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| “ | Yeah, I run the game, what's my name? Eugene. | „ |
| ~ Mr. Swags in his diss track "EUGENE" |
Mr. Swags, real name Eugene Harold Krabs, is a major character from the Glorb Music Universe. He is a rapper and owner of the renowned Krusty Krab in Bikini Bottom, who frequently produces diss tracks against his fast-food competitor Dankton (real name Plankton).
Many of his employees and close friends are gang members who also frequently partake in his diss tracks as well as their own. Mr. Swags is shown in Glorb's music videos to be at the very least indifferent to their criminal activities, and later on in the series actively engages with their gangster lifestyle.
Biography[]
THE FORMULA[]
In his debut song "THE FORMULA" Mr. Swags targets his fast-food competitor Plankton with the help of his employees Squiddy and SpongeOpp. He starts the song by telling Squiddy to drink some lean before going into a rant about how Plankton is a nobody and a loser. He explains that SpongeBob is an opp to Plankton since he knows the Krabby Patty formula, the thing Plankton so desperately desires, but will never get his hands on. He then makes fun of Plankton for only having one eye by insisting they took his eye away. He then exclaims that they all had sexual relations with Plankton's wife, who is a robot. He calls Plankton's wife a "thot" and goes into detail about how Squiddy had intercourse with her. Mr Swags then says that he's going to charge Plankton and make him pay by having him suck his dick.
He proceeds to call Plankton a bitch and starts talking about how much of a player he is and how he's had sex with Sandy, and threatens to hit Plankton with "the Mac", meaning he threatens to shoot Plankton if he gets in his way. He talks about how their Krabby Patties are so good, that customers might just overdose on them. Mr Swags says he's staying with his Drake and riding with his Kel-Tec, while Plankton is a bitch and his daughter, Pearl, is a savage. He mocks Plankton by saying he'll never get his hands on the secret formula, which has made him a millionaire. He describes Plankton as teeny and says he's so emasculated that he's not a man, he's a "broad", another term for woman, and he plans on having sex with him in his Bikini Bottom. The song ends with Mr Swags warning his colleagues not to mess with Plankton because he's a bitch.
DANKTON - STD[]
Plankton responds to Mr. Swags in a diss track of his own, now under the rap name "Dankton." The song starts with him exclaiming "Fuck you, your formula, and your dumb bitch of a daughter, Krabs." Dankton then talks about how he's young enough to die yet rich enough to have sex. He says he sips lean by the liter while cooking up King Crab, and sips on more lean while leaning out the window of a moving car. He plans to "snap" Krabs like paparazzi, meaning he plans to chop up Mr. Swings and cook him for dinner. He then compares their rivalry to that of Tupac and Biggie. Dankton says he smokes two packs a day, owns the city, and eats burgers made of light. He compares his "itch", or drive to acquire currency, to an STD before calling Mr. Swags a "rat" for allegedly snitching to the police. He ends the diss by insinuating that he had sex with Mr. Swags' daughter Pearl.
KRAB WALK[]
Rather than responding to Dankton's diss of him, Mr. Swags continues to focus on getting his name out there and growing his reputation. He releases a new song titled "KRAB WALK" which describes how sexually active he is and how he's had sex with multiple women in Bikini Bottom, specifically Sandy Cheeks, Ms. Puff, and Dankton's wife Karen. He's had so much sex in fact that his sexual partners have to eat Plan B for breakfast.
SPONGEOPP - FUN[]
Due to Mr. Swags' rising popularity, Spongebob decides to join the rap game under the moniker "SpongeOpp". In his debut song, SpongeOpp convinces Dankton to join as a feature. What Dankton doesn't realize is the song includes many lyrics that are direct disses at Dankton and his wife. The song starts with Dankton asking what FUN stands for, to which SpongeOpp responds "Fun, fun stands for "Fuck you and pay me". He goes into detail explaining why he has this new outlet on life and how he's tired of pretending to be fun-loving and happy all the time. He encourages listeners to read the word fun backward. If you do, it's spelled "NUF", which sounds like "NOUGH" or "ENOUGH", meaning he's had enough of everybody's shit. He brags about the power he holds over his opps.
SpongeOpp claims that he can make Karen “chum” much quicker than Dankton can, even going as far as to describe the various sexual acts he plans to perform on her. These lines hit even harder when taking into account that SpongeBob’s voice actor (Tom Kenny) is married to Karen’s voice actress (Jill Talley), meaning that not only is SpongeOpp banging Karen on screen, he is also doing it in real life. The song ends with SpongeOpp informing Plankton that his wife isn't real person but rather a computer program, and to give up on his dreams to acquiring the Krabby Patty secret formula.
DANKTON - KYS[]
Dankton starts the song by saying this diss track against Mr Swags will leave him looking like a murder scene. He says he's going to do Mr. Swags like Kurt Cobain, with a headshot. This is an allusion to artist Kurt Cobain, who was a popular musician and was apart of the band known as “Nirvana”. Sadly, on April 5, 1994, Cobain would resort to suicide via shotgun, dying at the age of 27. Dankton references the suicide case, claiming he had shot Swags in the head just like how Cobain killed himself. He points out Mr. Swags has red skin because he is a crimson sea crab and Dankton compares his skin to the color of a red dot, the aiming assistance on the scope for a rifle, usually an assault rifle. He continues by repeating the phrase "KYS" over and over. "KYS" means "kill yourself." He's telling Mr. Swags to commit suicide.
He makes fun of Mr. Swags' mental health issues by saying he has a slit wrist and then insults his daughter by calling her a big bitch. He brags about how good he is at sex by comparing putting his penis in a woman's vagina to getting a Tetris piece to fit. Dankton likens his sexual prowess to the meals provided by HelloFresh, stating that many girls with “fat blubbers” want to “eat” (or suck) his penis. He calls Spongebob a pussy and tells him to eat some Panadol, which is a brand of painkillers available as over-the-counter medicine. Dankton is implying that he is going to cause Spongebob pain and suffering, so much so that Spongebob would have to take painkillers to relieve himself. The song ends with Dankton once again advising Mr. Swags to kill himself.
KRUSTY KREW - THE BOTTOM[]
In response to Dankton's diss track, Mr. Swags releases a song featuring both SpongeOpp and Squiddy, now going by the rap name Squidwock. The diss begins with Mr. Swags asking Dankton if he's ready to die because he's the Grim Reaper. He continues with the death analogy by calling Karen a priest, with how much she plays with his penis, A reference to the stereotype that priests are pedophiles. Mr. Swags then clarifies that beneath his rap persona, he's a nice guy who would gladly shake someone's hand when meeting them. However, that doesn't change the fact that he started from nothing and, with his only weapon being a single pistol, kept going deeper into the game by climbing and rising up the ranks.
The next verse switches to Squidwock. Squidwock spends most of his bars bragging about all the money he's earned as an employee of the Krusty Krab, how his dick is as long as a clarinet, how much he enjoys sipping lean, and how he helped Mr. Swags, SpongeOpp, and others commit credit fraud.
After a repeat of the first verse, this time sung by both Mr. Swags and SpongeOpp, the song switches to SpongeOpp's POV. He talks about one of his opps and how he "did him like Edison and popped him like a lightbulb." It is well known that Edison invented the light bulb. “popping” can be a street term that references “killing” an “individual” and in this instance, SpongeOpp compares his actions of murdering his enemies to Edison inventing lightbulbs. As Krabs' main street hitter SpongeOpp’s aggressive stance is established. He continues on by saying he laughs whenever his opp dies and that he plans on plugging into Karen like an iPhone charger, meaning he plans on putting his penis inside her. He says he had her sucking his dick like she was trying to give lipo, which is a shortened term for Liposuction, a cosmetic medical procedure where body fat is sucked out of one’s body using a high degree of precise suction. He describes the gunfights he gets into as "light shows" and how he's used to getting his mugshot taken.
The song ends with a repeat of Mr. Swags' first verse.
DANKTON - KFC[]
Dankton, having had enough of Mr. Swags and co's disrespect and harassment, decides to abduct and brainwash SpongeOpp's friend Patrick into doing a feature on his diss track. The song starts with a prelude where Dankton exclaims that he had sex with Pearl, ejaculated in Squiddy's clarinet, and reveals he's brainwashed Patrick into doing a feature for this song. Dankton raps about how he had sex with a foreign chick and how it was "finger-lickin' good".
He says that despite their efforts to cancel him, Mr. Swags, Squiddy, and SpongeOpp were unsuccessful in doing so, similar to how people online tried to cancel Harry Potter author JK Rowling. He calls them all little kids and compares them to cancer, telling them to make a wish. This is a reference to Make A Wish, a foundation that helps fatally ill, mostly cancer-stricken kids, have their final wishes fulfilled. He calls Patrick his boy and describes him as "rachet" before bragging about how Patrick turns their opps into ashes and makes them a ton of money.
The song then switches over to Patrick, who for this song goes by the rap name "The Notorious P.A.T." He exclaims "Fuck the Krusty Krew, and I mean that through and through." He talks about a time he had sex with a pair of twins and how one of them was so wet, he had to grab a mop and compares her "pussy" to the Goo Lagoon. He calls himself a superstar and mentions how he drives a supercar. He compares himself to the God of Love, Cupid, by saying he shoots his shot. But unlike Cupid, he does it with a Ruger, a brand of firearm. He asks the listener if they want Krabs put in a crab trap, and if they do, to send him money via CashApp. He brags about hitting Sandy up on Snapchat and popping Xanax. He says he plans on "Killing a Fucking Crab" like it's KFC, a play on words as the phrase spells out "KFC" if you turn it into an acronym.
In his next verse, The Notorious P.A.T. acknowledges that he's not that smart, but that, regardless, he wants to lay cock and have sex. Dankton encourages Pat to "fuck it up" and Pat responds by saying he's a pimp, not a simp. He proves this by saying he had Pearl's pussy on his lips. He also admits to selling crack when he says that he sells "rock" and lives under one too, referring to how he does in fact live under a giant rock. He talks to Dankton and says he thinks the track is hot, or really heated and intense. Dankton responds by saying they should grab some guns and go after the Krusty Krew. The song ends with both of them exclaiming "fuck that Squid too".
KRUSTY KREW - EUGENE[]
The next song from Mr. Swags, Squidwock, and SpongeOpp starts with a prelude where the news reports on a shooting at the Chum Bucket, Plankton's restaurant. In the report, it's stated that there's been only one confirmed victim of the shooting: a woman (Karen). The news anchor then informs residents of Bikini Bottom that their town is no longer safe due to gang violence. The song begins with Mr. Swags saying that he loves sipping lean and that, no matter what, he'll always be there to support his homies. He calls Plankton whack and a "fucking fiend". He makes it clear to Plankton that he runs the game and that his name is Eugene, so he ought to put some respect on it.
The song switches to SpongeOpp, who asks Mr. Swags, addressing him as "boss", what he has to do to deal with their opps. SpongeOpp states he will grab his gun with lethal intent and kill anyone who stands in their way. He compares blowing someone's brains out with a bullet to blowing bubbles. He asks Gary where his glock is before clarifying that everything he does is for Bikini Bottom, which he represents. SpongeOpp makes a mythological allusion to David vs. Goliath by comparing Plankton's one eye to Goliath's and saying he's going to pop it like David. He says that what he says in his raps is 100% true to his character and he doesn't rap just for the sake of it, nor does he do sad raps mourning the loss of his friends who die due to gang violence. Despite this, he acknowledges Squiddy's willingness to kill for him and reveals that despite being brainwashed, they were able to get Patrick back on their side and reverse the effects of the brainwashing. Patrick asks SpongeOpp why he "drills", or why he does what he does, and SpongeOpp replies by saying it's because Mr. Swags is his boss.
The next verse is from Squidwock, who starts by immediately mocking the assault on the Chum Bucket, saying he "cut a bitch off like the Hash-slinging Slasher." He says the reason behind the shooting was because Karen was mad at him for not having sex with her. He says she wanted to have sex with him only because he is a rich and super-successful musician. He says he'd frequently tell Karen to leave him alone because he was too busy getting high to pay her any attention. Squiddy admits to killing possibly dozens up people during his time as a gangster, calling his murders "a kill streak" and how all he sees now is "bodies falling" or all the people he's killed. He says despite this, he has no remorse for doing what he deems as necessary to eliminate his opps.
DANKTON - sadkini[]
A few weeks after the Krusty Krew's diss track, Plankton releases a short song recorded shortly after Karen's funeral. In the song, he speaks to Karen beyond the grave about how sorry he is for causing her to get wrapped up in his conflict with the Krusty Krew and makes an effort to highlight how things were never meant to go this far, that it was all just for entertainment and petty drama. He ends the song by telling Karen everything he did was for her, she's the only thing in his life that mattered to him, and he loves her.
KRUSTY KREW - KILLCAM[]
The Krusty Krew responds with a diss track that begins with Squiddy and SpongeOpp mocking Plankton's last song for being depressing and state they're going to use this song to show what exactly led up to his wife being murdered. Squidwock says he stuck his dick in Plankton's main bitch (Karen) and has had sex with 101 women, referring to the Disney Movie 101 Dalmatians. The song then switches to SpongeOpp who says they had to put on a hit on Karen like a kill cam in a video game and that violence never phased him, because he lacks the ability to feel remorse for his actions. He says he did Karen like a Krabby Patty: "grilled her". He compares himself to an off-duty police officer because he always has a gun on him at all times. SpongeOpp starts discussing how he commits various crimes, including robbing people, claiming he leaves them "like a zombie", meaning he kills them to leave no witnesses behind.
SpongeOpp talks about his previous relationship with Karen and how she would frequently call him obnoxious despite herself being bothersome. He recounts a time she begged him to take a picture of them together, which he did, then proceeded to crop her out of the photo. The song switches back to Squidwock who exclaims "fuck the KKK, we the Krusty Krab Krew", he then says he'll hit Plankton's credit card with a cyber scam, calling back to a previous song where Squidwock admits to helping the members of the Krusty Krew commit credit fraud. He also says his guns are unregistered. And when he has sex with someone, he immediately leaves, unwilling to commit to an actual relationship. He brings up Karen again, saying he dreams of having sex with her and remembering what her pussy sounds like. He compares the sound to the sound his feet make when he walks. He ends the song by speaking at Karen's grave, saying "Rest in piss, you fucking bitch."
Personality[]
Mr. Swings is a gangster through and through, and as such, shows little to no remorse for his and his friends' criminal actions. While at times he comes across as more indifferent to crime than anything else, there are certainly times when he revels in the fact that what he's doing is wrong and hurting others. And as long as something is benefitting him, he couldn't care less about the wellbeing of those around him.
Due to his old age, he's been around the block for a while and is very experienced when it comes to gangs and the gangster lifestyle. Because of this, he takes on a mentor-like relationship with his employees Squiddy and Spongebob, and goes out of his way to teach them the ways of being a gangster. However, it's unclear how much of this is out of genuine affection for them and how much of it is so he can have others do his dirty work for him.
While he may have, at one point, been an honorable man who came from nothing and made his way up in the world, he's since grown to become an arrogant, sociopathic crime boss who glorifies sex, violence, and drugs. He's also greedy and only antagonizes Plankton simply because he's a competitor to the Krusty Krab's business. The only noteworthy thing of good grace Mr. Swags has is he cares for his daughter and is angered whenever Plankton implies he took advantage of her and has sex with her.
Gallery[]
