This article's content is marked as Mature
The page Malitch (Pastamonsters) contains mature content that may include coarse language, sexual references, and/or graphic images which may be disturbing to some. Mature pages are recommended for those who are 18 years of age and older.
If you're 18 years or older or are comfortable with graphic material, you are free to view this page. Otherwise, you should close this page and view another page.
Villain Overview

Malitch is a minor antagonist in the webcomic Pastamonsters, serving as the false antagonist in "The Chain Mail". He is an immensely powerful dark wizard who means to bring about never-ending darkness by stealing the Umbra Crystal and using its powers to cast all universes into darkness. 

He used to be partners with Zalgo, but Malitch had attempted to betray the demon by killing him and taking over his army. His plan backfired when he was driven insane by the mere sight of Zalgo. From that day forward, Malitch lost all memory of who he was and his powers, and ended up living in a swamp.



Malitch (then named Mitch Blackheart) was born into an abusive family, with his father being the emperor of a planet-destroying organization. Malitch grew up with no friends or anyone to keep him company aside from the guards that patrolled his family's huge starship. As a child, he killed his abusive father's pet dog with a power drill; tortured his otherwise protective big sister; and had his girlfriend executed because she rejected him. Eventually however, Malitch had enough his his family's abuse and killed them all and took vengeance on his planet by destroying it and everyone within it. Thirsty for more destruction, Malitch took his parent's mantel and grew to be a feared wizard with a reputation of destroying planets.

Sometime after, Malitch became partners with the legendary demon Zalgo, who recently escaped banishment with the inadvertent help of the Unwanted House Guest. However, Malitch grew power hungry and eventually attempted to betray the demon by killing him and taking over his army. His plan backfired when he was driven insane by the mere sight of Zalgo. Zalgo laughed in victory as Shadowlurker asks Zalgo if he wants to have Malitch killed, but Zalgo decided to let Malitch live, as seeing him lose his sanity was satisfying enough. From that day forward, Malitch lost all memory of who he was and his powers, and ended up living in a swamp.

Time in the swamp

Malitch settled in a hut in a swamp with only a camel as his companion. During his years in the swamp, he lived off tree sap and tree sap only, but due to his insane personality, Malitch didn't seem to mind the poor conditions.

Sometime later, Malitch came into contact with the Proxies, a group of Slenderman's personally trained students. Led by Jeff the Killer, he and the gang prepare to fight Malitch, as they believe the prophecy of him destroying the universe will come true, but discover he is nothing but a tone-deaf, stupid old man. After a comedic display of antics, Malitch tells the Proxies that he was going to destroy Earth, but suddenly forgot who he was and gave up. Malitch does say that his memories are within the soup he is making in his bathtub. Although unwilling at first, Jeff sticks his head in the soup and discovers what had happened. Back in his prime days, Malitch used to be partners with Lord Zalgo, but Malitch attempted to betray him by killing him and taking over his army. His plan backfired when he was driven insane by the mere sight of Zalgo. From that day forward, Malitch lost all memory of who he was and his powers, and ended up living in a swamp. However, The prophecy still needed a person to cast the world into darkness and so predicted a creature of black and purple who would take Malitch's place, the creature in particular being Enderman. The Proxies, shocked by this reveal, race towards Mount Big, as Enderman is likely still out there. Malitch also reveals that Enderman can be defeated by a trophy atop Mount Big, which he also might be headed for and gives BEN mistletoe arrows and only says they will come in handy for later.

Malitch was likely killed when Enderman destroyed the island he was in


From what we saw before his insanity, Malitch was ruthless, power hungry, and generally uncaring.

After being driven insane by Zalgo, Malitch went increasingly mellow and senile. Living in a tree, Malitch spends his days drinking tree sap and fishing. He sank into something of a depression due to losing his army and the planets he owned, causing him to stop caring about being the ruler of the universe, having a more noticeably annoyed and fed up expression on his face, with his attitude reflecting this, where once before he would have killed whoever displeased him, in this state of annoyance he instead got annoyed that the Proxies busted down his door and intended to kill him, telling them he 'just had it nailed down!' and angrily told them to leave.

His old age appears to have caused a degree of apathy in Malitch, or at least unhappy resignation, as Malitch apparently still desires universal conquest and the destruction of life, but is either unable or unwilling to do much about it personally due to having lost contact with his army. His senile behavior also makes him avoid contact with others beings from outside his tree in which he makes the giant voice recorder in his likeliness that record his message said that he doesn't want to meet anyone and ask them to go away. At the same time, he also cares less about enslaving life.

Handbook Entries


Malitch was the son of decades of planet-destroying warlords seeking to make a name of themselves. His parents were abusive which might be why he grew up to be such a prick. Although I could argue Malitch was a bad apple from the start. He was very anti-social and even killed his father's dog with a drill without any provocation. Even by my standards, that's a low move. If you're trying to get back at your parents target them not defenseless animals! Funny enough... Malitch actually did end up murdering his entire family, including his own sister. All to inherit the throne.

He tried to partner up and then kill Lord Zalgo, but the idiot underestimated Zalgo's intelligence and got his memory taken away. The very sight of Zalgo was enough to drive Malitch insane. No one knows exactly what happened to Malitch afterward. He has completely vanished without a trace. Given that his last known location was in Zalgo's lair (an assassination attempt), he probably won't live too long.

What was this guy's true name anyway? (planning to find out)

...Mitch Blackheart. His name is Mitch Blackheart. What kind of a name is that? I guess that explains why he changed it to a slightly less embarrassing name. His parents really DID hate him if they gave him a name like that.

~ Malitch's biography, written by the Unwanted House Guest.



  • Malitch's name is a play on the word "Malice", which means intention to do evil or ill will, which fits with Malitch's character.


           Pastamonsters Villains

Slenderman and the Proxies
Slenderman | Mr. X | Jeff the Killer | BEN Drowned | Ms. Pencilneck | Laughing Jack

Enderman's gang
Enderman | B.O.B | The Rake

The Pit
The Great Lord | Zalgo | Shadowlurker | The Minions of Zalgo | X

Rouge Villains
The Stiltwalker | Grinny Cat | Mancala | Unwanted House Guest | The Hag | Evil Jeff | President Bush | Malitch | Mayor Bigmouth |

Aton's Forces