies himself by saying he’s a survivor and that all that matters is living and dying, and making sure he’s doing the former. It’s an echo of a nihilistic rant that Laughing Jack earlier gave to the gang during a camp conversation, where he claims that life is a meaningless series of events and sensations between birth and death, with no hope of salvation nor any point to doing good.

In earlier seasons, Laughing Jack was incredibly hot-headed and lazy, but is much more calm, collected, and active in Season 5, although he still has a temper at various points, such as when Hoodie attacked him or at Jeff's final speech to him. Season 5 also plays up his nihilistic traits, which were more or less implied in earlier seasons. In the fifth season, he occasionally tries to get into the Proxies' good graces, which he didn't even try to do in earlier seasons- even though it becomes increasingly obvious he has no actual loyalty to them and expects them all to be subservient to him. At one point in the fifth season, Laughing Jack adds $70 to the gang's collection box and then loudly announces how generous he is "providing" for them all. Throughout the entire series, he also tends to over-inflate his importance to the gang and to Slenderman despite not even technically being an official Proxy and openly looks down on various members, specifically the non-combat oriented ones. Laughing Jack also vehemently refuses to do any chores around the mansion, saying he "makes the money, not washes the clothes".

In the final season, Laughing Jack shows his true colors to the Proxies. In a very elaborate scheme to kill off all the Proxies and rule the Under Realm, Laughing Jack secretly starts his own gang of killers and bandits in order to use them to further his goals. Later, he secretly sends his gang to kill Jeff and his new lover Princess Atta, where they manage to succeed in killing Atta. As a plan B in his master plan, Laughing Jack secretly murders Sheriff Wayne's deputy and frames the other Proxies for it in order to send him and Mayor Bigmouth into a vengeful rage against Slenderman and the Proxies. Laughing Jack later displays just how evil he is after he's arrested for murder in Desert City. Once broken out of jail, Laughing Jack forgoes a clean getaway to go on a killing spree through the prison and nearby town, culminating in the murder of the warden and the man's wife, all so he could retrieve his favorite guns. By the time his rampage is over, half the town is dead, and even Jeff is enraged they caused so much death and destruction for such a petty reason.

Throughout the season, Laughing Jack takes advantage of Slenderman's eroding sanity to act as the devil on his shoulder, spurring him on to commit more immoral and destructive acts. Far from viewing the rest of the Proxies as his surrogate family, Laughing Jack sells them out to Mayor Bigmouth and Sheriff Wayne multiple times, nearly resulting in the deaths of everyone in the gang, including the non-combatants. When his treachery is exposed, Laughing Jack severely injures Jeff by shooting him with his guns and attempts to kill everyone who allies themselves with Jeff. When he and his gang take over Proxy Mansion, Laughing Jack and the Bleeders committed multiple robberies on house in the Under Realm. During one of the robberies, Laughing Jack murdered an entire family, save for a little girl, who only escaped alive because the Mole stopped Laughing Jack from killing her, to which Laughing Jack responded by shooting the Bleeder to near death and killing one of his friends by cutting his tongue out. During the final showdown, he also brutally beats up Jeff, not caring that he is weak and crippled from blood loss. Once Jeff is beaten, Laughing Jack finally kills him, but it's only out of spite. Overall, Laughing Jack was nothing but a bloodthirsty maniac who only cared about winning and losing or living and dying.


Laughing Jack is a seven-foot-tall monochrome colored clown with razor-sharp teeth, a striped, pointy nose, ringed monochrome eyes, and black, plumped lips with an eerie smile. Furthermore, he has large, sharp claws, feathered shoulders, striped top, dark-grey overalls (with a patch on his left knee-side of the overalls), a grey neckerchief, striped socks, and black shoes. Despite consuming mostly junk foods, Laughing Jack is fairly skinny, almost to the point of anorexia.

For robbing banks, Laughing Jack wears a white suit with a black shirt, a black waistcoat, and a white tie. While shipwrecked in Skull island, he wears nothing but his sleeves, his overalls, socks, and black shoes. In cold temperatures, Jack is seen with a long black leather coat with white buttons, black, pointy, leader gloves, a white hat, and black trousers and grey winter boots with fur on them.

In the final episode in the series, during his final confrontation with Jeff, Laughing Jack loses his left eye when Jeff stabs it with his knife. He also receives a broken nose when Jeff headbutts him early in the fight.

Laughing Jack is also armed with a pair of custom Double-action Revolvers (ironically having "Vengeance is hereby mine" engraved into one side of the barrel, "Ha ha ha" engraved cylinder, and "Dead on arrival" engraved on the other side of the barrel) which have dark grey frames and grips that are painted green and black with the image of a laughing clown, which he uses with immense skill.




  • Mayor Bigmouth
  • The Bleeders - Gang and Henchmen
    • Tombstone † - Right-Hand Man
    • Angel Knives † - Right Hand Woman
    • Kevin † - Henchman
    • David
    • Bruton †
    • Spider †
    • Blade †
    • Spike †
    • Boris †
    • Hundreds of other unnamed Bleeders


Powers and Abilities

  • Elastic Limbs: Laughing Jack is capable of stretching his limbs much longer than psychically possible. Laughing Jack's minimum thickness is stated as 1 mm, which would limit his stretch distance to 30 meters; however, UHG's notes state that he can stretch up to 300 feet (90 m) and leap up to 80 feet (24 m).
  • Sharp Claws: Laughing Jack sports razor-sharp claws at the tip of each finger. Their extremely pointy edges are sufficient to easily cut through human skin, as shown when he used them to easily slit a man's throat and nearly tear Jeff's face apart.
  • Enhanced Durability/Pain Tolerance: Due to a lack of human organs, Laughing Jack has a very high level of pain tolerance. He has survived getting hit by cars, having anvils dropped on him, being lit on fire, falling from great heights, and treats all of the previously mentioned injuries like minor annoyances. During his final showdown with Jeff, Laughing Jack endured being beaten and brutally stabbed in the shoulder, back, legs, and eye by Jeff, which only seemed to make him mildly annoyed and angrier. Furthermore, he also survived being shot through the back out the head by Sheriff Wayne, which only seemed to shock him for a few seconds before he merely laughed it off. Moments after, he is then shot in the head multiple times by BEN, and he seems more amused by it than actually hurt, walking away with a shrug before falling to the ground dead.
  • Agelessness/Enhanced Longevity: Laughing Jack can not physically age, potentially able to live indefinitely. Also, as a result, he has retained his youthful appearance along with his prime health and vitality, despite being at least 200 years old, chronologically. However, he's not immortal and is still susceptible to death via physical injury. Also, Laughing Jack is still vulnerable to pain or injuries and can be killed the same manner as any normal human would, although he is much more durable than the average human. Due to his longevity, he also requires no rest or sleep and potentially can live without food or water.
  • Limited Reality Warping: Laughing Jack is capable of warping reality to his liking, albeit on a very small scale. He is capable of spawning random objects like balloons, cake, cards, candy, noisemakers, and can turn himself and objects around him black and white.
  • Teleportation: Laughing Jack has the ability to teleport, but mostly only vanishing in dark corners.

  • Marksmanship: What Laughing Jack lacks in fighting skills he makes up for with his marksmanship. Laughing Jack wields two dual revolvers, which he uses with extreme proficiency. Among the Proxies, he is easily the deadliest with a gun. Using these guns, Laughing Jack was able to massacre an entire town in mere seconds, severely injure Jeff the Killer (who can move at relativistic speeds), and send BEN ducking and running for cover. In one episode, he draws his revolvers and shoots three men (one of whom was behind him) in less than two seconds. He fires his guns so incredibly fast that BEN's time freeze doesn't work on him. During his fight with BEN, he fires a total of eleven bullets at BEN in roughly two seconds. His mediocre fighting capabilities, reckless lunacy often leaves his allies and opponents surprised at his amazing skill. However, he seems to be only skilled with revolvers and his skills with other firearms are average at best.

Combat Stats

Laughing Jack (Pastamonsters)'s statistics




Season 1-4

Jeff: Before I kick your ass, lemme ask you: Why do you even wanna become top Proxy?
Laughing Jack: I'm better looking, I have powers, I'm deceivingly smart... And I want everyone to do what I say.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.
Hermione just stole all of our shit. And then Jeff suggested that we all rape her and now she's fucking gone. I think the only reason why he did that is because Jeff knows he's about two fucking minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.
~ Laughing Jeff.
When there's no cops around, anything's legal!
~ Laughing Jack's famous quote when trying to teach Sally how to sell faulty cars.
Laughing Jack: Hey, Sally! Would you like to earn some money?
Sally Williams: Money? (approaches him)
Laughing Jack: (counting a large stack of dollar bills) Go up to Jeff, ask him about the pole stuck up his ass, tell him to quit being Slendy's favorite, and go chug bleach, and I'll give you 200$. (Sally runs away, Laughing Jack laughs as BEN passes by) You ever tried parenting, BEN?
BEN: Leave her alone, Jack.
Laughing Jack: My bad for trying to give the girl some money. Her loss, I guess.
~ Laughing Jack trying to bribe Sally into betraying Jeff.
Jeff: Hey, Wayne, can you clear out my booth? (referring to Laughing Jack) Looks like somebody left their trash here.
Laughing Jack: Wayne, can you tell that fucking brain-dead fucktarded faggot to fucking get the fuck out of here before I fucking kill him in his fucking sleep?
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff to Wayne.
And... Here comes Mr. Gay Pride of the Upper West Side himself.
~ Laughing Jack mocking Jeff.
Laughing Jack: That's a large vocabulary, Masky. Pretty big for your kind.
Masky: My kind? What do you mean?
Laughing Jack: You know... sperm gurglers.
Masky: You know, you have the vocabulary and charm of a retarded caveman, Jack.
Laughing Jack: That's a good line. I must remember that.
~ Laughing Jack and Masky.
Laughing Jack: Jeff Man is the bomb. There's no way he's actually Jeff. I think Jeff's just taking credit to be half as good as him.
Sally: What is it with you and Jeff Man?
Laughing Jack: What? He has a kick-ass suit, looks out for the neighborhood and I really respect him. (sees Jeff) 'Sup, fuckboy?
~ Laughing Jack to Sally about Jeff Man.
Clockwork: You're not worried at all that something might happen to Jeff?
Laughing Jack: Fuck no, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors, and D, he's the biggest fuckboy in the entire Under Realm, and hopefully Eyeless Jack shows him that he isn't invincible.
~ Laughing Jack's opinion of Jeff.
Laughing Jack: (Sees Alyss Playing with Smile Dog and Comes over to them and kicks smiles)
Alyss Christer: Why the fuck did you do that?!
Laughing Jack: Watch your tounge, mutt. its just a worthless parasite.
Alyss Christer: Asshole!
Laughing Jack: (Harshly pushes Alyss to the ground) Bitch
Jeff: That's enough Jack. She's just a kid.
Laughing Jack: Exactly (Walks away)
~ Laughing Jack tormenting Alyss and Smiles
Laughing Jack: It's okay, BEN. It's just a bunch of Indians. (to the Indian King) Hey, redskin, fetch me something to eat.
Indian King: What?
Laughing Jack: (walks up to him) I said fetch me something to eat.
The Indian King: (turns Laughing Jack into a bark statue) Eat that.
~ Laughing Jack futility confronts the Indian King.
You got white shit all over your mouth, Jeff. You probably sucked somebody's dick. BEN over here probably watched and jerked off.
~ Laughing Jack to Jeff and BEN.
Jeff didn't suck someones dick last night? Now I know y'all are trippin'.
~ Laughing Jack.
That's my favorite shit, man. I could eat the fuck outta that all day along, y'know what I'm sayin'? Sometimes I walk in and I'm like "What the fuck am I gonna eat?" Y'know, because there's so much shit to choose from. And then I'm like "I could eat the cock out of any of this place". [begins pointing in every direction] Sometimes I'm fuckshitcunting over there and fucking over here like Old Mcfuckin'Donald. With a fuck fuck here and a fuck fuck there, here a fuck, there a fuck, everywhere a fuck fuck. *walks away* Enjoy your fuckin' time off.
~ Laughing Jack distracting a guard.
Ah, the Pit. Where happiness goes to die, and nightmares come to life. Hey, Jeff, when you die and go here can I have your Xbox?
~ Laughing Jack when arriving to the Pit with the Proxies.
Laughing Jack: (walks into Proxy Mansion's infirmary with Jeff's possessions in his arms) Hey, Ms. P, do you know Jeff's Xbox passw- (sees Jeff is alive and well) FUCK!!!
Jeff: Jack?
Laughing Jack: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! You were so close! So close to death! (smashes a glass cabinet) No!!!
Jeff: What the fuck are you doing with all my stuff?
Laughing Jack: Dividing it up. So rude of you to survive like this.
~ Laughing Jack's reaciton to Jeff surviving his coma.
Jeff: If I fucking see you flashing your dirty dick around, I'm gonna fucking shoot it off!
Laughing Jack: You don't have enough bullets, bitch.
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff.
Dear Aton, I'd like to pray to You for a second. It's me, Laughing Jack. I hate Jeff so fucking much. I think he might be the worst goddamn person You ever created. I don't want to judge You, but... What's up? What were You thinking that day? Was your wife being a bitch, or did you miss your favorite TV show? I love the others, I love being their friend, and I want them to see me as their unquestioned leader, but it's like Jeff keeps swooping in like a goddamn swamp panther and stealing them from me. Just do me one favor, Aton.... Just kill Jeff. That'd be so tight.
~ Laughing Jack praying to Aton to kill Jeff.
Something, um, not-that-chill happened last night.
~ Laughing Jack to the New Elite.
Dude, close that fucking sunroof, dude! FUCK, WE'RE LOCKED IN!!!
~ Laughing Jack being attacked by hornets conjured by X.
Laughing Jack: You know, I don't like visitors from other worlds.
Arcosian Diplomat: So?
Laughing Jack: So, why don't you... Go fuck off back to Arcosia? (the diplomat punches him and leaves, Jack slowly rises up with a bloody nose) Ha! I can't be a racist! I HATE YOU ALL EQUALLY!! Also, you hit like a pussy! All girly and feminine!
~ Laughing Jack confronts an Arcosian diplomat.
Laughing Jack: [to the lyrics of "Allentown"] Well, we're living here in Jeff Town / And he's driven our lives into the ground / When we woke up we were wasted and drunk / Bigmouth got slashed / We got beaten by a hedgehog / I was happy and my life was good / Goofin' off like a clown should / Roasting marshmallows on a stick / I got fucked in the ass... / By a demon hedgehog.
Jeff: Ha ha ha, I remember that.
Laughing Jack: And we're living here in Jeff Town / Ridin' up to Arcosia / And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit /... and shoot Jeff in the face /... and shoot myself.
Jeff: You totally butchered that song.
Laughing Jack: You totally butchered my life.
~ Laughing Jack singing a song while the New Elite travels to Arcosia.
Masky: We're not gonna kill the dogs, Jack. This will knock them out for hours.
Laughing Jack: My bad, I didn't know you worked for PETA. What a pussy.
~ Masky and Laughing Jack.
Laughing Jack: BEN, you're a pretentious fucking nerd.
BEN: Fuck you, dude.
Laughing Jack: And Toby.. You fucking cunt. And Clockwork. You didn't have my back there, man. That's disappointing.
Clockwork: Jack...
Laughing Jack: And Masky, you duplicitous faggot.
Masky: Suck my dick and choke on it.
Laughing Jack: You'd like that, wouldn't you? And then there's Jeff... The self-righteous, semen-drinking, shitfaced cocksucker.
Jeff: Jack, if you deliberately sabotage this page, I will fuck you like a pig.
~ Laughing Jack roasting some of the Proxies.

Season 5

Found a little homestead down that'a way. The place was blazing with light and noise. Sounds like a party!
~ Laughing Jack reporting to Slenderman.
Look who I found hiding in the cellar! YOU'RE A WILD LITTLE THING, AIN'T YA?!
~ Laughing Jack harassing Scarecrow.
How come Jeff gets his own room, and I have to share a room next to the two gaylords and the darkie?
~ Laughing Jack complaining about sharing a room with Masky, Hoodie, and Eyeless Jack.
Laughing Jack: So how you boys keepin'?
Skin Taker: I'm doing fine.
Laughing Jack: I said boys. I wasn't talking to you, old man.
Skin Taker: Alright, then.
Laughing Jack: You know, there are winners and losers in this world, and that's a fact. And what confuses me about you, old man, is- is you're a loser who somehow ain't got lost yet.
Clockwork: (laughs and wraps her arms around Jack from behind) I love it when you enlighten us with your little philosophy lessons. I don't know what he would do without you.
Laughing Jack: Slenderman is a great man. Far better than any of us, but, he wastes too much time and energy on weaklings like you.
Skin Taker: Me and Slenderman go way back.
Laughing Jack: And he feels bad for you. That's why you're here.
Skin Taker: What the hell are you implying?
Laughing Jack: I'm implying that things that ain't got no use, like you, should be put out of their misery.
Skin Taker: I'd like to see you try! (storms off)
Laughing Jack: Heh heh heh! Simmer down there, old man... Don't go and wet the bed again.
~ Laughing Jack with the others around a campfire.
Jeff: From where I'm standing you look more like IT than usual.
Laughing Jack: You gonna get me out of here?
Jeff: I haven't decided yet.
Laughing Jack: Real fuckin' funny.
Jeff: Oh, I'm not joking, Pennywise. I've heard so much shit coming from your mouth these past few days.. And now I have the chance to watch you get silenced.
Laughing Jack: Well, you gotta do something.
Jeff: Why?
Laughing Jack: I always looked up to you, Jeff.
Jeff: Well, that's your first mistake... What about all those times you called me ugly?
Laughing Jack: You got to do SOMETHING, Jeff.
~ Jeff visiting Laughing Jack in prison.
Laughing Jack: Jeff, hold on! There's something I have to get! (runs in the opposite direction)
Jeff: What the fuck are you doing?!
Laughing Jack: I have to get my guns! That shithead warden has 'em!
Jeff: Are you fucking kidding?! We need to go now!!
~ Laughing Jack going to get his guns.
(after killing the warden and his wife) They had something of mine... (whips out his revolvers) My guns. YEAH!! LET'S FUCKIN' GET SOME!!! (laughs crazily and runs towards a nearby town, shooting at crowds of innocent people) I showed them... AND I'LL SHOW THIS WHOLE FUCKING TOWN!!!
~ Laughing Jack beginning his slaughter of Desert City.
There's not much I care about more than those guns.
~ Laughing Jack explaining his actions to Jeff.
Proxies of Slenderman makes us brothers, and sometimes brothers make mistakes.
~ Laughing Jack responding to Jeff's criticism of his actions.
Laughing Jack: (quickly aims his guns at Jeff in an attempt to scare him before laughing) Got you, didn't I?
Jeff: Just name a place, Jack. Just name a place
~ Jeff and Jack having a foreshadowing exchange.
Jeff: How the fuck did you even get arrested, anyway?
Laughing Jack: I saw some old friends of mine and decided to hang out a little. We played a little with the knives before, well, things all went a little crazy.
Jeff: A LITTLE crazy?
Laughing Jack: Let's just say anyone stupid enough to disrespect me in a knife game deserves what he gets.
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff.
Fuck off, you flea-ridden mongrel!!
~ Laughing Jack scaring Smile Dog away.
Ms. P: (after Laughing Jack kicked the Skin Taker in his sleep) What the hell is wrong with you?!
Laughing Jack: I don't like washed-up old people.
Ms. P: He's ill!
Laughing Jack: He's weak, not ill. (pushes Skin Taker repeatedly with his foot) An irrelevant, desperate man hiding behind a pack of lies.
Ms. P: Get lost!
Laughing Jack: Y'know, Pencil Neck, I bet you were attractive... in your younger days. Bye now. (spits on the Skin Taker before walking away)
~ Laughing Jack tormenting Skin Taker and Ms. P.
Laughing Jack: (drunk) Y'know, you're okay...for a faggot.
Hoodie: (also drunk) Y'know, you're okay...for an asshole. (Laughing Jack laughs crazily)
~ Laughing Jack and Hoodie.
(kicks Smile Dog while he's sleeping) Haha! Get the fuck outta here, you goddamn parasite! Hahaha...
~ Laughing Jack to Smile Dog.
Laughing Jack: I hear you've bet taking and doing morphine again, Taker. (laughs) Doesn't say much for your soul.
Skin Taker: And I hear you've been making all kinds of new friends again. With your... Overpowering charm.
Laughing Jack: There ain't no soul, Taker. Not in any of us. It's just a fairy tale.
Skin Taker: Perhaps... What do you believe in?
Laughing Jack: I believe there's winners and losers... and nothing else besides.
Skin Taker: Which one do you think you are?
Laughing Jack: Compared to you, I'm the greatest man in the world.
Skin Taker: Whatever creature you pray upon, pray for humility. Good day. (Skin Taker walks away as Laughing Jack laughs)
~ Laughing Jack's exchange with the Skin Taker.
Laughing Jack: (smacking and kicking a sleeping Skin Taker) Look at him! He's a disgrace! You're a disgrace! The rest of us are risking our necks so this lazy piece of shit can dissipate himself.
Masky: Leave the morality to Slenderman, Jack.
Laughing Jack: Oh, I love Slenderman... But he's too soft on the weak.
Scarecrow: And what would you do to us weaklings, Laughing Jack?
Laughing Jack: (sighs) All people can earn, Ms. Scarecrow. Ain't none of us so enfeebled, we need charity. (looks at Skin Taker) Even this fool.
~ Laughing Jack tormenting the Skin Taker again.
Laughing Jack: (is drinking until Hoodie passes him) Hey, Fagboy. Get me something to eat.
Hoodie: What?
Laughing Jack: Why does everyone ask that? (gets up and shoves Hoodie) I said get me something to eat, or fuck off outta here, you damn homo.
Hoodie: (grabs Laughing Jack and hurls him to the ground) Why don't you fuck off back to Hell? (walks away)
~ Laughing Jack and Hoodie.
Jeff: You had that one coming.
Laughing Jack: Oh, I'll wipe that smile from your face one day, Jeff. You'll see.
~ Laughing Jack's foreshadowing threat towards Jeff.
Jeff: The fuck is all this?
Laughing Jack: It's called a good time, Jeffrey. You even know what that is? (chuckles) Now get outta here, me and Ferny are gonna have a little fun..
~ Laughing Jack before torturing Ferdinand.
It's gonna be okay, Ferny! This is just the appetizer! I do this to kids all the time, and they're still somewhat coherent!
~ Laughing Jack before electrocuting Ferdinand with jumper cables.
Welcome to the office of everyone's favorite dentist, Laughing Jack! Free dental work, ain't you a lucky boy? Oh, and the giggle gas ain't for you, Ferny. It's for me. You see... I really wanna enjoy this.
~ Laughing Jack before ribbing Ferdinand's teeth out with pliers.
Ooooh, you ain't gonna be chewing steak any time soon!
~ Laughing Jack after tearing Ferdinand Kerimov's teeth from his mouth.
This is gonna be a mental battle, Ferny. You gonna have to convince yourself you're not drowning... Oh, and this water is scalding hot so try to act like your face isn't gonna fall off.
~ Laughing Jack before waterboarding Ferdinand.
Laughing Jack: Hey Alessia! Hey! (Alyss looks over at Jack) Yeah you! Come over here girly
: Its Alyss (looks away)
Laughing Jack: Ali. Come over here I gotta tell you something.
Alyss: Fuck off
Laughing Jack: Ya know, out of all the kids I've spoken too, your the brattiest of them all.
Alyss: Ya know, out of all the clowns I've seen your the ugliest of them all.
Ticci Toby: (Snickers)
Laughing Jack: What was that ya little shit??!!!
Slenderman: (walks by)
Alyss: (Runs over to Slenderman while sticking the middle finger to Jack)
~ Laughing Jack to Alyss
Laughing Jack: I thought the opium did your appetite. It usually does.
The Skin Taker: I am not an opium user, sir. I take morphine, for medical reasons.
Laughing Jack: (chuckles) Whatever you say, Taker. It's all the same to me. You're weak and you're hiding from the fact that no one in this camp gives two shits about you. So you take opium as to not feel the pain, and them's the facts.
Skin Taker: Them's aren't the facts, Jack.
Laughing Jack: I'm sorry, Skin Taker. But the way I see it... Your kind is a parasite deceiving people and a greater evil than those of us who know better.
Skin Taker: Is that so?
Laughing Jack: Yes it is.
Skin Taker: (gets up and leaves) Excuse me.
Laughing Jack: You're excused.
~ Laughing Jack talking to the Skin Taker.
SHERIFF MURFREE!! You need to get a hold on this town, it's going to Hell!
~ Laughing Jack taunting Sheriff Murfree after killing his henchmen.
Sheriff Murfree: We've put down thugs like you a hundred times over! This is Murfree country! Always had been, always will be!
Laughing Jack: Only Murfree I see left around here (looks at the dead Murfrees littered across the town)... is you!
Sheriff Murfree: After we're done with you Proxies, we'll go after the others! Your women, your children, all of you! We'll bleed 'em all out one-by-one!
Laughing Jack: Last chance, Murfree! You can either die in there like a cowering dog, or come out and face it like a MAAAAN!!!
~ Laughing Jack "negotiating" with Sheriff Murfree.
Laughing Jack: All you do is bitch and whine when things don't work out. Except when it's your goddamn fault.
Jeff: You don't fucking know what you're fucking talking about! You don't give a fuck about but yourself!
Laughing Jack: Oooh, and you act so high and mighty, but you're no better than the rest with us. I've been with you boys for about uh... four years maybe? And all you've ever done is complain. Face it, Jeff. You can fight, but you can't think.
Jeff: (picks up Suicide Mouse's body) You can't either.
Laughing Jack: Haha! Whatever you say, Butterface.
Jeff: Skeet, Eyeless Jack, bury Suicide Mouse somewhere close. Laughing Jack, it's best me and you not speak for a while.
Laughing Jack: Ha, ha, ha! Oooh, I'm sooo scared!
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff arguing after Laughing Jack's foolishness gets Suicide Mouse killed.
Look at you all, bitchin' and moanin'! "Things ain't that bad." "Everything is fine." "Fine." "Almost dandy." Unlike most of you whiners, I've been in tight spots. Literally. I was locked in a damn box for most of my life! (laughing loudly) And this ain't even a goddamn spot, let alone a tight one. I've felt a knife inside me more than once. Don't scare me. This doesn't scare me either. Not. One. Little. Bit. Way I see it... Way I see it these things prove what you're made of, prove what you are. And right now, too many of you are proving precisely what you are, and it's like something I went and stepped in. No offense, mind. At least not to them that's gonna quit bitchin'.
~ Laughing Jack at a campfire.
Laughing Jack: (sees Samantha) Hey, little girl. Come here. Yeah, that's it. Tell 'ol Uncle Laughing Jack a little about yourself.
Samantha Sampson: Ok.. well, my name is Samantha Sampson! I'm from New York, I have a psychic link with a spirit who live inside my father's dolls. And we're best friends! Forever!
Laughing Jack: Well, isn't that cute? Well, I'm sorry, Ms. Sampson, but I don't like kids too much. Just yesterday I murdered a little girl in a game of hide and seek. You wanna end up like her? (Samantha steps back, shaking her head) No? THEN FUCK OFF!! (Samantha runs away, Laughing Jack laughs loudly to himself)
~ Laughing Jack tormenting Samantha Sampson.
Laughing Jack: Y'know, I've killed a lot of people like you.
Eyeless Jack: What do you mean "people like me"?
Laughing Jack: You know...Porch monkeys. (Eyeless Jack walks away in disgust)
~ Laughing Jack to Eyeless Jack.
Gentlemen... And the rest of you. My, oh, my, ain't life grand, hm? Well, it is. Trust me on that one, it is! Old Laughing Jack told me. That was my father. Laughing Jack, like his daddy too. Pair of crazy motherfuckers they were. Father and son... And then me. At one point my father was wanted for murder in five countries. Five! Never did suffer fools. Almost killed my brother one time. But, to be fair, my brother always was a fool. And a coward. Yellow as pissed on snow. Never could stand him or his wife. Lives over in the Forest Regions. Occasionally, he and his dear family go vacationing at California, down by the sea. Pathetic! What kind of a man lives by the sea, I ask you? Hm? Hm?! HUH?! ...Kind of man who gets told where to live by his wife. (bursts out laughing) No woman has ever told me anything except "Make yourself scarce!" ...And that suits me about fine.
~ Laughing Jack talks about his family to the Proxies at a campfire.
Laughing Jack: Yo do you know who you would look great with Jeff?
Jeff: I already know what your gonna say.
Laughing jack: Dog Shit
~ Laughing Jack to Jeff
Laughing Jack: How ya keepin', Pencilneck?
Ms. P: Just fine.
Laughing Jack: I never, uh, told you this, but...You're quite a woman.
Ms. P: (looks up from her book for a second) ...Thank you.
Laughing Jack: (moves closer to her) Quite a woman. You could make a fella real happy... I bet you know how. (notices Jeff) You're a sneaky one, Jeff. I know your type. Ms. P here wouldn't wanna sleep with a freak like you.
Jeff: I'm a freak? Have you looked in a mirror lately?
Laughing Jack: Well, Ms. P, I best be going now...(walks away)
~ Laughing Jack advances on Ms. P.
Home, home on the range, where the children are tied up in chains, I cut through their sides, and I rip out their eyes, and the next day, I do it again.
~ Laughing Jack singing while cleaning his gun.
Why the hell do we need a gaggle of girls who won't even fuck you if you put a gun to their head?
~ Laughing Jack suggesting to Jeff that the Proxies should get rid of the female members.
Jeff: (sarcastically) You're gonna make someone a really lucky lady one of these days, Jack.
Laughing Jack: You know I had Jane?
Jeff: WHAT?!
BEN: No fucking way, dude.
Laughing Jack: Yep. When she was disguised in the mansion. And she really was good in the bed she set up...Mmm, she fought a little in the beginning, but she mellowed out reeeeaaaal quick. Dirty little thing, too. She could've been carrying Laughing Jack the Fourth for all I know. Come to think of it, I wonder if Clockwork knows...
~ Laughing Jack to Jeff and BEN.
Alright, so let's recap: BEN, Skeet and Sally are missing, and, let's face it, probably dead, Pinkamena, Nick, Skin Taker, and Bubba are dead, Slendy's stuck in the middle of the ocean somewhere, we're stuck in the middle of a god-forsaken jungle, and the rest of the gang are in the Under Realm probably being hunted by Mayor Bigmouth. Not exactly our best day at the office, huh?
~ Laughing Jack to Jeff, Clockwork, and Eyeless Jack after being shipwrecked on Skull Island.
Jeff: I can't fucking believe that the Skin Taker and Nick are gone.
Laughing Jack: Skin Taker was a washed-up has-been who was probably dying anyway, and Nick, well, you know what they say about pride before a fall.
Jeff: That's seriously all you have to say?
~ Jeff to Laughing Jack.
Laughing Jack: Ah, look who it is! 'Ol Shitface the Killer. Were you followed?
Jeff: What the fuck did you just say to me?
Laughing Jack: (gets in Jeff's face) WeRe YoU FoLlOwEd??
Jeff: Do you have any fucking clue who you're fucking talking to, retard?
Laughing Jack: I ain't too sure. Ain't sure about much no more. All I know is that whenever you're around, Bigmouth and the others are around.
Jeff: Is that fucking so? Because it seems to me that ever since I broke you out of that fucking prison there's been NOTHING been fucking trouble. Stirring shit up, getting in Slenderman's ear. Seems wherever you are, there's police and bounty hunters. I swear to Christ, if Slenderman didn't give a shit about you, I would put you in the fucking ground right now! So you better fuck off and watch your goddamn mouth, or I'll- (Jeff starts coughing due to his island disease)
Laughing Jack: Hahahaha!! Take it easy, cowboy. You're gonna cough up a lung the way you're headed.
Hoodie: Shut your fucking mouth, Jack.
Laughing Jack: HE STARTED IT!!
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff confront each other.
Laughing Jack: Listen... I know we don't always see eye to eye, and you find me irritating and a threat, and I like to annoy you, but right now I need better from you, Jeff.
Jeff: Okay, fearless leader. Whatever you say.
Laughing Jack: Ah, haha, there it is, the ol' Jeff the Killer sarcasm. I'm not the bad guy you think I am, Jeff. But, I am a survivor. Stick with me and you'll live. Me and Slendy got some planning to do. There's a big picture here, Jeff. Trust me. Oh, and uh... I don't think Slendy likes you too much anymore. In other words... you're my boy now. Pass that message onto the others. I run the show now. You and the others better not fuck with me.
~ Laughing Jack's warning to Jeff after becoming Slenderman's right hand man.
Laughing Jack: Hey, Nat. The cat's gone. You can be quiet now.
Natalie Clockwork: He'll... he'll come back.
Laughing Jack: Hey, Nat. Come here. (Clockwork walks up) The cat ain't coming back... now get lost! (Clockwork runs away; Laughing Jack chuckles to himself)
Ms. P: What did you do to the cat?
Laughing Jack: Must've ran away. (chuckles slightly) Dumb cat.
Ms. P: You bastard...
~ Laughing Jack to Clockwork and Ms. P.
Laughing Jack: It's okay, ladies and gentlemen. We're gonna eat just fine. I have a score coming, got us something good. (sits next to Ms. P) I said I got us a score, Ms. P. Maybe you'll let me take you out sometime.
Ms. P: I don't think so.
Laughing Jack: I shall. It'll take your mind off of Sally for a bit. (to Ticci Toby) Hey, Tic! Go buy us something decent to eat, you stuttering freak!
~ Laughing Jack advances on Ms. P again.
Clockwork: Jacky, who are these bozos?
Laughing Jack: Watch your tongue, they're with us now.
Clockwork: Say's who?
Laughing Jack: Says me. (laughs) Sorry, boys. My girlfriend here likes to talk a lot. Sad really. She used to do everything I say and be a fun, carefree girl, but, know she's just... Doing her own thing. Kinda like Jeff with Slenderman.
Clockwork: Fuck you, Jack! I thought we were good with each other!
Laughing Jack: So did I. I guess you can't trust anyone in this crazy, crazy world.
~ Laughing Jack breaks up with Clockwork.
Ms. P: I don't negotiate with rats such as yourself.
Laughing Jack: Hmm.. Well if you won't negotiate.. Maybe little Sally will.
Ms. P: (walks up while being held back by two Bleeders) If you ever touch her...
Laughing Jack: Back off, Pencil Neck. Play nice and maybe we can strike a deal. But piss me off... And Sally's gonna have some "playtime" with Uncle Laughing Jack.
Ms. P: I swear to God I'll kill you.
~ Laughing Jack and Ms. P.
Ah, ha, ha! The leader of the Three Cunts! My friends, this fella here is Jeff the Killer. He's a "good guy". A real, uh... modern-day hero. Weak, a pussy, and dumb as shit. Like a cowboy in a little book. (laughs) ...I'm only kidding. He's a warrior! A straight-up cold-blooded killer. We had some scraps ourselves. He saved me from a hanging, got shot up by a bunch of desert people. Lot's of fun we've had, back in the day. Ain't that so, Jeff? Ah, but Jeff. Jeff is a kinda... sullen and angry at the moment. He's bitchy because he's not Slendy's favorite anymore. Well, that, and his girlfriend died. Princess Atta, I think she was called. Sad, really. ...But I guess we all gotta die sometime. (he and his men laugh)
~ Laughing Jack introducing the "new recruits" to Jeff.
Rick Bernstein: There's something wrong with you. You're a bad man.
Laughing Jack: Are you talking to me, old man? Mind your manners.
Rick Bernstein: I've been minding them. I've been minding them for too long!
Laughing Jack: None of our damn problems are my damn fault! None of them! So you just watch your fucking tongue or I'll cut it out!!
~ Laughing Jack arguing with Rick Bernstein.
Laughing Jack: (sees BEN and Samantha Sampson playing with sticks) Two orphans playing at happy families. What a touching moment.
BEN: Go to fucking hell, Jack.
Laughing Jack: (approaches Samantha) You know, Samantha, Slendy thought BEN was gold until he realized BEN was just yellow.
BEN: (gets between her and Jack) Leave her the fuck alone. You got something to say? Say it to me, you son of a bitch.
Laughing Jack: (notices Jeff standing by) Oh, look, the rest of the old guard. (looks back at BEN) Cherish every last moment with her and others, Benny Boy. It won't last much longer.
~ Laughing Jack tormenting BEN and Samantha.
Laughing Jack: My Lord, you boys really are pathetic.
President Bush: And what are you?
Laughing Jack: I'm a goddamn man!
President Bush: (chuckles) Oh, is that so?
Laughing Jack: It sure as shit seems like it compared to you lot. Here we are, on the run, being chased across the whole goddamn Under Realm, and you boys aren't even making any real moves. No wonder Slendy's so goddamn tired. He's gotta think for all of you.
Samantha Samson: Shut up, Jack.
Laughing Jack: NO! I WILL NOT SHUT UP! ESPECIALLY NOT AROUND YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT!! (Laughing Jack gets up as if he's about to lunge at Samantha, but BEN, Ms. P, and Eyeless Jack guard her, causing Jack to relent) ...I'm just trying to help. Me shutting up would lead to us getting killed.
President Bush: We aren't getting killed. We've been in worse situations than this.
Laughing Jack: Me too. But moving around with this many of us, it's trouble.
President Bush: There used to be more. You're just worried.
Laughing Jack: Worried because you're just one of the many people in this goddamn bunch who does nothing but profit from everyone's work.
President Bush: Well, that's just not true.
Laughing Jack: If no one was looking, you and that little girl would be the first ones I'd kill.
President Bush: At least the feeling's mutual. (gets up and leaves)
Laughing Jack: He just doesn't like the truth. He's afraid... he's afraid because he's a fucking parasite! He's never off grafting, nor hunting, nor killing like the rest of us. Oh, sure, you're just gonna say he's family or some other nonsense, but I'd still throttle him. He ain't no one's uncle, or brother, or father. (leans into the campfire) Once he falls asleep, we should kill him. (the other Proxies look at Jack in disbelief) Hehehe... I'm joking, of course. Relax.
~ Laughing Jack and President Bush confront each other.
Laughing Jack: It's the big day, Jeff. Are you ready?
Jeff: Fuck off.
Laughing Jack: Ooh, now don't be like that.
Jeff: You're about to get us all killed. Robbing that bank is impossible and everyone knows it, even a greedy moron like you.
Laughing Jack: Everything will be fine. But if you die, we just might make you a little grave. I can see it now... "Here lies 'Ol Jeff the Killer. Ugly as piss, but made a pretty nice meal for the worms." (laughs mockingly)
Jeff: I'll be in Hell, eagerly awaiting you, Jack.
Laughing Jack: I will miss these conversations of ours, Jeff, I really will.
~ Laughing Jack and Jeff.
Ah, the Merchants Savings Bank, it’s good to be back...happy memories, huh, Jeff?
~ Laughing Jack taunting Jeff before robbing the Merchants Savings Bank.
Jeff: It seems that Laughing Jack here was pretty close with Bigmouth.
Laughing Jack: What the fuck are you talking about, Shitface?
Jeff': You've been talking.
Laughing Jack: That's a fucking lie.
Jeff: Slenderman, listen.
Laughing Jack: Slendy, think of the future.
Jeff: Bigmouth told me everything.
Laughing Jack: And you believe him, Shitface? You believe him?
Jeff: It all makes sense now.
Laughing Jack: No... It damn well doesn't.
~ Laughing Jack's villainy is revealed.
~ Laughing Jack to Slenderman about Jeff.
~ Laughing Jack as the Bleeders chase the Proxies.
Safety's on, little girl.
~ Laughing Jack taunting Sally when she tries to shoot him with Angel Knives' gun.
Hahaha! Quit running kid, you're only gonna die tired.
~ Laughing Jack chasing Sally.
Laughing Jack: I always kinda liked you, Sally. I fucked with a lot of Proxies in the past, Masky, Jeff, but out of all of them, you were my favorite. Damn shame I have to kill ya. You're a feisty little shit, aren't you?
Sally Williams: (aims Angel Knives' gun at him) Just stop... Stop hurting people.
Laughing Jack: HAHAHA! You think you can stop me?! (puts his head against the gun) Do it, then. Save. Your. Friends. (Sally looks intimidated) That's what you came here to do, isn't it? (Sally pauses for a moment before breaking down in tears) Oh, I see. You just came here to cry. Awww. Look at the little baby. (yanks the gun from her hand) Y'know, you remind me a lot like Jeff. He was a whiny bitch like you. Well, it's been fun, kid, but your times about up. You know what? For old times sake, I'll make this real quick for you. Oh, I love kids. (aims the gun directly at her head) They don't leave much of a mess.
~ Laughing Jack tormenting and trying to murder Sally.
Laughing Jack: I've got you now, Lead Lung!
Jeff: You fucking rat! You rat!
Laughing Jack: I'm a (slices Jeff's face with his claws) survivor, Lead Lung! (cuts Jeff's face again) A SURVIVOR! That's all there is: living and dying!
~ Laughing Jack while fighting a sick and injured Jeff.
Laughing Jack: Ooh, Lead Lung. You don't know how long I've wanted to do this. This is where it ends for you. After I'm done, I'm gonna kill BEN too. And Ms. P. Your little fucking pup. And all the other sons of bitches who wanna choose your side! (brutally beats Jeff, countering all of his attacks) This is the end for you. (during a brief grapple, Jeff headbutts Laughing Jack, breaking his nose and causing Laughing Jack to kick him away) Ah! (wipes blood off his nose) Still got a little fight in you, have you, boy? (slams Jeff against a wall and begins strangling him) I've already beaten you, you ugly fuck! You look tired, Jeff. Go to sleep... You like that? I learned it from you. Didn't I tell you not to fuck with him? (Jeff continues struggling) QUIT FIGHTING AND DIE ALREADY, YOU PUNK ASS BITCH!!! (Jeff knees Jack in the groin and punches him to the ground) AGHH! YOU JUST WON'T FUCKING DIE, HUH, LEAD LUNG?!
Jeff: Funny... For all the shit you talk... You can't even kill a dying man.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack's final battle.
Laughing Jack: (pulls out a dagger) You should've stayed and died in that river, Lead Lung! Let your friends be...
Jeff: Oh, I know... (pulls out his butcher knife) But I figured you and me had some unfinished business.
~ Jeff and Laughing Jack.
Laughing Jack: I've waited too long to kill you.
Jeff: Do it!! KILL ME THEN!! COME ON!! I'm half-dead and you still can't kill me, you goddamn snake!
Laughing Jack: Snake? Alright, then you're a vulture! Betraying Slenderman after all he's done for you...
~ Laughing Jack while fighting Jeff.
(stabs Jeff in the stomach) I've learned this much; take what you can, when you can. All there is, is living and dyin'. (knees Jeff in the wound) Hehe... And you're dying.
~ Laughing Jack taunts Jeff.
AGH!! Oooh, you got me pretty good, Lead Lung. Come on... LET'S END THIS!!
~ Laughing Jack after Jeff stabs one of his eyes out.
Oh, Lead Lung.... You ain't gonna reach that knife. You ain't. You lost, my dying friend. You lost.
~ Laughing Jack taunting a dying Jeff as he crawls for his knife.
Laughing Jack: (is on top of Jeff, struggling to stab him) You're going to die!
Jeff: No doubt... But I'm taking you with me.
Laughing Jack: Greedy snakes always get killed first!
Jeff: Then why are you still alive?
Laughing Jack: Still cracking jokes... (the knife moves closer to Jeff's chest) Well... I must say, Jeff... It's been a lotta fun.
~ Laughing Jack before fatally stabbing Jeff.
Laughing Jack: (stabs Jeff in the chest with his own knife) Oh, shit. Look what I've gone and done. You lost, Lead Lung.
Jeff: No, I didn't.
Laughing Jack: Hahaha! You call this winning? You can't even fight back, Jeff. Alone...afraid...dying. HAHA! I've waited a LONG time for this moment. I played Sheriff Wayne like a fiddle, my men are killing everyone you care about as we speak, and, y'know, I killed you too, didn't I, Jeff? You aren't living. You can't call this living. You're practically on life support...Have fun bleeding out. (Laughing Jack begins to walk away)
Jeff: (coughs up blood) In the end, Jack... despite my best efforts to the contrary... it turns out I've won. (Laughing Jack stops) I told everyone you're a rat bastard...Sally... she outsmarted you. You didn't think she could do it, but she did it. She beat you...That's winning enough for me.
Laughing Jack: (after a long pause, Laughing Jack walks back and pulls out his revolver and aims it at Jeff) You're not better than me, Shitface!
Jeff: Whatever you say... You rat..
Laughing Jack: I ain't no rat, Lead Lung!
Jeff: You lie, Jack... You're the rat. Not Bruton... You! YOU! Not Bruton, not Skin Taker... Not even Colm.
Laughing Jack: (laughs) You're dying, Lead Lung. All that blood loss is getting to your head, you're talking crazy... Before I kill you, do me a favor and tell me the truth. That I am better than you, and you're just an ugly piece of shit garbage. I want to hear you say that before you die.
Jeff: The truth... Okay. The truth is... you were only ever worth a damn when you worked for Slenderman. The truth is... you could never accept that I'm better than you. You're a fucking failure, Jack. And you always will be.
Laughing Jack: (with a look of desperation on his face) Damn you...
Jeff: Damn us both!
Laughing Jack: (finally shoots Jeff in the chest, killing him) HAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! (Laughing Jack holsters his guns, spits on Jeff's body, and then walks away)
~ Laughing Jack's final exchange with Jeff.)
Hello, Zelda.
~ Laughing Jack confronts BEN.
Laughing Jack: Did you miss me?
BEN: Not much.
Laughing Jack: Your buddy Jeff passed by a moment ago. (BEN tries to run past Laughing Jack, but Laughing Jack quickly moves in front of BEN) Uh, uh, uh, Benny Boy. Hahahahaha! How's your, uh... Faggot friends doing?
BEN: They're fine, you asshole. They're busy killing some of your men so I thought I should kill you.
Laughing Jack: So it seems. Well, maybe after all this is all over, I'll have to pay them a call... and the girl.
BEN: ...Whatever you say.
~ Laughing Jack and BEN confront each other.
Laughing Jack: I've got more men coming, BEN! (fires his revolvers multiple times at BEN) You should run away!
BEN: I'm good right here! I look forward to meeting them!
Laughing Jack: It's not too late to join me! I'll make you rich! Real rich! I've got all the money from the Merchants Savings Bank! Well.. HAHAHA!! Most of it anyway... (points to his cut out eye) Your buddy Jeff did this to me! I won!! Run while you can, BEN! It's your only hope.
~ Laughing Jack to BEN during their firefight.
Laughing Jack: I'll kill you all!
BEN: Get some new material, champ.
~ Laughing Jack and BEN.
Clockwork: (holds Jack at gunpoint) Come out, Jack! At least die like a man.
Laughing Jack: Oooh, ha, ha, ha!! Hellfire! I never would have thought my own girlfriend would betray me... It's just like old times. Haha!
Clockwork: (wheezing and stumbling from her injuries) Shut up... Turn around, and start walking.
Laughing Jack: (slowly puts his guns away) Juuuust like old times. (turns to BEN) All manner of folk paying social calls.
Sheriff Wayne: (suddenly shows up, guns drawn) Hello, BEN.... Clockwork. It's been quite a while.
Laughing Jack: (tackles Clockwork while she's detracted, eventually restrains her and puts a gun to her head) Now, BEN... Now..(smiles smugly) What were you saying?
~ Laughing Jack after being confronted by Clockwork.
Laughing Jack: Bigmouth, Wayne, and I are teaming up once more. We got money, we got dreams. Ha! Join us, BEN. You'd make a fine addition to the Bleeders. Haha....
BEN: Let her go, Jack! She's injured!
Laughing Jack: Oh, I can't do that, BEN.
BEN: Wayne, can't you see he's lying to you?!
Laughing Jack: Wayne ain't on your side on this one, Benny Boy. Once you're arrested and hanged in jail, we'll find the rest of your friends. And we'll take them. Unless, of course.. You join us!! ...Hahaha!! But I know you won't. You've changed, BEN. If this was three years ago you would've joined me in a heartbeat.
BEN: I've grown up, Jack. Learned from my mistakes.
Laughing Jack: I can see that. Shit, you're just like him. Jeff would be heartbroken to see you choose your friends over the money.
BEN: Jeff saved our lives AND yours! More than once!
Laughing Jack: JEFF'S BEEN DEAD A LONG TIME! And soon you and the others will be too! Ha, ha, ha! I'm sure that makes his sacrifice worth it, doesn't it?
Laughing Jack: (laughing slightly) I don't wanna kill you, BEN.
BEN: (to Sheriff Wayne) Wayne, please. You have to believe me, he's-
Sheriff Wayne: Son, just put the gun down. Let's make this easy for all of us. (BEN eventually slowly puts his gun on the ground, Wayne moves behind Laughing Jack slowly)
Laughing Jack: Ha, ha, ha!!! Looks like you lost this time, Benny Boy! And you're friends are next! Why, I can't wait to see you and Sally hanging out together. Get it? HANGING out?! HAHAHAHA- (Sheriff Wayne shoots Laughing Jack in the back of the head and through the eye, mortally wounding him and causing him to let go of Clockwork) Oooh... You shot me. ..Hehehehe...You shot me pretty good. (Laughing Jack attempts to kill them both with his revolvers, but BEN quickly grabs his pistol and shoots Laughing Jack in the head multiple times. Laughing Jack stumbles back and drops his revolvers, blood pouring from his head and eye. Mumbling and groaning, he attempts to walk away before collapsing after a few steps, dead)
~ Laughing Jack's final defeat and death.


  • Much like his original counterpart, Laughing Jack is filled with cotton, meaning he has no bones or organs, making him extremely flexible. Despite not having organs, he can be seen bleeding multiple times over the course of the series.
  • Due to his origins dating back to the 1800s, Laughing Jack is by far the oldest Proxy.
  • Laughing Jack's great shooting accuracy also makes him one of the most challenging opponents while playing darts.
  • Laughing Jack is made to be a dark reflection and foil to Jeff. Both are chaotic, hedonistic, and psychotic Proxies of Slenderman, and are more than likely to kill for the sheer thrill of it. However, that's where their similarities end, as Laughing Jack lacks many of Jeff's redeeming and/or comedic traits. Jeff has many crazy and comedic tendencies (like referencing movies and breaking the fourth wall) and has a generally bad temper while Laughing Jack is more well-composed and is rather serious in his acts. Jeff is also shown to be stupid and incompetent most of the time while Laughing Jack is a deceptively smart schemer. Jeff is shown to be a bit of an animal lover, while Laughing Jack is a prolific animal torturer and killer. And finally, while he is without a doubt evil, Jeff has many redeeming qualities, cares about his friends, and protects them when he needs to, whereas Laughing Jack is completely disloyal and only cares about himself and money. Laughing Jack is essentially the personification of everything Jeff either hates about himself or wants to avoid being (especially the latter).
  • Since he hates kids, the tea parties he has with Sally almost always end with her crying because Laughing Jack always uses the tea parties as an excuse to tell her explicit details on how he tortures and brutally murders children. It hits Sally close to home for obvious reasons, and he knows it. Whenever Sally runs away crying, Jeff and Laughing Jack share a rare high five, which leads to Ms. P "kicking their asses".
  • He spells his name "Laffing Jak".
  • Laughing Jack refuses to eat anything outside of candy, ice cream, soda, or other types of unhealthy/junk food.
  • It's implied that Laughing Jack's antagonism deepened from the frustration and hatred over Jeff constantly one-upping him in nearly everything, leading to Jack receiving low-ranking positions at the mansion, as well as Jeff's constant mocking of Jack. Most of Jack's plans against Jeff are to overthrow him as Slenderman's #1 Proxy to obtain the pleasures that Jeff indulges in while Jack spends his days washing Slenderman's cars.
  • Laughing Jack is a rather unique villain. Usually, when a villain is introduced into a series, the audience instantly realizes this character is not to be trusted, even if some protagonists trust them. Or, if the villain is a "twist villain", they remain "innocent" throughout a season until their true intentions are revealed in the season finale. They may be either physically sinister, or the movie may give scenes displaying their true intentions. But with Laughing Jack (who has been a main character since Season 1), while the audience may understand that he is a rival to Jeff and an immoral killer, they do not anticipate his total betrayal later in the final season.
  • Laughing Jack has a fear of zombies, robots, and tight spaces. It is also subtly implied that he is somewhat afraid of Jeff.
  • Laughing Jack is, by far, one of the most hated and disliked antagonists in Pastamonsters history. In fact, according to Comickit themselves, Laughing Jack is supposed to be as vile and despicable as possible in order to make the other Proxies (who have also committed immortal acts) look good in comparison.
  • Laughing Jack claims to have eaten slugs at one point.
  • He is the only Proxy who can eat gallons of black licorice without throwing up.
  • Laughing Jack is almost never seen sleeping in the entire series, even in scenes where other characters are sleeping. For example, in "Legends of the Multiverse", he sits on a bed whiddling with his knife while everyone else is asleep. Although, there is a brief scene in Season 5 where he can be seen napping while leaning back in a chair with his feet propped up on the table, as opposed to lying down. The only time he is seen sleeping was when he was forcibly sedated by Dr. Applecheek in "To Proxy Mountain". BEN even claims Laughing Jack does not sleep at all, at least not with his eyes closed. Jeff even asks Laughing Jack if he ever sleeps during Part 6 of Season 5, to which Laughing Jack merely says sleep is overrated.
  • Comickit claims that Laughing Jack is their least favorite character in the comic. Due to an unfortunate past experience with Laughing Jack's creator, Comickit does not care too much about the character of Laughing Jack.
  • Laughing Jack is noticeably a lot more soft-spoken, ominous, and calm in Season 5 compared to other seasons. In earlier seasons, he was loud, comedic, vulgar, easily-agitated, and prone to temper tantrums. The comic's writers eventually decided that a calmer Laughing Jack would be more sinister and threatening, so his personality was changed slightly when he was made to be the hidden main villain of Season 5.
  • In UHG's Notes, BEN reveals that the Proxies thought Laughing Jack didn't deserve a proper burial, and simply dropped his corpse in the mountains of the Ice Region and left him to rot.
  • It’s subtly implied that Laughing Jack is very weak when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. Hoodie, the Arcosian Diplomat, and even Masky are seen being able to easily knock him down in a fight, and it’s heavily implied that he struggled with an average police officer before he was jailed in Desert City. Even a severely injured and near-dead Jeff managed to defeat Jack in a fist and knife fight. It's likely Laughing Jack's inability to defend himself hand-to-hand is most likely because he targets defenseless children, rather than full-grown adults like the other Proxies.
  • Laughing Jack's dialogue when talking about Aton or other "higher beings" strongly imply that he is a misotheist.
  • In a deleted scene from Part 4 of Season 5, Jeff returns to Laughing Jack's make-shift Desert City camp and finds two newspaper clippings and a torn wanted poster from 1923 age for Slenderman, listing a bounty of $50,000 for his capture or death. The other article, which dates all the way back from 1834, mentions a "colorless clown" as the primary suspect in the gruesome murder of a seven-year-old orphan and their baby sister.
    • It is unknown why Laughing Jack was carrying the wanted poster of Slenderman, but given his mercenary nature and his later betrayal of his fellow Proxies, it's not hard to imagine that Laughing Jack may well have intended to turn Slenderman in—or perhaps kill him—and collect on the reward once the Merchants Savings Bank money had been collected.
  • Laughing Jack is often associated and represented by rats, similar to how Jeff is represented by wolves and Ms. P a raven. Rats often represent treachery, and it's revealed that he's the one who has been plotting the Proxies' downfall. Right before he’s confronted by BEN in the final fight, a rat can even be seen scurrying about near the room he’s hiding in. Rats can also represent a lack of ethics, something Laughing Jack has in spades.
  • In Season 5, Laughing Jack reveals that he had sex with Jane the Killer when she was disguised as the Black Eyed Killer and undercover in Proxy Mansion. He goes on to describe her as a "dirty little thing" and says how she "could’ve been carrying Laughing Jack the Fourth for all I know".
  • It is implied multiple times throughout the series that Laughing Jack is a demon from Hell and not an ordinary monster. This is emphasized when Hoodie tells Laughing Jack to "go back to Hell" in one scene. When the gang are having a party in the middle of Season 5, Laughing Jack claimed during a nihilistic speech that he would feel comfortable going to Hell. However, this could just be Laughing Jack using over-the-top and hyperbolic statements to intimidate others.
  • Laughing Jack was originally going to have a villain song titled "The Jokes On You", but it was cut as the song didn't fit well with Season 5's darker tone.


           Pastamonsters Villains

The Proxies
Minions of Zalgo
The Bleeders
Ku Klux Klan

Slenderman and the Proxies
Slenderman | Mr. X | Jeff the Killer | BEN Drowned | Ms. Pencil Neck | Eyeless Jack | Natalie Clockwork | Ticci Toby
Enderman's gang
Enderman | B.O.B | The Rake
Zalgo's Forces
The Great Lord | Zalgo | Shadowlurker | X | Flagg | Stukka | Septim | High Helper Hula | King of Serepentis
Aton's Forces
The Bleeders
Laughing Jack | Angel Knives | David | The Mole
Ash Graven | The Unwanted House Guest | Grinny Cat | Lazari | Tobey | Stiltwalker | The Strider | Scorpion | Dr. Applecheek | The Showman | Officer Gutierrez | Mancala | Fear | The Hag | Evil Jeff | Colonel Blackheart | President Bush | Malitch | Mayor Bigmouth | Laughing Jack Jr. | Frowning Jack

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