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Info

Ever since he was young, Yoda had an urge to get more money. Even when he was just a Youngling, Yoda began seeking out ways to get money and had already become the richest Jedi. He quickly achieved the rank of master. He had already started up a gift shop in the Jedi Temple, a news show in the Jedi Temple, a restaurant in the Jedi Temple, and an illegal spice smuggling network. Yoda even charged for getting a drink of water. Yoda also created his own bank and gave out loans.

Early life

Youngling

When Yoda first arrived at the temple, he was already very rich. He soon showed signs of greed when he would take money. By the time Yoda could speak, he was offering loans with large interest.

Padawan class

When Yoda became a Padawan, he had to attend class with other padawans. Yoda already disliked the place because it smelled like poor. Yoda later would take the other students desks. He would ask for a desk but the other Padawans said no. Yoda then gave one a lot of money and the Padawan gave up his desk. Yoda did this two more times. When the teacher saw three Padawans sitting on the floor, he saw Yoda sitting on the top of a tower of three desks. When the teacher scolded Yoda, Yoda threw money at the teacher and the teacher allowed Yoda to keep the desks.

Life before the Clone Wars

Yoda's bank

While Yoda was still a Jedi Knight, he started his own bank. He gave out loans with large interest. The InterGalactic Bank soon took notice of Yoda's successful operations. They offered to merge with Yoda's bank. Yoda agreed. He became a manager of the InterGalactic Bank. He also became a loan shark.

Yoda's Restaurant

Yoda owned a restaurant in the Jedi Temple. Yoda made Mace Windu manager. Mace Windu usually also worked as the cashier. Plo Koon worked as a cook. Some other Jedi also worked as cooks.

Getting rid of Pizza Hutts

The Jedi Temple restaurant was doing well and getting a lot of customers until a new restaurant named Pizza Hutts opened up a few buildings away. Customers stopped going to Yoda's restaurant and went to Pizza Hutts. This angered Yoda so he decided to investigate. Yoda went to Pizza Hutts. He ordered some coffee. When he was given his mug, he realized that there was no warnings about the coffee being hot. When nobody was looking, Yoda spilled some on his lap. Yoda complained about being burned by the coffee. He later sued Pizza Hutts. A new law was put in place requiring hot drinks to have a warning label. Yoda became the owner of Pizza Hutts and had the restaurant demolished. Customers returned to Yoda's restaurant.

Firing Plo Koon

While looking at the budget he had for the restaurant, Yoda realized he could save five credits by firing Plo Koon. Yoda fired Plo Koon. Unfortunately, Plo Koon was the best cook. This caused a decline in customers. Yoda later rehired Plo Koon. He had decided that having more customers was more beneficial than saving some credits.

Attack of the Clones

Yoda went to Kamino to inspect the clones and see if they would be able to be used on Geonosis. When Yoda went inside the main building, he noticed that it didn't meet galactic regulations on wet floors. He saw puddles everywhere. He decided that he would get some quick credits. He went into a hallway and spilled water on the floor and deliberately slipped. He then sued the Kaminoans. Yoda got millions of credits and was allowed to use the clone troopers whenever he needed. Yoda also gave away loans so more clones could be made.

Clone Wars

More money opportunities

Yoda greatly encouraged clones to get their own names. Yoda did this because it would allow for more merchandise. Yoda had a line of action figures for each clone trooper.

Evicting the clones

The clone troopers used to be able to live in the temple but they got their hands on a lightsaber and destroyed a couch. After that incident, Yoda evicted the clones.

Ahsoka's credit card

Ahsoka somehow got her own credit card. She spent all the money on it and didn't think she would have to pay it back. When she returned to her room, she found Mace Windu. He had destroyed one of the items she bought. He then said she had to repay the money. Later, Yoda showed up. He wanted his money. Since Ahsoka didn't repay any of it, Yoda began taking possession of the items Ahsoka bought. He then cut up all of Ahsoka's credit cards and left.

Getting his starfighter dented

At one point Ahsoka deflected a laser bolt into Yoda's starfighter. Yoda billed Anakin and Ahsoka.

Anakin's attempt to make Yoda forget about his debt

While Anakin and Kit Fitso were practicing mind tricks, Yoda came to get Anakin's loan payments. Since Kit Fitso was very good at using the mind trick, Anakin told him to use the mind trick on Yoda. Kit Fitso tried to use it on Yoda to make him forget about Anakin's loans but Yoda was not tricked. Kit Fitso ran away and Yoda made Anakin pay up on some loan payments.

Teaching a class

While a class was going on for Padawans, Yoda went in to teach them as a guest speaker. He brought Darth Maul with him to show the students what a Sith looks like. Yoda then decided to show the class what a spice bust looks like and he called in a spice dealer to bring in some spice. Darth Maul managed to escape. When the dealer arrived, Yoda beat him up and sent him off to prison.

Losing his memory

Anakin and Ahsoka were practicing lightsaber combat when Anakin knocked one of Ahsoka's lightsabers out of her hands. The lightsaber deactivated and fell over the side the temple since they were outside. Down below, Yoda was counting his money. The hilt hit Yoda on his head. Anakin and Ahsoka could hear Yoda shouting curse words and they ran inside. Ahsoka went to her room and Anakin went into his. Yoda arrived outside of Anakin's room holding the lightsaber hilt. Yoda questioned Anakin about the lightsaber. Yoda said it looked like Ahsoka's. Anakin lied but Yoda wanted proof. Anakin and Yoda went into Ahsoka's room. Yoda pointed out that the lightsaber he had looked like Ahsoka's lightsaber and that Ahsoka just so happened to only have one lightsaber now. Yoda was about to make a fuss when Ahsoka accidentally tripped Yoda. Yoda fell against some crates and one of the crates fell over on him. Yoda claimed to not know who or what he was. Mace Windu arrived to see what was going on and he said that Yoda had amnesia and was now in Anakin's care since he was paralyzed. After making Anakin do things for him, Yoda revealed he knew who he was and just wanted to make Anakin his servant. Yoda still claimed he was paralyzed. Anakin took the keys to Yoda's starfighter and said he would drive it since Yoda was paralyzed. Yoda jumped off the couch and grabbed the keys and left.

Taking ownership of 79's

When returning to the Jedi Temple, Anakin was flying in his Jedi starfighter. R2D2 complained about something. Anakin became distracted and then noticed Yoda's Jedi starfighter. Anakin stopped his starfighter but it slightly bumped Yoda's starfighter. Anakin got out to check on Yoda. Yoda said his back and neck were broken and that he was paralyzed. Yoda was of course perfectly fine but wanted money. He continued his act and was delighted that Anakin didn't have insurance. Yoda got out of his starfighter and met with Anakin about the issue at a table. Yoda said he was paralyzed from the neck down. Anakin had to pay for the slight dent in Yoda's starfighter. This caused Anakin and R2D2 to get jobs at a bar called 79's. While on a delivery trip, R2D2 distracted Anakin by complaining about their last customer. This caused Anakin to once again nearly hit Yoda's starfighter. Anakin once again stopped his starfighter and it barely even touched Yoda's starfighter. Anakin got out because the horn on Yoda's starfighter was going off. It turned out that Yoda had face planted on the horn. Yoda was pretending to be paralyzed. Yoda was extremely upset at Anakin and then he noticed Anakin was working for 79's. Yoda then decided to sue 79's. Yoda became the owner of 79's. Because he was owner, he encouraged the clone troopers to drink there.

Republic tennis tournament

When Palpatine announced that the Republic was going to be having a tennis tournament that anyone could join and that the winner would get three million credits, Yoda signed up to play. He had a lot of practice playing tennis. During the tournament, Yoda won every match. Whenever it was someone else's turn to serve, Yoda would yell at them to serve. Yoda won the tournament and took the money.

Reporting on the ship crash

At some point, Anakin bought Ahsoka a remote control probe droid. Ahsoka and Captain Rex flew it around outside. The droid was accidentally flown into a ship's engine which caused the ship to crash. Yoda was later informed of this when he was running his Jedi News show. He commented on how Anakin bought a droid instead of paying his loans. Yoda was later seen offering a loan to the pilot of the ship.

Unwanted youngling

When a baby was left at the door of the Jedi Temple, Yoda brought the baby in. It was later decided by the council in a vote that Yoda had to watch the baby. Yoda didn't want to watch the baby so he brought it to Anakin. He then told Anakin to take care of the baby. Anakin complained because he already had to train Ahsoka. Yoda then offered to pay off Anakin's loan payments. Ankin still wanted more so Yoda offered 100 credits. Anakin took the payment but Yoda started to have a hard time breathing because he got a heart attack. Yoda took the money back and was fine. Yoda agreed to pay off Anakin's loan payments for training the baby until it would be a Jedi Knight. Anakin would end up enjoying his time with the youngling but Yoda would later come back. Yoda demanded that he get the baby back. Apparently,having a youngling under his care would lower Yoda's taxes. Yoda never did pay off Anakin's loan payments.

Firing a temple guard

A Jedi Temple guard (who would later become The Grand Inquisitor) needed to make up his payments. He decided to help out at the Jedi Temple Restaurant. The manager was Mace Windu. Mace forgot to tell the guard to charge money but made him be at the register anyway. After many purchases were made Mace Windu said the guard should have made a lot of money but when he looked in the register, there wasn't more money than from earlier. Mace Windu then yelled at the guard for giving away free food. All of a sudden, Yoda slammed the door open. He said that he heard the conversation over the surveillance. Yoda was very pissed off about the guard giving away free stuff so he fired him. Yoda also kicked the guard out of the temple. Since Yoda was Mace Windu's boss, Mace Windu couldn't do anything about it. Yoda continued shouting about the money. He then decided to take the amount that would have been made out of Mace Windu's paychecks.

Revenge of the Sith

When Anakin went to seek Yoda's advice on his visions of Padme dying, Yoda told him to let go of everything he feared to lose. However, Yoda also said that Anakin still had to pay his bills and pay back his loans. Then Yoda charged Anakin for the advice. Later, when the council allowed Anakin to be on the council, Yoda charged Anakin money. Yoda said it was because Anakin raised his voice. Yoda decided that he would go to Kashyyyk to collect money from the Wookies. When order 66 was activated, Yoda offered Commander Gree a loan. When Gree saw the amount of interest, he attempted to kill Yoda. Yoda killed Gree. Yoda managed to get to the temple when Vader was in it. Yoda took Vader's lightsaber and charged him money. Vader got away with his lightsaber. While Vader fought Obi Wan Kenobi, Yoda fought Palpatine. Yoda billed Palpatine and left. Before Yoda went to Dagobah, he gave R2-D2 a loan with very high interest. R2 knew he would have to find a way to pay Yoda back and since he knew where Yoda was going, R2 vowed to never go there.

Early Days of the Empire

During the early days of the empire, Yoda shut Kamino down because the Kaminoans couldn't repay their loans. Yoda gave small loans of a million credits for the Death Star. Yoda also gave loans to the rebellion.

R2D2's debt

It had been a few years and R2D2 hadn't acquired the money for Yoda yet. While he was with C3Po on a mission, he began picking the pockets of people on the public transportation ship he was on. The Ghost crew noticed and decided on something that would go with their plan. Chopper went and attacked R2D2 for theft and all droids were forced to be at the back of the ship since they were causing noise. Later, R2D2 was on Lothal with a weapons and goods trader named Vizago and the Ghost crew. R2D2 saw that the Vizago had an item disguised as a flashlight but contained millions of credits. When the Imperials arrived, R2D2 stole the flashlight and hid it inside of himself. R2D2 was prepared if Yoda should ever find him. However, R2D2 didn't want to pay the loan back and wanted to use the money he stole to fix his thrusters and get some upgrades.

Yoda's Business

On Dagobah, Yoda started up a business called The DagoBar. He would offer drinks there like Yoda Soda.

Empire Strikes Back

When Luke went to Dagobah, R2-D2 tried to convince Luke not to go because he owed Yoda money. However, Luke didn't believe R2. When they landed, R2-D2 went into the water so he would die and not have to repay Yoda. However, the monster sat R2-D2 out and R2 went with Luke. When Yoda grabbed the flashlight, R2-D2 tried to stop him. The reason was that the flashlight secretly had something inside that was worth billions of credits. While talking with Luke in his hut, Yoda charged Luke for eating some food. Yoda then trained Luke. After training Luke, Yoda billed him. After Yoda got the X-wing out of the water, Yoda charged Luke more money. At Cloud City, Yoda was a waiter who had overpriced menu items. Somehow, Vader, Nightmare, and Demogoblin didn't recognize Yoda. Yoda also had a crane machine set up in Cloud City that charged 100 credits per try.

Return of The Jedi

Before Yoda died, he gave Luke a loan. Luke never thought he would have to repay it.

The Last Jedi

When Yoda appeared in Last Jedi, he wanted his money. He revealed that he had 60% interest on the loan he gave Luke. When Yoda destroyed the sacred tree, he charged Luke more money. Luke refused to give Yoda the money. Yoda gave Luke wisdom and then demanded for Luke to repay his debt. Luke refused. Yoda then told Luke that Rey would be alright and then demanded money. Luke refused again. When Luke died, Luke believed that he wouldn't have to repay the loan. However, Luke was wrong. Yoda immediately found Luke in the afterlife and demanded money.

Other Appearances

Loan Yoda has also appeared in other universes to offer loans with large interest.

Xtreme Emperor's YouTube channel

Larry Reports on The Werewolf

Loan Yoda was mentioned by Larry on his news show. Loan Yoda had taken over Target. Yoda was also behind the reason Larry didn't have anymore money to film werewolf sighting reenactments. The reason was that Larry had bumped Yoda's Lamborghini and Yoda sued after faking being paralyzed. Yoda would later appear in the video when he was walking in the village. A werewolf jumped down in front of Yoda. Yoda remained calm and gave the werewolf a lawsuit.

Deadpool goes to a graduation

For the graduation, Loan Yoda was the speaker. He quickly made plans to get a lawsuit because of the nearby pool. Loan Yoda got back on track and handed out the diplomas. Yoda would later jump in the pool and sue the owner.

Deadpool plays basketball

When Foodcritic got angry because he couldn't score any points, he chucked the basketball. The ball bounced and went out of control. Yoda was enjoying a picnic full of expensive food when the basketball hit him on the head. Yoda got upset that someone hit him with the ball and he went after Deadpool. Yoda went inside where Deadpool was to question him. Deadpool tried to play stupid. However, the basketball had Deadpool's name on it. Yoda pointed that out but Deadpool continued to play innocent. Yoda would then ask what Deadpool had to say about the evidence and what happened. Deadpool burped and Yoda beat him up.

Deadpool launches fireworks

Yoda was on his private jet when a bottle rocket launched by Deadpool hit the jet. Seeing a lawsuit opportunity, he jumped out of the plane. He used the force to slow his fall but then acted paralyzed. Yoda then questioned Deadpool. Deadpool played dumb but Yoda showed him the remains of the bottle rocket. Yoda decided to strap Deadpool to a bottle rocket.

Pre Vizsla1's crazy Minecraft Roleplay

Loan Yoda has made several appearances in this universe. He usually offers loans in exchange for lots of diamonds. Loan Yoda once gave the materials Pre Vizsla 1 and CoolDude needed to build but Loan Yoda made them sign a contract. They ended up paying him over a million diamonds.

The worlds tallest Nether Portal

Pre Vizsla 1 and CoolDude decided to make the tallest Nether portal. They made an existing portal taller and a little wider. Little did they know, Yoda was on his way to that Nether portal( he was in the Nether and they were in the Overworld). They succeeded in making the portal. Right after they were done, Yoda went through the portal in the Nether and ended up at the top of the portal complex Pre Vizsla 1 and CoolDude created. Yoda fell off. He used the force to slow his landing so that he landed as soft as a feather. However, Yoda faked his back and neck being injured. He sued Pre Vizsla 1 and CoolDude and took ownership of the massive portal.

The Adventures of Ultimate Warrior and Sheogorath

Loan Yoda has appeared multiple times to give loans.

Minecraft Story Mode

In an adventure in the universe of Minecraft Story Mode, team C.R.A.Z.Y. was going to build an anvil for the building competition. However, Loan Yoda liked the idea. He stole their idea and when they tried to stop him, Yoda bribed the manager. They now had to build something else or Yoda would sue them. The team joined Jesse. Later, when the Wither Storm attacked, Yoda tried to defeat it with a large loan. the Wither Storm tried to eat Yoda but Yoda threatened to bill it. Yoda was thrown far away. Yoda later appeared after the Wither Storm was defeated and charged Ivor.

Trivia

  • Loan Yoda is based off Mr. Goodman and the Loan Dolphin. A lot of Yoda's angry quotes are very similar to Mr. Goodman's. Yoda will also personally break kneecaps to get his money like Loan Dolphin.
  • Yoda's need for merchandising is based off of Yogurt from Spaceballs
  • It is unknown how Yoda appears in other universes
  • Loan Yoda loves money
  • When Yoda showed up at the Jedi Temple as a baby, he was already rich.
  • Yoda constantly charges everyone money whenever they want something.
  • When Yoda deliberately spilled water in the Kamino cloning facility, he did that just to get money. He could have saved himself time by deliberately slipping on one of the already present puddles but he chose to be an asshole and spill water on the floor just to slip on it while no one watched him spill it. He also faked being paralyzed
  • Yoda is always on the lookout for situations he can get money out of.
  • Yoda has crane machines that are very expensive to play. Yoda even rigged all the machines so that it is almost impossible to win anything.

Quotes

Early Life

Smells like poor it does!
~ Yoda commenting on how the classroom smells
Your desk give me
~ Yoda demanding desks
Three desks I am sitting on
~ Yoda commenting that he was sitting on his pile of three desks


Yoda's Restaurant

Getting Rid of Pizza Hutts

How the fuck does a brand new restaurant take all my customers! Investigate I will
~ Yoda deciding to investigate Pizza Hutts
I wonder how good this coffee tastes. Wait. Idea I just got. This mug doesn't have a fucking warning label saying this coffee is hot! Cha-fucking-ching.
~ Yoda before spilling coffee on his lap
Oh fuck! My fucking balls. Damn it! Oh fuck! Why warned about this coffee being hot was I not! Oh fuck. Third degree burns I got. Somebody better lawyer up. I'm about to own this shit! Fucking damnit!
~ Yoda after spilling hot coffee on himself


Firing Plo Koon

Plo Koon, fire you I must. Looked at the budget and other shit I have. By firing you, save five credits I do
~ Yoda firing Plo Koon
The best cook you were. With better food, more customers we get. Rehired you are. Now get working you must
~ Yoda rehiring Plo Koon


Attack of The Clones

Hmmm! No wet floor signs I see. Money I can get! Idea I got.
~ Yoda talking to himself when he realizes that the Kamino cloning facility doesn't meet galactic regulations for wet floors.
Ow, my back! Argh, my neck! My back and neck hurt! Damn! Slipped on a fucking puddle I did. No wet floor sign there was! Sue I will! My neck and back hurt they do! Paralyzed I am!
~ Yoda after deliberately slipping on the puddle he made.


The Clone Wars

Various quotes

A big franchise this is. Lots of money make I do.
~ Yoda breaking the 4th wall
Solve your problem I will and pay me you will!
~ Yoda offering to solve problems
"Your bill this is"- Yoda. Yoda shows Anakin the bill and Anakin doesn't like that it costs a lot (in the thousands).

"You always say size matters not so..." -Anakin. He was trying to tell Yoda to lower the bill size.
"If size matters not, then the bill size matters not" -Yoda. He then adds a zero to the end of the bill amount making the amount go into the millions

~ Yoda discussing Anakin's water bill
Merchandising I do. More money I get. Merchandise entire franchises I do.
Merchandise for this franchise I have. Show you I can. Star Wars the coloring book, Star Wars the lunch box, Star Wars the cereal, Star Wars the t-shirt, Star Wars the action figure, Star Wars the flamethrower, and so much more.
~ Yoda showing off merch at the Jedi Temple gift shop
Interest you in a loan, can I?
~ Yoda offering a loan
Hmmm, a loan you could use. Charge large interest I do.
~ Yoda giving loans
Sign contract you will. Loan get you shall. Big interest there will be! If pay it back you don't, bust your kneecaps I shall!
~ Yoda giving loans
Hmmm! That water you drank, free it is not. In life, nothing free is. Money you will give me!
~ Yoda charging money when a clone drank a cup of water
If pay your loans back you don't, break your knee caps I will!
~ Yoda threatening those who don't pay him back


More Money Opportunities

Clones! Get more unique names you must. A wonderful opportunity it presents. Merchandise off every trooper I will. Action figures I will make of every clone. Want them people will because different name each clone will have!
~ Yoda merchandising off of the clone troopers


Evicting the Clones

Enjoying your room are you? A complaint received from all of the Jedi I got. They were all wondering along with myself, what the fuck was all that noise?
~ Yoda asking the clones what the noise was. (The clones had destroyed a couch with a lightsaber)


"Was that a fucking lightsaber?! Hear a fucking lightsaber did I?! If a lightsaber in here there is, fucked you all are!" -Yoda to the clones after they destroyed a couch.

"There is no lightsaber in here" -Captain Rex

"Coming in I am. If a lightsaber I see, fucking evicted you all are! You know what! Fucking coming in I am! If see with my two eyes I do, that fucking lightsaber, fucked you all are!"-Yoda. Yoda walks inside and points at lightsaber.

"Get the fuck out!"-Yoda after pointing at lightsaber.

"Why?"- Commander Fox.

"Evicted as fuck you all are! Get the fuck out!"-Yoda before evicting all the clones from the Jedi temple.

Ahsoka's Credit Card

Take the shit that you bought with my money I will. My birthday it must be! A fucking gumball machine inside a gumball machine! I didn't know I wanted that! Taking that I am. All this shit, I didn't know I fucking wanted! Take it all I will. Now cut up all your credit cards I will.
~ Yoda taking possession of items Ahsoka bought using a credit card that she didn't repay.


Getting his Starfighter Dented

You've got to be fucking kidding me! What the fuck!
~ Yoda inspecting the damage on his starfighter after Ahsoka deflects a blaster bolt into it.


Anakin's attempt to make Yoda forget about his debt

No the fuck he didn't
~ Yoda after Kit Fitso tried to use a mind trick on Yoda to make him think that Anakin paid his loan payments.


Teaching a class

Hello class! Yoda I am! Teach you I will!
~ Yoda greeting the class when he was a guest speaker
Teach about Sith I will. A live Sith Lord I have brought!
~ Yoda showing Darth Maul
Bad the dark side is! listen to him you must not.
~ Yoda after Maul said the dark side was good
Order some spice I would like to
~ Yoda ordering spice
Forever it took to catch him! Worry we must not! Catch him later I will!
~ Yoda when Darth Maul escaped
A spice dealer you are. Under arrest you are!
~ Yoda rresting the spice dealer in front of the class
Done teaching you I am. Leaving I am but a loan from me you can get
~ Yoda leaving the class


Losing his memory

God fucking damn it! Oh shit oh fuck! My fucking neck!
~ Yoda after getting hit on the head by Ahsoka's lightsaber hilt
Recognize this lightsaber? Hit me on the head it did. Looks like Ahsoka's it does! Now paralyzed as fuck I am!
~ Yoda questioning Anakin about the lightsaber hilt that hit him on the head
Hmm. Looks like Ahsoka's other lightsaber this one does. Two lightsabers she has but missing one she now is.
~ Yoda realizing it was Ahsoka's second lightsaber that hit him on the head
Fucking sueing I am!
~ Yoda about to sue before tripping
Who am I? What am I?
~ Yoda "losing his memory" after a crate landed on his head
Lose my memory I did not. Just wanted you to be my servant I did.
~ Yoda revealing he didn't lose his memory
Oh no you don't mother fucker! A fucking miracle happened, no longer paralyzed I am!
~ Yoda taking his keys back before Anakin drives Yoda's starfighter and then Yoda leaves


Taking ownership of 79's

My fucking neck! Fucking broken I think it is! My back! Fucking move I can't! Fucking paralyzed I think I am! An ambulance I need! So fucked I am. Fucking get out I can't!
~ Yoda after Anakin slightly bumped Yoda's Jedi starfighter
Need your fucking insurance info I do! Car insurance you don't have? So fucked you are! Take everything you fucking own I will! Fucking paralyzed I am! Move I can't!
~ Yoda realizing Anakin doesn't have insurance
I'm paralyzed from the neck down. I can't move a fucking muscle.
~ Yoda insisting he was paralyzed
You again? See a green starfighter how do you not? Hurts my neck does. Paralyzed as fuck for sure I am now! Wait a minute, work for 79's do you? Hit me with a 79's car did you? Cha-fucking-ching! So fucking paid I am!
~ Yoda after getting his starfighter bumped by Anakin again. Yoda then realizes he can take ownership of 79's. He then goes back to pretending to be paralyzed and face plants on the horn again.


Republic tennis tournament

Just fucking serve already!
~ Yoda yelling at other players to serve
Hurry up and fucking serve!
~ Yoda shouting at the other tennis player to serve


Reporting on the ship crash

More information of the ship crash we have. Apparently, hit by a remote controlled droid it was. The owner of the droid was Anakin Skywalker. Apparently he thinks spending 2 million credits on a droid is more important than paying back his damn loans.
~ Yoda on the Jedi News show saying Anakin has misplaced priorities.


Unwanted Youngling

Anakin, watch this youngling you must. Train it you will. Fucking hate babies I do
~ Yoda wanting Anakin to train the baby
Hmmm. Pay of your loan payments I will
~ Yoda saying he will pay off Anakin's loan payments for watching the youngling
Want the fucking youngling back I do. If hand him back you don't, call security I will
~ Yoda wanting the youngling back
If training a youngling I am, lower taxes I get. Fucking hate paying taxes I do
~ Yoda explaining why he wants the youngling back


Firing a temple guard

Hear the words "give away free stuff" did I? Giving away free food you better not have been!
~ Yoda entering the restraunt upset because a temple guard gave away free food
Caught your discussion on the fucking surveillance camera with audio I did! Hear your dirty mouth say giving away free stuff I did! Heard it all I did and in trouble you two are!
~ Yoda saying he heard everything
Temple Guard that gave away free stuff, get the fuck out! Fired from restraunt job you are. In fact, get out my fucking temple you better because made me any money you did not! Mace Windu, shitty job you have done. Allow this to happen you did! All money that would have been made from that food given away, out of your paycheck it will come!
~ Yoda firing the temple guard and telling Mace Windu that he will repay the money.


Revenge of The Sith

Train yourself to let go of what you fear to lose. Unless involves your loans it does! Pay those back you have to.
~ Yoda giving Anakin advice
Anakin, advice I gave you. Free it was not. Money you must give me!
~ Yoda after telling Anakin some advice
Skywalker, raised your voice you did. Offended I am. Fucking money I need. 200 mother fucking credits you will pay!
~ Yoda charging Anakin money after Anakin raises his voice after not being granted rank of master.
Go to Kashyyyk I will. Good relations with the Wookies I have. Pay their goddamn loans back they do! If help them I do, pay me they will. Good credit they got.
~ Yoda declaring he will go to Kashyyk.
"Give me your fucking lightsaber! -Yoda demanding Anakin's lightsaber after order 66.

"Why?" -Anakin.
"Because you don't know how to be a fucking Jedi!" -Yoda
"I'm sorry" -Anakin
"Do with an I'm sorry what can I? I'm sorry doesn't fix the fucking younglings!" -Yoda

~ Yoda confronting Anakin at the Jedi temple after order 66.


The Empire Strikes Back

Feel like accepting a loan?
~ Yoda before Luke notices him
Away with your weapon! Don't fucking shoot me! I mean you no harm! I am wondering why you are here
~ Yoda not wanting to get shot
Looking! Fucking found someone I would say!
~ Yoda telling Luke he found someone
Help you I can for a reasonable amount of money
~ Yoda telling offering help
Aw, can not get your shit out! Where is the thing? No! Nah, nope, nope, nope, no, no. Ah ha!
~ Yoda looking for R2D2's money while digging through Luke's bin
A flashlight this might appear to be. But inside, a thing worth billions of credits there is
~ Yoda after taking the flashlight that has something inside worth billion
Thirsty you must be. The thirst is strong with this one. A Yoda Soda would you like?
~ Yoda trying to get Luke to buy drinks
Food I give you! Free it is not! Taste like shit it might but eat some you did so pay you will!
~ Yoda after giving Luke food
Goddamn it! I can't teach him. He has no patience. He is not ready. Ready are you? For 800 years have I trained Jedi.
~ Yoda saying Luke is not ready
This one, a long time I have watched. All his life as he looked away to the damn future, to the mother fucking horizon. Never his mind on where he was! the shit he was doing.
~ Yoda still saying Luke was not ready
Lift rocks with force you must while standing on your feet I am. Drop me you better not or pay for it you will.
~ Yoda giving Luke instructions
Damn! Shit! Fuck! Ow my back, argh my neck! Fuck you Luke. Ow my back. My neck hurts! Fucking paying for hospital you will. Broke my fucking back and neck are! Damn!
~ Yoda overreacting after he falls over when Luke falls after failing to use the force.
Next part of lesson, that piece of shit that you crashed in my swamp, take that out with the force you will!
~ Yoda telling Luke to use the force
All this training I gave, think it free do you? A fee you shall get. Big bill you receive
~ Yoda billing Luke for training
Very good items on the menu there is. High priced they are
~ Yoda at Cloud City offering food for the Empire.


Return of The Jedi

Luke, before I die, want a large loan do you?
~ Yoda before giving Luke a large loan with large interest before Yoda dies


The Last Jedi

Skywalker, missed you and your payments I have
~ Yoda greeting Luke
Destroy the tree I did. Owe me money you do. Repay old loan as well you must hmm.
~ Yoda after destroying the sacred tree
Damn time it is...hmm, for you to look past a fucking pile of old books
Page turners they were not. Fucking boring they were! Yes, yes, yes. Shit load of wisdom they held, but that fucking library contains nothing that Rey does not already possess. Now give me my damn money you must!
~ Yoda still wanting Luke's money after calling the Sacred Jedi texts boring
Ah, Skywalker... still looking to the fucking horizon. Never the shit right here! Now, hmm? The god damn need in front of your nose.
~ Yoda giving wisdom
Worry about the girl, you need not. See her again in Star Wars 9: The Search For More Money, we will. Now my fucking money, give you must!
~ Yoda explaining to Luke that Rey will be alright
Thought you could escape debt in the afterlife did you? Money give me!
~ Yoda wanting Luke's money in the afterlife


Quotes from other universes

Ow my back! Ow my neck! Hurts so bad it does! My neck and back hurt they do! Sue I will! Argh, my back and neck hurt they do. Sued you will be. Out of the top of the portal I fell, warnings there were not! Sue you both I will! Damn!
~ Yoda after falling off the top of the tallest Nether portal even though he landed as light as a feather.
This what is? Water on the floor and no wet floor sign?! Paid I am about to be! Go here I! Ow my back, my neck! Lawyer up somebody better. Own this fucking business I am! Sue I will! Fuck!
~ Loan Yoda taking over a country one business at a time


Xtreme Emperor's YouTube Channel

Deadpool goes to a graduation

Doing the ceremony I am. Lot of money I was given to do this. Already shit this is
~ Yoda arriving
Time to do the fucking graduation it is. Let's get this shit over with so I can go home and sue more people. who's the first on the list? before we start, give a speech I must. No the fuck I'm not. Fucking hate speeches I do!
~ Yoda complaining
A lawsuit already here I can see. A pool that is and there is no railing! A railing there needs to be. Otherwise, someone fall in they could. No warning signs I see
~ Yoda planning to sue because of the pool
Start with the graduation I need to! Start, start, start the fucking music!
~ Yoda getting back on track
Your fucking diploma here it is
~ Yoda giving Deadpool a diploma
No sign! Money! Here I go. Ah, drowning I am! Ah fuck, my fucking lungs! I'm drowning! Oh fuck! Fucking drowning I am. Oh help, help, help. Oh fuck, I'm drowning. Get the lifeguard! Sue I will! Sue for everything I want that you own. Money I need. Drowning I am. Oh fuck. Ah fuck
~ Yoda jumping in the pool


Deadpool plays basketball

Hmmm! A good day for a picnic this is
~ Yoda commenting on the fact that it is a good day for a picnic
Oh fuck! Oh fuck, oh shit, oh fucker. I can't believe I was hit me with the fucking basketball! Oh fuck! I'm going to fucking kill whoever did that! They ruined my fucking picnic!
~ Yoda after getting hit on the head by a basketball
This basketball, hit me on the noggin it did. Hmm. Pissed off I am and paralyzed as well.
~ Yoda complaining to Deadpool
Shit! No! Your basketball this is!
~ Yoda pointing out Deadpool has his name on the ball
No the fuck it isn't! Sue you I will.
~ Yoda after Deadpool says it is a misunderstanding
You mother fucker!
~ Yoda about to beat up Deadpool after Deadpool burps


Deadpool launches fireworks

Oh my neck, oh my back! Oh fuck! Fucking hurts! I'm so fucked. Fireworks these are. Shot me down they did. I'm so paralyzed! Hmm!
~ Yoda after falling out of his private jet. He then proceeds to question Deadpool.
Fell out of the plane I did. Paralyzed I am now! Behind it you are. Proof I have!
~ Yoda blaming Deadpool
The remains of a bottle rocket these are. Dangerous they are. Used to shoot Russian satellites out of the sky they are.
~ Yoda showing proof
Alright, in trouble you are! Strap you to a bottle rocket I will
~ Yoda before strapping Deadpool onto a bottle rocket


The Adventures of Ultimate Warrior and Sheogorath

"Hmm! Build an anvil I will. My idea you stole!" -Yoda

"You can't do that! We came up with the idea!" -Sheogorath. Ultimate Warrior calls for someone to tell Yoda that he can't steal their build idea.
"Tell him he can't steal our build idea"- Ultimate Warrior
"Yeah, you can't do that"- manager. Yoda then slides diamonds over to the manager
"Do that I can!"- Yoda. Manager accepts money.
"Yes he can!" -manager.
"We can still build an anvil but different?" -Sheogorath.
"Yeah, there is nothing wrong with that"- manager. Yoda slides over more money
"Do that they can't!" -Yoda. Manager accepts money
"Oh no you can't!" -manager.
"We can still build something that isn't an anvil" -Sheogorath
"Sure" -manager

~ Yoda bribing the manager of the building competition (Minecraft Story Mode adventure).

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Featured Villains
2018

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Shadow Aaron

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Pepper Satanica

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Does Bad Things Guy

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Loan Yoda

2019

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Darkiplier

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Itajira

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Demogoblin

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Scott Eizember

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The Stranger (Hydra)

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Mr. Krabs (Mr. Krabs' Unquenchable Blood Lust)

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